28. Amber
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
amber
T his week has been so busy I haven’t had too much time to dwell on the two conflicting things happening in my life.
Like how I’m falling for Jake, even after I told him last weekend that things between us need to remain strictly platonic.
Or how I’m supposed to go on a date with Kyle tonight and my initial excitement about it is turning into slight dread.
Kyle’s feelings for me have been a little more clear lately with the way he follows me around the gym.
It’s only started since Jake swapped to morning workouts with us, and it almost seems territorial more than anything.
I need to give him this shot though because I have to know if my feelings for Jake are normal or if that’s how I can feel with any man.
Will there be a spark on this date, or will I spend the whole time comparing him to Jake?
I’ve always tried to hide the darker parts of myself from the world, but Jake sees it so easily and makes me feel like it’s okay.
Like struggling not to see the worst in people and taking my anger out on him when I’m hurting are normal things.
If I show a glimpse of that to someone so cheery and bright like Kyle, will he be as accepting?
I always thought I needed someone light to balance out my dark, but maybe I’ve been wrong.
Maybe I need someone who isn’t afraid to seek me out in the overwhelming depths.
A steady presence to hold my hand until I’m ready to face the light again.
Jana used to say things like that. She was always trying to get me to see that while I saw hardships and felt pain as a child, my blackened soul was the coal waiting to meet the right person who would spark my fire back to life.
Only someone who had a soul made of coal like mine would know how to care for the embers of my burned past and treat them with care until together, we would burn brighter than either of us ever imagined.
I owe it to her, and to myself, to find that person.
I’ve never put real effort into dating, and it’s about time.
I told Natasha about my date with Kyle this week, and while she seemed surprised, she asked if she could pick out my outfit.
I’m only six years older than her, but apparently, she sees me as a decrepit old maid who needs help securing a man. It’s possible she’s not wrong.
So, that’s how I find myself sitting on my bed petting Socks on Saturday evening while Natasha rummages through my drawers and small closet trying to find the perfect outfit. “How is it that you own a boutique and know all the perfect styles to order, yet half your wardrobe is jeans and leggings?”
I roll my eyes, my fingers splaying through Socks’s fur, his purr the only other sound in my apartment aside from her rustling around. “They’re comfy. I have a few dresses somewhere in there.”
“Try this on,” she says, laying a little black dress on the bed. “Where are your heels?”
Begrudgingly, I grab it and make my way to the bathroom. “Top shelf in the closet. You know we’re just going to get drinks, right? I know you can’t do that yet, but I don’t think people normally wear heels.”
Her reply is muted through the bathroom door, but it sounds like she says, “Beauty is pain.” More like beauty is awkward being the only one overdressed to grab a beer.
With the dress on, which I have to admit looks great, I step out.
It’s my favorite little black dress, essentially a tight T-shirt that extends to my mid-thigh.
It’s not overly sexy, but it hugs my curves perfectly and is easy to pair with anything.
Natasha whistles when I step out, looking me over.
“Hot. Okay, this jacket and these shoes,” she says, handing me a lightweight jean jacket and black combat boots.
I have to admit, it gives sexy and badass vibes while still looking effortless.
I’m glad she didn’t go with heels because I was planning on walking to the bar, and heels aren’t really my thing.
“Jake would love this whole look, and can you imagine yourself on the back of his bike in this? So hot.” She fans herself, then picks up Socks to cuddle.
“I’m going out with Kyle from the gym, remember?”
She rolls her eyes, lying back on the bed. I’m curling my hair in the bathroom with the door open so I can still hear her. “Whatever, you’re missing out with the big guy. Colby said he’s really cool.”
“Ohhh, what else did Colby say?”
Her cheeks tinge pink, and she tries to hide from my gaze through the mirror. “I say this apartment is badass. I need something like this. My parents are driving me crazy.”
We continue talking while I finish getting ready until it’s time for me to head out.
Natasha is like the little sister I never had, so I love having her around.
I can’t hide in my apartment with her forever though, so I grab my purse, and we head out.
With her car parked out back, I make sure she gets to it safe, noticing Jake’s bike is still here.
Trying to avoid an awkward interaction, I jog past his shop even though he has the bay doors closed.
The walk to the bar is nice in the warm summer evening, and I can’t help but preen over the front of my store.
Our street is clean, and all the stores have quaint fronts, but with my new flower boxes, Cedar and Sage stands out among them.
I’m still secretly swooning over the fact that Jake did that for me for no reason other than he could.
There are two bars in Cedar Ridge: The Burnt Barrel and Loggers.
I know, real original with the names around here.
Loggers is a little more gritty, geared toward the locals and is the place to go for decent cheap drinks.
The Burnt Barrel, where Kyle is meeting me, is newer and a little classier.
The music isn’t as loud, the decor is rustic but nice, and the drinks are drastically overpriced.
It’s a nicer joint for a date, so I don’t mind the spot.
When I pull open the heavy wooden door, the sounds and smells of a rowdy bar assault my senses.
There’s a live band playing in the corner and clinking glasses coming from the bar.
With a quick glance around, I see Kyle sitting at a small table made from a whiskey barrel near the back of the bar.
His eyes raking over my form widen in appreciation.
It feels different than when Jake does it, but I brush that thought off.
He doesn’t stand when I get to the table, so I take the open seat across from him. “Hey, Kyle,” I say plastering on a smile. “Have you been here long?”
“Just long enough to have a beer to calm my nerves.” He winks. “I’ve never seen you out of gym attire. You look great.”
“Thanks, you clean up nice as well.” He’s clean shaven like always, his hair buzzed short.
His khakis and T-shirt look dressy but not fancy, which I can appreciate.
There’s a boy-next-door charm about him that fits with his easygoing demeanor.
“I’m going to grab a drink, would you like another beer? ”
“I’ll get them. What would you like?”
When he comes back to the table, he sets down my pale ale in front of me, and I take a sip.
The cold beer slides down easier than the whiskey I’ve been enjoying more frequently with Jake around.
“I’m glad we were able to finally do this.
I’ve wanted to ask you out for a long time, but I knew you had a lot going on with Jana’s health.
I wanted to give you time to get over that.
” He must miss my flinch at the reminder of her and the harsh way he said that because he keeps talking.
“Then I saw you around with that shady asshole, and I thought it was time.” I wish he wouldn’t have continued speaking, as that sentence is another slap to the face.
He has to be talking about Jake, and I don’t like his assumption of him. Before I can stand up for him, Kyle keeps going. “I’m sorry about her passing. I wish you would have let me be there for you more.”
I hum in acknowledgment, then take another sip of my beer.
While I’ve known Kyle for a few years, it’s been surface level.
A few quick conversations here and there between sets or stretches hardly makes us close enough for him to help me through her death.
Plus, he didn’t really try except for some nice words here and there.
I try to think of something to move the conversation along.
“This place is pretty nice. I’ve only been here once, but it’s not a far walk from my place, so maybe I’ll have to come more often. Have you been here much?”
He leans forward, running his tongue over his bottom lip.
“Talking about walking to your place already? Buy me a drink first, Amber.” His hand lands on mine, and he winks.
It’s meant to be flirty, but it sends shivers of disgust through me.
The sparks I get from Jake every time he’s near are missing, and his touch feels all sorts of wrong.
I subtly try to pull my hand away, but he turns my palm over and draws on my open palm with his finger. “So what do you do for fun?”
An uncomfortable chuckle leaves my lips. “I don’t even know what fun is anymore. Most of my time is spent working, but I enjoy spending time with my friends as often as I can. What about you?”
“I can show you fun.” He winks again, and I fight the urge to cringe.
This is not the same man from the gym. Kyle can be a little forward, but this is off-putting.
When he sees the look on my face, he laughs like that was a hilarious joke.
It wasn’t. “My buddies and I like to golf. There’s a nice course a few towns over we try to frequent.
It’s attached to a five-star hotel we often stay at, if you ever need a getaway. ”
Are all guys this creepy on dates? He said he was nervous, and maybe he gets verbal diarrhea when he’s like that.
Either way, I’m growing more uncomfortable by the moment.
Jake called him a douche, and I thought it was a jealousy thing, but boy, was I wrong.
I didn’t even tell the girls to call twenty minutes into the date for a bailout because I knew Kyle.
Never in my wildest dreams did I think the quiet and kind guy from the gym would turn into this .
I’m debating escaping to the bathroom to text one of them when I feel him .
I’ve had Kyle’s eyes on me all night and would have never known if I wasn’t staring at him, yet Jake’s gaze is like a heated caress across my skin.
I’m instantly put at ease knowing he’s here.
I’ve been fighting my growing feelings for him and the fact he gives me a sense of safety, but now I’m sinking into the feeling.
Kyle must spot him as well because his smile instantly sours. His fingers grip around my wrist in a claim as he glances between me and somewhere behind me. “Do you want to go somewhere else? I know you said your place isn’t far.”
The one downside of never having dated is having no experience with letting a guy down easy.
I like Kyle at the gym and don’t want to ruin the friendship we have, but that is where things need to end with us.
He hasn’t tried to get to know me at all, and it seems like he’s only here to get laid, which was never on the table for me.
He also answered the one question I’ve been asking myself all week.
The way I feel with Jake is not a normal occurrence .
“I don’t, actually. Look, I think you’re a great guy, but I’m not feeling a connection between us.
You’re a good friend, and I hope this doesn’t make things weird when we see each other around.
” I slip my wrist from his grasp and head straight for the door.
I’m uncomfortable and want to crawl into bed and forget about this mess.
When I pass the bar, Jake’s eyes connect with mine, and he stands to follow me out but so does Kyle.
I’m two steps out of the door when his arrogant laugh follows me.
It sounds downright wicked as he shows a side of him I’ve never seen.
Kyle grabs my shoulder, spinning me around to face him.
“You’re just like every other bitch out there.
Flaunting around, stringing along every guy you can.
It’s because of him, isn’t it?” he spits.
“I’m so fucking tired of nice guys finishing last. You want me to be an asshole like him?
Is that what girls like you need? I can be an asshole, sweetheart. ”
Hot tears sting my eyes, and I try to pull away from him again. “Let me go, Kyle. This isn’t who you are.”
His body presses closer to mine, the smell of stale beer coating his breath. “But it’s who you want, right? You need to be pushed around and controlled. Someone to tell you what you need?” His fingers dig tighter into my shoulder as I wince with pain.
I’m frozen, afraid of this man. I do want those things, but I want them with Jake, who knows what I want and need and gives them freely. Jake, who would never put his hands on me in anger. Jake, who gives me the space to explore myself and knows how to put my mind and body at ease.
“Please, Kyle. Let me go.” My words come out in a scared cry.
In an instant, Jake has his hand wrapped around Kyle’s throat. “She said let go,” he says with a deadly calm.