19. Jake
CHAPTER NINETEEN
jake
Sausage Squad Group Chat Friday Morning
Thoren :
Jake has a girlfriend.
River :
WHAT?!
Jake :
Yeah …what?
Thoren :
Lily said she watched you come out of Amber’s place this morning.
River :
My man. She’s stunning.
Jake :
Watch it. She’s not my gf, we didn’t even fuck last night.
River :
Then what the hell were you doing? Also, protective much?
Thoren :
See! Told you. You don’t stay at a girl’s place and not sleep together unless she’s your gf.
Jake :
She was sick.
River :
And you took care of her? Goodbye bachelor life. How the mighty have fallen.
Jake :
*picture flipping off camera*
Thoren :
I’ll get the deets at friend dinner tomorrow night.
River :
I hate missing all the good shit.
A fter leaving Amber’s place on Friday morning, I rushed home to shower, eat, and change before heading right back to work.
I was planning on showering there, but then she had to go and ruin that.
I knew she would freak out when her fever broke and she realized I helped her shower and dress, but she surprised me.
There was a tenderness to her, and she let me see a small part of her.
I tried to stay quiet and out of her line of sight, hoping that would make it easier for her to keep talking.
It was going well, and I got more insight into who she is until she shut down and put me in the same category as the men who used to fuck her mom.
In my anger, I lashed out in a cruel way, but what the hell?
I opened up to her too and tried to explain that I understood where she was coming from.
Trusting that people have good intentions, or even no intentions, is near impossible some days.
We were trusting each other with our stories until she gutted me with that question.
I might want a lot from her, but none of it in the way she was insinuating.
Then I had to face Lily and her questioning gaze as I picked up my tools from Amber’s store.
If there’s one person I could talk to about this, it would be her.
Instead of confiding in her though, I avoided all conversations and hid in my workshop like a pussy.
Turns out, it was a very productive day that way, except for checking the new camera’s notifications hourly to ensure Amber stayed home.
Now I have to face her at dinner. I left the shop early to come talk with Thoren before the chaos of the women descended onto the house.
Lily puts a beer in my hand and points me to the back deck when I show up.
I love these two together and have no qualms about telling my best friend that his wife is amazing.
Shadow barks and barrels for me when I slip out the back door and take a seat next to Thoren. “Don’t know who was more excited to see me, Lily or Shadow.”
He shakes his head, laughing. “Get your own girls.”
“According to you, I already have one. Her cat’s a boy, though, so it kind of ruins it.”
Avoiding his assessing stare, I bask in the warmth of the summer night and take a sip of the cold beer. “You want to talk about it?” I appreciate that there’s no beating around the bush with him.
“I don’t know, man. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. She’s feisty and funny, and I can push her buttons because she pushes mine right back. But she’s wound so tight, holding everything so close to the chest, I don’t think she will ever be able to let someone in.”
Thoren hums, bending down to throw Shadow’s ball for her again. After another long sip of his beer, he glances back into the house before turning to me. “Can I tell you what I think?”
I feel eyes on the back of my head, and the small smile from him tells me what I already know. “Is this what you think or what Lily thinks? I would trust her opinion more in this matter.”
“Oh, screw off.” He punches my shoulder.
“It’s what we both think. Between subtle comments from my mom and what Lily and I have seen, she needs someone.
She lost the one person she trusted and doesn’t know how to establish that trust with anyone else.
Lily said she’s working on it, but she will need time and patience.
Now, for what I think … Living with you in college showed me you know how to unwind someone.
Maybe she needs someone to take control for a bit so she can let things go. ”
He gives me a meaningful stare, and I know exactly what he’s getting at.
I saw it happen when I doled out her little punishment.
Her body was begging me to take control of the situation at the wedding and again when I followed her into her apartment.
It seems she has had to be in control for so long that she’s desperate for someone to take on the role, even if it’s only for a moment.
She may say she doesn’t want me, but her body says something different.
Her feelings are obvious from the way her eyes trace every ridge of my body, how her breath hitches when I’m near, and the shivers that run down her spine at the sound of my voice.
I’ve been desperate for another taste of her. The way she’s always riling me up stokes the fire inside me, and only she can fan the flames. If she needs to relieve some tension and let go for a while, I’m all too happy to tie her up and give her that release.
Before long, Shadow bounds around the side of the house with her happy woofs and tail wagging.
Reluctantly, I leave Thoren outside to start the grill and head inside to see if Lily needs help.
Michele greets me first, giving me a quick hug, and my gaze catches on Amber.
She looks better, the color back in her cheeks and her eyes bright.
She’s dressed casually in sweats and a hoodie, but the cozy look suits her.
It makes me want to drag her to bed and snuggle her, which is not typical for me.
Plus, I know what’s hiding beneath it, and I want to see it again .
“Anything I can help with?” I ask, grabbing another beer from the fridge.
“If you want to bring the tray with the burgers out, then come back in and grab plates and condiments? We can bring out drinks and toppings when we come out.” Lily smiles over her shoulder, cutting a tomato.
“Absolutely.”
The girls join us outside as we settle around the table.
Michele pulls out the chair next to me, and Lily takes the one across from her.
That leaves the two ends open, and unsurprisingly, Amber takes the one between the girls.
The back porch on the cabin I’m living in is nice, but there’s a homey vibe to their setup here, with the string lights overhead and the potted flowers scattered around the edges.
We always talk about doing more dinners together, but it doesn’t happen as often as we would like.
I cherish these times together. There’s something about eating dinner alone that’s depressing as hell.
It’s the reason I like to eat in the shop, because then it feels like I have an excuse instead of sitting in my quiet cabin by myself.
I’ve noticed Amber likes to work the closing shift at her store, and I wonder if it’s because she feels the same.
“How are you feeling, Amber?” Thoren asks, placing the tray of burgers on the table and taking his seat next to Lily.
“Much better. Seemed to be a twenty-four-hour thing, but it sucked. Thanks for sharing your wife to help in the store.”
“She’s not the only one who helped,” I mutter.
Michele side-eyes me, and I’m guessing this is all news to her. I doubt Amber even told Lily how much I did for her, but I don’t mind keeping her secrets. No one deserves to be embarrassed when they need help.
“You know I’m always happy to help,” Lily says, mouth full of food. “Did you guys hear Thoren’s good news?”
We all turn wide eyes to him, waiting. “Since the department has been having trouble finding someone to take over running the search and rescue (SAR) team, they’re combining it with the Task Force Leader Wildfire position to make it more enticing.
They’ve had ten applications come in this week alone. ”
Thoren is a park ranger, and he loves his job.
He’s also been volunteering with the SAR team since high school, so when they had a position open to run it, they begged him to take it temporarily.
Problem is, that temporary position has been over a year now.
There’s no doubt he would keep the position because that group saved Lily’s life one fateful night, but it takes a lot of his spare time, and I know it’s been harder on him since finding out Lily’s pregnant.
“That’s great. Any good candidates yet?” Michele asks.
Thoren’s gaze bores into hers, and something there makes her flinch.
It isn’t until he glances at me that I realize who they’re talking about.
Michele’s high school boyfriend, Ethan, is a firefighter.
They were attached at the hip until he moved away with his family when he graduated.
If he’s applying, there’s a good chance he’ll get the job.
His dad was the fire chief here for a while, and the town loved him.
“They’re giving priority to locals, and he’s been put in that category.
I’ll let you know if I hear any more on how the interviews are going,” Thoren adds.
Leaning over, I give Chele’s hand a squeeze.
We loved Ethan in high school. He and River were best friends, and I think they still are.
When his dad got a job offer in Colorado, Ethan was eighteen and had just graduated.
He could have stayed, but he chose not to, and that broke Michele in a way I’m not sure she’s ever recovered from.
We will have her back, no matter how this plays out.
Clearing her throat to break the tension, Lily looks lovingly at her husband before sending me a wink. “There’s another reason that’s good news,” she declares. “He’s going to need more time off to spend with the baby. ”
She drops it so casually that the eruption of screams from Amber and Chele are startling. There’s a rush of squeals, hugs, and congratulations. I may already know, but I play into it and show my genuine excitement. These two will be the most incredible parents.
When the excitement dies down, we go back to eating our dinner while the girls ask about how Lily has been feeling, her cravings, and all the things that go along with pregnancy.
“Our poor kid will be old by the time you guys get it together and pop out some friends for him or her.” Thoren eyes us all speculatively like we’re going to volunteer to have kids for him.
“I’m not having kids,” I state without shame. “I had a vasectomy four years ago.”
I love kids and think they’re great, but I have no desire to have any of my own.
My business is my baby, and I like the freedom of doing what I want.
There’s no judgment for working late nights, spending hours at the gym, or riding my bike a little recklessly when I don’t have kids in the picture.
I’ve never had to bring it up to a woman yet, but there’s a fear that I’ll never find someone who shares the same sentiment.
Looking around the table, everyone looks stunned by my revelation.
Shocking us all, it’s Amber who breaks the awkward silence.
“I’ve never wanted children either. I love them and can’t wait to come get baby snuggles and buy them obnoxious toys and cute outfits, but I will not be having any of my own. ”
“I should clarify. I will be the funkle and will love all the little noisemakers you have.”
Amber’s heated gaze snags with mine. I’m aware the conversation is continuing around us, but I can’t seem to focus on anyone but her.
She’s the first to look away as I clue back into the discussion.
The topic changes again, and we all take our time chatting about life and how boring we’ve gotten as we age.
Chele is the oldest at thirty, but Thoren and I are only a year behind .
“I think I’m going to get my nipples pierced,” Michele claims out of nowhere.
Beer flies from my mouth, and Thoren chokes on his bite of cookie that was set out for dessert. “Jesus, Chele, give us some warning,” he coughs out.
“What? I need something exciting in my life. Jakey boy has his dick done, why can’t I get my tits? They’re nice tits.”
“They’re exceptional tits,” Amber comments. “You have the nicest tits at this table, for sure. No offense, Lily.”
“None taken. She wore this low-cut top last week, and I’ve never wanted to motorboat anything so bad in my life.” Lily shrugs.
This, right here, is why I love this group of people.
You never know what will come out of their mouths, and there’s never a dull moment.
My soul doesn’t feel so heavy with them around.
Michele and Thoren know how much I fought in school, hell, even how many bar fights I got in when I moved back after college.
They know I can come off as a dick and my asshole persona isn’t always a persona. Yet they love me anyway.
When the night starts winding down, and Lily’s eyelids start to droop, we help clean up and head for the door. “My place next month,” I tell them all. “I’ll snag one of my outdoor tables for the evening. Dinner will be whatever lil mama is craving at the time.”
“Good man,” Lily says, wrapping her arms around me, and I drop a kiss to her head. “Now, everyone get out of my house so I can go to bed.”