Chapter 31
DYLAN
Max was sleeping soundly, so I threw on my jeans and t-shirt, closed the bedroom door behind me, and headed out to see which of my family members was visiting us so early.
“Mama,” I said, surprised as I opened the door. “I thought you left last night.”
“It was late, so I decided to stay over. Can I come in?”
“Of course,” I said as I motioned to the sectional.
“We haven’t had a chance to talk, just you and me, and there’s things that need to be said.”
I nodded, a lump forming in my throat. She sat down on the sofa, and I followed.
“Dylan, honey, I’ve had two long years to do nothing but think about you.” Mama’s eyes welled up and I reached for her hand. “All the things I didn’t do and didn’t say to you, when you needed me the most.”
“Mama…”
“I blame myself,” she blurted out, her tears spilling down her freckled cheeks.
“To this day, I carry around that guilt, and I don’t think it’ll ever leave me.
I should’ve left him. I should’ve protected you.
Hell, I should’ve done something . After your daddy died, I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror, never mind knowing how to help you deal with everything.
And when your drinking got so bad, I panicked all over again.
I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you, honey. ”
“I don’t blame you, Mama. I know you did the best you could.
And I’m as stubborn as the rest of the Aylmers.
You reached out after I left rehab, but I refused to call you back.
I wasn’t ready to talk, but I am now.” I paused and reached for her, pulling her in for a hug.
“We’re both of us trying our best. I’ve got a great therapist and I’m working through it. I’m getting better and stronger.”
“You look so healthy and happy now,” she whispered and held tight to me.
“I am.”
“I was wondering if maybe I could come visit you in California sometime?” she asked. It was so unlike her blunt manner that I leaned back so I could see her face.
“I’d love that.” I smiled, and the worry swirling in her gaze settled.
“And when I’m there, I could go with you. You know, the next time you visit your therapist?”
“I think that would be great. For both of us.”
“Good.” She gave me a smile. “Will Max be visiting too?”
“I hope so. I don’t know how we’re going to merge our lives together, but I love him.”
“I can see that. Love looks good on you, honey. Max too. It’s plain as day how much he adores you. And if there’s one thing life has taught me, it’s that you need to cherish that kind of love. No matter what, embrace it and appreciate it. Appreciate him.”
I was too choked up to reply, so I nodded instead. Mama wiped her face and then my face, squeezing my cheeks like she used to do when I was little.
“That’s enough heart to heart for one day. What say you and me go for a horseback ride?”
“Meet you in the barn in ten minutes?”
Mama nodded and walked over to the door, then paused after she opened it. She turned to face me.
“I don’t say it often enough, but I love you, honey.”
“I love you too, Mama.”
After a relaxing morning ride, I sauntered back to the cottage to find Max.
He was busy working on book edits, and I returned several calls and texts. The first was to Quinn.
Dylan: It’s been a good visit, sometimes stressful but good. My urge to drink hasn’t been as strong lately. Am I getting complacent? I haven’t hit up a meeting in a while.
Quinn: If you need a meeting once a month, that’s okay. If you need it every day, that’s okay too.
Dylan: Things will be different when I go back to California.
Quinn: I’m happy to meet up in person if you need to talk it out
Dylan: I’ll take you up on that
I was about to say goodbye to my family and to Max. And I wasn’t ready on either count.
Strolling back into the bedroom, I watched my professor at work on his laptop, his dark eyes so serious behind those sexy glasses.
He typed at a scary speed, and though I didn’t want to break his rhythm—or ruin the happy vibe we’d been experiencing on this trip—there were things that needed to be said.
“What’s next?” I blurted out.
Max shut his laptop and placed it aside, then held out his hand. I took it without hesitation.
“You know I have to go back to New York. Blake starts school and my classes resume.” He sighed as he reached over to kiss me. “We’ll have to do the long-distance thing for a while. I’ll fly out to California for a long weekend in October and then you can come visit us for Thanksgiving.”
His eyes looked as sad as I felt, and his suggestion did little to settle my unease. I wanted to wake up every day wrapped around him and listen to him laugh at my bad jokes. Long distance felt like a test that I wasn’t sure I could pass.
“Dylan, look at me,” he implored, and I reluctantly conceded. “There’s nothing I want more than to be with you. But you need to go back home. Remember why you did all this to begin with?”
“I know but…” I sighed, cupping his cheek and leaning forward until our foreheads rested against each other. “I feel like I’ve been waiting on you my whole life. I want us to be together.”
“We have responsibilities to sort out first. Trust me, baby, I want the same thing. We need to be patient.”
“Not one of my strongest qualities,” I confessed as I kissed him.
“I know it won’t be easy, but we’ll find a way.”
My gut knew that Max was right, but my head was worried about all the ‘what ifs.’
“Do you trust me?” he asked, and I saw the loving intention in his gaze.
“Yes,” I answered without hesitation.
“Then I’ll let you in on a secret,” he whispered against my lips. “I used to think happily ever after was a myth. But you’ve made this skeptic a believer. And now, there’s nothing I want more than forever with you.”
Max took the words right out of my mouth.
Two days later I boarded an early plane to L.A. I said my goodbyes to Max in the privacy of Rowan’s aircraft before he had to catch his commercial flight to New York. It was hard to resist the powerful urge to take Max with me.
“I’ve got an idea,” I whispered as I held on tight to Max. “But I want to know what you think first.”
“Tell me.”
“I want to move to New York.”
“What?”
“I can still fly to L.A. for auditions and filming. You’ve got Blake here and your classes. It makes the most sense.”
“But you hate New York.”
“I’ll live anywhere in the fucking world if it means I get to be with you. I’m willing to put up with the urban madness if you can put up with me.” I grinned and kissed him.
Max’s eyes lit up with happiness. “Yes, baby. I can’t believe you’d do that for me, but yes.”
“I won’t be able to get everything organized until October, but it’ll happen.”
“That’s perfect,” he replied and kissed me. “In the meantime, there’s text and calls and video chat.”
“Not the same, sweetheart, but it’ll do for now.” I pressed a gentle kiss on his cheekbone, his nose, his forehead. Committing every taste to memory so I could carry him home with me. “Call me when you get to your apartment. I don’t care what time it is,” I implored him, and he nodded.
“I’m sorry to interrupt, gentleman, but we’re ready for takeoff,” Annie interrupted.
“Give us one minute, Annie. Thanks.”
Max cupped my face, and I was helpless to do anything but stare into his warm gaze.
“How lucky are we to have found each other?” Max whispered. “This is the beginning for us.”
“I know. But I miss you already.”
Max’s eyes welled up to match mine. “You’re ruining me by saying things like that. And I love it. I love you.”
“Not nearly as much as I love you.”
“Are you going to be okay?” Max asked, his eyes swirling with concern as he kissed me.
“Yes.”
“Well, then it’s time for me to go.”
We kissed like it was our first and our last.
Until I ripped that fucking Band-Aid off.
I pulled back and let go. I shoved my hands in the back pockets of my jeans to ensure I wouldn’t reach for him again. It was physically painful for me to be parted from Max, and my heart was doing its best to claw its way out of my chest.
I managed to give him a smile and pull myself together, swallowing down my remaining tears.
I watched as he walked down the stairs to the tarmac.
Before he headed back inside the terminal, he turned and gave me a wave.
Then he touched his chest, rubbing over his heart.
I mirrored his gesture and blew him a kiss.
No one witnessed our exchange but even if they had, I was so in love I didn’t care about anyone else’s opinion.
It got me thinking about the path of my life.
Back in my Hollywood heyday, I would crash through life on full speed, running from my past and drinking away my future, powered by stardom and glitter that quickly burned itself out.
But now?
Now I was discovering more about myself with each passing day. And I was learning to accept every part of me. After all, if I didn’t love myself, what kind of partner could I be for Max?
For the first time in my life, all the stars were aligned. And loving and being loved by Max, I was shining brighter than ever.