Chapter 8 - LUX
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LUX
“Anybody but Lux.”
“HEY!”
“Or Nikko. No offense.”
“I am literally standing right here.”
“You have literally set things on fire.”
“Not recently!”
“But more than once.”
“The two of them can’t be on the same team.”
“So both teams have to suffer?”
“This is bullying.”
“No, this is years of experience with you two.”
“Rude.”
“More like accurate.”
“I want to win, and you are both a liability.”
“We are standing right here.”
“Like you’ll be standing next to whatever goes up in flames later.”
“Alright, that’s enough,” Chita-hyung finally interjects, stopping all the teasing even while he’s still trying not to laugh. “Obviously we’re cooking something, but what exactly are we doing today?”
I listen closely as the production director explains the rules for the episode of FLY that we’re filming, which is apparently making pizza with no instructions using the most popular toppings as determined by some recent poll of diners in Seoul.
We have to play games to win the ingredients we want, as well as any hints or tips that might help us make something that will be edible and not give anyone food poisoning.
It’s true that Nikko and I have a pretty miserable track record with anything food-preparation related, whether it’s from other challenges we’ve recorded or living together in the dorms. We know our place, and it’s not in the kitchen.
We draw cards out of a cup to determine our teams, and I am very much hoping to be with Ryo-hyung, simply because he doesn’t want me this time around.
We laugh and joke about the strengths and weaknesses of the other members all the time, as we are definitely not all gifted in the same areas.
Tang-hyung and I are more skilled in physical games, Nikko and Chita excel at trivial general knowledge, and Ryo and Lalo-hyung are the foodies.
We all know what we’re good at and what we’re not, and we know that the fans watching do too.
It turns out to everyone’s benefit that Ryo and Lalo end up on different teams, so each trio will have at least some sort of fighting chance. Ryo does an actual dance upon realizing that he’ll be working with Tang and Chita, leaving Lalo to deal with me and Nikko.
“Hope you like losing,” Ryo taunts as he claps Lalo on the back. “Team RyoTaChi is taking the win today!”
Nikko frowns, like he’s concentrating, then punches his fist in the air. “LaLuKo will emerge victorious!”
“You really had to think about how to put our names together, didn’t you?” Lalo teases with an amused smile as Nikko nods.
I follow them both into the setup we’ll be using—two identically decked-out kitchens, side-by-side, which will give us the opportunity to annoy and possibly sabotage each other while we cook, the type of antics we know VOX loves.
Filming FLY has always been fun for me—and I think the other guys, too—because it gives us so many chances to do things we wouldn’t normally experience otherwise. If we are able to give our fans content they enjoy while we do it, that’s even better.
As we get set up at our stations and survey the ingredients we’ll be vying for as we decide what we want to use, the director tells us there’s an additional element to our pizza-making competition.
“Members of the Task Force staff will taste your final products and vote on which one they think is the most delicious.”
It’s almost comical how fast Nikko and I snap to attention, looking around for any additional people in the room we had not noticed yet. While there’s no guarantee that either Kija or Jase will be among our samplers, it seems like there would have to be a good chance they could be.
I try to focus as Lalo whispers to us the ingredients that he would prefer to have, but I honestly don’t hear much of what he’s saying. I think I catch bulgogi and sweet potatoes. Maybe pickles and mayo?
We play a warmup round of rock-paper-scissors to get started, and RyoTaChi quickly claims the shrimp and pineapples after Lalo and I both lose our battles. Nikko manages to secure spicy pork sausage, though, so it’s kind of a win.
Halfway through a geography quiz about cities and countries we’ve had concerts in, my attention shifts to the door of the studio because I am positive I hear Kija’s voice. Like a radio frequency I am always tuned into, I’m drawn to the sound.
I see him walk in with Jase just as the director gives me my question, something about one of the cities in America where we did a show on the last tour, and I totally miss what she’s asking.
Kija has the sleeves of his dark grey shirt rolled up on his forearms, cuffed almost at his elbows, with one hand in the pocket of his perfectly-tailored pants, leaning over as he and Jase look at something on one of the production screens.
He’s so sexy that I want to launch myself over this counter and pounce on him without a care to who might see.
“Lux?” Lalo nudges me gently with his elbow. “Don’t you remember? You and Nikko went shopping there and brought me back that black ballcap I wear all the time.”
“No fair! That hint is too specific!” Tang shouts like he didn’t just tell Ryo there was a really famous clock in the city he was trying to guess.
Ignoring Tang, I smile because that was more than enough to tell me what I needed to know. “Chicago!”
Nikko gives me a high five along with a sneaky, “Get your shit together,” sort of look.
I’m sure he is aware Jase is here too, but he is much better at keeping himself in check.
Maybe because they’ve been together a while, and their relationship is so solid.
I want to get to that point. Where it seems like there’s less to worry about and Kija and I can just exist together.
Kija-and-Sun the same way they are Jase-and-Nikko.
The rest of the ingredients are split up before my turn comes around again, thankfully, and I do my best to keep my eyes toward the camera, knowing VOX will pick up on any little thing they think might be unusual.
When there’s a short break for us to move to a different part of the set for our last game, the others have noticed our guests as well.
“What is this? Bring Your Boyfriend to Work Day?” Chita jokes, giving both Jase and Kija the universal bro nod of recognition.
They respond back in exactly the same way at the same time, laughing as it starts a chain reaction with Ryo and Tang. I try not to stare, but I can feel Kija’s eyes on me, and it’s not helping me fight the urge to run to him.
After one more game that’s pure luck and no skill to get the rest of the ingredients and some hints on how to use them—and not give anyone food poisoning—we’re back in our kitchens to officially begin the cooking challenge.
Lalo tosses aprons at me and Nikko, then tells us we’re in charge of chopping up the toppings as long as we can promise not to lose any fingers.
“And what are you going to do?” I ask, purposefully sassy because I know VOX loves it.
“I figured I’d try to make the dough, unless you secretly memorized a recipe before we got here today,” Lalo says.
“Did you secretly memorize a recipe before we got here today?” Nikko questions in a whisper so the other team can’t hear him. He looks so hopeful, it’s adorable.
Lalo shakes his head, spreading some flour out in the space in front of him. “Nope.”
“Damn,” Nikko mutters. He slides a cutting board down the counter with the sweet potatoes and pickles he’s supposed to cut, making room for me to work next to him on the spicy pork and hot chicken.
I think the next fifteen minutes might be the longest of my life as I try to concentrate on my task and not the fact that I know Kija is watching me.
Every time I glance up—making sure to do something cute for the camera trained on Nikko and me—he’s already looking at me.
There’s the faintest hint of a smile, just enough I can tell it’s there, but not so obvious that someone else would ask what he’s grinning about.
When the pizzas—or what we hope will be pizzas—are finally in the oven, we are allowed to scatter for a little while. I go to check my phone while Nikko immediately rushes to Jase’s side. Their relationship is possibly the worst kept secret at Task Force, so nobody is surprised.
“I know you want to go say hi, but you have got to be less obvious.”
I spin around to see Ryo by my side. “It’s difficult,” I tell him, my eyes straying to Kija even as I speak.
“I know. But you have to be careful, for yourself and for him,” he says gently, patting my shoulder a couple of times.
Nodding, I approach Nikko where he is standing next to Jase, positioning myself what seems like a safe distance away from Kija. “Hello, Jase. Hi, hyung,” I greet each of them.
“Hello Su— Lux.” Kija corrects himself before he slips up on my name, but the fondness is still evident in his voice.
It makes my heart hurt a little bit. He’s right here, and I can’t do anything about it.
Nikko has his hand wrapped around Jase’s arm, all cozy, and I’ve got all kinds of space in my bubble that I don’t want.
I try not to think about it—the way the entirety of our relationship will look like this, will be about pretending there’s nothing going on.
“You’re going to vote for our team, right?” Nikko asks both of them, seeming to sense I need to get out of my head.
“Um.” Jase looks like he’s thinking of a way to be polite about what he wants to say. “I’m not really excited about either of them?”
Kija laughs. “I’m glad you said it, because I’m actually a little bit terrified.”
“Yeah, that’s fair,” Nikko snorts, as we’re summoned back to the set.
Standing around waiting for the last few minutes of the timer to wind down, I have to force myself not to look back and see what Kija is doing. If he’s still got his eyes on me.
We’re all peering into the pizza ovens, watching our creations and hoping for the best when Tang says, “Is it just me or do these smell weird?”
Everyone cracks up, because he’s not wrong, but then the bell dings and it’s time to pull them out. As soon as Lalo and Ryo set the oddly-scented sort-of-pizzas down on the counters, they’re told to cut them into thin slices so everybody present can have a taste.
I recognize most of the people who have come to sacrifice themselves for this episode—mostly office workers from around the TFE building and some of the production crew. They’re all standing around with plates, waiting unenthusiastically to be served as the director makes a final announcement.
“A group of guest judges will now taste each team’s pizza and vote on three categories: overall appeal, taste, and whether or not they believe it’s actually a pizza.
” She pauses while everyone snickers, then goes on to say, “Team RyoTaChi used bulgogi, shrimp, corn, and pineapple, with gochujang drizzle, while Team LaLuKo had spicy pork sausage, hot chicken, sweet potato, and sweet pickles, with mayo and wasabi.”
None of us can keep straight faces as everyone walks up to get their slices of these very questionable-looking pizzas.
Lalo’s crust looks a little sturdier than Ryo’s, but I don’t really want to take a bite of either.
The ingredients are all great on pizza normally, but the sight of these toppings on those doughy heaps is just so unappetizing.
I make a point to look away as Jase and Kija approach, fearing my expression will give something away.
Jase makes a comment about never forgiving any of us for this as he begrudgingly accepts the sad-looking piece dropped on his plate.
Kija is basically silent except for a quiet huff of displeasure, but it’s just similar enough to the snuffling sound he makes as he begins to wake up in the morning that I have to grip the towel in front of me on the counter to keep from reacting.
Each team has to try bites of their own as well as the others’ pizza while the judges timidly nibble on what they’ve been given. I hear someone remark that it’s not nearly as bad as they expected it to be, but that’s about the most positive review.
Lalo, Nikko, and I hold hands like beauty pageant contestants as we wait for the results, only to hear that Team RyoTaChi is the winner by a small margin.
“I’m not sure anyone really won today,” Chita says, then gestures toward the room at large. “I guarantee none of them are ever going to volunteer for any future episodes.”
Everyone laughs again, but I can see Jase mouthing to Nikko that he’d do it again, and something inside me cracks a little bit. I thought I’d be over being jealous, but maybe that’s always going to be something I have to fight.
Kija catches my eye as he’s getting ready to walk out the door, then gives me a wink and a hint of a crooked side-smile that instantly lifts my mood again. Like he knew I needed that. We’ll be okay.
I am lucky to have these friends—brothers—who are willing to keep my secrets and protect me.
I’ve got everything I wanted for so long.
Even if it’s in secret, it’s still mine.