31. Amber
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
amber
H azy light shines through my living room window, barely making its way to the corner of my room.
After two rounds of passionate sex, Jake and I fell asleep, only to wake up in the night for him to shove my head in the mattress and fuck me hard and fast from behind.
A smile crawls over my lips at the ache between my legs with its own heartbeat.
Sex with Jake is unbelievable, but sex with Jake where he tells me I’m his, tips the scales.
His body is warm and hard against mine, his little snores tickling the hairs on my neck.
It feels good being in the safety of his embrace.
He proved last night how safe I am with him.
I’m a little worried the cops will come and take him away, but he said it was fine.
I don’t know if that means he knows Kyle won’t say anything or if he just doesn’t care if he presses charges.
I think I’ve been falling for Jake a lot harder than I realized.
Trying to avoid my feelings has done nothing except make them come forward tenfold after acknowledging them.
He said I was worth it before he beat the hell out of Kyle.
When he saw me crying after, he probably thought I was upset about what Kyle had said or the fight, but that wasn’t it.
Those were the first words Jana said when she came to pick me up after my mom died.
I remember a caseworker telling her she would have months of costly court cases before the state awarded her full custody and I would probably have mental health issues and was at risk of being a troubled youth.
Jana simply looked at me over her shoulder with the softest smile and said, “She’s worth it. ”
When Jake parroted those words, I lost it. Spending eleven years with my mom broke down my sense of self-worth, but Jana did her best to build it back up. I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear it from someone else until he said it. Then he fought for me. Literally.
Violence shouldn’t turn me on, it really shouldn’t. Yet, there I was, falling for the guy as blood sprayed across his face when he broke Kyle’s nose. It confirmed my original thought that I indeed had a type, and that type was Jacob Anderson.
“Good morning.” Jake’s rough sleep voice skitters over my neck, and his arm tightens around me. He winces, and I look down to see I should have bandaged his knuckles last night. They’re not as swollen, but they look angry, and the cuts need antiseptic.
I roll in his embrace so I can see his handsome face. There’s a slight bruise forming along his jaw, barely peeking out from his stubble. “How are you feeling?”
His smile is filled with mirth, and he gently cups my pussy, watching for my reaction. “The real question is, how are you feeling?”
“A little sore,” I admit, kissing his chest.
“I can kiss it better,” he says, tucking my hair behind my ear before tilting my chin to look at him.
“No freaking out this morning. It killed me to walk out of here every other morning, but I did it because I saw the panic in your eyes. No more of that, Whiskey. No running. I’m staying, no matter what, you understand? ”
My lips lift of their own accord. “Yes, Jake. ”
With a deep chuckle, he leans forward, pressing an achingly soft kiss to my lips. “I love when you do what you’re told. Don’t let that fire burn out though, baby. It gets me hard when you fight with me.”
That makes me freeze. This is the whole reason I’ve been running from him.
Jake is amazing and he cares deeply, but that doesn’t mean we would be good together, even if I’m getting in deep.
Couples shouldn’t fight like cats and dogs.
They shouldn’t enjoy trading barbs. “Jake, I—” I don’t even know what to say. How to get this out.
He scoots back and sits up against the headboard, his biceps bulging as he crosses his arms and scowls at me. “Don’t stop now. Say what you need to say so I can tell you it is utter shit.”
He’s mad again, and it’s all my fault. I keep hurting him, and that’s the last thing I want.
Wiping my hands down my thighs, I try to start again.
“This isn’t what a relationship should look like.
Two people together shouldn’t find joy in fighting and taking their anger out on each other.
It isn’t normal and it isn’t healthy. It’s part of the reason I went out with Kyle.
” Jake’s eyes darken and he clenches his jaw. “You and I, we aren’t the safe choice.”
“That’s all you got?” I nod, feeling even worse now.
“You don’t want a safe bet, Amber. You want passion and fire and a love that burns so hot you get warm just being around it.
You need someone who matches your fight, your darkness, and your anger.
Someone who lets you explode when you feel overwhelmed and loves you even deeper after.
You think this isn’t how two people should treat each other?
With love and respect, and a safe place to land when their emotions get too big? ”
He runs his hands down his face, and a knot sits heavy in my throat. “I’m tired of fighting.”
“Baby, fighting is all you know how to do. You’ve spent your childhood fighting for yourself, then fighting to keep yourself together, and now fighting to keep everyone out.
But instead of fighting to not let people in, how about you fight for love?
For the life you want? For something real?
Fight with me, fight for me, let me take over the fight, Amber, I don’t care.
Just … just don’t push me away anymore.” His eyes are imploring me to hear the words he’s saying and take them to heart.
Every word out of his mouth rings true. It makes no sense that he’s as inexperienced in relationships as I am yet can see things so clearly.
Maybe it’s just me he sees clearly. It’s what I told myself when I first met him, that I needed someone who could sit in the dark with me on days I couldn’t handle the sun.
Jake has been living in the shadows as long as me, but even in the shadows, his presence ignites a warmth that chases away the chill and loneliness I’ve always known.
He’s been holding my hand and leading me back into the sun little by little, with every kindness he’s shown and every project he’s done.
Every time, he ignited my spark when it felt like it might be going out.
He’s been drawing me closer to the shore’s edge and out of the depths I couldn’t handle alone.
“Is this why you’re always pushing my buttons?”
A small smile graces his lips. “I hate that desolate look in your eyes. The look you get when you start to spiral is just as bad. If I push the right nerve, your eyes spark to life and I see the fight come back to you. I’ve been low before, Amber, and I’ve been trying to keep you from hitting the bottom. ”
Holy shit, Jake has been helping me fight my depression in the only way I would let him. Sneakily, behind my back because I was too stupid to see that every interaction was intentional to bring us closer and show me I could fight for myself. But now I don’t have to.
“Thank you.” My voice breaks as I whisper out the words. I crawl across the bed to him, and he pulls me into his lap, threading his fingers through my hair.
“You’re welcome,” he whispers into my hair, placing a kiss there. “Sooo, do you remember the IOU I made you promise me when I agreed to let you keep your storage space?”
Well, I had forgotten, but I remember now. “Y-yes …”
“Being the generous man that I am,” he states, “I’ve decided to give you a choice. You can go on a date of my choosing with me, or you can let Socks have a sleepover with me for one whole weekend.”
I bark out a laugh, not expecting that. “You would need a litter box, a kitty carrier, food?—”
“I have it all but the carrier. Also have some mouse and feather toys. I bought them after you rushed from my place last time, claiming you couldn’t leave Socks alone. Now you can just bring him with.” He tightens his arms around me, sounding a little sheepish.
That was weeks ago. I can’t believe he did that. The friendship between him and my cat is something I never saw coming but is stupidly cute. I’m about to tell him he can take him any weekend he wants and choose the date, but he opens his mouth again.
With his lips pressed to my ear, he whispers, “I also still have your panties. The only way you’re getting them back is covered in my cum for you to wear all day.”
That should not be hot, that really, really should not be hot. “Just for that, I’m choosing the date.”
I feel his smile against my cheek. “It was a win either way, baby.”