Chapter 9
MAX
D ylan stood up, threw his napkin on the table, and stalked off down the stairs.
I heard a door slam, so I guess the answer was no, he wasn’t ready to talk about it. Whatever it was that he was hiding.
My best guess had to do with his sexuality—given his career concerns, his family ones too. And my own personal intuition.
But I’d need to let Dylan talk about it in his own time.
I’d never asked anyone about their sexual identity, having been the unfortunate recipient of such questions myself.
So there was no excuse for me to push, especially when he’d just laid bare the most painful revelations of his past. And I couldn’t use my position as his ghostwriter as the only excuse for my inquisitiveness.
My curiosity about Dylan felt personal and the reasoning behind my question the same.
What the hell am I doing? I was acting like the biggest asshole.
I’d tugged on the delicate bond we’d started to weave together. Had our initial understanding all but unraveled? The only thing I could do now was apologize.
But first, I’d give him time to decompress from our conversation.
In the meantime, I compiled my notes and outlined the first chapters.
If Dylan sent me packing, at least I could give the next writer a head start.
Then I sent Dante a text to coordinate a call with Blake in the afternoon.
Next thing I knew it was just after noon, and Jana appeared to ask me what I wanted for lunch.
I felt far too guilty to eat to anything. I had to find Dylan to apologize.
“Have you seen Dylan?” I asked her.
“He’s up on the sun deck.”
“Thanks, Jana. Can I ask a favor? Your attention to us is excellent but we need privacy for an important business discussion.”
“I understand. Use the intercom if you need anything,” she replied and made her way back inside.
I turned off my laptop and brought it up to my room. I thought about changing into my swimsuit, but conceded it was best to have this conversation fully dressed. Hopefully Dylan wouldn’t pitch me over the side of the ship and into the deep waters of the Mediterranean, but you never know.
As I made my way to the sun deck, I didn’t spot Dylan or his cowboy hat until I reached the top of the stairs.
He was sitting on a lounger at the far end, facing the starboard side.
Shoulders slumped, he looked lost and so lonely that I had the urge to rush over and comfort him.
Tell him everything would be okay. It would be, as soon as I apologized…
Wandering over slowly, I braced myself for his anger, but he didn’t appear to hear my approach. Then I noticed the earbuds. I tapped his shoulder and he jolted, his face pinched as if in pain. Yanking out his earbuds, he stared at me as I sat down on the lounger beside him.
“I’m sorry about my question earlier. I didn’t mean to push. You tell me the secret, whatever it is, when the time is right for you.”
I wrung my hands together as I waited for his response.
The longer he stared at me the worse my fidgeting got, which was not like me at all.
He turned his body towards mine, throwing his legs over the side of the lounger, our knees almost brushing.
Leaning forward on his elbows, he hung his head down and I watched as the powerful muscles in his neck and shoulder tensed and rippled.
“It’s okay, Max. I need to tell you. Hell, I want to tell you,” he whispered softly and shook his head. “The truth is, I’ve been hiding the fact that I’m bisexual for decades.”
I barely heard his words over the rush of my pounding heartbeat.
“The only person who knows is my therapist. I’ve been meaning to tell Ro, but I keep putting it off. And I don’t know why. I know he’ll be hurt that I didn’t confide in him. And the last thing I want to do is hurt him. He’s been one of the few people in my life I trust without question.”
Not wanting to fuck up and upset Dylan further, I carefully weighed my words before I spoke.
“From what you’ve told me, Rowan sounds like an understanding man. I think he’ll be more concerned that you’ve been struggling with this on your own for so long.”
“I wanted to tell him, but every time I’d work up the courage, the words wouldn’t come. Then with every passing year, I buried the truth a little deeper. And I was so fucked up from the drink.”
Dylan finally looked up at me and his eyes were verdant, wet with unshed tears. My heart clenched painfully in response.
“You knew, didn’t you?” he asked quietly, wiping at the corner of his eyes and taking deep, measured breaths. “You’re not surprised.”
I couldn’t look away from him.
“I pieced it together.”
I saw you staring at my lips…
“You said your secret would impact your career. Then when you mentioned your family not wanting to speak to you ever again, well, there are only a few things I can think of that might cause that. I know because I was terrified when I came out to my parents. I had a bag packed and ready by the front door, just in case,” I replied, thinking back to that day when I was seventeen and frightened out of my mind.
“I picked a Friday, when my dad was at the house to collect me for the weekend. But I was lucky. Both my mom and my dad supported me. They loved me no matter what.”
Dylan nodded and interlocked his fingers tightly, his knuckles white.
“I’ve known since I was in college. Probably earlier, but I didn’t let myself act on anything until I moved to California.
I fooled around with another drama student, but he and I both knew that being out would impact our Hollywood dreams. We agreed that it never happened. ”
I wondered where that man was now. Something told me he was still active in Hollywood since Dylan’s secret was still a secret.
“What about Warren?”
“He doesn’t know either. And I’m not sure how he’s going to react,” Dylan whispered as he looked away.
“Are you sure you want to do this, Dylan? You shouldn’t be pressured to come out because of this book deal. You don’t need to tell anyone if you’re not ready.”
He looked back at me and gave a cautious smile, and I felt my nerves kick up again.
“I’ve been ready for a while, Max. It’s time. Keeping my sexuality hidden was one of the reasons I used to drink without caution. My desires got stronger, and it became harder and harder to pretend them away. I tried to numb my feelings. Of course, that didn’t work, and I just got more fucked up.”
“It’s not going to be easy. I can tell you that for certain, as per my own experience coming out and living openly as a queer man. You’ll be judged, scrutinized, hated by some, and in your case, to the nth degree given your public life.”
“If I can tell a few people that I trust and the world doesn’t come to an end, I can deal with the rest of it as it comes.”
“And your acting career?” I asked.
“I don’t know. Acting is the only thing I’ve ever been good at, the one place I felt at home.”
“Before you take this step, you need to figure out a plan. That way, you won’t get overwhelmed when you come out. I can help you if you like. It may stimulate your thought process.”
“Thanks, Doc. I appreciate that.”
“Of course,” I replied, sounding much calmer than I felt.
Dylan was so close I could see the flecks of gray and gold in his eyes. I could smell mint and something floral on his breath. It was delicious… Suddenly I realized I was sitting far too close, leaning forward into his space.
Rearing back, I ran a hand through my hair, searching my mind for something mundane to talk about. But my racing heart obliterated my thoughts, and all I could focus on was the man sitting in front of me.
“Do you feel like heading ashore for dinner? Jared invited me. Private pick up so we should be good.” Dylan’s low, raspy drawl was the stuff of fantasies for moviegoers everywhere.
“I’d like that.”
“Cool,” he replied and stood up. “Be ready in an hour?”
“Great,” I said as I got up. Dylan headed down the stairs and I followed, entering the air-conditioned lounge.
“See you in a bit,” he said quietly as he walked off.
I quickly made my way over to my suite and hopped in the shower. Bits of our discussion whizzed around in my brain like a pinball, and I struggled to make it all stop spinning.
As I dried off, my phone buzzed. It was Jana informing me the tender would be ready in half an hour.
After showering and catching up on my email, I realized I was running a few minutes late.
Venturing outside, I hurried down to the lower deck as Charlie got the tender ready.
The winds were high, and the water was choppy, the tender bobbing up and down.
I had a moment of panic that the fifteen-minute ride to shore would be rough going.
Seasickness was all I needed to top off the day.
I carefully stepped into the tender and sat down on the bench seat, patiently waiting for Dylan. Despite the rocking motion of the boat, everything was okay. I was fine.
“Sorry I’m late. I was on a call, and it took longer than expected,” Dylan’s voice echoed behind me, and I turned around.
All the saliva in my mouth pooled at the sight of Dylan, dressed in a pair of white shorts and a matching short-sleeved button down that was obscenely tight.
I was not fine.
Then he grinned, and the sexiest dimple I’d ever seen popped out and holy shit, what was happening?
With his trademark cowboy hat and sunglasses, Dylan looked like a tourist on holiday.
An undeniably sexy tourist. He quickly got in the tender and sat down beside me and that didn’t help matters at all.
His clean, edible scent wafted over me. Goosebumps erupted all over my skin and I barely controlled my shiver. It was the cool evening air.
Sure, I’d go with that.
“I think your disguise needs work,” I bit out, irritated at myself for my reaction.
“I’m not worried,” he replied.
I stared at him for a moment and then realized what I was doing. Make conversation, Max. Stop drooling over Dylan.
“So, tonight I get to meet the Jared Elwood?” I asked, trying to distract myself.
I wasn’t a Hollywood fanatic by any means, but even I knew who he was. Jared had starred in, and now directed, some of the biggest blockbusters in the past decade. His face and name were all over entertainment news.
“He’s a great guy, very sharp. I met him twelve years ago when he directed me in Long Road Home .
I lost touch for a while, for obvious reasons.
He reached out when I finished rehab and moved to Palm Springs.
He championed my comeback by offering me auditions.
He’s had his own sobriety journey, so he’s all about second chances. ”
“I’m looking forward to meeting him. But he might be bored with a stuffy English professor who knows next to nothing about show business,” I quipped, adjusting my glasses as the tender took off and the force of the wind gusts gave me a facelift I hadn’t anticipated.
Dylan held unto his hat with one hand and poked me in the ribs with the other. Then he flashed that sinful grin and I all but had a meltdown.
“He’s from New York, so you’ll have that in common. And I know you’re not stuffy, Ben Lomax.”
The mention of my pen name had me shaking my head. Warren should’ve kept his mouth shut about that detail.
“Are you sure I’m not a third wheel tonight? If you want to meet him on your own, I can find someplace else when we get to shore.”
“No way. I invited you. It’ll be fun.”
I tried to keep myself upright as we picked up speed, holding tightly to the side of the boat.
When we finally docked in the marina, I stepped out of the tender and almost fell, a sudden dizziness overtaking me.
From the effect of the wind and the waves or the proximity of a certain Hollywood star, I honestly didn’t know.
Until Dylan caught me in his powerful grip, and I had my answer.