Chapter 32
Elena
ENZO, HAS TO GO OUT OF TOWN TO NEW YORK FOR THE WEEK, HE LEAVES HIS driver with us in case I need to run errands. I have strict instructions not to leave the house alone. Possessive much.
Angel and I aren’t allowed to go anywhere without him unless absolutely, necessary, and even then, only after notifying him first.
Angel is asleep after binging on pizza and crispy treats, the housekeeper is off today; since Enzo isn’t here, I didn’t think it necessary to keep her around for nothing so I asked him if she could have time off to visit her daughter, which he was okay with.
That leaves me alone. The house is eerily quiet.
The back of my neck prickles and I turn around, eyes scanning the vast span of the house.
I feel like the very walls are staring at me in judgement.
It's only times like this that I let the thoughts filter my mind, all these pictures, looking at me, watching… judging. We agreed to pack them away, a few at a time, but looking around, I notice that they’re all still here.
Enzo has only packed up the photos he had of Victoria in his office.
All the other pictures are still here, untouched.
With my new found freedom, I do something I swore I never would.
Making my way up the stairs I turn right towards Enzo’s bedroom, I’ve been in here before but never looked around.
Just the odd occasion I came looking for him, to relay a message or bring Angel to him to say goodnight. I’ve never lingered.
The door is unlocked. I push it open and step inside.
It’s still as I remember. Soft greys and creams with bold splashes of black everywhere.
The nightstand has a picture of Victoria carrying Angelo as a baby with Enzo standing behind them as she sits on a chair looking proud.
A wave of jealousy seeps through me and I feel horrible.
We’ve never made love in here, I wouldn’t come in here, not for that, but he hasn’t brought me up here either and I suspect I know why.
I walk to the mirrored dresser, a hairbrush lays on top of the polished wood, soft bristles and gilded carvings adorn the handle.
I pick it up and notice strands of long black hair…
her hair… gone over a year ago but still her hair is here on her hairbrush, lying here as though she just used it this morning.
I walk over to the closet, pulling open the doors. I’ve never seen inside here before. It’s a walk-in closet. It’s dark, so I feel around looking for a light switch.
I feel something on the wall and flip it.
Nothing could prepare me for the sight in front of me.
On the left; rows and rows of dresses, shirts, scarves, jeans and sweaters, all neatly packed.
They look fresh and clean and smell of laundry soap.
What the fuck? Are her clothes being washed and packed?
This is insane. A sweet vanilla smell hits my nostrils and I follow the scent; a pretty summer dress hangs on a hook.
It smells of vanilla and an undertone of rose.
I turn towards the island in the middle of the room, bottles of perfume line the surface.
One; in particular, seems out of line as if used recently and placed back in haste.
I pick it up, removing the cap and inhale.
It’s the same scent that’s on the dress.
The revelation has the impact of running into a brick wall.
He’s not over her. He’ll never be over her. My eyes bulges at the scene before me. He has her clothes washed regularly, still sprays her perfume on that dress. Her brush is still on the dresser… with her hair on it and this house, with all those pictures… it’s like a fucking shrine.
“This is fucked up.”
“Yes, it is.” I spin at the sound. My pulse racing. I hadn’t realised I’d said it out loud, just like I hadn’t realized I was being watched.
“It’s okay Elena. I’m glad you found out. I have been telling my brother for ages to pack all this away. For some reason he’s clinging on to it. What that reason is, I’ll never know.”
“This is not normal. I feel like an intruder. This place is not a home, it’s a shrine.”
“You’re right.” Tony walks into the closet and stands next to me.
“I’m sorry Elena, I told him it’s unfair to you.
That he needs to move on. He can’t have you both.
You need someone to give you a hundred percent of themselves.
All or nothing because you deserve nothing less.
That day at the restaurant when you walked up to us, you were a vision.
I knew then, just as I know now that you were meant to be in our lives, but not at a cost to yourself. ”
“I don’t know how to process all of this.” I say honestly, because it’s true.
“You both need to talk.”
“You’re right.”
I shake my head and walk out of that god forsaken room.
I’ll talk to Enzo when he gets back from his trip.
We can get past this, if he is willing to compromise.
Then I’ll tell him about my own secret, about Matt and what happened to me, and the nightmares I still have.
They still come, though far apart and sometimes in between, only when I sleep alone. We both need a reset, to prioritize.
I’m sitting on a stool at the kitchen counter when Tony walks in. I don’t look up.
“You know Bella, my parents had a deep-rooted love. They were so close that they would often finish each other’s sentences.
They taught us that you only have one love, that marriage is sacred and that you never stray, no matter what.
Marriage is sacred and the vows you make on your wedding day, you take to your grave. ”
“You’re telling me this because?”
“Because I want you to understand. Enzo is torn between loving you and letting Vic go. Letting her go means he is breaking the promise to love her and keep her forever.” He chuckles low and mockingly.
“I always thought wedding vows too serious. Why can’t we just promise to love, honour and obey every day that we are alive? ’
“We haven’t spoken of love.” I whisper softly, eyes lowered. A feeling of shame washes over me. Enzo hasn’t said the words but somehow this revelation still hurts; more than I care to admit.
“Oh, he loves you, I know for certain. It’s why he’s holding on to Victoria for dear life.”
I frown not understanding.
“The more he falls in love with you, the further you take him away from her. Eventually he’ll have to face the truth that he no longer loves her or even, that he loves you more.
More than he ever did her. And therein lies the problem, because he was raised believing that you only have one love, that your first love is your true love.
But here he is, first love gone and he loves the second fiercely, more than he ever loved Victoria. ”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do, I see it every day and I envy him for it.” There’s a pause and Tony hesitates, before continuing.
“You said I could talk to you about anything and you would not judge… you would not betray my confidence?”
“Yes, I did, and I meant it.”
“Well, Elena, the truth is, I’m in love with a woman I can never have.
She doesn’t see me. It’s like I’m invisible.
I want her, I want her so bad. I want her to feel what she does to me, to see me for the broken man I am and I want her to love me regardless.
But how can that happen if she doesn’t even know how I feel?
I can’t tell her, I’m too afraid of rejection, but every time I see her, smell her, when she’s in close proximity, I just want to reach out and grab her, force her to see what she does to me.
But she won’t, she won’t see, and I can’t have her. She’s not mine.”
He smiles, a dark shadow cast over his eyes, he seems hollow, lost, hopeless… and I feel for him.
I get off the stool and move towards him. I make a move to hold him but he puts his hands up to stop me.
“No! Don’t… Please.”
“Tony, we both could use a friend right now. Let me be your friend.”
I move forward and hug him anyway. He doesn’t resist. Instead, he hugs me back so tight, I feel the air leave my lungs. But I don’t complain. I soak it up. I need this as much as he does.
“You should talk to her, tell her how you feel. If she still doesn’t want you, then she never deserved you but you’ll never know unless you try. That’s all we can do… try.”
He bends, lowers his lips to my head, placing a soft kiss there. These moments, never make me feel awkward. Tony is seen as the charmer, the seductive playboy… but I know underneath all that bravado, lies a vulnerable man, afraid to have his heart broken.
“My brother doesn’t deserve you.”
We pull apart and he smiles sadly before turning and walking away. I didn’t even ask him what he came over for.
I will speak to Enzo about everything when he gets back.