Chapter 22
DYLAN
“ T ell me more about the Hollywood scene. How did you navigate the showbiz world?”
Max and I were in our usual spots—him at the table with his tablet in hand taking notes, and me on the lounger nearby.
But this time, he’d left the breakfast table as my lover and came back a half hour later a reserved stranger, back into work mode, his expression shuttered.
Occasionally he’d glance my way, but the heat was banked, replaced by a look I couldn’t figure out.
Regret? Probably.
He mentioned his daughter might be arriving sooner rather than later. Maybe that was it: reality bites. Our fun times were just that, a diversion. I shouldn’t make it out to be anything more than what it was, especially when I made it clear to Rowan and Andrew that this was temporary.
Even though it felt anything but. I didn’t want to stop touching him. And I wanted him to take hold of me like he did yesterday and this morning. Like I belonged to him.
I wanted to be his.
I placed my sunglasses over my eyes in case Max looked at me again and noticed my longing.
“I didn’t care much for the night life. At first it was exciting, being invited to parties with people I’d only seen on-screen and meeting other actors and directors. But I didn’t like all the attention I got. It always made me uneasy. Alcohol lubricated my nerves temporarily.”
I paused and leaned back on the lounger.
“Agents would shove you out there and tell you to kiss ass, or worse. I wasn’t made that way.
If I had a successful audition, great, hire me.
If I didn’t, I was onto the next opportunity.
I wasn’t about to trade myself for the promise of ninety minutes of reel.
” I paused and shook my head. “My attitude didn’t make me the most popular star.
Still, I managed to navigate my way through the shark infested waters of La La Land, but I did get nipped a time or two.
Thankfully, I made it out in one piece.”
“What do you mean when you said, ‘or worse’?” Max bit out, the subtle shift in his tone making the hair on my body stand on end.
“The casting couch is a real thing. Didn’t you hear me say I didn’t trade myself?” I replied as I took a sip of my sparkling water.
“You were sexually harassed?”
I nodded. “Too many times to count. That behavior was rampant. I spent a good deal of my therapy sessions talking about it.”
I rested my head against the cushion and let out a sigh.
“I’ve had my junk groped and my ass grabbed.
I’ve been told by casting directors that I should fuck so-and-so if I wanted a role.
One time a movie exec snuck into my trailer and offered me guaranteed roles for future films if I fucked her.
Crazy shit like that happened all the time.
” I paused and ran a hand through my hair.
“Not as often once Warren signed on as my agent. But when I first started out, it was like navigating through a nest of vipers. If I had known then what I know now, I might have stayed in Texas.”
My statement was met with silence. I looked up to see Max pulling a chair towards the lounger, sitting down right beside me.
“And Warren knew about this?” Max asked as he propped the tablet on his lap and began to write.
My pulse was kicking fast and hard and I needed something, anything, to distract me. I took a deep breath and looked up at the brilliant sky above me, focusing on the wide expanse of blue, and listening to the waves hitting the ship’s bow.
“Yes,” I finally replied.
“And he didn’t do anything about it?” Max replied. He stopped writing and looked at me with anxious eyes.
“Not much he could do. Most of the time it was my word against someone else’s, no proof.
And with my drinking, I wasn’t a reliable witness.
Thankfully, the MeToo movement has aired out some of Hollywood’s dirty secrets.
But not all of them. That’s why Jared is committed to movies like Field of Blood .
He wants to expose the Hollywood dealmakers who willingly looked the other way. ”
I turned over to rest on my side, facing Max.
“Once I was established, I kept to the people I knew, like Jared. And I avoided others that I was warned about unless it was a public event.” I rubbed a hand over my throbbing temple and willed my body to relax. “Can we talk about something else?”
“Let’s take a break,” Max offered. “I need to grab something from my room.”
He got up and quickly disappeared inside. I felt the loss of his company more than I cared to admit.
I stayed on the lounger and picked up my phone, my fingers shaking.
One drink. I wanted one fucking drink to ease my nerves. It took me twice as long as usual to type out a message.
Dylan: Talking about my past life is hell on my present. Will the urges ever get less intense?
Quinn: Ebb and flow. Some days the urge will bombard you, other times, it’s more of a nudge. But it always lingers.
Dylan: It’s hit me hard today.
Quinn: What’s up?
Dylan: Two things. One, talking about my early Hollywood life brings back some painful memories. Some days I can’t believe the shit that happened.
Quinn: But the more you talk about it, the less power those memories have over you.
Dylan: It’s different telling Max, everything feels more intense. I’ve got feelings for him. It isn’t just about sex. Fuck, this wasn’t supposed to happen. Maybe he doesn’t feel the same way. And my track record speaks for itself.
Quinn: You’ve learned from your past, and grown as a person. And it doesn’t dictate your future.
“Are you ready now?” Max’s sudden deep voice made me jolt. Was I ready? Ready or not…
“Yeah, let’s keep going.”
“Let’s go back to your personal life. You mentioned to me last night—” Max coughed, and I turned my head to look at him. “—Uh, last night, that neither of your wives wanted children. Is that something you both agreed on?”
“At the time, I figured it was best that I didn’t have kids, with my career and my family history. Only smart thing I ever did in those days. But sometimes, during my sober moments, especially around holidays, I’d see families and wonder, what if?”
“And now?” Max replied quietly, staring intently. My pulse jumped as I met his gaze head-on.
“I’d want to make sure I was in a loving, stable relationship first.” I paused, watching Max’s reaction to my statement.
He shifted in his seat and licked his lips, a nervous tell.
“Now that I’m back to work there’s travel involved, so there’s that to consider.
Even still, a lot of actors today bring family with them on location. ”
“So, you know for sure that you want a partner?”
“As much as it scares me to admit it, yeah. I want that in my life. I’m ready.”
Tell me I’m not the only one, Max.
“And if they already have children?”
My pulse jumped again, my heart galloping at full speed despite the fact that I was sitting still.
“I’d be open to it. Same as if I had my own. I’d want to make sure that I could give them the love and attention they need.”
“It’s not an easy decision to make, and parenting isn’t for everyone,” Max replied, setting aside his tablet and leaning forward. “There are many sleepless nights, worries, anxieties. But for me, it’s worth it. Every time Blake calls me Dad, I’m in awe that she’s my daughter.”
“Did you and Dante want more kids?” I asked.
“I did, but Dante didn’t. The reality of day-to-day living with one child was too much for him. It turned out to be the right decision. I felt guilty enough about putting Blake through our separation. She’s resilient and got through it, but not everyone is like that.”
“What about now?”
“I haven’t really thought about it. I’ve been content with my life as it is. But if I fell in love again, and he wanted children and it felt right, then yes, I would definitely consider it.”
The statement sat between us like a massive weight. There was so much more I wanted to ask but I forced my gaze to the starboard side of the yacht, and the shoreline beyond. The scene in front of me was calm and clear, unlike the storm of emotions that swirled inside me.
“I think we’ve covered enough for today.” I stood up and faced him. “And I changed my mind. I’ll be taking the tender to join Rowan and Andrew for dinner. You’re welcome to come with.”
Max shook his head. “I’m going to stay put. I need to finish drafting the next couple of chapters. We have a deadline to meet, remember?”
I nodded, my heart so amazingly full but heavy too.
“Yeah, silly me. I keep forgetting that our time is running out.”
MAX
I prided myself on being honest and forthright, even with difficult decisions. There was so much more I wanted to say to Dylan, but I didn’t know where to start. Then I thought about the phone the call with Blake. It reminded me that all kinds of complications sat hovering on the horizon.
How was Dylan processing everything we talked about? Relationships, children, it was a lot. He was probably getting ready to leave for shore. I could catch him on the way out and see how he was doing.
Lumbering down the stairs, I walked the narrow hallway and knocked on his door. I waited a minute and was about to knock again when Dylan opened the door, dressed in casual khaki shorts and a white t-shirt. I didn’t see any signs of distress on his face.
“Sorry to interrupt. Do you have a moment?”
“I was just about to head up to the tender.”
“It won’t take long.”
He ushered me inside his room, and I leaned against the wall, remembering the last time I was here. Our first kiss. Every rational thought I had for staying away from Dylan vanished at the memory of that intimacy.
“Can I join you tonight?” I asked. Way to play it cool, Max.
“Of course. Ro and Andrew would love the company.”
“Only them?”
“I’d love your company, too. That’s a given.” Dylan’s dimple appeared and I was a goner.
Hearing Dylan say the word love in conjunction with me made a fierce ache bloom in my chest. I wanted to say it was reflux, but my stomach was fine.
“I love your company too. Obviously.”
“Obviously?”
“Yes. I love…”
Fuck it.
I reached for Dylan, pulling him into my arms. Tremors racked my body as I finally acknowledged how much he meant to me. I wanted to protect him, give him everything he desired. More than anything I wanted his love, and I wanted to love him in return.
I was falling in love with Dylan…
He didn’t wrap his arms around me but placed his hands on the wall on either side of my head, staring at me as I slumped down. My shock must have shown because his eyes went from confused to concerned in a heartbeat.
“What’s going on, Max? We need to have a clear understanding about what this is between us.”
I nodded as I reached up and cupped Dylan’s cheek. “I want a relationship with you. Is that something that you want too?”
I held my breath as Dylan leaned back, removing his hands from the wall. I guess I had my answer. Shit, I hung my head as my face heated with embarrassment. I needed to get out of here.
But before I could move, Dylan slipped a hand in the waistband of my shorts and pulled me along with him, all but dragging me towards his bed. He shoved me down on the mattress and in my shock all I did was spread my legs wide open to welcome him.
Then he laid down on top of me and everything in my world was right again.
“I don’t want to frighten you off,” Dylan confessed as he placed a soft kiss on my jaw. “But I’m falling so fucking hard for you, Max.”
He looked up at me, eyes filled with an unguarded wanting that tore through the last layer of armor surrounding my heart.
“I’m already there,” I whispered back as he leaned forward and took my mouth.
It wasn’t just a kiss—a touch of lips, a tease of tongues. I’d had plenty of those.
When he touched his lips to mine, softly, reverently, I swear our souls breathed into one another, until I didn’t know where mine ended and his began. Tears welled up in my eyes without warning.
Dylan was ruining me, destroying all my rational defenses. He’d leave my heart open to the greatest joy and the most painful hurt. And I was going to let him.
I wrapped my legs around his waist and rolled over, until his back hit the mattress.
The next moment was a blur of hastily thrown clothes as we reached for one another, bodies trembling in our desire to get closer.
I slid my hands up over his taut abdomen, the muscles rippling and clenching.
My tongue followed the same path, licking a hot trail up to his naval, his salty skin the most delicious thing I’d ever had the pleasure of sampling.
Dylan’s head dropped back as he closed his eyes and let out a low moan that was deep and dirty.
I placed a heated kiss on his stomach and peered up at him. This beautiful man who was now mine.
“When we’re out tonight, I want you to remember this moment,” I said as I slid one hand down, shoving his briefs down his thighs so I could cup his balls, rolling them and tugging gently as Dylan began to whimper and pump his hips for more contact.
His head snapped up, green eyes boring into mine. “You belong to me now,” I reminded him.
“Yes, Max. I’m yours.” Dylan’s throaty murmur cut off as I leaned down and bit his skin near his treasure trail, then sucked on it. I loved marking what was mine. “I don’t want anyone else. Only you.”
I gripped the base of his throbbing cock with my other hand and swallowed him down until my throat was filled with his musky heat. I was so full I could barely breathe.
Suddenly I was freefalling, giving myself over to him without caution. Judging by the look in Dylan’s eyes, he was right there with me.
Later that night we threw on bathrobes and snuck up to the sun deck for a midnight soak in the hot tub. As I sat in the circle of Dylan’s arms, I looked up at the night sky and the stars above, so clear and beautiful, almost magical.
I remembered that some stars collided and merged as one, united forever after. Others ricocheted upon impact and headed into different directions, never to meet again.
Was the same true of us? If so, which path would Dylan and I take? We’d barreled towards each other full force, but the result of our impact had yet to be seen.