Chapter 31
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Forests and blooming fields and glittering rivers flow past below us as Draven, Galen, Lyra, Alistair, and I fly towards the home of the Black Dragon Clan.
The Western Isles. Excitement thrums inside me at the thought.
I can’t wait to see what it looks like. To see where Draven comes from.
I want to know everything about him. See everything he loves.
Learn about everything that has made him him.
A town appears on the horizon. I watch it get bigger as we draw closer, and an idea flits through my head.
“I want to try using my magic while we have this union bond active,” I say into Draven’s mind. “To feel what the difference is. Can I do that or will it distract you too much while flying?”
“I don’t think I will notice it at all,” he thinks back. “And as long as you don’t project those fantasies into my mind again, I don’t think anything can distract me.”
“You mean these?” I send very vivid images into his mind again.
He wobbles slightly in the air, making Galen turn his head towards us. Draven quickly levels out again, once more flying straight as an arrow.
“Oh, you wicked little thing,” he murmurs into my mind.
I grin while the rushing winds tug at my hair, making it flutter behind me. But I refrain from projecting any more dirty thoughts into Draven’s mind and instead focus on my new mission as we draw closer to the town.
Summoning my magic, I throw it towards the town in search of bone white sparks of fear. Since three black dragons are flying towards the city, I’m assuming that a lot of people in it are currently afraid that their home is about to be attacked.
My guess was right, and I find a mass of bone white flames burning inside the city. The sheer number of them is staggering. Not as many as when I manipulated everyone’s anger in Frostfell, but still so many people that it’s going to require enormous amounts of magic to lower them all.
With a push, I start doing just that.
Shock hits me when I manage to decrease their fear while using less than half of the energy I normally would need to use.
Quickly releasing the grip on my magic again, I look down at the city right as we reach it. This union bond is going to make a huge difference in the war. I squint down at the people who flash past far below. I wonder what it’s like when I create emotions in this state.
Visualizing a warm yellow flame of joy, I shove it down towards the closest person we pass.
Insane pleasure hits me like a shockwave. It’s so intense that my vision blacks out for a second and I almost fall off Draven’s back. Dragging in a shuddering breath, I bask in that incredible sensation.
Then panic pulses through me. Oh Goddess, I forgot to stop the emotions from flowing through our mate bond, which means that Draven can feel this too. With immense effort, I cut off the connection.
Cold, harsh reality crashes over me again. The difference is so stark that it leaves me completely disoriented for a few seconds, but I make sure to keep my emotions solely on my side of our mate bond this time.
Again, again, again, my mind whispers.
Terror grips me, as I worry that Draven could hear that too. But it’s silent from his side of the union bond, so I must have only thought that to myself.
I swallow. Then guilt starts twisting inside me as I turn my head and look back towards the human below whose personality I permanently changed.
I wonder if it was even worse for that person now that my magic is stronger.
I really wish that I could remove the emotions afterwards, the way that Jocasta and other fae with emotion magic can. That would—
My thoughts come to an abrupt halt as I notice something in the air. A slight shimmer. It’s so thin and so faint that it’s almost invisible. If I hadn’t been looking straight at it like this, I would’ve missed it.
Confused, I reach towards it.
But my hand passes right through it when I try to touch it.
Still twisted around so that I’m looking backwards, I cock my head as I continue studying that thin thread.
If I didn’t know better, I would say that it almost looks like a tiny trail of magic.
My magic, specifically. But I’ve already disconnected my magic, so it can’t be. Still…
I narrow my eyes. The thread runs straight back towards the human who I just used my magic on.
Lifting my gaze, I glance around me.
Shock and a terrifying amount of hope hit me when I see other faint trails streaming out in several directions around me. Like thin shimmering threads.
My heart starts pounding in my chest. It can’t be…
Can it?
I try closing the union bond between me and Draven.
Those thin trails around me fade at first. But now that I know what to look for, I can see them again if I concentrate. Even though the union bond is closed.
Swallowing, I can barely breathe as I open the union bond again.
The shimmering threads are still there, now shining a little more brightly.
With my pulse now thrumming in my ears, I reach out with my magic towards that first strand I saw. Then I sever it.
It snaps and then vanishes into thin air.
My energy builds up slightly.
I reach my magic towards the next thread and sever it too. Then I do the same with the next one. And the next one.
Every time I do, I feel a small amount of magical energy return to me. My heart is beating so hard that I can barely hear anything anymore. We have left the town far behind at this point, so I can’t tell for certain. But a new town is quickly coming up in front of us.
Summoning a massive flame of joy, I get ready. Draven is flying fast and high above the town, so it isn’t until we’ve almost passed it that I find a person to test my theory on.
A man is standing atop a watchtower by the wall. I shove that huge flame of joy into his chest. Even from this distance, I can see him start to dance around in joy.
I quickly cut off the flow of my magic and then also sever the thin thread that appears in the air before me. Twisting my body around, I gaze back at the man as Draven flies past.
He stops dancing.
And my entire worldview just… tilts.
The emotions that I create are not permanent. They can be removed. I just couldn’t see that final thread that my stronger magic leaves behind until my magic became even more powerful due to this union bond with Draven.
Mabona’s fucking tits.
I can remove emotions!
Regret hits me like a gut punch.
My parents.
Oh Goddess, if I accidentally created flames of hatred in their chests, I would have been able to remove them.
If I had checked to see if they had my magic in their chests.
If they were still alive. If I hadn’t been so busy and prioritized other things.
If I had been able to save them before Jessina killed them. If—
My breathing comes in fits and starts as I begin hyperventilating while grief and regret strangle my chest like bands of cold iron.
Those awfully vivid memories that Orion showed me over and over again for twelve hours straight flash before my eyes repeatedly.
My chest feels like it’s caving in. My heart is going to burst. It’s going to give out and I’m going to die. I’m going to—
“Selena,” Draven suddenly says into my mind, worry lacing his voice. “What’s going on?”
Oh fuck. In my shock and panic, I forgot to continue blocking my emotions from traveling through our mate bond, which means that he can now feel a faint echo of them too.
Scrambling to pull myself together, I keep my emotions firmly on my side of the mate bond while I create another flame of joy and throw it back towards the city we passed. Pleasure and relief wash through me as it connects.
“I’m fine,” I reply, desperately trying to keep my thoughts casual. “I was just trying a technique with my magic, but it didn’t work so well.”
I quickly sever the connection and then create another emotion. And then another. And another. It feeds that terrible need inside me and forces the grief and regret aside.
“Are you sure?” Draven asks, still sounding worried.
“Yeah,” I think back. “Like I said, I’m testing things out with this new union bond.”
He’s silent for a few seconds. I create several more emotions to feel that warm comfort while I’m still desperately trying to pull myself together.
“What about that burst of pleasure from a few minutes ago?” he asks into my mind.
“I’ve been meaning to ask about it for a while.
Sometimes when you use your magic, I feel a faint echo of pleasure through our mate bond.
It doesn’t happen every time. But it happened while we were fighting in the Great Games in the Unseelie Court.
And it happened again now just a few minutes ago. Is that part of your magic?”
Full-blown panic hits me. By Mabona, he knows.
In a burst of pure willpower, I cut off the flow to my magic and let all of it fade out. I can barely breathe through the grief and pain that hit me the moment it’s gone, but I know that Draven is waiting for an answer, so I force myself to block it out.
“Yeah, it happens sporadically to all who use emotion magic,” I reply into his mind in as neutral a voice as I can muster. “Jocasta has an entire scientific explanation for it.”
“Huh.” He is silent for a few seconds, and when he speaks into my mind again, I can almost hear a faint hint of suspicion in his voice. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because you would get jealous if you knew that something other than you can make me feel pleasure,” I reply immediately in a voice full of teasing. “And… case in point.”
He laughs into my mind. It immediately dispels those hints of suspicion.
I draw in a deep breath of relief. While finally gathering my wits completely again, I vow to myself to be stronger next time and never succumb to this embarrassing need for magic again. I can resist it. Goddess damn it, I need to resist it.
During the rest of the journey, I do my best to block out those lingering cravings that remain after I used my magic so many times.
The pleasure I feel is even stronger while our union bond is open, so it takes me all the way to the shores of the sea until I have finally gotten myself completely under control.
The anticipation of seeing Draven’s home also gives me something else to think about, which helps distract me from that addictive need even more.
A massive smile spreads across my lips when we leave the land behind and fly out across the sea.
The bright sky above makes the water glitter like jewels where it stretches out endlessly before us.
The sight of it soothes my soul and fills me with both giddy excitement and intense yearning at the same time.
I project that feeling into Draven’s mind.
“I know, right?” Draven replies, and I can hear the smile in his voice. “I feel the same.”
I gaze out at that endless horizon. “I can’t wait to see this entire world with you.
When this is all over, you and I are going to fly right into this open horizon.
We’re going to explore every corner of this world that both of us have been denied for so long.
We’re going to wring every drop of joy and pleasure and adventure from it. ”
“Promise?”
“I promise. You will get the freedom you deserve, Draven. I will make sure of it.”
“So will you, little rebel.”
I smile, projecting the feeling at him.
But deep inside, fear pulses inside my chest. I’ve always been so sure that we will be able to make it through this together. All of us. But after what happened to Orion, and then to Grey, I’m terrified that we will have to sacrifice more than we gain in order to win this war.
Because I don’t want to sacrifice anything.
I refuse to sacrifice anything.
Even if it means that I have to become the worst villain this realm has ever seen.
If I lose Draven, or any of my friends, I’m going to burn this whole fucking world to the ground.