Chapter 45 Claire
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
claire
“Ugh, my favorite,” Loren moans as she takes a bite of a cookie. “Who made these?”
“They’re from Caidence,” Tenley replies, gesturing to her nephew and his girlfriend on the opposite end of the room. “A birthday treat for her favorite teacher, Mrs. Daisy,” she adds with a conspiratorial wink.
“Hey,” Loren and I both object. But Daisy beams at the compliment, and I smile at her as I pick up a cookie and take a huge bite.
“Hmm. Not bad,” I observe as I chew.
“You know these have peanut butter in them, right?” Loren warns me. I cringe and hand over the rest of the uneaten cookie, and she’s all too eager to accept it.
“Why does that feel illegal now?” I muse, dusting my hands off on my hips.
“Because you’re in loooove,” Daisy croons.
I nudge her, my face heating. “I guess I’d rather keep him alive, at least.”
“You must like him more than that, since your peanut butter habits only matter if you’re planning on playing tonsil hockey with him later,” Loren mumbles through another mouthful of cookie.
“He does get contact dermatitis, too,” I quip, after which Tenley chuckles, Loren chokes on her cookie, and Daisy turns her widened eyes to mine.
“I’m kidding, Daze,” I reassure her, but it doesn’t help that Rowan’s scratching his neck when we all glance his way.
“So Rowan has a peanut allergy?” Tenley asks.
“Yes,” Daisy, Loren, and I all answer at the same time. I clear my throat and add, “a pretty severe one.”
“Hmm. He’s never mentioned it. I’m glad you said something,” Tenley continues.
I shrug. “He’s careful.”
“Still, we can make the clinic safer for him. We all want to keep him alive, too, since his name’s going on the building and all,” she explains, smiling.
I pause before taking a sip. “What?”
Tenley’s eyes bug out, and she curses under her breath.
“His name is going on the building?” Daisy squeaks. “Here, in Camellia?”
“Mm-hmm,” Tenley confirms, biting her lip.
“Is that why Blake mentioned helping him with some paperwork?” Loren asks.
“Um, probably,” Tenley answers hesitantly.
“Wait, I thought that was about the land?” By the time Daisy adds her own question, I think I’ve forgotten how to breathe.
“What land?” I grind out.
“The empty plot on the other side of ours, the one that’s still for sale,” Daisy replies. “You know, for the little family neighborhood we’re building. Landry was worried about a stranger buying it up, and he mentioned that Rowan … But, um, you don’t know about any of this, do you?”
I shake my head, my gaze already fixed on Rowan. He offers a faint smile once he notices the way we’re all staring at him from across the room.
“Hold my beer,” I tell Daisy and shove the bottle of water at her before I march over and snatch Rowan’s hand.
“Are we going somewhere?” he asks as he lets me drag him toward the door.
“Apparently we’re staying here, indefinitely,” I growl and yank him outside.
It takes me a few seconds to catch my breath before I can speak. “Are you, like, moving to Camellia?”
His brow rises, and he swallows hard before he regains his nerve.
“What’s it to you?” he replies, an annoying smirk playing at his lips.
I roll my eyes. “I’m not kidding, Rowan.”
His expression turns serious. “Okay, then. Yes, I’ve decided to move here.”
“Mind telling me why, since you casually forgot to mention it?”
“Because I feel like this is where I need to be.” But his answer lacks the same confidence as before.
“I hope you don’t think you’re moving in with me.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it. In fact, I’ve already got my eyes on the perfect place,” he retorts.
“And what about your job?” I demand.
“I have a job, remember?”
I shake my head, and he sighs.
“Dr. Simms is retiring, and he and Tenley have asked me to buy him out of the practice. I’ll be working as a general OB most of the time, but I don’t mind. And I’ll still get to see my high-risk patients in between.”
My head is swimming with all this new information. “So, you’re sticking around for a demotion?”
“I’m sticking around because I want to be here,” he repeats.
“For me?” I ask in a small voice.
“Your presence in Camellia definitely carried the bulk of the weight in my decision, but you’re not the only person I care about here.”
I glower at him. “Tell me you didn’t uproot your life to be closer to me, Rowan. Not this soon, and not without talking to me about it first.”
He growls. “Look, I didn’t exactly plan for it to happen this way, but everything started falling into place right around the same time you finally softened up to the idea of us.
And I was already looking for a way out of my life in Baton Rouge, if I’m being honest. What was I supposed to do, turn down that offer in case you might feel pressured to spend more time with me? ”
“Well, no, but—”
“And you’re the one who told me to stop being so nice.
You said you wanted a man who wasn’t afraid to make you feel desired.
” He takes a step closer and spreads his arms, but I see his pulse throbbing in his neck.
“Well, here I am. I want you, Claire. I can’t live without you. And I’m not backing down.”
My chest heaves. “But … but this isn’t fair!”
He turns his eyes up as he pretends to consider my claim. “Why, because I actually listened and followed your advice? Or because I’m not giving you a chance to hide from your feelings this time?”
I open my mouth to protest, then snap it shut once I realize I have no argument. He raises his brow and gestures for me to offer a rebuttal, but all I can do is cross my own arms and pout.
“Come here,” he begins, reaching out to tug on my elbow.
I let out a shaky exhale as he unwraps my arms and pulls me in.
“I’m sorry I haven’t told you about this sooner.
I swear, I wanted to include you in this decision, but I was more afraid of overwhelming you or making you feel like you owed me some level of commitment you weren’t ready for.
And the opportunity was too good to pass up. ”
“And you really didn’t expect your decision to change anything between us?”
“Of course not. All my hopes and dreams are pretty much riding on you taking it as a romantic gesture,” he tells me with a self-deprecating smile.
“I guess this is what you meant about having all those plans on the back burner,” I say dryly.
“Mostly,” he admits. “I actually tried weaving it into our conversation earlier, but the longer we talked, the clearer it became that you needed to understand exactly how I feel about you first.”
“You see why I’ve had to be so careful?” I grumble from within his arms. “This is exactly what I was afraid you’d do.”
He’s still smiling, though, as if he’s already won. “What, call your bluff and make you consider a future with me?”
“Rowan,” I begin, hesitating before I continue. “It’s not that I couldn’t picture us together this whole time. I just hated how much you’d have to sacrifice to make it happen.”
He furrows his brow at my confession. “A career shift and an address change are nothing if it means I never have to spend my days without you.”
“You would say that,” I roll my eyes as I stifle a smile.
“I mean it.” He takes my hand and places it on his chest before he covers it with his own, and that mixture of contentment and reassurance washes over me again. “No one has ever made me feel the way you do. You know that, right?”
My eyes flutter as I struggle to form a reply. “It’s the same for me, too,” I concede.
“I’m so grateful for the past few months we’ve had together.
You’ve become my best friend, my favorite person, and I don’t think I could ever go back to a life without you in it,” he swallows the emotion lodged in his throat.
“And I realize I’m asking you to take a huge risk, but I promise it’ll be different this time.
I’m so in love with you, Claire, and I know this is where I’m meant to be. Here, with you.”
I pull my hand back, and that inner solace disappears. “Rowan …”
“Don’t think. Just tell me what your heart is saying.”
I shrug. “It says I love you, too. But—”
“Then I don’t care how we got started or what it’s going to take to make this work. I just know I need you in every way. I don’t want anything unless I can have it with you.” His eyes search mine desperately as he says it.
“I’m afraid I’m not as easy to love as you think I am,” I reply, reaching up to stroke his face.
“I fell for you within the first hour I met you. By the end of that night, I knew you were my soulmate. My heart beats for you and no one else, and it always will,” he tells me, putting my hand on his chest again.
“I could understand if you didn’t feel the same way about me, but I don’t think that’s what’s holding you back. ”
I close my eyes and inhale deeply. “Of course I feel the same.”
“Then why are we wasting time apart?”
“Because … because I’m the opposite of what you need,” I say, grasping at straws. But I know it’s all in vain. He knows it, too.
“You are all I need,” he corrects me, his smile growing when I let out a defeated groan. He invites me back into his arms, and I give up.
“I’d like to tell you I love you and need you, too. But I’m afraid you’ll pull a ring out of your pocket or something,” I mumble.
“What if I promise to get down on both knees, just the way you like it?” he returns before he dips his head and kisses me, making me hum contentedly.
“You don’t really have a ring, do you?” I ask in between kisses.
“Don’t make me answer that,” he replies, just inches away from my mouth, and I whimper. “You’re not going to hold out on me forever, are you?”
I shake my head. “Oh, no, baby. I put out, remember?”
He throws his head back in a loud guffaw, reminding me more of one of my crazy cackles than anything, and I can’t help but join him.
Rowan rests his forehead against mine when our laughter dies down, and I inhale deeply, reveling in his admiration.
“Claire?”
“Hmm?”
“Don’t be mad, but I also bought the plot of land beside Landry and Daisy. It doesn’t have to be ours, necessarily. It’s more of an insurance policy, just in case you’d be willing to let me fulfill your barn fantasy one day.”
My lips curl up into a smile. “I guess Frankie and Oscar are going to need to get their asses in shape with all that space to roam.”
He growls before he cups his hand around my jaw and brings me in for another kiss.
“Is that your EpiPen in your pocket, or are you thinking about that barn loft, too?” I ask breathlessly after we finally break apart.
He crooks an eyebrow. “Only one way to find out.”
This time I’m the one who cackles.
We slip back inside the house a few minutes later, and I look at Rowan in confusion when we’re greeted by cheers and applause. He smirks and hitches his thumb at the TV, which must have been broadcasting our conversation.
He opens his mouth to comment, but his expression immediately shifts, and my embarrassment is instantly forgotten once I recognize the look of fear in his eyes.
“Hey, are you okay?” I ask, stepping forward to take his hand.
He shakes his head, and his chest heaves. “No, I don’t think so.”
My eyes dart around the room and find everyone’s attention rapt as Rowan begins hyperventilating.
My pulse throbs in my ears as I brace myself for the worst again, but he doesn’t make a move to run out.
He simply stands there, panic-stricken, reminding me of the times he hesitated to claim me in public before.
“Are you upset?” I venture carefully.
“You … you kissed me,” he rasps, gesturing with his hands. “After … after you …”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know they were watching.” My eyes water as he shakes his head more vehemently.
“My … pen,” he croaks, and I’m pretty sure I hear a scandalized gasp in the background when Rowan grabs my hand and shoves it down into his pocket. But understanding finally dawns on me when my fingers find the EpiPen.
“Oh, no,” I mumble the second I realize I’m literally going to be the death of him. He’s reacting to the peanut butter cookie I’d forgotten I’d tasted just minutes before going outside to kiss him like my life depended on it. Well, I guess his life is kind of depending on it now.
My instincts kick in, and I drop to my knees to uncap the syringe and jam the needle into his thigh, his gaze locking onto mine as our breathing synchronizes and eventually slows.
“Hey, I’m here,” I hear Landry say from over my shoulder. Someone must have called for his help earlier.
“I’m … okay,” Rowan replies, sounding as if he has sandpaper in his throat, but his eyes never leave my face. Out of all the people in this room, including his parents, his siblings, and even his former roommate-slash-doctor-slash-emergency contact, he trusts me. He chose me.
He smirks down at me and strokes my cheek as if I’m the only other person in the world, as if he’s the one consoling me, and I shiver when he brushes his thumb over my bottom lip.
“There are easier ways to get me to pray for you, you know,” I mutter, and Rowan coughs out a laugh as he helps me back up to my feet.
He wraps his arms around me and presses a kiss just below my ear, and I let out a sigh of equal parts satisfaction and relief.
“Maybe,” he leans in again to whisper, “but it was still worth it.”