Chapter 12
Having keyed the details James had sent me into my satnav, I set off towards Sudbury with one eye on the weather.
The day had started sunnily enough, if a little on the cool side, but I could see dark clouds gathering and that didn’t bode well for the location he’d picked for our…
date. Was it a date? I had no idea, but whatever it was, it was probably now going to be damp.
I hoped that wasn’t a portent related to our decision to meet again.
I had just pulled into a space in the town’s leisure centre car park when the first few drops of rain hit the windscreen and I got the feeling that my lightweight jacket wasn’t going to be enough to keep me dry on the walk around the local water meadows.
James had wonderfully but unexpectedly suggested The Meadow Walk, which was part of the longer Gainsborough Trail, but perhaps I shouldn’t have been surprised about his choice given that he’d got excited about walking shoes and a rucksack.
‘I can see you,’ he said, when I answered his call.
‘Do you have any idea how terrifying those four words are to a woman on her own?’ I pointed out, as the rain began to drum more noisily on the car roof.
‘I realised that the second the sentence left my mouth. Sorry,’ he groaned. ‘What I should have said was, have you arrived yet? I just saw a car pull in and I think it might have been yours.’
‘That’s more like it,’ I said, looking around and spotting where he’d parked. ‘And I can see you, too.’
‘Now I’m freaked out,’ he said, and I laughed. ‘Stay where you are and I’ll come over.’
He was only a matter of seconds, but in that time the rain started to hammer down harder and there was a distant rumble of thunder. It was hard to hear it clearly over the noise of the rain, but it was undeniably thunder.
‘Ah!’ James hollered, as he yanked opened the passenger side door, jumped into the seat and slammed the door shut again. ‘Where the hell has this come from?’
‘Hello, James,’ I said, deadpan, as he stuffed a bag in the footwell in front of him.
‘Hello, Tilly,’ he responded breathlessly and laughed. ‘How are you?’
‘Considerably drier than you.’ I smiled and handed him some sheets of kitchen towel.
‘Why have you got kitchen towel in your car?’
‘For moments like these, of course,’ I told him. ‘And aren’t you grateful that I have?’
He rubbed the sheets over his face, round the back of his neck and through his hair, making it stand up on end.
‘Yes,’ he said, as he screwed it up. ‘I am and I’ll make sure to carry some in my own car from now on.’
‘And a rubbish bag, too,’ I said as I took the towel from him and stuffed it in the bag I also kept in the car for such occasions.
‘Are you always so organised?’ he grinned.
‘You’re a fine one to talk,’ I teased. ‘You said earlier that you’ve got a stock of Kendal mint cake.’
‘But I was joking about that,’ he said. ‘Though I do have supplies.’ He pointed at the Waitrose bag he’d brought with him as another rumble of thunder, louder that time, rolled overhead.
‘I thought we might want something to eat and drink after our walk, but I’m not sure if you’re going to want to get out of the car now? ’
‘Are you?’ I laughed. ‘In this.’
We’d been having to practically shout to make ourselves heard, but suddenly and thankfully, the cacophony quietened a little.
‘No,’ he sighed and bit his lip. The action made the temperature in the car spike. Or perhaps that was just me. ‘I suppose not and I was really looking forward to it.’
‘You’re full of surprises, aren’t you?’ I said, because he was.
‘What do you mean?’
‘You’re a barrister who prefers to work for free,’ I reeled off. ‘The day we first met, you were wearing an extremely expensive looking suit and today you’re wearing…’
‘TK Maxx,’ he said, plucking at the fabric of the damp shirt. ‘This was an excellent find in TK Maxx.’
‘You drive a mid-range car and your idea of a first… date,’ I hesitated to say the word out loud, but he didn’t baulk at it, ‘is a walk around some water meadows.’
‘Are you disappointed?’ he asked earnestly.
‘Absolutely not,’ I declared. ‘If anything, I’m relieved and I think you’re great. A conundrum, but a great one.’
‘Well, that’s all right then,’ he said, settling deeper into the seat, ‘because I think you’re great, too.’
I could feel my cheeks starting to flame and cracked the windows a little. They were steaming up as much as I was.
‘So,’ I said. ‘What made you pick here rather than a pub or café?’
‘I’m back off to London later,’ he reminded me, then surprised me again by adding, ‘and I needed a green space top up before I’m chained to my desk again.
I grew up in a very outdoorsy family, and I’ve never kicked the habit.
I go a bit stir crazy if I don’t get outside and look at a tree or a patch of grass every day, and I know London has parks and so on, but not near where I work. ’
I’d never met a more perfect man.
‘I’m the same,’ I told him and, unable to suppress my feelings, I could feel my smile was as wide as my face.
‘That’s makes us a match then,’ he beamed in response.
‘My last partner ditched me because I wanted to go camping in the Lake District rather than spend a fortnight poolside somewhere scorching hot. Sorry.’ He looked mortified.
‘That was ages ago, and clearly I’m out of the dating habit. Who brings up an ex on a first date?’
He sounded mortified which made him even more endearing.
‘If it makes you feel any better,’ I consoled him, ‘I can talk about my ex, too. He dumped me because I’d transformed back into an outdoorsy type who didn’t want to spend her weekends watching sport on TV.’
‘I do feel better,’ James nodded. ‘Thanks for sharing that. Not that I’m happy about your break-up, of course. Though if you hadn’t broken up…’
It struck me then that he might have been feeling a bit nervous.
‘All in the past,’ I smiled. ‘And that’s enough about exes. Why don’t you tell me why you didn’t pick an outdoor career as you’re such a fresh air fiend? I can’t imagine there’s much scope for open air courtrooms.’
‘Can you imagine?’ he said and ran a hand through his hair. ‘That would be amazing.’
‘You’d end up cloud watching and losing your thread in an argument.’
‘You’re so right,’ he said and ducked his head. ‘And I know this explanation will probably sound really corny, but the truth is, I had this urge after Mum died to do some good in the world and striving for justice felt like the right course to take.’
‘Does it still?’ I asked and he twisted in the seat so he could properly look at me. ‘From what you’ve said before, I’ve got the impression that you’re not currently enjoying your work. Or some of it, anyway.’
‘You’re right,’ he sighed. ‘I love the pro bono stuff, that’s where my heart is, but the rest of it… I’ve only been with this firm for about eighteen months, but I knew I’d made a mistake within days of moving to them.’
‘What were you doing before?’
‘Practically all pro bono work with a practice on the Essex–Suffolk border.’
‘And why did you leave?’
‘Money,’ he said bluntly.
‘Oh.’
‘Money and ego.’
‘That doesn’t sound like the guy I thought I was getting to know,’ I frowned.
‘It was completely out of character,’ he quickly explained. ‘But I found myself needing to make a lot more money and the boss of the firm I’ve now moved to was both persuasive and very determined to poach me. He said all the right things and made me an offer I simply couldn’t turn down.’
‘You must be very good at your job if he was so keen to have you.’
‘I get by,’ he said self-effacingly. ‘And the money is great, but he also promised I could spend twenty per cent of my time continuing with the pro bono work.’
‘But you’re finding that isn’t enough?’ I asked, as I flicked the window wipers on.
The sky was completely grey, and it was still pouring with rain.
‘It isn’t actually anywhere near the twenty per cent he promised and now he’s pressuring me to do less and less all the time.’
‘So,’ I sighed, ‘you’re finding the money isn’t worth it.’
‘The money definitely isn’t worth it,’ he repeated. ‘But I still need it.’
I was curious to know what he was doing with it.
‘Would it offend you if I asked why?’ I ventured. ‘Do you have a shocking secret lifestyle to fund?’
‘It’s nothing like that,’ he said seriously and I knew he was being honest with me. ‘There are no skeletons in my closet or bad habits, either.’
‘So, what is it then?’
‘There’s something precious that belongs in my family and by topping up the collective coffers, I’m helping to keep it there.’
‘So, this job is an entirely selfless trade-off then,’ I said, saying it as I saw it. ‘You’re doing something you’re not happy to do, but for the greater good.’
‘You make me sound like a saint or something,’ James protested. ‘I’m not that, but I’m doing, and will continue to do, everything I can to keep things as they are. Even when temptation is thrown in my path…’
‘Temptation?’
‘The unexpected meeting I mentioned was with my former boss. He called me up out of the blue and, when we met, he told me he wants me to go back and take the job I had before.’
‘So, you could go back to doing what you love full-time?’
The expression in his eyes was heartbreaking.
‘I could,’ he said, ‘but at the expense of losing the very thing I’ve been fighting to keep.’
‘Oh, James,’ I sympathised and laid a hand on his arm, ‘that’s so unfair.’
He placed his hand over mine, and even though we were having a heartfelt conversation, I felt my pulse quicken and my temperature rise. It continued to escalate as our eyes locked and neither of us looked away.
‘It’s the pits,’ he sighed and I felt myself leaning towards him.
‘What are you going to do?’ I swallowed.
‘The only thing I can do, carry on.’