Chapter 19
NINETEEN
KIJA
“I’m so happy for you, Kija. He’s good for you.”
My mother’s voice has been echoing in my head the whole time we’ve been here. I hear it every time she looks at Sun, each time she sees us together. She gets this soft, satisfied expression, like she’s just so pleased. Maybe even a little bit proud.
I know this is what she wanted for me, to have a relationship like the one she has with my father—a supportive partner, a constant companion that brings peace in a world that is mostly chaos. I understand now why this has always been her wish for me. I didn’t know what I was missing until I had it.
The way both of my parents have taken to Sun has also tapped into some part of my heart I don’t think I was aware of until I saw the three of them around the table, drinks in hand, heads thrown back, laughing without me.
I was the common factor, the thing that brought them all together, and they didn’t need me.
Sun has fit in here so effortlessly; it’s been like a silent confirmation of everything I’ve been feeling.
I had told my mom that I thought he was good for me, but that wasn’t the whole truth.
I know he is. Like his name, Sun brings light to my life.
I stop, mid-step, along the low stone wall that surrounds my parents’ property that I’ve been walking while waiting for Sun to finish getting ready so we can take a drive.
But out here on this clear, gorgeous day, I feel like I was just struck by a thunderbolt.
As I drop down to sit on the rock wall, I don’t even think about how uncomfortable it is, because I’m having a bit of an epiphany.
I call him a luxury because he feels like an extravagance—something I’m treating myself to, above and beyond what I would usually allow myself to have. And that’s not wrong, but, fuck, he is so much more than that.
At this point, I almost can’t remember what I was doing before we got together. What was I like before him?
My life changed when Sun showed up.
By the most general definition, the day starts when the sun rises. Arrives.
I’d never considered my life dark, but I didn’t know what I was waiting for until he came along.
He’s the Sun for me; my daylight.
Now that I have experienced what it’s like to have him around—have him with me—I can’t imagine being without him. Not here, not in Seoul.
“Hyung!”
Like magic, Sun appears, strolling out the back door of my parents house, trying to juggle a couple of tangerines like my father showed him how to do.
He fails almost instantly and pouts so spectacularly that I have to get up and pull him to me for a kiss that tastes like the honey pear tea he’d been drinking with my mom earlier.
Giggling as he pulls away, he scoops up the fruits and tosses one to me. “Thought I’d grab some to keep you out of trouble.”
“Thanks,” I grumble, giving his ass a quick smack before I take his hand and walk to the car.
I kiss him again as I open the door, waiting for him to slide inside.
Once he’s settled, I jog around to the driver’s side and get in, and he asks where we’re going.
“I didn’t tell you earlier, and I’m not going to tell you now,” I tease.
Sun’s lower lip juts out again, because he knows I’m so weak for it. “It’s our last day here, and you’re not being nice to me. Don’t make me tell eomma.”
“Wow. You really just said that.” I may pretend to be offended, but I couldn’t be happier with the way they’ve become close so quickly.
He nods, smug. “I did. She said I should report back to her.”
“On what??” I ask, in what might be considered a yelp.
Sun smiles. “You, of course. You know we’re going to text all the time now.”
“Betrayed by my own mother,” I mutter, trying my best to fight a grin.
I have always known my parents are good people—the best people—but they have proven themselves over and over again with Sun.
From not giving a moment of hesitation or unease when I told them about him to naturally including him like he’s already family, I realize I am so much luckier than many others.
It’s a short drive to our destination, with Sun gazing contentedly out the window at the landscape as it passes by. As soon as I turn down the short, dusty road, he sits up quickly, excited.
“Are we at the beach?” His eyes are wide as he grabs at my arm. “You brought me to the beach?”
Nodding, I park the car. “For sunset. Or what we can see of it here.”
He jumps out of the car instantly, running along the well-worn footpath toward the sand before I can even grab the blanket I stashed in the backseat.
I had intended for this to be a simple, romantic moment, just the two of us, before we have to go back to Seoul in the morning, but it feels like more than that now.
I can see him at the edge of the water, phone out, likely filming, and he spins around to point his phone at me as I approach. I blow him a kiss with my free hand, and he laughs, delighted, the wind carrying the sound out to get caught up in the waves.
Spreading the blanket out and sinking down into it, I lean back on my hands and just watch him as he dances around.
It’s not quite warm enough to go barefoot, but he does it anyway, tossing his shoes toward me, then sticking his toes into the water and shrieking.
Then he does it again and again, kicking at the water like he’s mad that it’s still cold.
It might be the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.
Sun pokes around for a bit, picking up some shells and what he swears is sea glass, before he joins me, situating himself in my lap.
It’s easy, the way we come together now, arranging ourselves in the ways that fit each other best. There’s a very specific sort of comfort and familiarity in it that I enjoy more than I would have ever expected.
He snuggles back against me, head resting on my shoulder. “Was this one of your favorite spots as a kid?”
“Not as a kid. We went to a different beach as a family or when I was with friends. I found this little one as a teenager. I’d come here when I wanted a few minutes to myself,” I tell him. “It’s probably the place I think about the most. I always visit whenever I’m on the island.”
Sun hums in acknowledgement, then comments, “But you wanted to bring me here, even though you usually come alone.”
“Yeah, I did,” I reply, pressing a kiss wherever my lips land when I tilt my head toward him. “I want to share a lot of things with you.”
He shifts, moving to sit sideways across my thighs, and drapes his arm around my neck. “I want that, too. Want to share everything with you, always.”
I think it’s the everything and the always that tip me over the edge I had been pushed to back at the house. I know what this is, and I need to tell him.
Skimming my fingertips along his jawline, I gently turn his face toward me. His eyes meet mine immediately, and I swear I can see the future in them. Mine. Ours. Together.
He leans in to give me a kiss, sweet and teasing, and he makes a soft noise of displeasure when I pull back.
But I have to say it.
“I love you,” I blurt out, with absolutely no finesse. I’ve never said it to anyone before, not like this, and that’s not really how I thought it would go, but I said it. Finally. I should have told him long before now.
Sun looks startled for about a second, then replies, “I’ve been in love with you since I was seventeen. Thanks for finally catching up.”
I should have expected something like that from him, but somehow I didn’t. It makes the whole moment even better as I collapse laughing and he follows me down.
Straddling my hips as he hovers over me, smiling, he requests, “Say it again.”
I have to take a breath, and I use that moment to pull him to me for a kiss, slow and deep. When he finally breaks away, his expression a little bit dazed, I repeat what he wants to hear. “I love you, sachi.”
He beams, his whole person seeming to glow. “That sounds even better than it did in my head.”
“Thought about that a lot?” I ask, reaching up to slip my fingers through his hair as it gets tousled by the breeze.
“So many times. For so long,” he admits. “I kept hoping I would hear it soon.”
Trailing my hand down his back as he settles on my chest, I’m grateful he waited for me. That he was so sure we’d make it here eventually. After a while, I confess, “I’ve never been in love before.”
“Never?” he asks, shifting just enough to gaze up at me.
“No. There were girls I really liked, or at least I thought so at the time.” I shrug a little, careful not to jostle him. “But I never stayed around, never tried to make it work. My heart just wasn’t in it.”
“And now?” Sun touches my chest, palm down, at the center. “Where’s your heart now?”
Tilting my head just enough to kiss his forehead, I tell him the truth. “With you.”
?? // ??
“I think I might need some help,” Chaeji giggles, pretending to struggle with the pile of perilla leaves on the plate between us as a group of young women walk by our table entirely too slowly, clearly trying to witness some kind of moment between us.
“Would you like me to call someone over here to assist you?” I ask, knowing exactly the type of fit-for-a-drama moment she’s trying to stage. “I think that gesture only works with a third party involved.”
“Oh, so you do spend some time online every now and then,” she says, picking up some sticky rice for her ssam.
I’m not going to admit I am only aware of this particular debate about social appropriateness from having listened to Jase and most of the members of RYSING have a spirited discussion about it after it had gone some kind of viral a while back.
“I would be fine if one of my friends helped my significant other at the dinner table.”
Chaeji clicks her chopsticks at me. “Even with their own chopsticks?”