13. Roman
CHAPTER 13
ROMAN
I waited at the end of the driveway early the next morning as Ursula pulled to a stop.
“Good morning,” I said as I slid into the passenger seat.
She held out a travel mug to me without a word. A deep gulp of the delicious, creamy, sweet nectar of the Gods burned as it went down. Sometimes, the reward was worth the pain.
“Thank you.”
Silence filled the space between us. We drank our coffee while she navigated through the early morning traffic.
“I appreciate you picking me up,” I mumbled into my cup.
“No biggie. I figured it would give me the chance to tell you about the people coming with us.”
My brow twitched in confusion. “Is there an issue?”
“No, but I wanted to let you in on the dynamic of the group. I’m trusting you a lot, Captain.”
“Okay. Color me curious.”
“The group going out today is all very… colorful.”
“Colorful?”
I knew she was trying to hint at something, but I was flummoxed by it.
“You might say they’re all the colors of the rainbow.”
Rainbow? What the… “Oh,” I sighed with realization.
And the military didn’t think there were very many gays serving. Idiots, the lot of them. I had lost count of how many times I’d had this conversation since being commissioned. Thank God for Gaydar. Serving was difficult; serving while hiding was worse.
“Is that a problem for you?” The words were sharp as a razor, with a hardened edge.
“No,” I said with a laugh before continuing. “I like to taste the rainbow.”
She gigglesnorted, “I knew I liked you.”
She made her way into the parking lot at the train station. Pushing the shifter into park, she motioned toward the station.
“That’s our bunch.”
My eyes roved over the group of men and women, stopping at a tall guy who looked just a smidge shorter than me. He had dark hair, a swimmer’s build, and the most adorable baby face. He didn’t hold a candle to Carson, but he was here and apparently on the spectrum. That was two points in his favor. If he spoke to me instead of ignoring me, he’d take the trifecta.
“Jesus, he’s not that damn pretty.”
“What? Who?”
“Don’t give me that bullshit. You might as well have switched from human to canine the way your head tilted with interest. You remind me of a puppy looking at a new toy.”
I hummed under my breath, but she wasn’t wrong, and as much as he wasn’t who I wanted, it had been a long time since I got laid. There wasn’t anything wrong with looking.
God. I was a mess. The situation was a mess.
“That’s Gunnar, by the way.”
I glanced at her and back at the others and said, “Good to know. What about the others?”
“Let’s go get you introduced so we can get our tickets.”
I followed behind her, taking in the people waiting for us. The group was an even split of men and women. Clustered together in twos and threes, with the gorgeous baby face standing off to the side.
We stopped before them, and Ursula said, “Hey everyone! I dragged the new doc from the ER along today. This is Roman.”
I waved slightly. “Hey.”
Ursula went around the group, pointing out people as she went.
“That’s Sally. She’s Navy and works in the lab. Next to her is Marjorie. She’s Army and an OR nurse manager. Then there’s Robin and Nathan, both Air Force docs and on the medical flight unit. Brett and Ryan are next, and then there’s Gunnar. Gunnar’s an Air Force pediatrician, Brett is a radiologist, and Ryan is a physical therapist.”
“It’s nice meeting you all.”
“Ursula…” Hannah said.
“Yeah, yeah. I know. We’ve gotta scoot, or we’ll miss the train.”
We boarded the train fairly quickly once we got our tickets. We split up, taking seats in the same groupings I noticed outside, which left Gunnar and me as the singles. My gaze searched out Ursula, and she smirked at me as she sat down between Brett and Ryan.
Oh, dear God. This was a setup.
“Jesus.”
The mumbled curse came from Gunnar, who was walking up the aisle in front of me. He flopped down in a seat, and with no other options, I sat down across from him.
“She couldn’t be any more obvious if she tried,” I whispered, cautious of who might be nearby.
His chuckle got strangled by the groan, and I couldn’t help but laugh with him.
“I don’t know what she’s thinking,” he matched my tone.
“I’m sure it’s well-intentioned. She seems like good people.”
He nodded. “She is, but she’s determined.”
Looking over to where Ursula sat, I noticed her glancing back at me. She mouthed, “You’re welcome.”
I rolled my eyes at her.
“So, did you PCS here, or are you on a temporary assignment?”
I grunted and shifted in my seat before responding, “It’s temporary, or that’s what they tell me, but you know how that goes.”
“Yeah. They brought me in to fill in for someone who got forward deployed, and when they volunteered for another tour, I got voluntold.”
“That sucks but Larmcy and the surrounding area are nice. I paid to bring my family over since I spent the last year at Bagram.”
“Family?” His shock was clear as day.
“Yeah. I have a little girl. My mom lives with us, so I have live-in childcare.”
“Oh, shit. I thought… umm…”
Huffing a laugh, I said, “I am. Long story.”
“I’d say. I can’t imagine how that would even happen for me.”
“Well, I didn’t plan it, but I damn sure wouldn’t change it. She’s the light of my life.”
“Oh, shit. I’ve stuck my foot in my mouth. I didn’t mean…”
“No, I get it. It’s not something many of us find ourselves in,” I said vaguely.
We were at the back of the car and surrounded by people Ursula considered safe, but I didn’t know them that well. I shouldn’t even be talking with Gunnar like I was, but he seemed okay.
The train ride to Munich was several hours long, but we passed it comfortably. We chatted about colleges and med schools, places we’d trained, and deployments. Gunnar was several years older than me, even though he looked like he could still be in school and had spent a couple of tours forward deployed.
“They deployed a peds guy?”
“It’s the military. At the end of the day, I’m a doctor, and kids are just tiny adults.”
The conversation continued, and we were still chatting when the train rolled into Munich. Ursula, who had been in Germany the longest, ushered us off the train. We followed her toward the festival, grabbing drinks from the first stand we came to.
“Was kann ich dir bringen?” the guy behind the counter asked.
I looked around at the beers they had listed without a clue what I should get.
“Du wahlst.” I wanted to try something local and authentic, so I told the guy to choose.
The guy chuckled and corrected me. “Nicht du wahlst. Such du aus.”
I nodded and repeated the phrase. “Such du aus.”
He smiled, then gave me a sample of two different brews. One of them, the lighter one, sucked, but the darker one was delicious.
“Zwei davon, bitte. Was ist das?” I asked, ordering two of the darker one. I also wanted to know what it was so I could order it later. I’d learned my lesson long ago about mixing drinks up.
“Schwarzbier,” he responded as he took my cash.
I took another drink and knew I would need food, and soon. “Wo is jetzt die Wurst?”
He stepped back, cupped his junk, and said, “Hier ist die Wurst!”
The guys working with him, along with anyone who heard him, exploded into a raucous cacophony of laughter at my expense.
Ursula snorted and said, “You stepped right into that one.”
I nodded and laughed, then said, “Vielleicht sp?ter.”
The guy laughed and passed me a card. I looked down at it. I smirked and shoved the card with the phone number on it into my pocket.
“Come on, stud, pants sausage can wait until later. I know where you can get the ones that go with beer,” Gunnar said, laughing at me.
We wandered off, and several hours later, Gunnar and I trailed behind the others. Sausages and beer sloshed in my belly, keeping me just shy of nauseous.
Gunnar looked at me, “You okay?”
I nodded.
“Oh! Let’s ride that!” Sally called over her shoulder.
I looked up at what she was racing toward and said, “Fuck that. Not happening.”
There was no way the sausages I had earlier would stay put if I got on that thing. Gunnar waved Ursula off.
“Let’s sit,” he said, placing a hand at the small of my back to guide me.
I sighed. It wasn’t the first time he’d touched me. Shy smiles and grazing touches had occurred since we left the train and entered the festival crowd. It was so busy I didn’t think people would notice unless you stripped naked.
The warm pressure of his hand spread throughout my body, lighting a fire in my belly. I pressed back into his touch. It had been so long since someone touched me like this, and my body longed for intimacy while my heart screamed at me in protest.
“I need a drink,” I said.
Maybe if I kept drinking, I could drown out the thought I was cheating on Carson. If I thought the situation sucked before, this was even worse. At least before he popped back into my life, I could push my feelings for him aside long enough to get laid, but now, even this small touch made my stomach churn with betrayal.
He pressed me onto a bench and said, “A drink is the last thing you need. Stay put. I’m going to grab some pretzels and water. I’ll be right back.”
I dropped my head onto my crossed arms on the tabletop, praying for… something. I didn’t know what.
“Hey, sit up for me and drink some water.”
Swallowing past the lump of sickness, I raised my head. He squatted next to me, one hand holding out the cup of water and the other on my lower back. His touch ignited a war within me yet again.
I stared into his warm brown eyes as I took the cup from him.
“Just sip it, okay? Slowly.”
My head bobbed, and I did as he said. I knew this stuff, but I was such a mess.
“I’m sorry,” I muttered into the cup.
“It’s okay, hon. Happens to the best of us. I’m more tipsy than I planned on getting myself.”
I nodded. He pushed the plate toward me.
“Eat.”
I nibbled at pieces of the pretzel as I tore them off. He stayed next to me the whole time, squatting and staring while I got my stomach back under control.
A few more sips and another few bites, and he asked, “Better?”
“Yeah. Thank you.”
“You’re very welcome. Do you want to stay here or walk around a bit?”
“Let’s walk.”
He stood, and as I followed, everything slowed as if someone hit slow motion on a movie scene. The space between us disappeared. Swallowed up by him stepping forward to keep his balance when a passerby bumped into him. He was nearly the same height, and his mouth came closer and closer. The soft, plump, shiny pink lips drew my gaze until my eyes crossed, forcing them closed, just as they pressed into mine.
I gasped, only to choke when, instead of pulling away, he grabbed my hips, pulled me into his body, and deepened the kiss. My affection-starved body caught fire, ignoring the guilt swirling under my skin as my tongue came out to dance with his.
Seconds or an eon passed. I didn’t know which. I felt too good to care. Too good to step away. Instead, I brought my arms up, letting my forearms rest on his shoulders as I cradled his head in my palms. He circled my waist. His arms, like two steel bands, pressing us together from head to toe.
“Damn! That’s fucking hot!”
The words broke through the haze of lust, and I pushed Gunnar away, stepping out of his arms as my hand swiped over my mouth, only to come back there to rest. Neither of us moved. We just stared at each other.
What had I done?
“That wasn’t exactly smart,” Gunnar said.
I nodded and wiped my mouth, looking around us in a panic. “That’s putting it mildly.”
I stormed off, trying to put some space between us, but I could feel him behind me, following me. I slowed and turned. He stopped right in front of me, his chest brushing mine as we both tried to settle our breathing.
“I’d apologize, but that might give you the impression I regretted kissing you, and that couldn’t be further from the truth.”
I stared into his eyes, and the urge to kiss him again washed over me, drowning the guilt I felt. Carson didn’t want me, but Gunnar did, and who the hell turns down a young Tom Cruise lookalike? Hopefully, Gunnar wasn’t as crazy as the doppelg?nger turned out to be.
Gunnar’s eyes fell to my lips. My pants tightened, watching his tongue glide over his puffy, wet, shiny, pink bottom lip.
My hand circled his throat as I leaned into him, our mouths a whisper apart.
“If you don’t stop that shit, I’m going to shove my cock down your throat so your tongue’s too busy to tease me like that.”
His Adam’s apple bobbed under my palm.
“Yes, that,” he gasped. “Do that.”
I grabbed his arm, shoved him in front of me, and headed toward the nearest hotel. They always had a bathroom on the first floor with a door that locked. If not, I’d rent a fucking room. I was over the celibate routine. Hook-ups and fucking randos got me through the last decade. It would do for the future, too, since what I wanted was outta the question.
Spying the sign for the bathroom, I pushed us through the door and used my foot to slam it shut. My mouth descended on his as I fumbled for the lock with one hand and my belt with the other.
The grunts, groans, and moans filled the room, echoing off the walls. His hands shoved mine out of the way, and I focused on tongue fucking his skull. His tongue brushed mine, twirling and twining together.
The heat ratcheted up as my fly parted, and he shoved his hand inside.
I shoved against his shoulder, pushing him to his knees. He looked up at me. The brown eyes that looked warm before looked like dark, molten chocolate now, and I had to close my eyes as Carson’s blue eyes flash before mine.
“Jesus, you’ve got a beautiful dick,” he said as he buried his nose between my dick and balls.
His tongue bathed my nuts before he sucked them into his mouth, one at a time. When the second one popped free, I rubbed my dick over his lips, teasing him until his mouth fell open in a needy whine.
“Please…”
That’s what I wanted. What I needed.
I fed him my cock and did my damnedest to drown myself in the feeling of his hot, wet mouth sucking me like a pro. When it didn’t work, I grabbed his head and worked my throbbing shaft in and out of his throat. The gagging and moaning chorus should’ve helped me block out the vision of Carson on his knees worshipping my cock, but it didn’t. It just made it harder for me to get off.
Pulling out of Gunnar’s mouth, I yanked him to his feet and shoved him, face first, into the wall.
“Tell me you’ve got supplies,” I demanded.
He nodded, pulling them out of his pocket before dropping his pants. I rolled the condom down my dick and slicked it up. I stroked myself a couple of times as he took another lube packet from me and prepped himself.
I lined myself up and sank into him as soon as he was ready. Slow and steady, I inched into him. His ass sucked me in, and my head rolled back on my shoulders. His channel spasmed, and I thrust forward a little harder.
He gasped, “Fuck, you're big. Gimme a second.”
He grabbed my hip to hold me still and used the other arm to brace himself so that his face didn’t bounce off the tile wall. I tried not to move, but I needed a distraction because the minute the lusty haze cleared, Carson’s face flashed through my mind like a lightning strike.
Leaning forward, I kissed my way up his neck and reached for his junk. He’d gone half soft, but that was to be expected. Kissing and licking his neck as I fondled him, I whispered in his ear, “Has it been a while?”
He nodded. The movement slid him back and forth on my cock, making him twitch.
“I think someone gets off on a bit of pain.”
“A bit, yes, but God damn, it felt like you split me in half.”
I laughed, biting down on his earlobe.
“Not yet. But give me a bit.”
He rolled his hips, riding my dick. When a moan filled the room instead of the sharp pain-filled gasp from a moment ago, I knew he was ready.
“Hmmm. Hold on. It’s been a fucking coon’s age since I’ve been balls deep in an ass this tight.”
Placing one hand on his shoulder and the other on his hip, I rolled my hips in and out of him, slowly at first, making sure he was good to go. I picked up speed as he met my thrusts, pummeling him.
His cries and grunts and mumbled ‘oh Gods’ echoed off the walls, and I sank into them, focusing on the suction of his ass gripping my cock. The soft walls fluttered around me, and his breathing sped up, keeping time with my hips and his hand as he jerked his cock.
My body sang.
The base of my spine tingled, and I needed to fucking come, but I clenched my teeth to hold off the orgasm building in me.
I was an ass. I was using him to erase the person I wanted in his place.
But I refused to let myself come first.
“Oh, God! Yes, yes, yes, yes… Gah!” he yelled so loud I was certain the hotel staff had gotten an earful, but I didn’t care because he locked down on me, holding me in place, and that was it.
Lightning flashed in my brain, and my cock erupted in his ass, jumping and twitching as I came.
I fell forward, my head resting on his shoulder. Guilt and shame raged within me. I should be better than this. I was better than this.
I swore to myself when Margo was born that this life was over. That fucking random guys in public bathrooms wasn’t how I was going to live my life. My child had to come first.
As if that wasn’t enough to make self-hatred bloom in the churning mess in my gut, the guilt of betraying Carson, even though he didn’t even know how I felt, definitely did. I shouldn’t feel guilty for getting my rocks off with someone else when the person I want walked away from me and blew me off.
Before Gunnar clued in on the war going on inside me, I grasped the condom and pulled out then tossed it in the trash. Wetting some paper towels at the sink, I turned to help Gunnar get cleaned up.
He held out his hand, and I almost handed the wet towels to him, but I shook my head and took care of him myself. Once he and I were clean, I pulled him into a kiss. Our tongues danced together slowly, lust sated for the time being.
Gunnar seemed to be a great guy. A military doctor who knew the life and understood the demands. A pediatrician, so he had to like kids. Whether he would like my sassy little sweetheart, who knew? Whether she would like him when I got around to introducing them, if I got around to introducing them, was yet to be seen, but I could do a whole lot worse.
When we parted, I said, “If we weren’t here with everyone else, and I didn’t have to get home to Margot, I’d get a room so we could do that again.”
The words came out softly because I was sure if I said them any louder, they’d have gotten stuck in my throat.
“Maybe another time,” he said with a smile.
I nodded and led him out of the bathroom, making sure the coast was clear instead of answering.