Chapter 12
TWELVE
KIJA
“You think they’ll put a reserved sign on this table for us? I feel like we’ve earned it by now,” I comment as Jase and I settle into the same booth where we always sit. We’ve been here at The Leafy Dragon a lot lately; the familiar food and general comfort is just too much to resist.
Jase slides in, stopping at a certain point on the seat. “I think this is actually my ass print? I just fit. Right here. Perfectly.”
I laugh because it seems likely enough and the owner, whose name I should really learn, looks up with an expression of “Again?” when he sees us.
“Should I try something new? I kinda wanna try something new,” Jase mutters, looking at the menu. I’m fairly certain he has done this every time we’ve been here since the very first visit so many years ago, and he has yet to do so.
“Go crazy,” I encourage him.
He doesn’t—ordering the same thing as always—but I deviate a little and get some naengmyeon and bibimbap. Not exactly adventurous, but a bit of a departure. I figure I have to take some things slow, and it might as well be my menu, because everything else in my life seems to be rapidly changing.
“Good morning with Nikko, huh?” I ask, teasing him because I can definitely see the hickey on his neck that he’s made a half-hearted attempt to cover.
“Yeah? It was pretty normal, though. He had to get up early for their schedule today,” Jase says, taking a sip of his soda after it gets placed in front of him.
Sun had told me they’d be busy, which is how I had known Jase would be boyfriend-free for a while. “And he decided to leave you with a little parting gift to make sure you didn’t miss him?”
It takes a second for him to realize what I mean and then his hand is flying up to his throat, trying to hide what I’ve obviously already seen. “Turns out he’s kind of a biter,” Jase admits, fighting a smirk. “It’s a recent discovery.”
“Fun for everyone,” I remark, stifling a laugh.
“So…” Jase begins, ready to change the subject as he starts twirling a chopstick package around on the table top. “You wanted to talk.”
I did say that, but now that I’m sitting here across from him, I almost regret mentioning it. I do, but I don’t. I know I have to make some decisions, but saying everything out loud makes it real in a way that I’m still struggling with. “We can’t even wait until the food gets here?”
He shakes his head. “Nope. Because then you’ll want to focus on eating and will continue to avoid whatever is making you nervous. I mean, I know it’s about,” he pauses to drop his voice, “Yung-Sun.”
There’s something in me that appreciates his discretion, even though there’s really no need for it here. No one is around, and the customers who frequent this place could likely not identify most of RYSING by their stage names, let alone their given names.
“Isn’t everything these days?” I ask. It’s not even a sarcastic question; it’s a statement of truth.
Jase smiles in that incredibly warm, friendly way he’s got that totally disarms people. “I love this for you, honestly.”
Despite the fact that the things I need to ask him make me anxious, I truly am thankful for Jase.
I’ll always be grateful he somehow summoned the courage to hit on me in that bar on a random Thursday night and that we’re here now, about to have a conversation I would never have dreamed of back then.
“Yeah, I can tell you’re enjoying it as a spectator.” I need to make jokes to keep from freaking out. “I’m surprised you’re not jealous.”
He laughs, loudly. “It’s no secret that I’m not your type. No hard feelings.”
I can’t resist the segue. “Speaking of hard feelings…”
Jase nearly chokes as he takes a poorly-timed drink and slams the glass back down. “Are we talking about sex?” he asks in the least subtle whisper ever.
Dropping my head into my hands, I hiss, “Yes, Jase, we are talking about sex.”
“Oh!” He sounds legitimately surprised. “Is that what…”
Of course our food shows up then, the server glancing between us like he knows there’s something interesting going on here and wants to see what’s happening.
I thank him with a nod and hope it doesn’t seem too rude.
After he shuffles back to the kitchen, I take a bite of the first thing I can grab and shove it into my mouth to give myself a second to figure out how to start this conversation.
Jase is already peering across the table at me, like he’s trying to read my mind. “You’re thinking about… being with him.”
I nod, not meeting his eyes any longer than I have to. It’s not like we haven’t ever talked about sex before, but not like this. Not these things that I need to know and am a little afraid to ask. “Yes. I’m thinking about it. I can’t seem to think about anything else most of the time now.”
“Legit.” He slurps at his noodles, then says, “So, what do you need me for?”
Maybe I do blush, because I feel the tips of my ears heating up.
I’ve always been pretty confident about being intimate with someone, even as a teenager when I had no business having any confidence.
But now, the uncertainty of it all is taking up an unwelcome amount of space in my brain.
Every time I talk to Sun or hear him say my name in that way he does, or when he tells me everything he wants me to do to him, I panic.
“I don’t know what to do,” I admit. “I don’t want to hurt him. ”
Pressing his hand to his chest about where his heart would be, Jase sighs. “You really are boyfriend material, Kija. Damn.”
“But I don’t even know where to start,” I tell him, picking up a cube of pickled radish.
“I am only taking this moment because I have to.” He smiles at me and says, “I’m going to help you, but I need to hear the words.”
I recognize what he’s doing immediately—saying the same thing to me that I had told him when he was trying to figure his shit out with Nikko. I let him have it, though. It’s not often our roles are reversed like this. “Tell me what I need to know,” I request, then quickly add, “Please.”
“Whatever you’re worried about, you’re probably overthinking it,” Jase comments.
“While I don’t know for a fact, I assume the only difference in having anal sex with a woman versus a man really is the prostate.
You’re definitely going to want to find that.
I can show you, but maybe not in the middle of the restaurant. ”
He says it so casually, twirling his noodles before shoveling some in his mouth. I guess this is the part where I have to be honest. “I, uh… I’ve never… tried that.”
Jase stops, mid-chew, eyes wide. “Oh. Um. Sorry. I just assumed you’d have done, like, all the things.”
“I’m a pretty vanilla guy,” I tell him, voice pitched lower than normal as I stare at my bowl of bibimbap. “And I’ve never been in any kind of relationship long enough to feel comfortable asking someone to try.”
He smiles again, a little teasing but a lot affectionate. “I have to say, I’m surprised. But this is awesome. For once I get to be the one that knows things!”
I can’t help but laugh at his genuine delight at getting to be my gay sex guru. “Yes, you have all the experience here. Now share some of it with me.”
There’s silence as he takes two more bites, his expression thoughtful, like he’s in Teacher Mode and is working on some lesson plan. Finally he asks, “Okay, so where do you want to start? I just jumped right to penetration, but what about blow jobs?”
“I mean, we already… Sun gave me…” I stammer and I think my face might actually be on fire. For all the blushing I hadn’t done in the past, I’m making up for it now. “I’ve only ever been the recipient.”
“Yeah, that I figured, but do you want to learn about that, too?” He’s leaning in, poised to listen with such focus that I almost expect him to start taking notes.
There’s that part of me that can’t believe I don’t have more doubts about whether or not I want to be able to give a guy good head. I want to be the best partner I can in every way—someone who takes care of him both in bed and out. “Yeah.”
Jase cups his hand around his mouth like he’s being secretive, but barely lowers his volume. “How do you feel about eating ass?”
Like I can’t help but imagine doing just that any time I see Sun walk by. “Decent, I guess. It seems like I should be able to… transfer some skills I already have?”
He gets that look again, pondering. “I think I could see how that might be kind of similar. Again, no actual personal evidence, but either way you’re using your tongue to…”
I reach across the table to shush him. I can’t have any more of this conversation here. “Finish your food. This tutorial needs to relocate.”
Jase makes extremely quick work of what’s left on his plate and dashes off to pay the bill before I can chug the rest of my drink.
It’s funny how enthusiastic he is, so excited about being able to educate me.
There’s literally no one else in the world I would trust with this, and again I’m reminded of how much I appreciate him.
“C’mon!” He all but tugs me out of my seat and pulls me toward the door. “We have a stop to make on the way to your place.”
For a moment I’m afraid he’s going to tell me we’re going to some sort of adult toy store, and I just don’t think I’m ready to stand around and compare dildos or whatever with him. “What? Why? Where?”
He grins, and I swear it looks devious, totally out of character on his face. “We’re going to buy some bananas.”
???
I talk him out of the bananas.
Standing in the convenience store, watching him gesture with the entirely too phallic fruit had brought our friendship to a line I just did not need it to cross. “You’re kidding.”
“I am very much not kidding,” he insists, gesturing with a banana in both hands “This will be good for you. Hands, well, mouth-on learning.”
“I’m a quick study. I don’t need this imagery as part of my life experience,” I tell him,
grabbing at his wrists to hold him still.
“This can’t be how girls learn,” I muse out loud, embarrassed at the very idea.
He shrugs. “Some of them do, probably. The rest ask their gay besties.”
“How did you figure it out?” I ask, hand on his shoulder to steer him back out the door and onto the sidewalk.
“By giving a lot of really terrible blow jobs,” he admits. “I definitely should have practiced more before I got anywhere near someone else’s dick.”
For some reason, that makes me more nervous than anything else has.
I don’t want to hurt Sun, but I also don’t want to be bad at whatever we’re doing.
I still feel this responsibility—that I’m older, and therefore I should be the one showing him what to do.
I want to make him feel good. Like I’m worthy of all the daydreams he says he has about me.
Finally back at my apartment, beers on the table, Jase switches into Teacher Mode again.
“Okay! First things first. The most important things you need to know are, one, don’t try to fit the whole thing in your mouth, especially at the beginning.
Use your hands. Think about the girls you’ve been with.
Most of them were likely not deepthroating champs.
You have to work up to the porn star moves.
Second, watch your teeth. I know that sounds obvious, but there’s definitely a trick to it.
” He pauses, frowning. “This would have been much easier to demonstrate with a banana.”
“No bananas, Jase,” I insist. “You went to school to be a teacher. I have faith in your abilities to make this a successful lesson.”
Twenty minutes later, I’m not sure if the problem is Jase’s teaching or if blow jobs are just one of those things you learn by doing. I’m not confident at all, but I have zero time to contemplate what that all means and do some processing before Jase is on to the next topic.
“You keep lube around here, right? Tell me you’re not jerking it with, like, soap or lotion like some college kid who doesn’t know better.” He looks legitimately distressed at the potential of either of those things could be happening.
I resist the urge to scowl at him. “I use soap and lotion for their intended purposes, thank you. But no, I don’t keep a lot of lube. I’ve never really needed to.”
Jase’s jaw drops. “What?”
“What what?” I bristle like I’m about to get offended about this ridiculous topic.
“If I have the time or desire to masturbate, it’s usually in the shower and I don’t use anything.
But until recently, there has usually been a woman around if I had the urge to get off, and I always make sure they are… sufficiently ready to go!”
“I’m fascinated. This is fascinating,” Jase mumbles.
“Nothing? Just water? So you like it wet. Literally. Okay. So, lube is your new best friend. Also, no water based lube, for anal sex it should be silicone-based. Bonus points if it’s got some added aloe vera or Vitamin E.
Makes everything extra slippery and lasts a lot longer. ”
“Should I be taking notes on this? I suddenly feel like I should go grab some paper or something.” I start to get up, but Jase pulls me back down.
“You are going to be the last person on earth who still handwrites notes. And no, you don’t need to do that, just pay attention,” he insists.
“But you also really need lube. Like, a lot of lube. So much more than you think you’re going to need.
It’ll be better for him and probably for you, too, Mr. I-Make-Sure-They’re-Wet. ”
“I’m good at foreplay!” I shout back, as if he’s insulted me, and then just lose it—cracking up because the absurdity of all of this is finally getting to me. I have learned a lot, and I’m thankful Jase is so willing to school me, but this is undoubtedly one of the weirdest days I have ever had.
Jase literally applauds while he’s practically wheeze-laughing.
“Great! ‘Cause now we’re going to learn about foreplay in the form of fingering someone open for anal.” He holds two fingers up making a thrusting motion that sets me off laughing again.
“Oh, wait. Maybe you should get that notebook. I might need to draw you a picture.”
“Draw me a picture?” I can hardly breathe. “I know where my fingers are supposed to go! I may not be well-acquainted with butt sex, but I have a basic knowledge of how things work!”
“Okay, the fact that you’re calling it butt sex tells me we have a long way to go,” Jase scolds me using his teacher voice. He looks at me, clearly waiting for something.
“What?”
With the same two fingers he was just gesturing with, he directs me out of the room. “I’m serious, go get your notebook.”
Groaning, I slide off the couch and fetch some paper. “What exactly are you going to be illustrating? X marks the spot?”
“Basically. Like a treasure map to finding his prostate.” He reaches for the pen and clicks it a few times. “Trust me on this. You’ll both thank me later.”