Chapter 37
ALEX
W e feel asleep and woke up an hour later, still too blissed out to move.
“Is there anything you want to do or sites you’d like to visit before you leave? Not that I want you to leave. Fuck, I don’t want to think about that. It’s only a few days away,” Aiden whispered.
“We’ll be back before you know it. Once I sell the house, you’re stuck with us. For good,” Jared assured him.
I cleared my throat. “There is one place that I’d like to visit before we head back to the States. And I’d like you to come with me. It’s a fair bit of a drive outside the city if you’re up to it.”
“It looks like a nice day, let’s get dressed and go,” Aiden replied.
All three of us finally got out of bed, showered, and headed out of the apartment.
It was a welcoming day, sunny and exceptionally warm for London. I needed that warmth.
Two hours later we arrived at Brookwood Military Cemetery.
Our early morning chatter ceased.
Row upon row of white-washed headstones greeted us as we passed. We stopped at the north end of the lot and walked the rest of the way.
The only sound was the echo of our footsteps, carried along the wind.
My heart was pounding away, and I held tight to Jared’s and Aiden’s hands as they flanked me. For once, I needed their protection more than they needed mine.
We walked past several rows, until I found the headstone I was looking for.
There, at the end of the last row, lay Ben’s final resting place.
Ben Locklear. Beloved son, brother, and brother-in-arms. Your light shines on forever.
I let go of my lovers’ hands and kneeled, then reached out to trace the letters of his name. The headstone was sun-warmed under my icy palm.
I hadn’t visited since Ben’s funeral.
Every detail of that day flashed back in rapid snapshots, in time with the reverberating sound of ceremonial gunfire.
There were so many things I wanted to say to him. So many memories that lived on inside me.
I took a deep breath. “It’s been a long time, mate.
I’m sorry it’s taken me a while to get here.
I brought two very special people with me.
Jared and Aiden. You would’ve loved them.
You would have teased me relentlessly about being an overachiever with not one, but two boyfriends,” I paused, swallowing past the lump in my throat, blinking away the tears that threatened.
“God, I miss your teasing and your laughter. Sometimes I hear it in my dreams, you know? Then I wake up and I remember that you’re gone.
I never told you…I never told you how much I loved you.
Life hasn’t been easy, but I’m trying every day.
To be the best man I can be. And I’m happy now.
I’m in love. And I wanted you to know. No matter what happens, Ben, I carry you with me, always. ”
The tears finally escaped and tracked down my face.
Jared and Aiden crouched down beside me, holding on to me, and I just let it out.
“You are forever in my heart,” I pronounced, then I withdrew my hand from his headstone and touched the tattoo on my forearm.
The Roman numerals etched in black ink.
The date of his death.
I glanced over and watched Jared swiped the tears that had tracked down his face.
I struggled to stand up, and Aiden and Jared helped me.
“Are you all right, love?” Aiden asked.
For the first time in years, I was.
I nodded and wiped my face. “Thank you for coming with me.”
“Thank you for inviting us.”
Aiden’s voice broke and I turned to look at him. “Are you okay?”
He nodded, brushing away the tears under his eyes, then taking my hand and Jared’s.
Together, we walked back to the car. My footsteps felt lighter this time.
I paused before we left. “Can we make one more stop before we head home?”
“Of course.”
After that emotional journey, I needed comfort.
We ended up at my sister’s bakery in Knightsbridge.
The yeasty smell hit full force upon entering the neon pink and green shop. Thankfully, it was just near closing, so it was quiet, save for a few lingering customers.
“Lexi!” my sister yelled out as she spotted us.
I reveled in her exuberance and yes, even my silly nickname. No matter what, my sister was the sun shining through a cloudy day.
She gave me a bear hug, then reared back and playfully smacked my arm.
“Ouch, what was that for?” I asked.
“For being here a whole week and only now coming to see me.”
“We’ve been busy, Luce.”
She snorted at that comment. “I bet.”
I ignored the heat in my cheeks and shrugged.
She’d already met Aiden and Jared through video calls.
Like I expected, she and Aiden were completely sympatico. Both lovingly loud and snarky, but in the very best way.
She’d also talked a lot with Jared, and she was protective of him. If he needed another bodyguard, she told him she’d be happy to volunteer.
My sister’s openness and welcoming spirit endeared her to both my lovers. And it only made me appreciate my family that much more.
“We’re starving, Lucinda,” Aiden announced with his arms outstretched. “Feed us.”
“What Aiden really means is, we’d like to invite you and John and the kids out for dinner this evening.” Jared gave Aiden an elbow to the ribs.
“Yes, that too,” Aiden smirked.
“The kids are out with their mates, so it’s just us two. We’re closing in a few. There are a couple of biscuits and scones left if you’re hungry. John!” Lucinda yelled out.
My brother-in-law stepped out of the kitchen and into the bakery proper to greet us with handshakes all around.
“Come round back, guys. I’ll make a cuppa.”
“I’ll be back in a few, just let me close out and lock up,” Lucinda replied.
We walked around the front counter and headed into the bright kitchen at the back of the building.
Inundated by the delicious aromas of vanilla, chocolate, and cinnamon, my stomach growled.
“I was finishing up the baking for our custom cakes tomorrow. Have a seat.” John motioned to the table and chairs in the corner of the room.
He brought out a plate of biscuits and scones with a pot of strawberry jam and a jar of clotted cream.
“These are my favorite,” Jared gushed as he took a blackcurrant scone and slathered it with jam and cream. “You can’t get scones like this back home, not even in L.A.”
“They’re our top seller,” John replied proudly.
“When we move here, I’m going to visit every day. Then I’ll do a few laps around the park before I head home.”
“I’ll make sure to set aside a batch for you.” John winked.
A few minutes later, Lucinda appeared.
“What have you been up to today?” Lucinda asked as she reached for a ginger biscuit.
“We went to Brookwood,” I replied, taking a sip of my tea.
“Are you okay?” Lucinda asked, reaching for my hand.
“I am. I feel…lighter. Thinking about all the good times I shared with Ben. Those are the memories that I will hold onto.”
My sister gave me a side hug.
“Have you seen your mum and dad yet?” she asked Aiden.
“I called them yesterday. We’re going to pop round Sunday evening. We’ve been warned not to eat much that day in preparation. Mum’s planning the full Italian feast.”
“Speaking of feasting.” John patted his stomach. “After a full day of baking, I’m right famished.”
“What’re you in the mood for?” Lucinda asked.
“Something hot and meaty,” Aiden quipped as he gave me a once-over.
“I meant for dinner.”
“So did I.”
JARED
After a huge meal with Alex’s sister and brother-in-law, we took a stroll through Covent Garden.
Then we walked to St. James’s Park, a favorite of Aiden’s.
We strolled around a lovely lake as the sun set. It was quiet, a world away from the bustle of the nearby streets.
We found a quiet spot near the edge of the water and sat down, enjoying the calm and stillness of the twilight.
I visualized my life here with Aiden and Alex, and the picture that unfolded gave me a sense of purpose and fulfillment that I’d never experienced before. I loved these two so much and would follow them anywhere.
The farther away I was from Los Angeles, the more relaxed I became.
No doubt there would be a period of adjustment, especially for my career. I’d have to establish a new production company over here. I had contacts in Europe, so I didn’t foresee any huge hurdles.
I think the biggest one would be far more personal.
Watching Aiden and Alex interact with their families had given me more insight into the men that I loved. And I could see how much family meant to them.
Up until recently, I wasn’t sure if I even wanted kids.
But now, being loved and loving my partners, I just knew that I wanted a family, our family. It wasn’t some hazy image, but a clear snapshot in one single take.
I saw us building a home together. I saw our children.
It wouldn’t be easy. Fuck, no.
We wouldn’t be able to officially marry. Not legally. Not yet.
But I believed in us.
I had always believed in myself. Even from a young age, and despite the loss of my mother, I never let what happened push me into a corner.
I always came out fighting. And I vowed to do the same for my partners.
They deserved nothing less.
Aiden sat on one side of me and Alex on the other. I breathed a sigh of pure contentment.
“Did you ever have a perfect day?” I asked them as I leaned back on my elbows, glancing from one to the other.
My Fire and Ice. My best friends. My lovers.
My forever.
“Yes,” they replied simultaneously, then laughed as they looked at each other.
I sat back up quickly, getting on my knees, taking each of their hands in mine. “Marry me. The only thing I want is to love you and share the rest of my life with you. Have a family with you.”
I didn’t care if it wasn’t legal. I wanted to wear a wedding ring and make a commitment to them, in front of our family and friends.
I wanted everything with them.
I don’t know who moved first but suddenly I was surrounded, crushed in their fierce embrace.
I heard Aiden murmur ‘yes’, and Alex saying the same, their voices hoarse.
They were crying, I was crying.
All I could feel was love.