Chapter 21
Julian
Sunshine. Her shampoo smells like sunshine and breaks through my consciousness.
My body responds to her presence before my brain realizes she’s there.
My raging hard-on grinds into her sweet ass before I can stop myself, which wakes me up completely.
How am I lucky enough to find this treasure in my bed, her body touching mine from neck to toes?
I inhale deeply. I can tell she’s awake by her breathing, even though she doesn’t turn or even stir.
My hand goes to her hip, and I control the urge to press into her again.
But she backs herself into me and reaches her hand up to cup my neck, stretching hers to invite access.
I gladly accommodate. I can’t help myself, especially when she's all but asking.
I nuzzle into her perfect neck and kiss the soft spot behind her ear.
“Hi, Ever,” I whisper into her ear.
“Hi, Julie,” she breathes.
I roll her onto her back and straddle her, planking my arms on either side of her head. “And what did I do to deserve waking up to you in my bed?”
She lowers her lashes shyly and I’m quickly reminded of how innocent she is.
That splash of reality drowns the moment. I roll off her and lie on my side watching her, my palm resting on the flat of her stomach. “Bad dream?” I ask, hoping maybe she needed me in the middle of night, and in my sleep, I obliged.
“I guess. I woke up to you calling out in your sleep, so I came to check on you,” she replies softly.
“Wait. I did?” My chest tightens.
“Yeah,” she answers, not looking up.
I reach out to tilt her chin to look at me. “What’d I say?”
“You mostly said ‘no.’”
“I . . . I don’t remember.” I rub the scruff on my jaw. “Thank you for . . . Thank you.”
She nods slowly, her eyes tracking mine.
I comb my fingers through the hair on my forehead, pushing it back off my face. “I haven’t had a bad dream in a long time. Thought maybe I was cured,” I say with a grim smile.
She attempts a smile back but pinches her lips together instead.
“Hey. What’s up? What’d I say?”
She looks up at me, eyes round and the lightest shade of gray I’ve ever seen, and answers.
“You were asking Taya not to leave. Then you sort of woke up and pulled me down next to you and fell back to sleep. I mean, you called me by my name before you did though. I didn’t want to wake you, so I stayed. I hope that’s okay.”
She sounds dejected, and I hate myself right now.
“Of course it’s okay. More than okay. Listen, Ever, I don’t know what I did to deserve someone like you. I should leave you alone. You’re too good for me.”
“Not according to everyone in Oak Valley.” Her face falls with that revelation.
“Well, they’re all idiots.” I reach out and stroke her face, and my touch causes her cheeks to flush. I prefer the flush to the sadness and place a soft kiss on her cheek.
Shyly, she looks up through her lashes and asks, “What if I don’t want you to?”
“To what?”
“Leave me alone?”
With a groan, I roll onto my back and exhale at the ceiling. “Ever, what are you doing to me?”
Without missing a beat, she responds, “Nothing . . . apparently.”
“How are there not a hundred guys begging you to fall in love with them?”
Playing coy, she says, “Well, I don’t get out much.”
Groaning, I resume my spot, rolling over and planking my arms on either side of her head, hovering my torso above hers so I don’t crush her and straddle her with my legs.
I press my forehead to hers and watch her wet her lips with her tongue.
God, I want this girl so much. My groin aches with the need to sink into her.
But now that I know she’s a virgin, I also know I’ve got no business going there—yet.
Or possibly ever. There would be a special place in hell for me for thinking I even deserve her.
I must’ve done something to make the gods believe I deserve another chance at something, someone so breathtaking.
Her fingernail is tracing the heart outline on my chest, and her touch alone is striking a match. Her words douse the flames. “Do you miss her? Taya? That’s her name, right? Your girlfriend who died?”
I resume my earlier spot, rolling onto my side, her finger sliding down my torso and landing softly on the bed between us as I shift.
“I don’t let myself.” She nods her head slightly, absorbing my answer.
“We were young,” I add. “And . . . I don’t know .
. . clumsy. Kids. I think it’s easy to idealize and romanticize something like that once it’s gone.
It’s hard to even remember what it was really like.
It’s all wrapped up in this unjust pain of a life gone too soon.
All the what-ifs and the should’ve-could’ve-would’ve thoughts.
I don’t know if I miss her or miss not feeling this hollowness in my chest.”
She nods again like she knows what I mean, and I’m reminded of Allie telling me Everly lost her dad.
I want to take that faraway look off her face.
I want to not think about the past. I try to shift the conversation to something safer.
“When I’m with you, it’s easy to forget.
When I’m with you, it’s like nothing existed before you.
” I don’t choose my response. The words just spill out, shocking me because every one of them is true.
This enigma in my arms impresses me yet again by accepting my answer and shifting gears. “So, you think you might kiss me again?” She’s tracing my tattoo again.
Chuckling, I nuzzle her neck and breathe in her intoxicating scent. “Yeah,” I whisper into her ear, “I think I might.”
I trail light kisses along her cheek until I reach her lips, which are slightly parted.
She tilts her head toward me for better access.
I feel her breath on my lips, and I can’t not kiss her, even if I tried.
I plunge my tongue into her mouth. Hers is there to meet mine, stroke for stroke.
Like she’s kissed a dozen boys a hundred times, likes he knows exactly what she’s doing.
And it drives me mad. I’m rolling onto her in seconds.
Fitting perfectly between her legs, I grind into her.
She raises her hips to meet every thrust. Her hands are gripping the sides of my face.
Her nails scrape my neck as she pulls me down harder on her lips.
I’m going to have this girl. I decide right then that hell will be a worthy trade-off.
I glide my hand over her ribs to the hem of her top and under it.
Her skin is silk. Her stomach flat. As my fingers graze the underside of her breast, goose bumps raise on her skin.
Her breast fills my hand fully and I squeeze, gently at first, then harder.
Her gasp fills my mouth in a sweet moan. She releases my neck and grips my bicep, nails digging in and pulling me to her. “Mmm.”
Her soft moan spurs me on. I lower my head, ready to take the peak of her breast into my mouth. My phone vibrates on the nightstand, followed by Allie’s familiar ringtone, sufficiently dousing ice water on the moment.
We spring apart like we’re caught. Ever pulls her shirt down and rests her arm over her eyes, her chest rising and falling as she attempts to slow her breathing.
“Fuck,” I say under my breath. I sit up on the edge of the bed and slide the phone to answer, placing it on speaker while I, too, try to control my breathing. “Hey, Allie. Good morning. How’s the retreat?”
“Julian! Hey. You working out already? You sound out of breath.”
“No, just ran back up the stairs when I heard my phone,” I lie.
“I tried to call Evvie first, but she didn’t answer.”
“Oh, uh, I think I just heard the shower. She must be in there. Want me to have her call you?”
“No. No. It’s fine. I just wanted to check in. See how things are going. The retreat is awesome. Thank you so much for running things so I could do this. I knew you were the exact right person to succeed me someday—”
I snag the phone off the nightstand and take it off speaker as I stand up, intending to walk out of the room to continue the conversation in private under the guise of making coffee downstairs.
Before I leave my room, I turn and see Ever sitting on the edge of the bed now, gripping the edge of the mattress with both hands.
She looks up at me, all expression gone from her face, just big gray eyes waiting to see what I’ll do next.
I tilt my head as if to say, I’m sorry we were interrupted, my mouth lifting in a sad smile before I turn and head down the stairs. Shit!