Chapter 7
SEVEN
KIJA
Ican feel someone watching me. I have a suspicion that I know who it is even before I look up. Like I have some sort of extrasensory awareness of his presence now. I will not be giving any additional thought to what that might mean.
“Hello, Yung-Sun.”
He’s draped alongside the doorframe in a way that suggests he arranged himself pretty carefully. “Hi, Kija-hyung.”
“What brings you here this evening?” I ask, certain I know the answer to that as well.
There’s no reason for him to be at Task Force at this time of the night.
If he had been practicing with RYSING, he’d be on another floor, all the way across the building.
But instead of being casual and sweaty from a rehearsal, his hair is styled, his eyes dark with some sort of make-up, and his lips shiny with balm or gloss.
As he walks into the room, the wide neck of his shirt slips open farther, exposing more of his collarbone and almost sliding off his shoulder.
Yung-Sun completely ignores my question as he gracefully sits down on the couch, facing me. “Why were you frowning?”
His question surprises me. “What? When?”
“Just now, before you noticed I was here.” His expression is a mix of curiosity and concern, and it’s weirdly touching.
I wonder just how long he’d been standing there before I picked up on it, since it appears he saw my reaction to the text from Chaeji.
I wanted to tell her yet again to stop contacting me, but it is becoming increasingly obvious that she isn’t going to be dissuaded simply because I have no interest in pursuing her.
So I agreed to meet with her, one more time, with the hope that talking to her face-to-face will be enough for her to move on.
“Just someone I went out with a while ago. Keeps coming back around,” I say, ignoring the sound of my phone receiving another text.
“We had one date. It wasn’t even a really good one.
Well, for me. She seemed to have a very different experience.
And now apparently thinks it’s time to try again.
I disagree. But she will not stop. I’m trying to be nice about it, but that doesn’t seem to be working. ”
As soon as I stop talking, I realize how much I’ve said without even thinking about it. I blame the way Yung-Sun is looking at me, attentive as he hangs on every word.
“Sounds like she’s a lot of trouble, stressing you out like this,” he comments. Shifting his position to lean on one hip, angling himself more toward me, he adds, “I wouldn’t do that.”
I laugh, trying belatedly to disguise it as a cough.
I have to give him credit for being so shameless.
He never misses a chance. I wonder if I’m starting to enjoy it, this brazen approach that he has.
I also wonder just how far he’d go, especially if he knew that he’s crossed my mind.
That I’ve thought about him, too. “I really am flattered by the crush, but you need to set your sights elsewhere.”
“Why is that?”
“We’ve had this conversation before,” I remark, pointing vaguely in the direction of where he was sitting on my desk at the time of the discussion.
Yung-Sun smiles, coy. Teasing. “Remind me.”
Shaking my head, I decide to indulge him. I have to stay professional about this and it won’t hurt to tell him again. “Number one, the company. You know, the one we both work for? There are rules about that kind of thing. Even more for you than there are for me.”
I see him open his mouth, and I’m vaguely aware of him saying something, but I have no idea what it is, because I have just realized my first and apparently most important argument against him is the label. That he is an idol. That he is Lux. Not necessarily that he is a man.
“Hyung?” He’s peering at me, golden brown eyes wide, like he knows what’s going on in my head.
“What? I’m sorry.” I take a breath. It’s fine. Of course work comes first. That’s how we know each other. Where we are right now. It doesn’t mean anything. “What did you say?”
“I said that it doesn’t seem to be an issue for Nikko and Jase. They both work here. No one seems to mind.” He shrugs, drawing my gaze back to the material of his shirt, all of him that it’s not covering.
“That’s different,” I protest, not completely sure I have any kind of argument to back that statement up with.
Yung-Sun tilts his head, daring me to explain. “How?”
“I date women,” is what comes out of my mouth instead of an answer. Which is true. I do. I always have. In the past.
“So you’ve mentioned.” He stands up, walks toward me just a couple of steps, then slowly places his palms on my desk. Leaning over, he tells me, “Sounds like dating women isn’t working out so well for you.”
I can’t think of a single word to say to respond as I stare back at him.
“Remember what I said. You can have me whenever you want me.” He turns to leave, pausing to wink at me from the door before he disappears down the hall.
He winked at me. Again.
What seems like ten minutes later, I’m still blinking at the empty space where he had been, wondering what the hell just occurred. I feel like that happens a lot with Yung-Sun. It’s like I’ve been run over by a train I never saw coming, but in a way that’s almost pleasurable?
Leaning back in my chair, I close my eyes as though that will give me some sort of respite.
However, the first thing I think of is that peek of collarbone from the shirt drifting down his shoulder.
I have never in my life noticed another man’s collarbone before.
I’m not even sure if I’ve ever really paid any attention to a woman’s collarbone, unless I was up close and personal with it while I was kissing her neck.
Even then I don’t know that I would have given it a second thought.
But here I am, contemplating the dip and ridge of Yung-Sun’s clavicle.
As I try to think of literally anything else, the next image my brain gives me is that damn beauty mark.
Not so noticeable tonight—maybe the distance, maybe make-up—but now that I’ve noticed it, I look for it.
Which is another thing I don’t know what to do with.
I can admit that Yung-Sun is a particular kind of beautiful. Have admitted it. Pretty, almost delicate, a little bit soft. If I was interested in men, I could see that he might even be someone I would be attracted to. Could be, maybe.
But he’s got the world at his feet. He can have anyone he wants. He’s young, and who really knows what they want then? And that’s it. I don’t need to think anymore about this. About him.
Sitting back up, I sweep my things into my bag to pack up and call it a night. I swear I catch a whiff of Yung-Sun’s sweet-smelling cologne, like it lingered just to make sure I didn’t forget he was there.
?? ????
“Heeeeyyyyy!”
I hear Jase calling out to me as he comes down the hall to my apartment, where I’m still just hovering in the doorway. I’d stopped in the middle of slipping my shoes off, distracted again by everything that happened at the office. And why I can’t decide how I feel about it.
I also can’t decide whether I’m grateful that Jase is here or not. We’d planned to hang out tonight, but at the moment I kind of want to talk to him and I kind of don’t.
“Damn, rough day?” he asks, walking right in and kicking his sneakers off before setting them next to mine.
I’ve only just looked up at him when he starts to smile. “I’d give you three guesses, but…”
“I’m only gonna need one,” he finishes. “You got Lux-ed, huh?”
Trudging over to the nearest available surface, I sit down on the edge of the coffee table. “I hate that you can do that.”
“What? Read you like a book?” He chuckles when I nod. “I’ve noticed that there is a very specific expression that you seem to get when you’ve been around him.”
Obviously this piques my curiosity. “And what kind of expression is that?”
“A little bit dazed, a smidge confused, with just a touch of what the fuck,” he says, dropping onto the couch and stretching out. “What happened this time?”
“Yung-Sun came by my office again.” I rub at my temples, trying to fight off the tension I can feel building.
It only happens when I’m starting to get overwhelmed, and I am willing to admit that this whole thing with Yung-Sun is starting to push me in that direction.
The way he puts me off-kilter is messing with my head.
“These visits are becoming a regular thing, huh?” he asks, eyebrow raised.
I glare at him. “I don’t think two—three?—times counts as a regular occurrence, Jase.”
“It’s definitely the start of something. A pattern, perhaps.” He shifts and puts a pillow behind his head. When I don’t say anything, he prompts me with a wave of his hand. “Go on.”
“It was like part two of the last time? He told me again that I could have him. I told him I date women. He says trying new things is good. He was… flirty.”
“Mmm-hmmmm,” Jase hums, indicating he’s listening and apparently still not surprised by anything I’m saying.
Which is very much a recurring theme with these conversations. And I don’t know what that means either.
“I told him about Chaeji wanting to see me again…” I stop abruptly as Jase pops upright, gaping at me. I realize I haven’t told him about that. “Oh yeah, she’s trying to get me to see her again. I guess I’m going to have to tell her face-to-face, because she’s very much not giving up.”
“Damn, Kija. Look at you. One of the most famous idols on the planet and one of the most beautiful actresses in the world, both fighting for your attention,” Jase says and everything sounds even more insane when he puts it like that. “Impressive predicament you have here.”
“Not really. I don’t want her and I don’t know why he wants me.” Getting up, I go into the kitchen and open the fridge to stare inside like something is going to offer itself up to me like Yung-Sun keeps doing. Jase joins me as I finally reach in for a bottle of water.
“I mean, I could start a list of all of the reasons you’re awesome, maybe compare notes with Yung-Sun,” he suggests. “I’ve got history going for me, but he’d take the win for workplace hotness exposure.”
I don’t want to smile at him, but I do anyway as I lean back against the counter across from him. “Stop.”
He looks more serious as he says, “I know this is weird. Maybe I shouldn’t be teasing you about any of it, so I apologize for that if it’s making things worse.
Yes, a lot of people would love to be in your position right now, but if you’re uncomfortable, that’s the only thing that matters.
It’s bad enough trying to deal with the crazy girl, so Nikko can tell Yung-Sun to back off. ”
“You don’t need to get your boyfriend involved.
I can fight my own battles,” I tell him, without admitting it’s weirdly sweet he’d offer.
“And calling it a battle isn’t even the right thing.
Chaeji might be difficult to convince, but she’s harmless, I think.
And Yung-Sun isn’t bothering me. It’s just more like I feel bad that he keeps trying, and I don’t know what to do with that, except to say thanks. ”
“Turning people down sucks, regardless of the situation,” Jase says. “Not that I have much experience doing it, but I think that’s a fairly universal truth.”
It wouldn’t be a first for me, certainly, but it’s never easy and generally just feels bad for everyone involved.
Despite my sometimes ready-to-challenge-everything demeanor at work, I’m pretty nonconfrontational.
“I wish there was a simple way to tell someone to move on that didn’t hurt anyone,” I sigh.
“Does everyone know what a softie you really are? Or am I just lucky?” Jase questions, I don’t answer him as he grabs for his phone as soon as it pings. “Oh damn,” he breathes, eyes wide.
“I assume Nikko has done something you find attractive?” I joke. I’m sure the message is from Nikko, but what he’s sent could be literally anything to get that sort of response from Jase. The easy guess is something sexy, which I do not want to know anything about.
“He’s just sending me some pictures from the photo shoot today.”
Turning so I can see the screen, too, I catch sight of not only Nikko, but also Tang and Ryo.
They’re all dressed in couture—a little avant garde, but tailored to look like it was made for them.
I know enough about fashion to be able to recognize the designer’s signature and be impressed.
I like to dress well and don’t even mind going all-out for some of the industry events. “They look great.”
“Uh, yeah,” he mumbles, then swipes to the next image. “Wow.”
It’s just Nikko and Yung-Sun this time. And the picture is stunning.
They’re styled and posed as opposites—Nikko in an all-white, structured suit, his face done up in icy metallic silver, and Yung-Sun in black, flowing material that slinks over his body in a way that seems revealing even though he’s covered up, his eyes lined with dark, smoky smudges.
Everything about it looks intense. Seductive.
There’s that word again. It’s the only one that I can think of that fits. Feels right.
I don’t realize how long I’ve been staring until I notice Jase is looking at me and not what’s in front of him on his phone. “What?”
“It’s just…” he pauses, like he’s considering exactly what he wants to say.
“Now that I’ve seen this, I’m gonna go home, and I’m gonna get my boyfriend naked.
And then I’m going to spend the rest of the night doing things to him that I know you don’t want to hear about.
And you… you kind of look like you might be entertaining similar thoughts. ”
“I do not want to fuck Nikko,” I retort instantly, then add, “No offense to Nikko, of course.”
“Yeah, Nikko wasn’t the one I was talking about.” He taps at the screen and I feel my own phone vibrate in my pocket. “Shared the pic. You know, just a little something for you to think about tonight.”
I don’t say anything as he smirks and heads back to the front door, our hang time apparently over now that he’s got his boyfriend tempting him to go home and get lucky.
I wave as he leaves, then go lock the door behind him before going to my bedroom.
I forgo turning on the lights and just crash on the bed, eyes closed.
Immediately I’m imagining that picture of Yung-Sun, practically making my phone burn in my pocket.
He was still styled from the shoot when he came to see me. I’m not sure why that feels significant for some reason. Maybe it’s not. Maybe it is.
I know he wants me.
Somewhere down deep and dark inside me, I’m starting to wonder if I might want him, too.