Chapter Twelve
On Monday afternoon, Letitia decided at the last minute to visit Blackstone Manor for afternoon tea with Emmeline and Lilly. She found herself in her carriage, stuck in slow traffic, as her driver made their way to Blackstone Manor.
She had desperately needed to get out of the house because the day before had been the longest of her life.
After spending Saturday riding in the park with him and that night having dinner at Danbury Hall, her entire being missed Greyson.
How could she be so attached to him that she felt his absence every second of the day?
She shook her head and sighed deeply, disliking the feeling of wanting to be by his side at all times.
She’d never felt that way with Rutherford, and it was quite unsettling, to say the least.
She also needed to get her mind off tonight because at the stroke of midnight, the masquerade ball at Club Knight began.
Since waking up this morning, her stomach had been a jumbled mess of nervous anticipation.
One moment, she was excited to spend time with Greyson, free to show affection without the risk of disapproval.
Then she’d panic, thinking about sleeping with him.
Would she please him? She and Rutherford had enjoyed their time in the marriage bed.
But she worried she wouldn’t please Greyson.
She’d heard things, sexual things, discussed in drawing rooms. Things she’d never experienced with Rutherford.
Shocking things that left her curious. But it all made her insides ache with fear that Greyson would find her lacking in the bedroom.
It felt as though it had taken an hour to arrive at Blackstone Manor, and she was so very happy when the carriage stopped and her footman opened her door and helped her exit.
So now she sat in Blackstone Manor’s drawing room, sipping tea and listening to Emmeline and Lilly discuss Lilly’s pregnancy. She forced her worries aside and gave her attention to her friends. “Do you have morning sickness anymore?” Letitia asked.
Lilly smiled and placed her hand on her stomach. “Thankfully, not since my third month ended. I feel less tired, and my appetite has returned, which is good because Edmund was beside himself with worry about my health and the baby’s during the first three months.”
“I remember how worried Rutherford was. He was like a mother hen, hovering over me constantly, asking how I felt, whether I had eaten, and whether I had rested enough. It was sweet, but it began to annoy me the longer he hovered.”
Lilly giggled. “That sounds just like Edmund.”
“Since they can only watch us carry the child, it must be hard to understand, so they hover and drive us crazy with worry and questions,” Letitia said.
“Well, I for one can’t wait for Andrew to loom over me with worry,” Emmeline said, placing one hand delicately on her stomach. “Can you ladies keep a secret?”
Lilly and Letitia exchanged a look, and Letitia’s heart soared as she knew what Emmeline was going to say. “Yes,” both Lilly and Letitia said together.
“Andrew knows, but I want to keep it private for as long as possible. I’m with child.”
“This is wonderful news,” Lilly said, covering Emmeline’s hand with her own as they sat side by side on the settee. “Andrew must be over the moon with joy. And you . . . I’m beyond happy for you.”
“Thank you. Andrew has already started hovering. I never knew he was such a worrier, but honestly, it’s so sweet of him.”
“Congratulations to you both,” Letitia said, dreaming of one day giving Greyson a child and hoping they would marry soon.
She knew, without him saying so, that he cared for her, even loved her.
But would he propose and marry her? She tried not to let herself get her hopes up, but it was hard not to.
She loved him so much that her heart called out to him when they were together.
It was something she couldn’t ignore, and she didn’t believe it would ever go away.
“Thank you. It’s still early, and I’m trying not to worry too much. I miscarried while I was married to my first husband. It was long ago, but I haven’t forgotten how devastating and heartbreaking it was.”
“I’m so sorry you went through that, but worrying won’t do you or the baby any good,” Letitia said. “But I understand worrying about your unborn child. I did the same while pregnant with Simon.”
“Does the constant worry ever go away?” Lilly asked, looking expectantly.
“I wish I could say it does, but it doesn’t.
Not even after the baby’s born or when they are two years old.
I worry about Simon all the time. I suppose it’s a mother’s prerogative and curse to worry about their offspring.
But it’s worth it when you hold your little one close.
There’s nothing like the love you feel for your child, or the unconditional love a child returns. ”
“Ahhh,” Lilly wiped a tear from her cheek. “I can’t wait to hold my little one.”
“Nor I,” Emmeline added. “Enough of us. We heard that Hunter proposed to Anastasia.”
“Yes. They are so happy, and I believe Warren is going to propose soon. A double wedding is in the near future.”
“Greyson must be thrilled,” Lilly said. “Two fine gentlemen for his sisters.”
“Yes, he is,” Letitia answered.
“Tell us all about you and Greyson,” Emmeline said. “And don’t leave anything out.”
“I . . . I don’t know where to begin. He is everything I ever wanted. He makes me laugh and melt.”
“Have you . . .?”
“Lilly, I can’t believe you said that,” Emmeline chastised.
“Well, she’s been married before, and it’s quite acceptable for a widow to take a lover.”
Letitia quickly covered her mouth to hide her shock, then began to laugh. Nervous laughter, since she planned to take Greyson as her lover that very night. When her laughter subsided, she took several deep breaths and said, “No. But I hope to soon. The man says he’s waiting for the perfect time.”
“So romantic,” Lilly said. “He looks at you as if he’s starving and you’re his first meal in months. He also looks like he knows how to kiss.”
Letitia found herself laughing again. “Oh, he can kiss.”
“Who can kiss?” Blackstone asked as he entered the drawing room, making all three ladies blush and look at one another. Letitia wanted to crawl beneath the chair and hide.
“None of your business, husband,” Emmeline said. “What brings you here?”
“Cook said she made biscuits. I’ll grab a handful and leave you ladies to your visit.”
When he left, all three of them giggled. “Oh my God,” Letitia said. “I can’t believe he heard me. I’m sure he knew who I meant.”
“Yes, no doubt he did,” Emmeline agreed. “He’s probably sitting in his study, chuckling.”
“Do you think he’ll say anything to Greyson?” Letitia asked suddenly, in a panic.
“No. He wouldn’t dare repeat anything he overheard in this drawing room,” Emmeline said.
“Phew.” Letitia’s panic eased. She so wanted to tell them about the masquerade at Club Knight, but she knew she couldn’t reveal anything about the secret club, even if she wanted their advice.
She would have to rely on her own intuition.
Not long after, she took her leave, thankful she had visited and learned about Emmeline’s joyful condition.
Too bad her nerves were still strung tight about tonight.
She closed her eyes during the carriage ride home and forced her body and mind to relax.
She would be with Greyson tonight. There was nothing to be anxious about.
When she returned home, she visited with Simon in the nursery for a spell, then went to her chambers to take a nap.
She asked Jane to wake her at eight so she could eat dinner and prepare for the masquerade.
She had asked Jane to create a costume and mask for her, and she was excited to see what Jane had made. Knowing Jane, it would be fabulous.
As much as Letitia wanted to nap, her mind wouldn’t let her.
As soon as she started to doze off, something else would pop into her mind.
She finally gave up, rolled onto her back, and let her mind wander as it wanted.
It wasn’t just Greyson weighing heavily on her mind.
Every little thing she’d neglected lately came to mind—things such as new clothing for Simon, who was growing so fast, and a new bed.
She took this time to worry about Lilly and Emmeline, and even Clarice.
She missed Clarice terribly and couldn’t wait for her to return from her honeymoon.
She tried to keep her mind off Greyson and the masquerade, but she failed miserably.
By the time Jane came in to wake her up, she sighed with relief.
Having dinner and dressing up for the evening would keep her from jumping out of her skin.
Jane brought a tray of beef, carrots, and potatoes for her dinner, and Letitia forced herself to eat.
Well, she ate the meat, mashed potatoes, and a roll.
For some reason, the carrots were not to her liking tonight, even though the cook prepared them as she preferred.
The beef, potatoes, and roll soothed her stomach. The carrots had the opposite effect.
When it came time to dress, Jane went into the dressing room and came out carrying a pile of white cloth. “What am I going to be?” Letitia asked.
“A shepherdess. Your simple, ankle-length dress will be tied at the waist with a gold rope, and it will have a fitted hood that will cover your hair, which you will wear down. And of course, you will carry a staff.”