Chapter 12
DYLAN
Dylan: You have time to chat?
Rowan: Of course, everything okay?
Dylan: It’s been a long morning. Max got a cramp while swimming and I had to help him out of the water, then I unloaded to him about the last two decades of my life.
Rowan: That’s a lot. you have difficulty opening up to people.
Dylan: I know, but he’s easy to be with. He lets me talk things out and there’s no judgement. Speaking of which, there’s something I have to tell you.
Rowan: You can tell me anything. I will always support you.
Dylan: Video call?
M y phone rang a second later and Rowan’s concerned face popped up. “Are you sure you’re okay? You look exhausted.”
“My sleep has been hit and miss lately. Talking about old history brings back bad memories.”
Between reliving my past and reimagining my future, I was all up in my head.
“Have you talked to Quinn?”
“Every damn day, Ro. I’m going to hit a meeting in Cannes tonight. I have to let Charlie know so he can arrange the tender to shore.”
“Good.”
“So, it’s important that I finally tell you the truth, for my continued sobriety and well-being.”
I paused, and a cold sweat racked my body. Fuck, this was harder than I thought, even after telling Max. Hopefully, it would get easier with each person.
“The truth is that I’m bisexual.”
I scrutinized Rowan’s face for a reaction. His concerned expression turned into a big grin. “Thank you for sharing that with me. Have you been struggling with this for a long time?”
“Years,” I admitted. The immense relief of finally sharing my truth with Rowan was palpable. “Keeping my desires repressed for so long was one of the reasons my drinking got out of control. But I can’t lie anymore. I want to live my authentic life and that means being open about my sexuality.”
After I finally got the words out, I felt hot tears slowly trickle down my face. Rowan eyes welled up in return. “Are you okay?” I asked him, concerned about his reaction as I wiped my face.
“I’m so proud of you. It’s not easy to come out given your public career. I want you to know that Andrew and I support you a hundred thousand percent. We just want you to be happy.”
“Thanks, Ro. I’m gonna need that support.” I paused. “Are you and Andrew still planning on being here next week?”
“Definitely.”
“I can’t wait. And Max is looking forward to meeting you. Maybe you can come with us to Jared’s party? He’s invited the cast and crew.”
“If the timing works, we’ll be there. Now, how have you been getting along with Max?”
Unfortunately, my face flushed when I thought about sitting on the deck with Max, his foot in my lap.
I’d started an innocent massage and found myself moving my hands up his toned calf as I got lost in my enjoyment of touching him.
I couldn’t deny that I wanted to be near him.
I’d even found myself replaying our conversations, like a hopeful teenager crushing hard.
“He’s a great listener. Given our differences, I thought I’d have a hard time confiding in him, but he’s been great. I really like him.”
Rowan’s eyebrows raised. “Is he seeing anyone?”
“Seriously, Ro? I just came out to you and already the matchmaking has begun?” I rolled my eyes. “It’s not like that. I mean, nothing’s going to happen. He sure as hell could do better than me.”
Rowan’s glare through the screen was just as effective as in person.
“Don’t put yourself down, Dylan. You’ve had more than your share of pain and struggle, but you’ve worked hard to rebuild your life.
You have a lot to give. You’re a kind, loyal, loving man and I want you to start treating yourself that way. ”
I shook my head. “Thanks for the ego boost. I just meant that Max is the type of guy who has his shit together. And since his divorce, he’s happy being single. He has a child. And why are we even having this conversation? Max is my ghostwriter. And maybe a friend. That’s all.”
So I found him attractive and had fantasized about him a few times? And maybe I’d caught him staring at me longer than normal curiosity allowed. Maybe I’d done the same to him. It didn’t mean anything. It couldn’t.
“Is there anyone else you’re going to come out to before the book releases?” Rowan asked. “Does Warren know?”
“Andrew for sure. You can tell him. As to Warren…” I paused and scratched my head.
My agent was next on my list. I was pretty sure this would clinch the end of our relationship, but it had to be done.
“I’m going to let him know before we send over the first draft.
For now, it’s just you, Andrew, and Max.
I may say something to Jared as well. I feel comfortable telling him. ”
“I know I had my reservations about the book, but after everything you’ve told me, in the end, I think it will be good for you. I’m so happy you finally felt comfortable enough to confide in me.”
“I should have told you years ago. I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t do that. Please, Dylan. People come out when it’s right for them. And this is your time.”
I swallowed past the huge lump in my throat. The damn tears were threatening again, but I blinked a few times to cut them off.
“Thanks, Ro. I’m scared, but I know that the fear is temporary. I feel so much better now that I’ve told you.”
And I did. The pressure that had been sitting on my chest for decades finally eased and I could breathe again. I didn’t have to lie to my best friend anymore.
“Now back to a more interesting topic. Tell me more about Max,” Rowan chuckled.
So, I did.
MAX
I went in search of Dylan, but he wasn’t in his usual spots—the gym, the lounge, or up on the sun deck. Despite my inner refrain to mind my own damn business, I sauntered down the hallway on the upper level until I reached the last suite. Dylan’s bedroom. I knocked once and waited. And waited.
I was about to knock again when Dylan finally opened the door.
A white bath towel was wrapped tightly around his hips, his hair slicked back and drops of water making sinuous trails over his sleek skin.
My tongue had taken leave while my eyes locked onto his near naked form.
My ears were still working though, and I heard Dylan’s chuckle, snapping me out of my lusty trance.
“Come on in, Doc. You look like you need to sit down,” Dylan said as he moved aside, and I cautiously walked in.
His suite wasn’t as large as mine, but it was still spacious, and included a sitting area with a loveseat that sat opposite the king-sized bed.
Don’t imagine Dylan lying naked in that bed … Too late.
“I’ll be back in a minute,” Dylan stated as he sauntered into the bathroom. No doubt to put clothes on. Shame.
“Get a grip,” I whispered to myself as I sat down on the loveseat.
This wasn’t any better. I was sitting directly across from his bed and my gaze locked onto the rumpled sheets.
All sorts of dirty images flashed in my mind.
Grabbing the nearest throw pillow, I shoved it on my lap.
My dick was far too excited about being in Dylan’s bedroom.
He strolled out a minute later in ripped jeans and a gray t-shirt, and the simple outfit shouldn’t have looked so fucking good.
Or rather, it was the man himself that always seemed to take center stage, no matter what he wore—or didn’t wear.
He took a seat beside me, and I shuffled as far away from him as I could, my back hitting the arm rest. I continued to clutch the pillow tightly since my body didn’t listen to my brain’s directive to calm down.
“I wanted to be sure you were okay after everything we talked about. It was a lot. I’m worried.”
What I didn’t say, what I feared, was that the stress of all these personal revelations would cause him to relapse.
Now that we’d shared intimate details about our lives to each other, I felt like a relationship, a friendship, had taken seed and I didn’t want anything to disrupt the tender roots.
More importantly, I didn’t want to jeopardize his sobriety.
“I talked to Rowan earlier and came out to him. It was stressful, but such a relief once I said the words. And now I feel about twenty pounds lighter.” He paused and ran a hand down his thigh, picking at the ripped threads.
“I appreciate your concern Max, but it’s not your job to worry over me and what I can or can’t handle. ”
“I know that, but I don’t want to say or do anything that’s going to make things…difficult.”
“Stop tiptoeing around. You’re concerned I’m going to fall off the wagon.
” Dylan shook his head. “I’ve been dealing with my addiction for a long time.
But I’m finally facing the issues that caused me to drink in the first place, so I feel stronger in my ability to handle my urges.
That’s all I can say. There are no guarantees. I can only take it day by day.”
All I could do was nod in return. Foolishly, I wanted to make everything better for him. My heart was trapped in a vise and the grip was getting tighter. I didn’t know what these intense feelings were about, but I needed to get myself back to my normal state.
“I’m going to head up and do some work.” I stood up and Dylan followed, reaching out to touch my arm. I resisted the urge to wrap him up in my arms and give him physical reassurance that everything would be okay. Instead, I did what I normally did when most people got too close. I stepped away.
“I’m taking the tender to Cannes for an AA meeting this evening at seven. Did you want to ride with me, maybe meet up for dinner after?” he asked.
“Sure,” I blurted out, obliterating my distance from him in one word. “But I thought we were supposed to avoid being out in public?”
“I’ll wear my disguise. I think I’ll be okay.”
“All right. I’d like to take a walk through the city.”
It was the prospect of getting off this ship for a while that intrigued me. A walk was desperately needed. Far away from Dylan for a while, from things I shouldn’t want. Wandering the streets of Cannes alone would be a good start. Maybe I could stop by a bar and see if a handsome man caught my eye.
Then I could tell this crazy desire I had for Dylan to fuck right off. And never come back.