Chapter 8
CHARLIE
I stood in the wheelhouse, my eyes glued to the radar screen and the weather forecast in front of me.
Thank God for the distraction of work.
Because nothing else could get the picture of Kiernan holding Ginger out of my head. He was so gentle with her, so at ease like he rarely was, and it touched something inside me, something that I thought for sure I’d never feel again.
The part of me that wanted more than a physical release. The part of me that wanted real intimacy and affection. And the part of me that was envious of all the couples—and throuple—that had boarded with us.
It made me think back to my first year in college, when I was living in residence. I’d fallen hard for my roommate, Matty. Straight, gorgeous, funny Matty. And even though our friendship deepened, he never saw me as anything but his buddy. And I couldn’t think about anything else but wanting more.
The next year, I came out and moved out. Out of residence and into a rental house with other queer students.
My friendship with Matty was never the same.
I was never the same.
We never talked about why, but he knew. When I told him I was moving out, he’d tried to reach out and hug me, but I refused.
I… couldn’t. I remembered his expression so clearly from that day.
The way his eyes widened and then that pitying look.
I knew that he knew. It was still difficult to see him around on campus.
Especially when he started dating one of my classmates, Hannah.
Even after graduating, I still wondered what he was up to and where he’d ended up.
I hated that I couldn’t let my feelings go.
In time, I did. But the experience didn’t sell me on falling in love.
Ever.
But this is different. Kiernan admitted he’s into you.
Was he? Or was he mistaking friendship for something more? What if we took that step and fucked around and then he decided, nope, he didn’t want me after all?
What then?
My gut churned as different scenarios ran through my brain.
“Charlie?” George interrupted my musings.
My timing couldn’t be worse, but my personal angst would have to wait. I had a ship to get out to sea and a boss that was now staring at me with concern on his face.
“Are you ready?”
“I am. I’m replaying the steps in my mind.”
George’s confused expression cleared, and he nodded. “The swells are low today, which will make for smooth traveling. Still, the winds are starting to pick up. The sooner we get underway, the better.”
“Agreed.”
George would often remind me that yachting required balance. A confident drive and a calm head. Ships were all about the journey, but careful planning and preparation was no small part of what made successful crews.
I tapped on the radio. “Deck crew, deck crew, we’re a go. Pull in the lines and fenders. Over.”
“Copy.”
My team was ready.
Me? Only one way to find out.
Nerves simmered below the surface. It finally hit me that I was the one responsible for this twenty-five-million-dollar yacht and all her passengers and crew aboard.
Everyone was counting on me, and I was not going to let them down.
“Fenders up, lines up. Over,” Derrick confirmed.
“Copy. Rear thrusters engaged,” I announced.
As I went about my checkpoints, my nerves eased.
“Two metres from the dock.”
I almost forgot that George was standing in the same room, watching everything unfold. I had to back out of the berth and then turn the ship around to leave port. Not easy for any vessel, let alone one this size.
It took a good ten minutes, but before I knew it, I had turned us safely and we were moving through the buoys in the marina.
“You have five metres on the starboard side,” Pat’s voice crackled through the radio.
“Four metres on port,” Derrick added.
We passed the final buoys with ease and headed for open water.
George moved up beside me and picked up the radio mic. “Well done, everyone, and a special thank you to Charlie for that impressive exit from port.”
I could hear claps echoing in the background and I saw Rafe and Rowan waving at me from the sun deck.
I finally stepped aside and let George take over.
“So, how do you feel?” he asked me.
I didn’t know how to describe what was happening. My whole body was vibrating. Everything had synced up the way I wanted it to. It was heady and exhilarating.
“It’s the biggest rush I’ve ever had. Well, at work.”
George let out a bark of laughter. “Spoken like a true captain.”
I was so buzzed I was gonna burst. “Only a few more months until I take the final licensing test.”
“You’ll be leading your own trips in a short amount of time,” George declared.
“You really think so?”
“I know so. And you do too.”
I appreciated his confidence in me. More than I could ever voice.
And now that my first major duty of the day was done, my mind wandered back to my situation with Kiernan.
“Can I ask you a personal question, George?”
George nodded; his gaze curious.
“Has it been difficult juggling being married and working here? I mean, yachting isn’t really conducive to long-term relationships, right?”
Sometimes my mouth overrode my brain. Why would I even be interested in knowing that? And was it too late for me to take the question back?
George looked at me for a moment and took a sip of his coffee before replying.
“Rafe and I both understood each other’s work demands going into our relationship.
We knew it wasn’t going to be easy. Like anything in life, communication is key.
And prioritizing each other when we’re together.
I gather you’re asking the question because you’ve met someone, and you’re concerned about the future? ”
“Yes. I mean, no. Maybe,” I bumbled. “I’m not seeing anyone. But I could, in the future. I guess? You never know, right?”
Thank God no one else was around to witness my word vomit.
George stared at me like I’d lost my mind.
Which was possible given the past twenty-four hours.
“Well, I better head down and see if Flynn needs help in the engine room,” I stated and stepped away to make my escape.
“Charlie,” George called out and I swiveled back to face him. “You can have both, you know. A career in this industry and a relationship. If that’s what you want. It’s hard work, but it’s worth it. At least, that’s my point of view.”
I nodded at him and took my leave.
Instead of going through the interior, I took the outside stairs and enjoyed some much-needed fresh air.
I passed the sun deck and Rafe and Rowan clapped again when they spotted me. I took a bow when I reached the platform.
“Do you think this means my husband will now retire early?” Rafe asked.
I smiled and shook my head. “No comment.”
Rafe nodded and gave me a wink as he walked past, then bounded up the stairs two at a time.
I knew where he was headed. Rafe was never far from George when they were on board together.
I really didn’t know how the captain got any work done when his husband was around.
Rafe was a former model and freaking gorgeous, not to mention he was a total chatterbox. George had his hands full. Literally.
Then I imagined myself at the helm of the ship, solo, and Kiernan walking into the wheelhouse in nothing but those low-slung sweatpants.
We’d end up shipwrecked for sure.
“Do you have a moment?” Rowan asked me, and I put my dirty thoughts aside.
“Of course.”
“Andrew and I would like everyone on board to have dinner together tonight. Or as many as possible. I hope you can join us.”
“Sounds great. We’re docking near Turks and Caicos this evening so it should be a beautiful sunset.”
“Also, I was wondering if you and Jana could come up with something fun for afterwards. A Christmas party game or maybe a dancing contest?”
I smiled at him. “Jana’s already on it. And it’s our pleasure.”
My radio beeped and crackled. “Charlie, it’s Flynn. Do you copy?”
“Sorry, Rowan, I have to take this.”
“I’ll let you get back to work,” he responded and walked away.
I tapped on my earpiece. “Yes, Flynn. What’s up?”
“Can you cover my break in fifteen?”
“Copy, I’ll be down in a bit.”
I noticed most of the guests sitting in and around the hot tub.
I waved at everyone, including my colleague Jana, who was serving drinks and snacks.
I spotted Kiernan and Alex deep in conversation.
They were sitting opposite Aiden and Jared, both of whom were in the tub and were encouraging Alex to get in with them.
Finally, Alex relented, and Kiernan sat alone.
Not for long.
Ginger trotted up to the lounger and nudged Kiernan with her nose. Kiernan picked her up and placed the terrier gently in his lap.
Lucky girl…
Kiernan was still wearing those sunglasses, so I couldn’t see his eyes, but I could tell the moment he spotted me.
His whole body tensed, like he was on high alert for danger.
Before, I would have assumed that my staring at him was making him uncomfortable.
Now, instead of letting it discourage me, I gave him my dirtiest grin.
The one I reserved only for the men I wanted to get naked with.
Did I know what I was doing? No.
Was my filthy imagination curious about what it would be like to step outside of the friend zone with him? Fuck, yes.
Then I remembered his confession that his sex life had been less than satisfactory.
I had an inkling as to why, or at least, there were assumptions rattling around in my brain.
On the outside, Kiernan came off as an alpha—he looked hard, demanding, dominant.
And I had a hunch that his partners expected the same of him in bed.
But that wasn’t the way he came off to me.
I saw his vulnerability, the softness underneath his hard exterior.
And I wanted to be the one to show him that his tender side was the most attractive thing about him. He didn’t need to match his inside to his outside. Because he was perfect the way he was. And he deserved a partner that would worship everything about him.
The longer I stared at him, the more I began to sweat and the more he fidgeted. Kiernan tugged on the neckline of his t-shirt, and his left knee began to bounce.
The effect I had on him only fuelled my desire. Until I remembered where I was standing.
Please God, don’t let me get a boner right now.
Thankfully Dylan sat down beside him, distracting him. Distracting me too, thank fuck.
Dylan always had interesting stories to tell about his Hollywood life. He said something that made Kiernan laugh and the husky sound echoed on the wind. I took a moment to truly appreciate the sight of his rare smile.
“It’s getting hot up here.”
I turned to find Andrew standing behind me with a book in hand.
“Uh, yeah it is,” I replied, wondering if he’d caught me ogling Kiernan. “Gorgeous day to be out on the water.”
“That too.” Andrew smiled knowingly as he glanced over at the object of my distraction. “This particular trip is bringing back a lot of memories.”
I nodded. “Your first charter with us, same time of year.”
“I can’t believe how quickly time has flown by,” Andrew replied and shook his head. “When I first boarded, I was hell bent on staying single. And a workplace romance? No way. With my boss? Even worse. But, in the end, the heart wants what it wants. Sometimes you have to take that leap, right?”
I bit my lip. “How did you know? About Rowan?”
“We were fast friends. I felt like I’d known him all my life. And friendship is important,” Andrew sighed and ran a hand through his dark hair. “Not to mention, Ro’s hot as fuck so I didn’t really stand a chance.”
I smiled at him.
“So many of my yachting friends are not into the relationship thing. It’s difficult in this line of work. I’ve been of the same mindset but—” I paused, suddenly realizing where my thoughts were leading.
“But then you meet someone special, and you wonder, what if?” Andrew finished.
Instead of replying, I nodded, my eyes wandering to Kiernan again.
Andrew followed my line of vision. “You think maybe the ship is five for five?”
I was familiar with Andrew’s joke about the ship and the love spell.
And for the first time since I’d heard it, I was starting to believe him.