10. Lily
CHAPTER TEN
lily
Lily:
I hope you don’t mind if someone crashes our girl dinner tonight.
Michele:
Absolutely not, who is joining?
Lily:
Shadow, Thoren’s on a SAR case so I’m keeping her with me.
Michele:
Ooooh girl, we have catching up to do. I need the tea.
I finished putting a second layer of paint in the living room yesterday and peeled the tape off this morning. The kitchen is next, and I have it all taped off, but I decided not to start until tomorrow since I have Michele coming over for dinner tonight. I’ve been marinating chicken all day, and made a fresh loaf of bread for the side. I even made a small platter of fruits and vegetables for us to snack on. My parents often hosted dinner parties when I was a kid, but they always felt stuffy. It ingrained a desire in me to be an accommodating, but relaxed, host. Serving others is such a joy for me, so I may be going a little overboard, but I can’t help it. I’ve never hosted like this before, but it turns out, I really love it.
Shadow has been my sidekick again, and I have fallen in love with her. I’ve never looked at dog breeds, but when I took a break from writing earlier I looked up information about her. It turns out labs are known for being loyal, affectionate, and intelligent, which isn’t the least bit surprising. All of those attributes fit her well. I also learned you can make healthy treats for them besides the peanut butter biscuits I previously made. I now have a lick bowl in the freezer for her filled with blueberries, strawberries, and bananas.
Mostly, I’ve been trying to keep my mind busy. Since my conversation with Andrea about Tyler, she has texted a few times begging me to put more thought into it. It has been weighing heavily on me, and I could use an outside female perspective. I don’t dare call my mom and let her know because I already know how she’ll react. Michele has been kind and open, and I respect her opinion. I hope she’s ready for me to unload on her tonight and that it won’t scare her off.
Beeps from Michele’s SUV alert me to her arrival as I remove everything from the oven. Shadow lets out some happy woofs when she knocks on the door and I holler for her to come in. She gives the pup some love before coming in, holding up two wine bottles.
“I brought the goods!” she laughs, setting them on the table. She looks put together again, in sleek trousers and a pretty blouse. It’s a polished but comfy look, and she pulls it off effortlessly. “It smells incredible in here, Lily. And look at the paint, it suits the space so well.”
Heat rises up my cheeks at the compliments. “Thank you. Do you want to open one of the bottles and I’ll get out plates?” Michele opens the bottle of Pinot Grigio and pours each of us a glass, while I move the food to my table and set out plates and utensils.
“Cheers,” she says as we clink our glasses together. “Now, I know you said you had things you wanted to talk about, but first, I need to know all about you and Thoren.”
I smirk and swallow my mouthful of food. “There is no ‘me and Thoren’. He’s been a great neighbor and friend, and I’ve been helping out with Shadow. Really, even that doesn’t feel like I’m helping him, more like it’s keeping me from loneliness.”
“Have you seen that man?” she wiggles her eyebrows, taking a sip of the crisp wine. “You could have the dog and the owner, two for one special.”
My laugh is loud and free. “Yes, I have eyes. He’s clearly god’s gift to women, wrapped in a rugged and filthy hot package. Have you seen him use power tools? I swear my panties incinerated on sight.”
Her brows narrow in speculation. “He really is just a great friend. He bought all new boards for my deck last Tuesday and helped me replace the rotting ones. It was really sweet, but I feel awful that he wouldn’t let me pay him for his help or the wood.”
Michele smiles down at her plate, cutting up her chicken. “Don’t feel bad, that’s just the type of man he is. He’s always been selfless, always more concerned with the happiness of others. I really like you, Lily, and I don’t think you ever would but… don’t take advantage of that fact about him. Too many people already have.”
I smile around my wine glass, taking a small sip. I should feel like an outsider, that she’s protecting her old friend over her new, but I don’t. I appreciate the fact that she cares enough about others to look out for them. It only endears me to both of them more. “I promise, I would never.”
“Good. So the deck is the only time you’ve spent together?”
I poke at the vegetables on my plate, a small smile gracing my lips. “He also cooked me dinner Saturday, but that was so he could explain baseball to me. And we went hiking this past Tuesday.”
Her sharp eyes take me in, reading whatever is on my face. “I just ask that I be your first call when your ‘just a friend’ becomes something more.”
We finish up our meal, talking about what properties she’s showing currently and how my book is coming along. When she brings the dishes to the sink, I start packing up a little of everything into a container before putting the rest away.
“Is that for me?” she glances knowingly at the container.
“Oh, it can be. I was going to put this one in Thoren’s fridge later so if he makes it home tonight he doesn’t have to worry about cooking. Do you want me to make one for you, too? There’s plenty of leftovers.”
“Nope,” she pops the p, “I kind of figured that’s what you were doing, but wanted to check. Nice to see someone take care of him for a change.” With that, she grabs the open wine bottle and her glass and meanders out to the back deck.
Trailing behind her with my glass and the frozen treat I made for Shadow, I set it on a towel on the deck so she has something to do, before running back in to grab the plate of snacks I made for us. Michele is emptying the rest of the bottle into our glasses, feet tucked up under her on the couch when I return. With the living room lights shining through the large windows, the outside light isn’t necessary. Under the slight cover of darkness, I feel a sense of invisibility and comfort.
“So, what did you need to talk to me about?”
Drawing in the warm night air, I ponder how to start. “I have a situation that I am not sure how to move forward with, and I would love your opinion. This story isn’t going to paint me in a great light, so if you don’t want to be friends after this, I’ll understand. I just need help figuring out the right thing to do.”
Michele turns fully toward me, not saying a word, just encouraging me to continue when I’m ready. Tyler’s face flashes behind my eyes, his bright green eyes, the subtle grays starting to touch his hair. The soft feel of his hands on me, the flower deliveries on my desk. All of the good things that we had, until we didn’t. The happiness I felt, until he crushed me.
My integrity.
My career.
My heart.
“I worked at a financial firm back in Phoenix. My parents wanted me to have a degree and a career that took me further in life. I double majored in Business and Financial Planning, just like they wanted. The summer between junior and senior year, I interned at this incredible firm. When the summer ended, they offered an extended internship that would end in a job offer when I graduated, so of course, I took it.” Gulping down half my wine sends heat down into my belly. Reveling in the feel of the cool condensation soaking my fingers, I steady my voice to continue.
“My first official day there after graduation, I met Tyler. He was one of the Controllers, and had a hand in orientation for new hires. Even though I worked under one of the account managers, one that worked under another Controller in the company, he helped set me up. There was a spark that first week, as he checked in on me everyday. But he was older, and had a wedding ring, so I kept it professional. For the next three years we saw each other here and there. In meetings, work events, in the break room. We were always friendly, but over time he started to get flirty, toeing the line of professional.” I twirl the wine glass between my fingers, growing uncomfortable. Michele’s stare hasn’t left me from where she still sits quietly, waiting for me to continue. Her face is passively blank, her posture relaxed in comparison to mine.
“Finally, one day he walked past my desk as he was leaving. He mentioned some people from his department were meeting for a drink and invited me along. I didn’t have many friends, so I went. As the night carried on, he moved closer to me, until our legs were touching. He told me that he and his wife had been having problems for years, and just decided they were going to get a divorce. He told me how beautiful and smart and funny I was. How he had seen my worth from day one. I was dumb and naive, and I ate it up. I let him come home with me that evening.” My voice starts to wobble, a single tear slipping free. I shouldn’t let myself be affected by this. But I loved him. For years, I loved him and he played me for a fool.
Michele reaches over, giving my knee a reassuring squeeze. Her eyes are kind, and full of empathy, so I continue. “We started seeing each other after that, in secret. He told me I would be up for a promotion soon, and he didn’t want people thinking it was because we were together so we had to keep it to ourselves. Tyler was sweet, you know? Sending me surprise flowers, taking me to nice restaurants, he even took me on a weekend trip away. We never went to his house though, and it was rare that he would stay the night. He told me his wife was looking for a new place and was staying in the guest room, and that’s why I couldn’t go there. I believed him. Sometimes I would cook dinner for us, and he wouldn’t show. He always had a good excuse, but things slowly got worse. He would leave right after we had sex, and was critical of things I did or said. I would bring it up, and he would apologize and paint a pretty picture of our future; about us getting a house together, once my promotion went through. I thought we were going to build a life together.”
I saw the way he changed around me, losing some of his posh attitude, and taking on narcissistic behaviors. The way he would gaslight me when I brought up ignored calls and texts or missed plans. Over time, his behavior changed from a tender gentleman to a manipulating and controlling man, but I didn’t see it so clearly at the time.
“Oh, Lily,” Michele’s voice is soft as she takes my hand. “Keep going.”
“We had a party at a nice hotel downtown to celebrate fifty years of business. Cocktail attire, catered food, dancing, open bar. We were supposed to go together. I waited for him to pick me up. I waited for almost two hours, and he never answered his phone or showed, so I went on my own. When I walked in, he was already there, his wife draped on his arm. Turns out, they were never getting a divorce, never even separated. I was just the other woman.” The tears are flowing freely now, but Michele’s tight grip gives me the strength to keep going.
“I didn’t make a big scene, I didn’t even confront him. But when his wife went to the restroom, I followed her in and told her everything. I told her how sorry I was but that he told me they were getting divorced and that I had been seeing him for the last two years. Two. Freaking. Years. She slapped me across my face so hard that I was bruised for a week, then stormed out, not saying a word to me. I slipped out of the hotel and cried the whole way home. When I got into work the next Monday morning, I was ushered into HR and fired. They said my performance wasn’t up to their standards, when all of my reviews had been stellar. I called you three weeks after that. Sold my condo, bought this place, and made a deal with my editor for a book series so I could afford it all.”
“What the fuck,” she whispers. She shifts on the couch, her face is beet red, and eyes downturned.
“Here’s where I need the advice. My publisher, Andrea, is the only other person who knows what happened. She thinks that I should sue for wrongful termination. I am so torn. I’m the one that was in the wrong. I saw the red flags and ignored them. I should have never gotten involved with a coworker, let alone one that wasn’t verified divorced. I am so ashamed, and I don’t ever want to face him or anyone else there. No one stood up for me. No one reached out to me. I was all alone.” I set my shoulders, letting the anger of it all wash through me again. “But what if I do nothing, and he does it again? Management knew I shouldn’t have been let go, but went with it anyway. There was a high turnover rate with women in the company, but I never put much thought into it. How many others have been taken advantage of or used, then fired when they realized or spoke up? I think I should sue, I’m just not sure I’m strong enough to stand up and speak up.”
I know my voice is weak, my resolve already crumbling again. I can’t stand up against a company of ‘good old boys’. They will eat me alive in a courtroom, paint me as the scorned lover causing problems at work. My shame will be front and center for everyone to see. I hate cheating, absolutely despise it. Yet, there I was, the other woman for two damn years.
I finally get the nerve to turn to Michele, and the only clear emotion on her face is anger. I get it, I’m angry at myself for being so foolish, too. “Lily, I have a lot to say, but the first and most important is that this was not your fault. You were lied to and manipulated and that is on no one but him. Fuck that guy. As a woman, I can tell you for a fact that I have seen red flags after the fact and wanted to smack myself, but when I was in it, I didn’t see them. You wanted to be loved, there’s nothing wrong with that. He took advantage of your love. Can I ask how old he is?”
“Thirty-nine,” I whisper.
“Old enough to know better and to know exactly what he was doing.” Her words are harsh but true, and the cruelty there isn’t aimed at me. She takes a large gulp of her wine, finishing it off before continuing. “I think that, as women, we often know what we want and what we deserve, yet we accept way below that. Not because we have to, or even because it’s easy, but because it’s expected. It’s expected that we take what’s offered, even if it’s scraps, and then we’re told to say thank you for it. We don’t make waves and make noise, especially in a corporate setting because it’s expected that we respect the men around us, even when we don’t get that same respect back. And I’m sorry, but fuck that. Fuck the expectations. Fuck the scraps. Fuck the tiny dick prick that lied and cheated and abused his power, then tossed you aside like trash. You’re more than that, Lily. So much damn more. You should be angry. You should be furious. You should rain down hell on every bastard there and walk away with your head held high. I think it’s time they expect the blowback for their actions. That they be sued and fired and held accountable for being shit human beings. That’s what I think.” She wipes at the tears streaming down her face, while I stare at her open mouthed in awe. “Sorry, I cry when I’m angry,” she mumbles.
“I think I love you,” I squeeze her hand this time, but she pulls me into a tight embrace instead.
“I’m so sorry that happened, but I think you need to fight it. He deserves to pay,” she says in my ear.
“And if you don’t have the strength to do it on your own, then lean on us,” Thoren’s deep voice cuts through the night air. He looks like an avenging god, eyes dark and filled with fire, his fists clenched tight at his sides. I was so distracted with Michele we didn’t see Shadow leave the porch or hear Thoren walk up.
“How much did you hear?” my voice trembles.
“Enough,” he steps up to the porch and kneels in front of me. “I’m with Chele on this. Fuck that guy, and make him pay.” He places one finger under my chin to bring my eyes to his. “Let us help. You are not in the wrong here, he was. Please believe that, and let us support you through your next steps.”
His handsome face is blurry through my watery eyes, but before I can wipe them, his thumb is there doing it for me. The sweet action causes more tears to fall. These two beautiful souls who I hardly know, just heard my greatest shame. Here they are anyway, supporting me, comforting me, getting angry with me.
Thoren moves then, standing me up and taking my seat before pulling me into his lap. I try not to, but I lean in taking in his woodsy and clean scent while choking on my sobs. “I’m so sorry,” I rasp out around them, but he just pulls me in tighter to his chest.
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Michele adds. “Thoren is right, and we are going to be here holding your hand through whatever your next steps are. We will support whatever your choice is, but I think we both hope it is to take their ass to the cleaners and get fuckface fired.”
A month ago, I was asking how my life was turning out the way it was. What I had done so utterly wrong for it to be taking the turn that it was. I felt defeated, worthless, and utterly alone. One month down the road, and I am living in a dreamy town, pursuing my passion, all while being surrounded by new friends. I don’t want to go back to where I was, but to be able to fully move forward, I need to face the past head on.
Thoren’s hand runs up and down my back, his touch both soothing and searing. His other hand is wrapped in my hair, holding my head against him. His chest rumbles with his quiet whispers telling me that it will be okay, and that he has me now. I let his heat and strength soak into me, taking everything he is offering.
I never expected support from anyone except Andrea in this situation. In my mind, Michele would give me her opinion, but my confession would cause our friendship to drop off. Lasting friendships are not something I am familiar with. I’m not sure if it’s my quiet nature, my straight and narrow pathways my parents set out for me, my lack of self worth, or even a mix of it all. Having two people here that are making a conscious effort to have my back is shaking me to my core.
With my drying tears, I set my shoulders back, sitting up from where Thoren has me wrapped up in his strong arms. “Thank you. You’re right, I’m going to get a lawyer and see what I can do.” I stand, because as good as it feels to be in his arms, I am not in a place to be with someone again.
“We will help with getting a lawyer, if you want?” Michele’s eyes cut to Thoren quickly before facing me. “We can find you the best, and we will stay involved as much or as little as you want.”
“We have you, Lily,” Thoren adds. “Whatever you need, we are here for you.”
“I have some dinner for you, are you hungry?” I turn to Thoren, brushing away the last of the tears and changing the subject. I need to do something with my hands, or something to distract myself from the shame still washing through me. I appreciate their help, and I’ll take it. I just need a moment to take a breath, and let it sink in that I really am going to do this.
“She was going to leave some dinner in your fridge,” Michele cuts in before he can answer with a devious smirk on her face. “Isn’t that sweet?”
Thoren’s gaze locks on mine, a glimmer of something shining there, I’m just not sure what. “It’s very sweet, but my appetite is gone right now. I really appreciate it though, and would love to take it home for later if that’s okay?”
“Of course,” I manage, sitting back down on the other side of him again. “How’d the SAR case go? Was everyone okay?”
“Yeah,” he sits back against the couch, his arm stretching out behind me. “A hiker twisted her ankle pretty badly and couldn’t walk back. Unfortunately, she’s a trail runner and she was almost four miles in so it took us quite a while to find her and then get her carried back out. She’s okay though, and the team did great.”
“I’m glad she’s okay,” I watch Shadow meander over to Thoren and whine at his feet.
Thoren strokes my shoulder, “I better get her home. Thank you so much for taking care of her, Lily.”
“Let me get your food before you go.” The small couch empties as we all stand, vacating my sturdy deck.
“I better go too. Thank you for dinner, and we will talk more about what we can do to help this weekend, okay? I’ll walk him out,” Michele says, as they bring in the wine and platter from the porch, setting them on the counter. I inhale Michele’s floral scent when she wraps me in a hug. I pass Thoren his food, unsure of the appropriate action with him.
“Have a good night, Lily,” Thoren makes sure our fingers touch as he takes the food, sending goose bumps up my arm. Michele winks at me from behind him, heading to the front door.
“Goodnight,” my voice sounds breathy as they head out the front, closing my door behind them.
I feel thoroughly lost, yet renewed all at once.