41. Kaitlyn
FORTY-ONE
Kaitlyn
I promised him the impossible.
I can’t stay. I shouldn’t even be here. I should’ve left hours ago but every time I look up from my computer screen to tell him that I have to leave, I realize that even though I know I should, leaving is the last thing I want to do.
True to his word, when we finally made our way back to the house, Went kept his distance. Leaving me to resume studying, he disappeared upstairs. A few minutes later, I heard the muted drone of the shower. Which honestly made studying next to impossible because all I could think of was how badly I wanted to see the full, unfiltered view of all the way naked Went because if what I happened to catch in my peripheral on the dock this morning is any indication, the man is a living, breathing god.
He came downstairs about thirty minutes later, wearing a pair of jeans and a plain white T-shirt, endless swirls of ink running down the length of both arms. Creeping up the side of his neck from the collar of his shirt. All I could think about was what they felt like under my hands. Tasted like against my tongue.
Feet bare, dark hair damp and tousled from being towel dried, he walked past me on the way to the living room where he has his workspace set up near the window. I watch him over my shoulder while he pulls a pocketknife out of the front pocket of his jeans. Flicking it open, he uses it to sharpen his pencils, working slowly and carefully to get each of them to an exact point before setting one aside and reaching for another, dark gaze narrowed in concentration. Seemingly oblivious to the fact that I’m blatantly staring at him. Who would’ve thought that watching someone sharpen a pencil could be such a turn on?
Gaze focused on his long, blunt-tipped fingers, I remember what it was like to feel them wrapped around my throat. The press of his palm. The way they gripped themselves in my hair. Used their hold to angle and position me on a groan so he could do what I was asking of him.
Kiss me .
Suddenly unable to breathe, I turn around, squirming uncomfortably in my seat, to stare at the computer screen until it starts to blur. I repeat the cycle—stare at Went and fantasize about all the things I want him to do to me, only to snap out of it to make a failed attempt at studying— until it’s late afternoon and I decide that I’m as ready for my finals as I’m ever going to be.
I remind myself that it’s useless anyway—that even if I pass my finals and one of the nursing schools I’ve applied to accepts me, it doesn’t matter. Brock will never allow me to continue school. He’ll never allow me to do anything that might promote or encourage independence. I’ll be expected to live and behave like his mother. Live for him. Behave as if he’s the beginning and the end of my entire world.
I think that’s why I agreed to stay.
Because this is the only time that what I want will ever matter.
Closing my new laptop, I swivel around in my seat a final time to look at him. He stripped his shirt off an hour ago and has been using it to rub the shiny gray graphite off his fingers while he stares at his work in front of him. I can’t see it, the width of his shoulders makes seeing anything past him almost impossible, but he keeps looking out the window. Whatever he’s working on, the subject must be outside.
“Went.”
I say his name quietly, half hoping he doesn’t hear me.
“ Hmmm …” He makes an acknowledging no ise in the back of his throat without lifting his head.
“It’s getting late.”
I watch his shoulders tense for a moment before he sets his pencil down. Turning, he gives me a scowl. “So?”
“So, it’s Two-tone’s dinner time. I have to—”
“You said you were going to stay.” He says it carefully like he’s working hard at controlling his tone.
“I did stay.”
Standing, Went tosses the pencil in his hand onto the table he’s working at. “We both know what I meant.” Looking down, he seems surprised and mildly exasperated to find that he’s no longer wearing his shirt. Snapping it up from the back of his chair, he pulls it on while he walks toward me, closing the distance between us in a handful of strides. “You know I didn’t just want you to stay for the day.” Stopping in front of me, he shakes his head. “I want you to stay .”
“I know…” I nod, swallowing hard. Not because I’m afraid. Because I don’t want to leave. Because I’m seconds away from giving in. “But—”
“Is this about what I said to you on the dock?” His tone changes. The scowl on his face softening slightly with worry. “Look, I’m not going to say that I didn’t mean it or that I was just kidding around because I meant every word, but I’d never force you into—”
I shake my head on a quiet laugh. “Considering the things you’ve allowed me to do in the name of my bucket list and how much restraint you’ve shown, I would think you’d know better than to think I’m afraid of you.” Thinking of the things he let me do to him—the things I asked him to do to me—on the countertop behind me, I fight the urge to squirm in my seat again. “You could’ve taken advantage of me a hundred times over by now if you wanted to.”
“I wanted to.” His gaze dips lower, grazing across my mouth before he lifts it again to find mine. “Believe me, Sunshine—I fucking wanted to.”
“But you didn’t.” I shake my head. “I’m not afraid of you.” Saying it out loud makes me realize that I’ve never been afraid of him. Not even when he wanted me to be.
The scowl on his face tightens again. “Then what is it?”
“I have responsibilities.” Shaking my head, I stumble a bit. “I can’t just—”
“Why is everything your responsibility?” he asks me, his tone more resigned than angry. “When was the last time your sister shoveled horse shit? Or did the grocery shopping? Or scrubbed a goddamned toilet?”
Never .
To be honest, I’m not even sure Abbey has ever been inside the barn and I’m damn sure she’s never held a toilet brush. Instead of telling him the truth, I ignore the question altogether.
“Damien will be here soon.” He’s never told me but I know his brother comes up here after work. Stays for dinner. “If he knows I spent the day here... he’s loyal to my father. If he thinks something might be going on between us, he’ll—”
“One—” Went holds up a finger. “there is absolutely something going on between us. And two—” He flips up finger number 2. “he already knows. He saw me kiss you on the dock yesterday morning.” Something flickers in his dark eyes before he shakes his head. “But if it’ll make you feel better, I’ll call him and tell him not to come. That—”
“No.” I shake my head, suddenly desperate. “You can’t do that. Nothing is more important than spending time with your brother—trust me.”
His jaw flexes hard and shifts like he has a mouthful of words he wants to spit out. Swallowing them, his shoulders slump in defeat. “Okay, Sunshine…” Giving me a barely there nod, he gives up. Starts to back away from me. “If you don’t want to stay, then—”
“I’ll come back.” It comes out in a rush and I’m surprised at how relieved I feel when I say it.
Reclosing the distance, Went steps into me, lifting a hand to slip it around the back of my neck. Thumb pressed into the soft skin under my chin, he angles it. looking down at me, Went pins me in place with those devil back eyes of his and I’m suddenly sure I can’t leave. Couldn’t if my life depended on it. “When?”
“Tomorrow.” I feel my breath flutter in my throat, my lids going heavy, when he stokes the rough pad of his thumb down the length of it and up again. “I’ll come back tomorrow.”
“And you’ll stay.” It’s not a question but I nod anyway.
“I’ll stay—” Reaching up, I wrap a hand around his thick wrist, my fingers not even close to touching. “for as long as I can.”
Relief shows plainly on his face and I realize Went isn’t mad that I’m leaving. He’s upset because he doesn’t think I’m coming back. That whatever’s happening between us is too much for me to handle. Thumb still pressed into the underside of my chin, Went leans down to brush his lips against mine, his fingers tightening around the back of my neck when the pressure of his mouth pulls a soft sigh up the length of my throat.
Pulling back, Went drops his hand and takes a step back on a sigh of his own. “I guess this means I’m sleeping alone and all the way naked after all.”