Chapter Twenty-Eight
chapter twenty-eight
PAIGE
Ana
Where are you?
Before I can respond, my phone rings with an incoming call from her.
“You didn’t even give me a chance to respond,” I say with a laugh.
“Sorry, you know I lack patience.”
“I do. What’s up?”
“We’re going to brunch.”
“And by we…”
“Me, you, and Kira.”
“And do I have a say in this?” I ask, giving her a hard time even though I’ll be going.
Nate and I were supposed to spend the day together, but at the last minute, he told me he had a bunch of work to get done, including some meetings, so he was going to be at the hotel. It’s the first time he’s chosen to work from the hotel instead of at my house in months—and on a Saturday, no less, when we usually don’t do any work on Saturdays. So, I was a bit taken aback, but since it’s his home away from home and I haven’t asked him to move in with me yet—and he was already set on leaving the moment he woke up—I didn’t argue.
“No,” Ana says through the line. “I’m on my way to you, and Kira is meeting us at the restaurant, so be ready in twenty minutes.”
“Jeez, a little warning would’ve been nice,” I mutter as I stand from my desk and head to my bedroom to get ready.
“See you soon,” Ana says before hanging up.
I send a text to Nate to let him know my plans, and he responds with:
Nate
Sounds good! I’m buried in work, so I probably won’t be able to come over until dinnertime anyway.
After throwing on a cute maternity shirt and jeans, paired with my ballet flats since I’m still on a no-heel kick, I take my prenatal vitamin and then head out to sit on my front porch while I wait for Ana to arrive. And while I wait, I scroll through the baby names app I downloaded. It’s been two months since we found out we’re having a boy, but we can’t decide on a name. Joanne said she and Cary didn’t name any of her kids until she saw them, and then the name came to her .
When Ana pulls up, I lock the front door and then hop into her SUV. Okay, maybe I don’t quite hop…more like I slide in slowly since I’m twenty-nine weeks pregnant, but tomayto, tomahto.
“Look at you,” Ana says, glancing at me. “You’re glowing.”
“I am not.” I roll my eyes. “I’m sweating because I’m nearly the size of a small house and hot from the walk down the sidewalk since we’re in the dead of summer in Texas, but we can pretend I’m glowing if you’d like.”
“You’re not the size of a small house.” She laughs. “You’re pregnant and glowing.”
“Well, thanks. And thanks for the brunch invite. I feel like I never see either of you anymore.”
Sure, I see Ana at work, and we’ve gotten together for the occasional barbecue and book club meeting, but it feels like we’re all busy doing our own thing.
“I agree,” Ana says. “We’re going to need to schedule a weekly or biweekly girls’ lunch, so we don’t go too long without seeing each other. It’s like time just gets away from us.”
“Doesn’t it sometimes feel surreal? Not that long ago, we were living in London, our only worries being how to deal with our grump of a boss…”
“And now, I’m a wife and a mother of two, and you’ve got a baby on the way,” she finishes. “Life doesn’t stop—that’s for sure.”
“No, it doesn’t,” I agree, getting a bit emotional at the thought of how much has changed and all that will be changing in the near future.
When we arrive at the restaurant, Kira is already seated at a table.
“Hey!” She gives Ana a hug and then attempts to give me one, but with both of us pregnant, it ends up being more like a side hug that makes us both laugh.
Ana has a seat next to Kira, and I sit across from her, all of us piling our purses on the empty chair next to me.
“How have you been feeling?” I ask Kira once we’ve ordered drinks.
“Good! Ryder and I had a 3D scan done since we couldn’t find out the gender at our twenty-week appointment, and it was so cool!”
“Well, don’t keep us in suspense,” Ana chides playfully. “Are you having a boy or a girl?”
“A boy!” Kira shrieks.
“Oh my God! Congrats!” Ana says, hugging her.
“I’m so happy for you,” I tell her. “Is Ryder excited?”
With them already having two girls, they were hoping for a boy, but Ryder is such a girl dad that he said he honestly didn’t care as long as the baby was healthy.
“He is,” Kira says. “I think he’s hoping it will even out the gender field, but I reminded him that three girls versus two guys means we still win, and we’ve decided after this little guy comes, we’re done. We’re good with three.”
“Three is good,” I agree, remembering the conversation Nate and I had regarding how many kids we want.
The thought of little Nates running around fills my heart with happiness…which is something I shouldn’t even be thinking about since we’re not even living together yet. He’s been spending the night at my place every night, but he still has the hotel room in Houston.
Because you asked him to take things slow, my subconscious reminds me.
Which has me wondering, at what point do we take the next step? And how will I know when I’m ready? The last time I moved in with a guy, I thought he was the one, and it ended horribly—with him choosing his job over us and then choosing my friend over me.
But Nate isn’t John, and it’s unfair to compare the two.
Unlike John, Nate is all in.
Then, why are you so scared to fully commit to Nate? To move to Dallas?
The second question hits me like a ton of bricks, forcing me to suck in a harsh breath. Move to Dallas? That’s not even an option…right? My house is here, my life is here…I told Nate I couldn’t move.
Then, why are you thinking about it like it’s a possibility?
“Have you told the girls they’re going to have a little brother?” Ana asks Kira, shaking me out of my thoughts.
“Yeah, they’re excited,” Kira says. “Though Violet is a little concerned he might not be up for having tea parties.” She rolls her eyes playfully, and we all laugh.
“I’m sure she’ll bribe him into doing them,” Ana says. “That little girl could convince an Eskimo to buy ice by simply batting her lashes.”
Kira snorts out a laugh. “That is true.”
The waitress sets down our drinks, then takes our food order. Once she’s gone, Ana turns her attention to me.
“I know you’ve been busy with Nate, but how are things going?”
“Good,” I say, taking a sip of my orange juice.
“Umm, you’re going to have to give us more than that,” Kira says with a laugh.
“Things are good.” I shrug. “As you know, we went to Dallas for Nate’s birthday last month, and his family is amazing. His mom is sweet and excited to have another grandchild. His mom and sisters-in-law have added me to their group chat, and they’re all so kind, always asking how I’m doing and when we can get together again. They have a close family, and even though I’m not used to that, it’s really nice.”
Ana and Kira both nod in understanding.
“Julian’s parents are the same way,” Ana says. “I miss my mom like crazy, but it’s nice to be close to my dad and in-laws, and as you know, my stepmom is as sweet as it gets. She treats my kids like they’re her blood. It’s nice, always having someone around in case we need anything.”
“When they say it takes a village, they aren’t kidding,” Kira adds. “We only have Ryder’s grandpa and my mom here, but I’m so thankful for them both.”
“And you have us,” Ana points out. “But I get it. We’re all so busy with our own lives.”
“I feel bad we haven’t made it back to Dallas yet, but I’ve been so busy with rolling out the Kingston-Bradford partnership. I haven’t even gotten a chance to see my dad yet since we cleared the air.”
“Don’t put work above family,” Ana says, using that CEO tone she only uses when she’s dead serious. “Family is important. I’m glad I moved back to be close with my dad. Life is too short to not spend it with the ones we love.”
My heart drops because unlike Ana and Kira, my dad’s and Nate’s families are all long-distance. There won’t be any calling someone if we need anything, and if anyone wants to visit, they’ll have to fly to us. It will just be me and Nate and our baby…
“Everything okay?” Kira asks, noticing that I’ve gone quiet.
“Yeah,” I choke out. “Just have a lot on my mind.”
“Baby brain is the worst,” Kira agrees with a dramatic shiver as I pull my phone out to text Joanne and my dad to see if either of them is up for a visit.
Maybe we can visit Nate’s family this weekend or next and then my dad. Soon, I’ll be too far along to go anywhere, so I want to get the visits in while I can. Ana’s right. Life is too short, and I don’t want to waste a moment .
Me: Hey, Joanne! I was thinking about asking Nate if he wants to make a trip to Dallas to visit you guys. Let me know if/when you’re up for company.
Before I click out of the thread to send my dad a text, Joanne responds.
We are always up for company! But we’re actually out of town this weekend.
Immediately following her text is a picture of her holding the most adorable onesie that reads Please pass me to grandma with a huge smile on her face.
The thought that my mom will never meet her grandson nearly takes the breath out of me, and before I know what’s happening, tears are spilling down my cheeks.
I’m pregnant, and my mom is gone. She’ll never hold her grandson, and he’ll never know who she is. No matter how much I tell him about her, show him our scrapbooks, he’ll never know her. He won’t get to experience her comforting hugs and listen to her words of wisdom.
“Paige, what’s wrong?” Ana asks, getting up and coming around to me.
“I just…I really miss my mom,” I whisper, grabbing a napkin to dab my eyes. “She’s never going to meet my son. And Joanne is so sweet, and we’re going to be living four hours away. What if I made the wrong decision?” I blurt out through a sob, looking up at Ana and then Kira. “What if living here is the wrong choice?”
I was so stuck on putting myself first that I didn’t consider how my decision would affect my son. Sure, I have my home and job and friends, who I love like family, but we have no actual family here.
“Only you can decide that,” Ana says gently. “I loved London, but I knew the moment I stepped into Julian’s house that I was home. Only you know where home feels like for you.”
“It’s here,” I say. “It has to be. This is where my job is and where you guys are, and I bought a house here. And what if Nate and I don’t work out? I don’t know anything about Dallas.”
With every word spoken, my heart pumps faster as a panic attack quickly surfaces. It’s hard to catch my breath, and as I try to suck in air, my vision starts to get fuzzy.
“Hey,” Ana says, wrapping her arms around me. “Breathe, Paige. Breathe.”
I do as she said, focusing on one breath at a time.
“That’s it. Just breathe,” she repeats until I’ve gotten my breathing under control and my vision is clear.
“You don’t have to figure anything out now,” Ana says. “And you aren’t required to live anywhere.”
“This is where my job and house are,” I point out.
“So?” Ana shakes her head. “You can always find a new job—or hell, be a stay-at-home mom like Kira. And if you want to live in Dallas, you can easily sell your house here or keep it. And if you think moving four hours away would keep Kira and me away, you’re crazy.” She laughs. “I mean, what’s the point of having a private jet if I can’t use it, right? An hour, tops, and I’m to you, or vice versa.”
I laugh, loving how positive my best friend is.
“And do you really think Nate is going anywhere?” Kira chimes in. “I’ve only met him a few times, but even I could see how in love with you he is.”
“Oh, for sure,” Ana agrees. “Just take it one day at a time. You’ll know what the right move is when you know. It might be days from now or weeks or months. But no matter what you decide or when, you have so many people in your corner even if it means they’re a plane ride away.”
I sniffle back my sobs and wipe under my eyes, hoping I put on waterproof mascara today.
“Thank you,” I tell them both. “It all just feels like a lot right now.”
“I get it,” Kira says. “Moving to another state was the hardest thing I’d ever done. But I’ll never regret it because it meant meeting and falling in love with Ryder and Addie. But that doesn’t mean the journey was easy.” She reaches across the table and squeezes my hand. “We’re all here for you though.”
The waitress delivers our food, and the rest of brunch goes a lot smoother—with less tears—the three of us keeping the subjects surface level so there’s no more crying .
Ana tells us about potty training Kingston and how the only reason he’s agreed to wear underwear is because he wants to go to school and she told him he can’t wear diapers to school, and Kira shows us where Ryder is taking her for their kid-free babymoon vacation. It’s on the beach, and it reminds me of Nate’s and my time in Southampton.
After we finish brunch, I assume Ana’s going to bring me back to my house, so I’m shocked when Kira jumps in the back and says, “We’re going shopping!”