Chapter 7
JARED
I t was hard enough revisiting the worst night of my life with my therapist, but telling Aiden?
I was ready to bolt.
How would I do this in front of Seuter’s lawyers? Granted, it was a civil case and behind closed doors but still. What the hell had I gotten myself into?
And then, of course Alex had to appear at the very moment I was about to tell Aiden I’d been assaulted.
Jesus Christ, I thought suing Seuter was going to help me finally heal from the past, but instead I wanted to crawl into a dark hole again and never emerge.
Suddenly I was way too vulnerable.
And I wanted a fucking drink. Just one drink and I would forget about Seuter. Forget the assault, forget the nightmares.
But I knew that new nightmares would emerge if I took that drink. I couldn’t rely on alcohol to numb my pain.
And Seuter had taken enough from me. No way was he taking any more.
“I’m so sorry, Jared,” Alex whispered as he stepped backwards. “I had an update, so I raced up here, but I didn’t think?—”
“Don’t,” I replied. “Don’t go. Please. This is difficult to talk about, but you already know everything about me. And you might as well be prepared.”
“Jared’s right,” Aiden commented, his hazel eyes full of understanding. “I doubt Seuter’s team will subpoena you, but you should be prepared.”
“And besides that, I’m done being ashamed and hiding what happened.
That’s why I decided to file the lawsuit to begin with.
Seuter’s not going to hover over the rest of my life like a black cloud.
I won’t give him any more power. If I can talk about this with the two of you, then this is a good test that I can make it through the legal proceeding. ”
Alex looked at me wearily and finally, nodded.
He sat down beside Aiden, and I went back to my pacing.
“You woke up in the bathroom?” Aiden said softly.
“Yes. With no idea how I got there. As I said, I was in a lot of pain, and I realized right away that I’d been…
raped. There was blood on my thighs…I got my clothes on as best I could and stumbled out of the club just before they closed.
Somehow, I hailed a cab. I went home first. I just wanted to wash everything away.
But then I realized I couldn’t do that. I had to go to the hospital.
I didn’t know what I’d been exposed to. I went to Hillside General, and they did an exam, took blood tests and a urine sample.
But not without a fight. I got a lot of judgement and very little compassion.
Especially when they asked about my sexuality. ”
“What?” Aiden looked up.
I walked back over to the table and sat down again.
With Alex present, I felt protected.
And his support gave me a measured strength that I didn’t realize I’d needed. He was watching me with steady eyes, like he always did.
I knew that no matter what, he would support me. He might pretend to be made of steel, but I saw the gentleness in his gaze.
Aiden was no less protective, but like a fierce lion about to roar.
“After the tests and the examination, the admitting doctor asked if I was gay. I wasn’t out publicly, but I answered truthfully.
I was still in shock, so it didn’t occur to me that the question was inappropriate.
Then he dismissed my concerns that I’d been assaulted and said if I didn’t like being roughed up, I should consider a change to my ‘homosexual lifestyle.’ I was so upset about his comments, I left the hospital before the results and returned home.
I didn’t want to talk to anyone, let alone file a police report.
I figured I’d get the same treatment. No one would believe me.
The following week, I went to see my doctor and he did another exam and tested me for STDs. ”
Aiden shook his head. “It looks like I’m going to have to add the hospital to my list of subpoenas. Not only that, but if the blood test they administered proves you were drugged, and they didn’t report it to the police, it’s a felony.”
“Even if I didn’t file a report?”
Aiden nodded.
“It’s their obligation. And we now have more ammunition,” Aiden proclaimed as he wrote furiously. “We’re going to sue the hospital for discrimination.”
“I hate to ask this,” Alex interrupted. “But given that you blacked out, how do you know for certain that Seuter was the man who assaulted you and not someone else?”
“Because of what happened the day after,” I replied, swallowing down the bile that was rising in my throat.
“He showed up at my house. He told me that I’d had a lot to drink the night before and that I should keep my mouth shut or my career would be over.
He was married at the time, to a woman named Clarice Barnes, another studio executive.
Her father ran the studio before Seuter.
They held enormous power at that time. Anyway, I told him that I remembered him leading me to the bathroom.
I didn’t, but I said it to see his reaction.
Seuter insisted that I came on to him and consented to everything that happened. And I had no proof otherwise.”
“If you were drunk, as he claims, you couldn’t have consented. And if you were drugged—” Aiden shook his head. “We need that blood test. Did Seuter say or do anything else after that?”
I nodded and cleared my throat.
“That’s when the harassment started. He made it clear that he was going to make my life a living hell if I said anything to anyone. Which was ironic, since I was already there, suffering from nightmares and panic attacks.”
“PTSD,” Alex declared.
Having spent years in the military, Alex was probably all too familiar with that term.
Maybe he suffered from it himself?
It made me want to ask him questions again, but I held myself back. One facet of the man, not the bodyguard, started to take shape.
“Yes,” I replied. “And that’s when my struggle with alcohol began.”
“Seuter’s legal team will use your addiction against you.
They’ll question your recollection about everything and claim that your problem with alcohol was already an issue at the time of the party,” Aiden commented.
“We’ll go over that another time but for now, I need you to provide more detail on the harassment. ”
“Seuter started visiting me on the set of my next movie, which was filmed mostly on the lot. He loved to remind me that he controlled my career and if I wanted to keep working in this business, I needed to stay silent. At the time, I was a young director just starting out. And he was a well-connected, powerful man. I believed that he would ruin me if I said anything to anyone. Because he was the head of the studio, he was allowed everywhere. He’d often show up at my trailer when no one was around. ”
“Did he touch you again?” Aiden asked.
“He tried once, but my assistant at the time, Kit Barnes, knocked on my door, and when Seuter heard him, he left. After that I made sure I always had one of my assistants with me. They probably thought I was a diva, but it gave me security.”
“And how long did his visits go on for?”
“For just over a year. I guess as time wore on, he finally realized I wasn’t going to say anything. And by the end of that year, my drinking had gotten completely out of hand, and I entered rehab for three months. I was consumed by anxiety and my resulting addiction.”
“So he just stopped showing up?” Aiden commented.
I nodded. “When I got out of rehab, my agent called to remind me that my contract with Seuter’s studio was due for renewal.
I told my agent to approach another one, even though it meant starting at the bottom again.
Even though my recent stint in rehab wasn’t in my favor.
My agent was furious, but he did as I asked.
Another studio offered me a new contract for far less money, but I grabbed it.
I wanted to get as far away from Seuter as possible.
And after a year and a half, I didn’t want to think about what had happened anymore, I just wanted to get on with my life.
I finally spoke to a therapist about it, but I couldn’t fathom going to the police.
Not after all that time and how I was treated at the hospital.
I saw Seuter at an awards ceremony in 2013, but he didn’t talk or approach me.
And I haven’t had any direct communication from him since. ”
I paused and leaned back. That was a lot to unload in one sitting.
Then I remembered that Alex had an update and that was the reason he’d come looking for me.
“What was the update you wanted to share with us?” I asked, gratefully changing the subject.
Alex leaned forward.
“The police were able to trace the source of the email that Aiden received. They used the Wi-Fi of a local café in Brentwood called the Bold Bean. Do you recognize the location?”
I racked my brain but came up with nothing.
“I don’t visit that area of L.A. too often. It doesn’t sound familiar.”
“It’s not a great lead, but it’s better than nothing. Aiden’s investigator can run with it and see what comes up,” Alex responded.
“I think we’ve covered enough for the time being,” Aiden replied. “I’ve got several avenues to discuss with our PI and have to follow up with the hospital.”
“I need a nap and then it’s back to work,” I replied as I stood up.
Talking about the assault and the year that followed was always a lot for me. I felt lightheaded, but also lighter.
I walked over to the port side and watched the frenetic city of Bangkok before me.
The mass of high-rise buildings were set against green, jagged mountains, and the smell of the sea air combined with that unmistakable scent of diesel filled the air.
Throngs of people filled the city along with the murmur of a language that was beautiful but mostly unknown to me.
An atmosphere that was intense and mesmerizing. I was grateful for the distraction.
Then Aiden and Alex appeared on either side of me, leaning on the railing. Neither of them spoke, and I was grateful for the silence.
I needed time to process.
Buffered by the two of them, and for the first time in twelve years, I felt a shift inside me.
No matter the outcome of the lawsuit, I knew I was doing the right thing and that I would be okay.
I wasn’t alone in that dark bathroom anymore.