Chapter 22
TWENTY-TWO
KIJA
“Ithink that one is my favorite,” Sun sighs as I pause outside the door to my home office, where he’s on the phone with Nikko.
Maybe I shouldn’t be eavesdropping, but I’m nosy.
And curious. “It’s so romantic. I love that you’re telling people the whole story of your relationship, and they have no idea. ”
“He’s my favorite thing to think about, so that’s why all the songs are about him,” Nikko answers. “I’m glad you like it. I’m proud of it.”
“You should be. I know VOX will love it, too, even if they’re incorrectly imagining all the songs are about them.” Sun laughs lightly, amused by the idea. Then he adds, “You and Lalo-hyung make a good team.”
“It’s been fun to work with him like this. Like, I knew he was talented, but being more involved with everything has shown me how much I don’t know, and how awesome he really is,” Nikko comments. “You know he’d work with you, too, if you wanted.”
“I know he would. He’s offered before,” Sun replies, as I hear him rearranging himself in the chair he was all folded up in.
This is new information for me. I realize I have no idea if he’s ever considered a solo project. I feel bad that we’ve never talked about it.
“Are you going to be next, then?” Nikko asks.
“No,” Sun says, without hesitation. “I don’t know if I ever want to do solo work at all, but I know I don’t want to any time soon.
I like that our schedules are slow right now.
I can do a photo shoot or film FLY, and then come to Kija’s.
I’m happy with that balance. I love being in this relationship.
I love being in love with him and knowing he feels the same.
I just want to spend as much time with him as possible and have this little wifey moment while I can before things get crazy again. ”
Nikko laughs. “And you tease me about being down bad.”
I step away before I can catch any more of the conversation, not sure I could handle hearing what else he might confess.
Walking out to the small balcony, I take a deep breath as I look out toward the river, thinking.
I know that for now, we can’t be together in any kind of traditional way, like living together.
I’m surprised he gets away with staying here as much as he does, but I assume it’s because he’s got the other members looking out for him.
I also know he wants to get married, to have a family.
And I do, too. I can imagine that sort of life very clearly now, which I never had been able to in the past, with any woman I’d dated or any of the times my mom had told me her hopes of domesticity for me.
I can picture Sun and I on long holidays in Jeju with a couple of kids, eating tangerines on sandy blankets, and it makes me smile.
I’m not sure how we’ll get there, but I know I can do a few things to make the possibility of that dream seem more attainable. Grabbing my phone, I hit Jase’s contact and wait. If Nikko is talking to Sun, it shouldn’t take him long to answer.
“Are you dead?”
Snorting, I ask, “What kind of greeting is that?”
“You never just call anymore. You either text or wait until you see me around TFE, because you’re always with your boyfriend,” he jokes.
“Yeah, about that,” I start and he immediately starts squawking like some sort of alarm going off.
“Is he not your boyfriend anymore? Did you break up? Did you get engaged?” He sounds a little panicked. ”I know Nikko’s on the phone with Sun, but I don’t hear any screaming…”
“Jase, calm down. I was just going to ask if you were busy, because I wanted you to come with me to do something,” I say, intentionally cryptic.
“Yes? I mean, I think so. What are we doing?” He’s definitely suspicious now, having switched gears very quickly.
I chuckle at the wariness in his tone, as if I regularly suggest outrageous things. “I need to borrow you and your boyfriend.”
“Oh? Are we talking about a hookup or forming a polycule? I’ve always thought that could be a nice arrangement…” He trails off, probably contemplating what the dynamics of that would look like.
“Neither of those things yet, but who knows, right?” A year ago I would have never thought I’d have a boyfriend, so I probably shouldn’t rule out polycules or anything else at this point. “Anyway, you come with me, and Nikko stays by the phone. Are you in?”
“Well, now I have to know what’s going on, so sure. Give me like, thirty minutes. You can pick me up.”
He ends the call, and I have to laugh at him, but I’m glad he’s coming along. I send Sun a text saying I don’t want to interrupt his call, but I’m going out for a bit and will be back later. I’m pulling my shoes on when I hear him yell, “I LOVE YOU,” and I know he’s read the message.
Forty-five minutes later, Jase is in the car, wearing a very cool outfit of very trendy designer clothes that I am positive he did not pick out for himself, and trying to figure out where we’re going.
“Why the rush? What’s got your ass on fire?” he asks, eyes on the dashboard as he tracks our movement on the navigation map.
“Did Nikko dress you?” I counter.
I see him look down, checking out what he’s got on. “Maybe,” he mumbles.
“That’s what I thought.” I chuckle, but also tell him, “You look good.”
“Oh, thanks.” He sits up a little straighter in the passenger seat, his ego boosted by the compliment. “Hey, we’re in Gangnam.”
“Yes, we are,” I agree, pulling into the entrance of an underground parking garage near our destination. Once I get the car wedged into one of the narrow spaces, I turn off the ignition and twist to face Jase. “I need you to not freak out.”
He frowns. “How can you say that and expect me to not do exactly that? This is already very mysterious, and now I’m just supposed to be chill while I know nothing?”
“We’re going to a jewelry store.” I pause to wait while his jaw drops and his eyes get wide. “I want to buy a ring. I might need you to take pictures and send them to Nikko for a second opinion, but obviously he has to stay quiet about it.”
“You’re getting him a ring! Oh my god. Oh my god!
” Jase exclaims, lunging to reach forward and hug me but getting stopped very awkwardly by the seatbelt just before he can make contact.
Undeterred, he still manages a little bit of a side squeeze, grinning at me.
“I’m so happy for you. This is amazing. Phenomenal.
I love this for you. And for him. He’s going to lose his mind.
I can hear the shrieking already. Wait, is this like, an engagement ring? Or a promise ring? Or what?”
“It’s whatever he wants it to be. This is me saying, I’m here, long term. I’m committed. I know he can’t wear a ring all the time, but he can keep it with him somehow if he wants, or just have it and know that he’s got me,” I say, emotion creeping in and making my voice crack a little as I speak.
Jase whacks at my arm. “You’re going to make me cry!”
I fling the door open. “We are not having some sort of bro bestie breakdown in an underground parking lot. Get out of the car.”
As soon as we make our way up to the street, a bus rushes by with Chaeji’s face, larger-than-life, on the side, in a gigantic ad for a coffee chain that she recently announced a partnership with ahead of her new show.
“Ew, no, not her, not now. This is a KiSun celebration day,” Jase remarks and I immediately laugh at his reaction—and Sun and I apparently having a ship name. “If I never see her again, it will be too soon.”
I don’t say anything more as we walk into the jewelry store, all bright lights and rows of cases full of shiny things, attended by very eager sales associates who all have their eyes on us. I can feel the judgement in some of their gazes at the sight of two men coming in together.
Jase seems entirely unaware until we happen to look right at each other, and he rolls his eyes, making me realize the experience is probably nothing new for him.
He’s seen those looks before, knows how much that obvious disapproval weighs.
But to his credit, he’s unbothered, even wiggling his fingers at me like he’s going to grab my hand to hold. I wouldn’t hesitate if he did.
I know this is something that happens and could be a part of my life. If I was out with Sun, for real, the backlash would be intense for both of us, and likely catastrophic for him.
Pushing those thoughts aside, I browse what must be hundreds of rings. I call Jase over for a second opinion on a few, but there aren’t any that make it to the ask Nikko phase. There are plenty of things that catch my eye, little details I like about this one or that one, but nothing feels right.
I’m disappointed somehow, even though this is my first and only stop so far, that I can’t find anything that I feel suits Sun.
I’ve seen him draped in couture, dripping with jewels, and think he could wear anything in a way that was perfection.
But I can’t imagine any of these on his finger or on a chain around his neck.
Maybe it’s because I know he could walk in here, buy all of them on his own, and wear them without it meaning anything. And for me, this means everything.
Because it’s for Sun.
Because of what he means to me.
And the life I know I want to build with him.
Unsurprisingly, Jase picks up on my disappointment and steers me toward the door. “You’ll find the perfect one,” he says as we walk out. “Maybe you already have something? I’m sure he’d like a piece of jewelry that’s yours even more than anything you could buy.”
I stop dead in my tracks, because he’s just given me the answer.
Sun deserves more than a generic ring I picked up in a shopping district that anyone could come in and pick out and wear.
I can do better.
And I know exactly how.
?? ?? ??
“Eomma, I have a question,” I begin, suddenly a little nervous. I’m not worried about her reaction—I expect her to be ecstatic, actually—but talking to my parents about my plans is a big step. For me and for them.