Chapter 3
RAFE
D espite going to bed at ten, I’d had a fitful sleep and woke up at four in the morning.
Falling back asleep was useless, so after a half hour I got up, threw on a pair of shorts, and grabbed my yoga mat.
Up on the sun deck, with only the sea below and the sky above me, I watched the sun rise.
As I moved through my poses, my spiking nerves settled, and a deep sense of calm overtook me.
I sat on my mat for a good fifteen minutes afterwards, taking in the sights and sounds of the Sydney harbor coming to life.
Rarely had I ever slowed down enough to enjoy such a moment.
In my modeling days, I’d witness the dawn with bloodshot eyes as I came stumbling in from an after, after party. I still felt a restlessness inside me, but it had quieted over the years, or rather, it had shifted. My artistic drive took over and partying took a backseat.
I was looking forward to the trip today and outlining my ideas for the next shoot as my mind began to focus on all the creative possibilities. After my morning workout, I sat on the bridge deck, while the crew got us ready to leave port.
“Good morning, Rafe. Are you ready to order breakfast?” a soft voice asked me.
I turned to find Jana, the chief steward, with a pot of tea in hand.
She was one of the most efficient persons I’d ever met, and she never forgot my morning routine.
Always a cuppa to start off, without fail.
I shuddered to think what would happen if I ever ran out of tea.
I’d probably turn into an ogre like the man in uniform who shall remain nameless…
“I’ll have an omelet, chef’s choice, with toast. And a bowl of fruit, thanks,” I replied as Jana set down the teapot.
“Looks like another spectacular day,” she said as she smiled. “I was so thrilled when Andrew asked me to stay on for this charter. I’ve never been to Australia, and it’s so beautiful.”
“You’re amazing at your job, and Andrew knows that. And this charter will be epic. Some of the offshore islands we plan to visit have the most unspoilt beaches.”
“Good morning, Jana. Rafe,” Niall chimed in as he sauntered up to the table, his pink shorts and white t-shirt glowing in the early morning sun. “How’d you sleep?”
“Not enough. But there’s something about the air Down Under, I feel energized regardless.”
“What can I get you, Niall?” Jana asked.
“A double espresso and eggs benny, please.”
“I’ll be back shortly with your orders.” Jana nodded and headed back inside.
“Why didn’t you sleep well?” Niall asked as he placed his wraparound sunglasses on his head.
“Who knows? The lingering effects of jet lag? Not enough booze at dinner?” I quipped.
I didn’t want to worry Niall by telling him I’d been having issues for months, ever since I’d begun to shift my lifestyle.
I’d cut back on alcohol and men and suddenly I had all this time and clarity.
On the one hand, I had more energy and ambition for my career than ever before.
On the other, I had too much time to think and angst about my past relationships (or lack thereof) my future, my everything.
Which led to busy days but restless nights.
I need to be doing, not ruminating . Fuck, I sounded like my Da, and wasn’t that a shocking wake-up call.
“I’ve got melatonin if you need it. Usually does the trick for me when traveling,” Niall offered.
“Thanks, but I’ll be fine.”
“Will you? No more run ins with Captain Crankypants?”
“Thankfully, no.”
I sipped my tea, wondering what George was up to this beautiful morning.
Probably barking out orders at one of the crew.
As if my thoughts had prescience, the hair all over my body stood on end and goosebumps erupted over my skin.
I fought the urge to turn around and face the cause of my discomfort.
“Spoke too soon,” Niall whispered. “And before I’ve even had caffeine.”
“Good morning, gentlemen,” George greeted us as he reached our table.
I turned my head as he moved to stand between Niall and I, but my gaze caught on his crotch. To be fair, it was in my direct line of sight, so where else would I look?
Look up, you idiot.
But I let my gaze linger where it was. Tight white shorts framed an impressive outline and my mouth watered. Celibacy was playing dirty mind games with me this morning.
“May I join you?” George asked softly.
“Now?” I squeaked out as I finally looked up, my face heating. Fuck’s sake, I never blushed. “I mean, sorry. Yes, of course.”
Then I glanced at Niall, who gave me a panicked glare, his brown eyes shooting lasers.
I ignored him. I abhorred rudeness, and I wasn’t going to act like a tosser.
I wanted a peaceful trip, and maybe reaching a stalemate with George was possible.
His request to join us this morning was like an olive branch, so I decided to take it.
Olive branches don’t have thorns, do they?
George pulled out a chair and sat down beside me. While I was relieved that I didn’t have his enormous dick in my face (never have I ever complained about that), I was curiously shy, which wasn’t like me at all. What the fuck was going on?
“A beautiful morning.” George turned to me, his green eyes clear and direct. “We have perfect weather for our trip today.”
I nodded. “I was doing yoga earlier and watched the sun rise over the ocean. It was stunning.”
“I didn’t take you for the early to rise type,” he responded.
My temper sparked at his comment, but I held my tongue. For now.
“I’m completely focused on building my photography business, so that means putting in long days. I’ve also given up most of the party circuit. Don’t get me wrong, I love to be social, but I just got tired of the scene. It became so…”
“Superficial?” George blurted out then his face fell. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to imply that you’re…I mean, that’s wonderful that you’re focused on your work.” George stammered and his cheeks flushed.
I realized I hadn’t been this close to him since that fateful Christmas party and our verbal war for the ages. The battle hadn’t ended, but there was still hope for a ceasefire. I let go of his ‘superficial’ comment, since he wasn’t entirely wrong in that regard.
An awkward silence descended so I threw him a lifeline. “I’ve learned so much over the past year, creating my own business. I love it.”
“And he’s excellent,” Niall commented. “Not just talented, but a true professional. He treats the models and everyone with respect and expects the same. So different than many of the photogs in the biz.”
“What do you mean?” George asked and turned to Niall.
I snuck a glance over George’s profile, perusing his sharp cheekbone under freckled skin, the square cut of his jawline, and the long line of his nose.
Suddenly I itched to grab my camera. He was striking, but I wondered how he would look without the beard.
Not that he should get rid of it. He rocked the salt-and-pepper look better than any man I’d ever met.
But I couldn’t see his mouth clearly and that was a shame.
What?
“There’s a lot of harassment that goes on. Bullying, verbal abuse. It’s rampant in this industry,” Niall replied, waking me up from my strange little sidetrack.
“That’s terrible. Who do you go to when you have an issue?” George asked.
Niall looked at me and then at George and scoffed.
“No one. Most of the work is freelance, so there’s not an HR person in sight.
And since a lot of the work is done in small groups or one-on-one, it’s often one person’s word against another.
After years of this, I considered going in a totally different career direction until I met Rafe. ”
“Niall is my right hand and a talented makeup artist. He’s busy designing a gender-neutral beauty brand so I’m not sure why he has time to continue to work with me,” I joked.
“I love working with you, and the travel isn’t bad either,” Niall winked at me, his blond curls bouncing. “Rafe likes to downplay his many talents. But you should see yesterday’s pics. They’re amazing. People are going to melt when they see them.”
George blushed again but said nothing. Jana returned with breakfast and brought the captain the same order as me, as well as a second pot of tea. After pouring for George, Jana headed back inside.
“So, what do you do when you’re not navigating this ship?” I asked George, trying my best to make polite conversation.
I took a bite of my omelet and let out a small moan of appreciation.
George cleared his throat and took a sip of his tea.
“I have a cottage in Newquay, but I’m only there for a month or two out of the year.
The sea always calls to me, and I’d much rather be out on the water.
Outside of work, I have a boat that’s docked in the British Virgin Islands.
I refurbished it several years ago and I sometimes take charters.
I have a condo there; it’s my home away from the ship. ”
“What about family?”
George’s body went rigid. Oh shite.
“I’m an only child, and unfortunately, both my parents have passed,” he replied softly.
“I’m sorry,” I responded and reached out my hand, realizing a split second too late that I was about to touch him.
I pulled my hand back like I’d been singed. Thankfully, George didn’t appear to notice.
“It was a long time ago, a boating accident, but I still miss them,” he confessed and took another sip of tea. “But I have two best mates from my time in the navy that I meet up with for holidays and such. We’ve formed a kind of found family.”
“You’ve never married?” I asked.
I couldn’t believe the questions popping out of my mouth.
George’s eyes met mine and I saw a wistfulness in his green gaze that surprised me.
“I’m married to my work, and it’s hell on relationships. Most people don’t understand my wanderlust, so I’m happy being single. I’m fine with it.”
His clipped tone suggested to me that he was anything but, but I didn’t press further.
Rowan had mentioned that George was open to his staff about being gay, but he was very discreet.
I’d done some digging but found nothing.
George had one social media account and it was all work related.
The man was a complete mystery, and my nosy personality wouldn’t be satisfied until I’d unearthed at least one of his secrets.
“What about you?” George asked.
“Me? Never married, and highly unlikely ever to be. The few men I’ve been in relationships with—if you can call them that—usually end up leaving.
Or cheating then leaving, so I’ve got low expectations.
” I paused and took another bite of my breakfast. “Although, seeing Rowan and Andrew so happy together has convinced me that true love does exist. I just think it’s very rare. And probably not for me.”
“You have so many options, why would you bother choosing one person?” George commented.
“Excuse me?”
“I’ve seen the social media chatter. You’re not short of attention,” George replied.
“Don’t believe everything you see. And I’m far more selective than you can imagine,” I bit out, throwing my napkin on the table.
Just because I got attention and liked to flirt didn’t mean I fucked without boundaries. And what if I did?
My temper was about to unleash, and I needed to leave before I said or did something I would regret.
“Excuse me, I need to make a phone call.”
I got up and stalked inside to the lounge. Then I realized I hadn’t finished my breakfast. Fuck. I spotted Jana talking to Charlie at the bar and walked over to them.
“Sorry to interrupt, but would you be able to bring breakfast to my room? I need to make a call and multitask this morning.”
“Right away,” she replied with a nod.
“Thank you.”
I sauntered down the hallway, the polished wood floor cool beneath my bare feet.
George’s comment hit a sensitive nerve. It was true that I wasn’t long for company, but I didn’t screw everything in sight.
And so what if I did? Who was he to judge, to make assumptions about my personal needs? My sex life was my business.
Instead of a ceasefire, I retreated to my bedroom. Best not to engage with the enemy at all than try to reach a forced truce.
George and I were two very different people, and despite my attempt this morning, I didn’t see any bridge between us.