Chapter 28
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
rowan
“Mais, gardez donc. If it isn’t my long, lost brother,” Daisy drawls when she opens the door for me.
I sigh. “Hey, Daze. Sorry for springing my presence on you at the last second.”
She moves to let me into their small shotgun house, Juniper shadowing her as usual. “Did Claire kick you out or something?”
“Something like that,” I mutter as I step inside and kiss her cheek. “Where’s your husband?”
“Therapy. He’s usually back by now, but he texted to say his appointment started late,” she explains.
“I take it the therapy is working, then, since he didn’t stomp out at the prospect of waiting,” I say, and Daisy laughs.
“Yeah, it’s been going pretty well,” she agrees.
“I still can’t believe you got Landry Reed to go to counseling in the first place. But if anyone can convince a guy like him to change, it’s you.”
She smiles. “Thanks, but it was actually his idea. Well, Loren probably planted the seed, but Landry’s the one who wanted to go, so he could be prepared for fatherhood.” She shrugs shyly when I cast a concerned glance her way.
“Are you …”
“Not yet,” she replies. “But we plan to start trying as soon as I get cleared by my neurologist.”
My chest warms at the thought of my baby sister having a baby. It’s followed by a familiar ache, but I ignore the feeling and pull her in for a hug. “That’s great news. You and Landry are going to be amazing parents. And I’ll be here for whatever you need.”
“Thank you,” she croaks over my shoulder. “That means a lot … to both of us.”
“Of course. You know how much I love you guys,” I reassure her, although my mind is already drifting back to Claire and how she might react to this news.
“I guess I’ve been a little worried we’ve been usurped,” Daisy says with a light laugh and settles on the small couch, gesturing for me to join her as Juniper curls up at her feet. “And … well, you and I never really got the chance to talk about everything that’s happened in the last few months.”
I frown as I join her. “I guess we haven’t. But you know I’m happy for you. And, not that you even needed my blessing, but I gave it to Landry months ago. If anything, I’m proud—”
“Rowan,” she interrupts me. “That’s not what I meant.”
I shake my head in confusion, and she sighs.
“I know you think you’re really happy for us, but you haven’t been acting like yourself since you found out Landry and I were living together, and especially not since we told you about the Convalidation.
It’s okay to be upset with us, or even jealous in a way.
But you’ve got to quit stuffing all those feelings down inside. ”
I blink back in surprise. “I don’t … I’m not angry at either of you. How could I be?”
“Because your best friend went behind your back and married your baby sister—your favorite sister, at that!” she repeats incredulously. “Heck, I was ticked off when I found out about you and Claire, and it’s not like you were married.”
“Oh. I mean, sure, I was a little hurt when Landry told me you’d gotten legally married …
especially since you’d kept it from me for so long.
But it’s only because you’re both so important to me.
I’d have liked the chance to help you with your health insurance problems and him with his anxiety or whatever, which I’d actually been trying to get him to open up about for, what, the better part of a decade, at least.” I say that last part with a scoff, then immediately glance up to check Daisy’s expression.
But she only nods encouragingly, so I continue.
“I may not be as cute and bubbly as you, but I’d like to think I’m a supportive friend, and it really did take a lot of patience and understanding to put up with his grumpy, emotionally constipated ass all these years.
Yet it only took you a few weeks to convince him that he needed therapy … and Jesus.”
“Okay, that’s not a hundred-percent accurate, but I like the direction we’re headed,” Daisy says, gesturing with her hands. “Keep going.”
“What did you bribe him with, anyway?” I ask as if she hadn’t interrupted me, cursing under my breath a second later. “No, don’t answer that. I don’t wanna know.”
She snorts. “I promise you, he’d never have taken me up on that kind of offer. I was the one pursuing him … and ogling him every chance I got.”
I frown. “I’m not sure that’s any better.”
“The point is, Landry looks up to you as much as I do. He was determined to do the right thing, even if it meant sacrificing his own happiness and mine, all because he couldn’t bear to disappoint you,” she explains.
“That’s not what I’d have wanted for either of you, though.”
“Of course not, but this is Landry we’re talking about. He needed to hear you give us your blessing. The man is pretty literal,” she says, smiling.
“I’ve noticed,” I say on a short laugh. “But I still wish you’d have told me everything sooner. It made me feel like the two people I trusted most didn’t …”
I trail off and roll my lips in. “This isn’t about you and Landry’s secret marriage at all, is it?”
“Maybe a little,” she replies with a shrug.
“Okay, fine,” I concede. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about all that stuff with Claire from the beginning. I was embarrassed of the way I’d acted and afraid of seeming like a hypocrite, especially in front of you.”
She leans forward and boops my nose. “You’re forgiven, silly.
I want to know why you weren’t honest with Claire, though.
She’s a lot like Landry, a hard egg to crack, but very fragile on the inside.
Yet, you coaxed her into opening her heart to you without granting her the same courtesy.
Can you imagine if I asked Lan to talk about his childhood trauma and refused to let him help me a minute later when I had a seizure? ”
I let my head fall back with a groan. “You’re right.”
“Of course I am,” she declares, lifting her chin proudly. “And you’re never going to convince her to live happily ever after with you unless you manage to win back her trust.”
“Even if I earn her trust again, she’s not interested in the kind of relationship I want. And she’s made it clear that there’s nothing I can say or do to change her mind,” I say defensively. But my heart’s still a little sore from earlier.
“Or maybe you just don’t want that happily ever after as badly as you think.”
I furrow my brow. “What do you mean by that?”
“Well, first of all, you’re not willing to compromise on what that looks like. You see only one formula and one answer, and you automatically mark all the other answers wrong,” she explains.
“Right is right, and the truth is the truth,” I reply, still confused. “I want to fall in love with someone who shares the same values as I do, to get married and have kids, to grow in holiness, and eventually spend eternity together. Is that not what I should be striving for?”
“But why does she have to agree with you on everything now for the rest of that to come true?” Daisy counters.
“Because I’d just be throwing myself at temptation,” I argue.
“Rowan, you can’t just opt out of falling in love if she doesn’t check every box on your list, especially since it sounds like you’re more worried about your pride than anything. Don’t you see how shallow and judgmental you’re being?”
I huff. “Is it so wrong to bypass a near occasion of sin and keep looking for someone who’s eager to help me get to heaven?”
“It is when you insist that the help meets your unreasonably high expectations. Not everyone is fortunate enough to be born into families like ours, you know, where our faith was instilled early on, and you can’t narrow your search to women who are already holier than you.
You have to give everyone God puts in front of you a fair chance, to be patient and allow the Holy Spirit to work through you,” my sister dictates.
“So, what, we’re supposed to be missionaries in marriage, too?” I pose sarcastically, then wince at the way I sound.
“Maybe we’ve been called to grow in holiness as we bring others to God. And that requires an open heart, an open mind, and a willingness to meet people where they are … as well as the strength to resist temptation.”
I puff out my cheeks and blow out a breath, nodding in defeat. “When did you get so wise, Daisy?”
“I’ve always been wise. You’re the one who seems to have grown so stubborn practically overnight,” she replies matter-of-factly. But she gasps a second later, her hand flying up to her chest.
“What now?” I ask.
“It’s not my marriage to Landry that’s been bothering you, or even your guilty conscience after the night you and Claire met. You’ve already fallen for her, haven’t you?” she ventures, her eyes round.
“I’m not sure I’d go that far,” I begin, cringing when I remember what I’d let slip in front of Claire not even an hour ago.
Daisy glares at me shrewdly. “From what I hear, you’ve already gone quite far enough with her to contradict that claim.”
I roll my eyes. “Okay, yeah. I do like her … a lot. I mean, we have our differences, but we get along surprisingly well … until we don’t, I guess.
Even when we argue, though, I can’t tell whether we’re fighting or flirting.
It’s probably the most fun I’ve ever had,” I say with a short laugh.
“Which I suppose means we have plenty of chemistry. And she’s beautiful, obviously. ”
“Obviously,” my sister agrees, biting back a smile.
“I don’t know if I’ve ever found anyone more attractive, you know, physically,” I continue, my cheeks heating.
“But there’s so much more to her than that.
She’s funny and kind, and she’s open-minded.
She’s knowledgeable and good at so many things, but somehow still humble and selfless, despite everything she’s been through.
She has such a big heart, even though she tries to keep it tucked away.
And, well, now that I think about it,” I pause to swallow hard, “I’ve never liked anyone as much as I like Claire. ”
Daisy squeals this time. “And do you think it’s possible God put her in front of you for a reason, apart from saving you from an allergic reaction?”
“Absolutely,” I breathe.
Except I haven’t exactly been fulfilling my role as the “good influence,” I add in my head.
“Okay, so,” she begins, turning to face me. “Could you see yourselves together, living out the kind of future you want?”
I lick my lips as I consider Daisy’s suggestion. Even after our somewhat promising conversation during that NFP class, Claire doesn’t seem like she’s any closer to budging on the marriage front, as she was so quick to remind me earlier tonight.
“She doesn’t like me nearly enough to consider a second marriage.
And even if her feelings were anywhere close to mine, I’m afraid there are entirely too many obstacles.
For all we know, she might need an annulment before she could have a sacramental wedding, and I wouldn’t want to pressure her into anything like that. ”
Daisy’s expression falls. “Are you sure? Maybe you can convince her—”
But she cuts herself off when the doorknob jiggles, and Landry swings the door open a few seconds later. Juniper rises to her feet, and I excuse Daisy from our conversation with a nod. She wastes no time in leaping from the couch and practically landing in her husband’s arms.
“Hey, bro,” he greets me after a kiss from Daisy.
“Hey, sorry to crash your evening, but …” I shrug.
Landry smirks. “Don’t worry. I can pretend you’re not here.”
Daisy rolls her eyes and shoves him playfully. “You never did tell me why you came over, anyway,” she reminds me, even though she knows I went to see Claire earlier.
“Oh, I, um … I was going to drive straight to the clinic tomorrow, you know, to see how long it actually takes to get here with the morning traffic. But Claire mentioned she wasn’t feeling well, so I ended up making the trip tonight. I dropped off some ice cream at her place on my way here.”
Daisy looks thoughtful, but she doesn’t say anything else right then. Landry excuses himself to go shower, and I pick up my bag to head to the guest bedroom.
“Rowan?” Daisy calls out.
“Yeah?” I ask.
“One more thing. I love you, but if you ever hurt my friend again, I’m going to have to get my frying pan on you,” she warns, attempting an intimidating glare but coming up way, way short.
My lips twitch, but I manage to keep myself from laughing. “Yes, ma’am. I promise, all my intentions are pure.”
“Pure?” Her brow lifts, and Juniper looks back and forth between us with interest.
“I said my intentions were pure. Don’t ask me about my thoughts,” I admit sheepishly, making my sister laugh.