Elena’s Letter
Enzo.
You were right. You almost always are. I never should have went to that park, I never should have been so reckless.
I was negligent. You were right about that too, and now I must live with the fact that my Angel is suffering and in pain because of me.
It breaks my heart that I’m not there with him.
But that’s the thing though isn’t it. Because as much as I love that little boy, the fact of the matter is…
he isn’t my little boy and I most certainly am not his mother, as you so explicitly pointed out.
I never tried to be, you know. All I wanted was to give him new experiences, to shower him with love, take him places, let him make friends and show him he is loved.
That he is… wanted. As far as you and I are concerned, I guess this is us NOT working out.
It is what it is. There’s no coming back from this.
It was an epic adventure with you, it was beautiful in every way that mattered…
until, it wasn’t. Such is life, I suppose.
You live and you learn. I just wish that the universe would take pity on me and stop sending lessons my way.
I’m tired of learning. So tired of searching for that happily ever after that I write in my books.
Reality is no fairytale. I never had it.
I suppose that’s why I write it. It's been a privilege Enzo. I do hope to see Angel every now and then… supervised visits of course with Cece or Tony if you’ll allow it.
I will arrange to get the rest of my stuff shortly.
Please allow me some time while I try to find a place. For now, I have everything I need.
Consider this my notice of resignation with immediate effect. I have already contacted the agency to send potential candidates for you and Cece has agreed to look after Angel until you find someone else.
Elena.
My chest clenches as I read her words. She’s left. We were so good together. She was everything but now because of my stupid temper… I’ve lost her. When did she speak to my mother? Probably when I was in the room with Angelo, after that episode in the waiting room.
The waiting room. I think back to the words I said to her, how she backed away from me and when I raised my hand to poke my finger at her, she flinched. She was scared of me. The thought that she would be afraid of me causes bile to rise up my throat.
Doesn’t she know that I would never hurt her?
I could never tarnish her perfect body. I was angry…
yes. But I would never raise my hand on a woman.
Elena was made to be worshipped. Judging from her letter she’s had her fair share of assholes and now I’m no better, just another bad memory. Another man to take her for granted.
At first my calls go unanswered, then eventually they stopped going through altogether. Same with my messages and emails. She’s completely shut me out. I have no idea where she is, if she’s safe, if she’s okay.
I even tried Evelyn, who promptly told me to go fuck myself.
Tony hasn’t been around much. He only comes by to see Angelo and give him candy when he thinks I’m not looking.
Then there’s Angelo constantly asking for Ellie.
He even asked Tony. Tony told him Ellie is gone on a holiday and he’ll see her soon.
I asked him if he’d heard from Elena and all I got was a ‘yes’.
The doorbell rings so I drag myself out of my misery and pull the door open.
“You look pathetic brother.”
“Nice to see you too.”
“I wanted to take Angel out for a bit.”
“He’s with mama.”
“I know, just wanted to ask you in person… and to see if you’ve had a shower. I can smell my answer.” He makes a face and pinches his nose.
“Fuck off. You’re taking him to see Elena, aren’t you?”
“I am. She’s missing him.”
“But not me.” I say sulkily.
“I don’t know what to tell you Enzo. You hurt her. I heard what you said to her, the way you screamed at her. What did you expect to happen?”
“So, you just swoop in to save the day? Invading my space, playing the knight in shining armour?” My voice is as bitter as my words.
“No. It just so happened that every time she needed a friend; I was there.
When you couldn’t figure out if you wanted her or not, sending mixed signals about a promise then fucking her with your eyes.
I was there.
When she noticed all Victorias, photographs were still around after you told her that you would put them away.
I was there.
When she found Victorias hairbrush with her hair still on it… one year later and still there on the dresser. Guess what brother. You were working and I was there.
When she walked into the closet and realized that you have Mrs. Wilkens wash Victoria’s clothes and spray her perfume on them.
I was there, brother.”
The shock of what he’s saying takes me by surprise. She knew. She knew about that and yet she said nothing. She stayed then. Maybe, just maybe there is hope after all but, I’m still hurt and now, I’m angry at my brother for being the man I couldn’t be, so I hurt him back.
“As if you know anything about relationships and being there?” My words are pure venom and I instantly regret them.
“Low blow brother. That’s in poor taste, even for you.
You and I know I’m no knight in shining armour.
We both have our demons. I’m merely here to pick up the pieces of the mess you made…
like I always do and I’ll bear the burden with a smile.
So yes, I’ll be there for Elena if she needs me.
I’ll let her cry on my shoulder like I’ve done multiple times since she left this god forsaken house.
I’ll let her do that tonight or any other night if that’s what she needs.
I’ll be the one to hold her hand and listen to her pour her heart out if that’s what she wants.
Hell, I’ll even help her move out of this tomb you’ve created because she deserves so much better than the empty husk of a man you’ve given her and you certainly don’t deserve the light that she’s brought to this place. ”
He stops, taking a deep breath before continuing.
“I love you because you’re my brother, Family above all else.
But ask yourself are you angry with Elena because Angelo was hurt while in her care or are you angry with yourself because as usual, when he needed you, when they both needed you, you weren’t there?
That boy has lost enough. It may have been an act of God that he lost his mother, but God didn’t take away his father…
You did! And now you’ve taken Elena away too. ”
I know he’s right. But his words hurt nonetheless. It fucking hurts.
“I’m not the villain in Elena’s story brother.”
He turns slowly and leaves me to my misery.