19. Chapter 19
19
Chapter 19
Violet
I waited for a moment hoping she would just leave because I knew who it had to be and what she was going to ask, and I knew I couldn’t say no.
Another knock.
I might as well get this over with.
I opened the door to Nathara standing with her arms crossed and an aggravated look on her face.
“We are going dress shopping tomorrow, and Celine said I should invite you.”
“Why did she say that?” I asked even though I had no doubt as to why she would bring me into this—to watch me be tortured.
“She said I should get to know you before you become one of my ladies,” she said as she peeked around me into my room.
It took everything in me not to slam the door in her face. Celine had already made a remark about this to me when she told me I had to come with her to the Night Realm. I had thought it was her just trying to get a reaction out of me, but hearing Nathara say it made it so much worse.
But I couldn’t refuse. I had to play the part until Calum got us out of this.
“What time should I be ready?” I said as I tried to muster up a smile.
“Noon,” Nathara said before looking me up and down and continuing. “Please tell me you’ll look better than you do right now after you get ready.”
Gods help me.
“I’ll try to fix myself up tomorrow for you.”
Without responding, she turned around and walked back down the hall.
Bitch.
After clearing the air with Sebastian and actually feeling like we were in a good place, a place of understanding each other a little better, I didn’t dread dinner as much as I usually did.
Nathara had gotten in my head with her remark earlier, so I took my time getting ready for dinner. I wanted to be as beautiful as Bronwen, and as much as I hated to even think about her, Celine . Their eyes practically glowed with the vibrancy of their shades of blues and greens while my eyes were dim and dull. Their hair was both so different, yet both so alluring. I envied their distinct looks as I had nothing to compete with them.
It shouldn’t have bothered me. There was nothing to compete for as I had the one I wanted, and he had never made me feel less than beautiful. But a part of me wanted others to think I was beautiful.
I removed the ribbon that I always used to tie my hair up. It was a habit I had formed ever since Astrid used to fix my hair when I was a faeling. It gave off a look of innocence, which never bothered me before, but being here—surrounded by goddess-like ladies—I wanted to look like them.
As a few strands of hair fell in my face, I ran my fingers through them and tucked the right side behind my ear.
I shuffled through the drawer in the desk where I had placed a few of my personal items in until I found the small bag of makeup I had. It was nothing more than a few eyeshadows and lip stains that my father had brought back from his travels with Calum’s father over the years.
No one had ever taught me how to correctly use makeup, so I taught myself. A little eyeshadow to bring out my eyes—if that was even possible—and a soft pink on my lips.
I looked through the dresses in my closet but none of them compared to the ones in the garment bag I had hung in the back of the closet.
And I had never felt as beautiful and sexy as I did in the purple dress at the last dinner I attended. Bronwen had helped me choose a few more at the seamstress’s shop that day. The purple dress, a couple black, and a dusty blue that seemed to be eerily the same shade as Sebastian’s eyes. The seamstress must have chosen the color as a nod to the sky as I’m sure she wasn’t thinking of her Sovereign when making the dress.
The black dress I had chosen for tonight was sleek, revealing, and no doubt would put everyone’s eyes on me. I just hoped I got the reaction I was wanting.
Yara knocked on my door at the same time she had done every night before dinner. When I opened the door dressed the way I was, her eyes widened with shock. I was sure she had expected me to be dressed as I usually was.
She shook off the look and gestured for me to follow her. I’m not sure why I was always escorted. I knew the way to the dining room, and I knew the time they liked to have dinner—right after nightfall.
I didn’t mind Yara’s company, though. Even with the silence, her presence was comforting.
She didn’t lead me like she had always done. Instead, she kept my pace and stayed right beside me.
You look beautiful, Yara signed as she floated down the hall.
She thought I was beautiful. Yara’s reaction was exactly what I had been wanting. And I felt my heart warm at her comment. If no one reacted to my attire at dinner, I wouldn’t mind, as Yara’s compliment was enough.
As I walked into the dining room, I began to regret wearing such a revealing dress because I was the second to arrive, coming in after only Sebastian.
He was standing at the window, staring out into the garden, but turned around when he sensed a presence was in the room with him. His eyes were looking on the ground but began to shift up slowly while his mouth hooked into a half smile.
Sebastian was taking his time, soaking in every detail of the dress . . . of my body. All the insecurity I had went away when his eyes met mine because the look he was giving me told me how badly he wanted me. How beautiful—how sexy—he thought I was.
He opened his lips slightly as if he was going to say something to me before he closed them and returned to his crooked grin.
Was he . . . speechless?
I felt my heart rate heighten at the thoughts I imagined running through his mind. He began walking towards me before he came to a halt a foot or so away from me, and I watched as his smile left and he clenched his jaw.
Sebastian closed his eyes and inhaled deeply before meeting my eyes again as he said, “Your lover will be here in a few moments.”
He had no hint of emotion on his face. He was preparing for a dinner with his “guests” where he put on a facade of being one thing when I had already seen so much more.
He was so much more than a cold, emotionless, evil killer like he preferred everyone to believe he was. Though I learned of what he did to his father, and how he enjoyed it, I also learned of the side that cared for his mother more than anyone. The side that would put my safety above his own needs.
“Was that who this dress was for?” he asked.
I scrunched my eyebrows at his question. I couldn’t answer him because I didn’t know how to answer him. Was it for Calum? Was it for me? Was it to show Nathara I was more than the plain Mountain girl she thought I was? Or was it to get a reaction out of Sebastian?
I didn’t know.
I turned around as I heard Calum and Nathara enter the dining room. Calum looked between me and Sebastian before looking down at my dress. His eyes widened for a moment before he caught himself and quickly changed his expression. He looked away and pulled Nathara to the table.
As they took their seats, I made eye contact with Nathara who was glaring at me. I bit my lip to hold back a smile. Her reaction told me everything I needed to know. I did better than what I was attempting.
But it’s her fault. If she hadn’t made that little comment earlier, Mountain Realm Violet would be at the table right now.
My father came a pace behind them, and by the look he gave me, I could see his utter shock at the way I was dressed.
“Hello, Father,” I said as I realized that this was the first time I had talked to him in almost a week. Unless he was gone with Calum, I used to see my father every day. I guess that was because he wasn’t ever far from Calum, and if Calum was home, he was with me.
My father quickly glanced at Sebastian, who was standing so closely behind me, before he said, “I see you have another new dress, little bird.”
“Bronwen purchased several for me when we went shopping,” I replied as I nervously smoothed out my dress, even though there was no need. It was so fitted to my body that there was nothing out of place.
“I will have to pay her back for those,” my father replied.
Just as I opened my mouth to respond, Sebastian interrupted and said, “No need, they’re on me. They suit our little bird.”
I watched as my father glanced at Calum in fear of a reaction to Sebastian’s statement. I followed his eyes to see what he saw. Calum didn’t look away from Nathara, but I knew he was listening because his jaw flexed and his hand gripped part of the tablecloth so tightly that his knuckles were white.
Luckily, Nathara was too entranced to notice. I turned around to look at Sebastian, but he had transferred to his seat at the head of the table and was looking out the window, which seemed to be his favorite thing to do during dinners.
My father and I followed suit and sat at the table, but my eyes never left Sebastian. If I had the power to wish death on someone, he would be dead right now. He knew what he was doing when he said that. He wanted a reaction out of Calum. Now that he knew our secret, he was going to have fun with it.
As if he knew what I was thinking as I glared at him, he quirked a real smile before going back to his emotionless facade.
“Whew! You could cut the tension in here with a knife!” Bronwen said as she waltzed into the room, breaking my stare from Sebastian. She came in with her arm looped in Adar’s, who looked like he was being forced to be a part of her entrance.
I felt for him. Only a little. Because I knew how it felt to be paraded around by Bronwen. But better him than me.
“Hot damn, Vi, if I would’ve known I’d be competing with you for attention tonight, I would’ve worn a little less,” she said as she sat in the chair next to me.
“Dear gods, please no,” Adar said at Bronwen’s remark while walking to the other side of the table to sit next to Sebastian.
I looked at the dress Bronwen had chosen for dinner and wondered how she could possibly get away with wearing less.
Her breasts were barely covered by thin pieces of deep blue fabric and a slit came up all the way to her hip on her left leg.
She would have to wear lingerie to wear less.
As I studied her dress and exposed skin, I noticed two small scars on her thigh. It was odd as it was so rare for a fae to have scars. Our healing abilities were so advanced that an injury healed with no proof that there was ever an injury in the first place, unless the injury was absolutely brutal. But I remembered that she wasn’t fae. She was only in the form of a fae right now. Even so, if she chose a fae body, why would she have a scar?
I knew from our past conversations that I really knew so little about her, but I wanted to know more. I needed to know more.
She must have noticed that I was focused on her scar because she moved her hand to cover it. When I looked back up, I realized she was watching me.
“A story for another time,” she said as she winked at me.
“Your bride asked me to go dress shopping with her tomorrow,” I said to Calum as we lay in my bed.
He came to my room not long after dinner, which was the first time I had been around him alone since the paramic incident.
I thought about telling him what happened, but I knew no good would come of it. His learning of that would lead to the questions of why Sebastian saves me which was something I couldn’t even answer for myself. Not to mention the fact that Calum didn’t need to know about Sebastian learning our secret.
He had enough to deal with right now. I could handle Sebastian.
I think.
Calum sat up from the bed and looked at me as he said, “What?”
“It was your mother’s idea,” I said as I rolled my eyes. Her involvement in anything just angered me. More than it used to. I wasn’t sure why, though. Before we came here, I would just ignore her digs or attempts to make my life more difficult.
I remember one time, after she learned of Calum and me, she brought a nun from Our Lady’s Keep to try to convince my father that I would be safer, which everyone seemed to notice pretty quickly that was all he cared about, if I left the castle and went to become a nun.
Even after my father declined, she had the nun stay for months, following me around, to teach me, which just made it harder to see Calum.
I guess that was good practice for us having to sneak around now.
“And what did you say?” Calum asked. That seemed like such a stupid question.
“I told her to fuck off,” I bit out.
“Violet.”
I sat up from the bed to meet his gaze and glared at him. I don’t know why it had aggravated me so much. Maybe it was thinking about Celine and the things she’d done, adding dress shopping with my lover’s fiancée to the list, or maybe it was Calum asking me what I said to Nathara. Like I don’t know better than to submit to her.
I mean it really was a stupid question. He knew I couldn’t do anything but comply. “What do you think I said? I asked her what time I should be ready. You know, after she told me that she was expecting me to become one of her ladies in waiting.”
He rubbed his hands over his face at my response. “Well, you know that’s not going to happen. Just humor her until I get out of this.”
Humor her. Seriously?
“Since you aren’t going to marry Nathara, what do you think the council will do? I’m sure they won’t just allow you to officially be Sovereign when you come home without a wife.”
Until my conversation with Sebastian earlier today, I hadn’t really put much thought into what would happen once we returned home to the Mountain Realm. Specifically whether Calum would be given control of the realm after not doing what was expected of him.
I’d just been so worried about being with him that I hadn’t really thought of the logistics of it all.
“I think that when I come home with an alliance with the most powerful and feared Sovereign, they won’t have any trouble giving me control,” he said while positioning himself so he could rest his back on the headboard of my bed.
“And what’s your plan for us after we go back home?”
“What do you mean?” he asked as he raised an eyebrow.
“You will have to marry eventually so you can make the next heir to rule the Mountain Realm. When that time comes, will we just end things, and I will have to find somewhere else to go?” I asked, even though I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know the answer.
“I don’t think I could let you go. My duty as Sovereign may be to another fae one day, but my heart will always be with you.”
“So you would expect me to stay and be your mistress? Watch you have a family with another and stay back waiting for any chance you get the time to see me?”
Calum scrunched his eyebrows. It may have been because of my choice of the word mistress, as we had never used that word when talking about me. I had never really thought of myself that way until Sebastian said it. It wasn’t something that was normal. Once you marry, you are meant to forsake all others, even if your spouse wasn’t of your choosing.
Or his confusion could have been from the fact that this was the first time I had ever asked questions about our future.
“My duty to another would be nothing more than creating heirs,” Calum said.
“It takes years to successfully get pregnant. Years of rituals, blessings, bonding, and sex.” Unless you had a mate, the one that was created specifically for you, it was not easy to procreate. I continued, “You don’t think all of that wouldn’t cause feelings to develop? I mean if that’s the case, you might as well marry Nathara and go ahead and get started.”
I didn’t mean it. But I was hurt by what he said. He expected me to become his mistress even if he didn’t explicitly say it. Bound to him forever as less than his wife and never having a chance for a life of my own. I didn’t want to ever lose him, but I think watching him with another—forever—would be far worse.
And after everything Sebastian told me about his mother, being a mistress sounded like hell.
I had been living in delusion my entire life. Being in a castle with Calum as my sole focus made me really believe that no matter what happened, I would be okay with whatever little bit of him I could get. But leaving the Mountain Realm, seeing the outside world, and learning that there was so much more than I knew, I was no longer sure I could live bound to Calum when he could never put me first.
“No one could ever cause me to lose sight of you, and I will not marry Nathara. She already wanted to kill my lover before we were even married. I’m not going to put you at risk by having her at the castle with us. And I will not let this happen any sooner than it has to. We could still have a few hundred years together before a wife has to come into the picture,” he continued as he grabbed my face, cupping it in his hands. “Violet, please don’t push me away.”
That look. The look he had always given me that caused me to fold every time.
And it was no different now.
Even though I knew time was running out, whether that was only a few months, if Calum didn’t find the object, or a few hundred years, I didn’t want to think about it anymore.
It just reminded me how powerless I truly was. And I didn’t like that feeling.