30. Chapter 30
30
Chapter 30
Violet
After reliving everything that happened, I was back to reality, standing in front of Sebastian.
I fell to the ground and sobbed. Celine did all of that to me and then just took those memories from me to ensure that Calum never found out.
I had been living the last few months as the same, timid, obedient Violet that I’d always been.
But I wasn’t that Violet anymore. Celine broke me, and I’d never be the same.
I looked up at Sebastian who was still standing in front of me. His hands were balled up into fists and his shadows were circling around us. The wind started to pick up as if he was causing the weather to change.
The wind and shadows started to circle faster and faster around us as Sebastian looked ahead deep in thought, in anger. I noticed then that his eyes were completely black again and as I looked up higher, so was the sky. The once starry night was gone and replaced with total darkness. The only reason I could see was because of the glow of the pool.
He was in my head. He just lived through what happened to me. Felt every whip I endured and the pain I felt when Astrid died.
I started to hear several different screams and howls from the woods surrounding us. I heard a woman’s voice starting to whisper something in a language I had never heard before. But no one was there. This. This was the Night Realm I had read about.
“Sebastian.” I was scared. The Sebastian I had gotten to know the last few weeks was gone and replaced with someone completely different. The shadow king. The one that cornered me in the hall, threatening me on my third day here.
And then I remembered him telling me that he could control the Night Realm without lifting a finger. Because his emotions controlled the realm. And right now, I was about to see every one of my nightmares come to life.
“I am going to kill that bitch. No—death would be too merciful. I am going to torture her worse than anything she could imagine and let her biggest fears consume her. She will be living in hell for eternity.”
The screams and howls seemed to be getting closer. I was terrified to see what creatures were making those dreadful noises.
“Sebastian, stop, please.” I reached up and grabbed his hand, and he immediately started to relax. The wind slowed but the shadows were still floating around us. The creatures seemed to disappear immediately, but the sky was still black. He knelt down and cupped my cheek with his hand. Just like the sky, his eyes were still black. He wiped my tears and started taking deep breaths trying to calm himself because he could see the fear in my eyes.
“I’m sorry you had to see that,” he said. His eyes started to lighten, and the blue slowly started to show again. So did the stars in the sky.
“I-I don’t want you to be afraid of me. I would never hurt you.” He looked so worried.
“I was afraid, but I’m not afraid of you hurting me. I know you won’t hurt me. I’m afraid of whatever creatures I just heard, and I’m afraid of what you might do to Celine. I don’t want you starting a war between the realms.”
He looked at me confused as he said, “But she deserves to be punished.”
“Yes. But Calum needs to handle this. It needs to be kept within the Mountain Realm.” As soon as I said Calum’s name, Sebastian’s demeanor changed. I hurt him. We had gotten so close and just went through so much together and no matter how right I was about handling this within the Mountain Realm, all he heard was me choosing Calum, again.
Sebastian looked away from me before standing up. “You need to get back to your room and get some sleep.”
“Sebastian.”
“What? Do you want me to summon Calum for you?” He looked angry again.
“No, I don’t want to see Calum,” I said as I stood up.
“Then what do you want, Violet?” He used my name. I couldn’t remember the last time he called me anything besides love. He looked into my eyes, waiting for my answer. I knew my answer was important to him, but I didn’t know what the right answer for me was. I only knew one thing in that moment.
“I-I don’t want you to leave me,” I whispered.
All of those memories hitting me at once was a lot to handle. I could feel the tears building back up. I was alone in a dark cell for fifty-two days other than the short visits with Astrid. I was afraid to be alone again, and I didn’t want Sebastian to leave me.
All of the anger left his face, and he wrapped his arms around me and transferred us to my room.
I stood there and looked around my room. I was so flustered by everything that happened that I wasn’t sure what to do.
“Do you need to take your medicine?” he said as he pointed to my nightstand.
“I take that at nine. Did you forget?”
I could tell by the look on Sebastian’s face that he had another smart comment to say about my heart condition, but he knew it wasn’t the time.
But I also knew he hadn’t forgotten. He only said that to get my mind off of what just happened.
And it worked for a moment.
“Sebastian,” I said.
“Yes, love?”
I paused, contemplating my next words. How do you ask someone that you just did unspeakable things with less than an hour ago to sleep in the bed with you because you’re scared to be alone?
“Fine, I guess I’ll sleep in the bed with you.”
I looked at him with an annoyed look.
Get out of my head, I thought, knowing he would hear it.
“You let your walls down to let me in, and you haven’t put them back up. And when you say my name like that,” he paused, “and look at me like that, I can’t help but look to see what you’re thinking.”
I rolled my eyes at him.
“You look exhausted.”
I didn’t argue with him about that. After everything that happened tonight and the pain I endured for Sebastian to remove the spell, I could barely hold my eyes open.
As I took a step towards the bed, Sebastian said, “Wait.” He waved his hand towards the bed, and the sheets—the disgusting sheets where Calum and Nathara once were—disappeared and were replaced with clean ones. I had almost forgotten what had happened only hours ago in my room.
I crawled into bed and Sebastian followed me. He lay on one side of the bed with his arms glued to his sides.
He looked as if he was afraid to do something wrong, worried I would push him away again like I did earlier. Like I’d done every time he’d gotten close. But he was the only one who knew what I went through, and I knew that if I was with him, I was safe—something I hadn’t felt in a long time.
I pulled his arm away from his side so I could lay next to him and lay my head on his chest. The coolness of his body was such a comfort to me. Being able to sleep tonight without waking up in the middle of the night covered in sweat was welcome.
Once I allowed my body to relax, my mind went back to Astrid, and I couldn’t stop myself from sobbing.
“I’m so sorry that happened to you,” he whispered as he ran his fingers through my hair.
“I don’t care about what happened to me,” I said between the sobs. “Astrid was the closest thing I ever had to a mother, and she’s gone. I would rather endure a lifetime of torture if that meant she would still be alive.”
I felt Sebastian tense underneath me. If anyone was to understand how I felt, it was him.
I kept reliving the moment of her death over and over again. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get the image of that creature slicing open her neck out of my mind.
That creature.
I sat up to look at Sebastian.
“That creature,” I said as I tried to wipe the tears from my face. “What was that?”
“It looked like a dovamin, but it could have been anyone with a glamour. And the witch, well she could’ve done anything. Whatever she did to make you believe you were in a cell, she could’ve also made you believe the dovamin was there.”
“Does that mean they could’ve faked Astrid being there. And maybe she’s still alive?” I asked.
He paused as he searched over my face, seeing the hope form. “I will find out tomorrow. But please try to get some rest now.”
He pulled me back into him and began rubbing his hand up and down my back.
The small sliver of hope that Astrid was safe somewhere with her new faeling gave me enough peace to fall asleep.
I don’t think I moved a muscle during the time I slept that night. With Sebastian’s coolness and overall comfort of knowing he was with me, it may have been the best sleep I’d had in a long time.
When I woke up, Sebastian was in the same spot with his arm wrapped around me. I looked up to see he was staring off, deep in thought. His eyes weren’t the usual dusty-blue, but they also weren’t the black I saw the night before. They were a deep blue and his eyebrows were scrunched so I knew whatever he was thinking about wasn’t good.
I reached my hand up and placed it on his cheek. He immediately relaxed and smiled as he looked down at me.
We had become so close over the last few weeks. I knew it was wrong. I loved Calum. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stay away from Sebastian. He consumed every thought I had, and now, he was starting to consume my time physically, too.
“How are you feeling this morning?” he asked.
“I don’t know how to feel . . . not until you find out about Astrid,” I said.
“I’ve already talked to Adar, and he is sending a few spies to look for her.”
I nodded. Now it was just a waiting game. A time of limbo until I knew how deep my wounds really were.
“So before you became Sovereign, it was always dark outside?” I asked as an attempt to change the subject. I wanted to see those dusty-blue eyes again.
Sebastian raised an eyebrow. “Yes.”
“And now your emotions control the Night Realm so when you’re angry or upset, the darkness comes out?”
He left out a small laugh. “It didn’t take long for you to figure that out.”
I rolled my eyes. “I like to consider myself smart.”
“You are very smart,” he said as he looked down at me and smiled.
“How did that happen, though? I don’t understand how that gift developed.”
He shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t understand it either.”
“The things I heard last night, the ones that live in the darkness, what do they do the rest of the time? Like when you’re not angry?”
“They go into a slumber and when they are awoken, they don’t realize they have lost time.”
“But the paramic?” I asked, “Were you upset about something that night?”
“A paramic is not one of the creatures I’m talking about. The creatures in the darkness you heard last night make a paramic look like an angel.”
Chills went down my spine. “So when you’re angry, all hell breaks loose, and no one is safe?”
“Yes, but what you saw last night . . . I haven’t allowed myself to bring forth that darkness for over a century.”
“Then why did you do it last night?”
He paused for a moment, clenching his jaw.“Because someone hurt you.”
I stared at him for a moment, my head still resting on his chest. Too close, I was getting too close again.
I got up and went to the bathroom to freshen up, but I had another pressing matter that I needed to ask him about.
“Sebastian?” I asked from the bathroom.
“Yes, love?”
“Last night, when you insinuated that Calum was . . . with Nathara. Was that true?”
He didn’t say anything, which told me everything I needed to know.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told you like that.”
“No, I needed to know,” I said as I ran my fingers through my hair, trying to work the tangles out.
“Violet?” Calum called.
When I heard his voice, I ran out of the bathroom. I looked down to see Sebastian was nowhere to be found. I guess his shadows told him Calum was coming so he left before he got there.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“We need to talk about what happened. I haven’t had a chance to get away from her since . . .” he paused, glancing at my bed, “you know.”
“Since you fucked Nathara last night? Just say it. You fucked Nathara. In front of me.”
“I wasn’t given a choice, Violet. If I had told her no, she would’ve had you killed.”
No. He wasn’t going to convince me to just get over it.
“That doesn’t make it hurt any less. I’ve had to watch you make over her for weeks, and I found a way to get over it. But this is different. I can’t even look at you the same.”
“I did that to protect you.” He took a step towards me, but I took a step back, keeping the distance between us.
“Had you been with her before?” I asked.
“What?” His eyes widened.
“I haven’t put out for you lately, so did you go to her instead?”
“No, I haven’t. That was a one time thing.”
I didn’t know who to believe. Calum had never lied to me or given me a reason not to trust him, but Sebastian had protected me every chance he’d gotten, and I’d learned to trust him too.
I should tell him what his mother did, but how could I tell him I just remembered it? I couldn’t tell him about Sebastian. That would only make it worse.
We still hadn’t talked since he commanded me to stay away from him, and if I brought him up now, I didn’t know what Calum would do.
“I don’t want to see you right now. I can’t keep doing this back and forth while we are here. And now that she knows, she will be watching closer.” I needed him out of my room.
“So what? You’re done with me now? Everything I’ve done has been to protect you.”
“No. Get out of the marriage and then we can work on this. But until we are back in the Mountain Realm, I don’t want to see you.” I was grasping at straws with that. I knew it would take a miracle for him to find his way out of this marriage, but I couldn’t continue this conversation with him now.
The longer he was around me, the more opportunity he would have to notice something else was wrong. He had always been able to read me based on my facial expressions. My mind was so clouded, and I needed space from him.
“Violet,” he said, pleading with his eyes.
“Leave, Calum.”
He knew I was serious, and he knew I was right. Nathara would be watching his every move now, and if she found out he was still coming to my room, there would be no protecting me. I watched as Calum transferred out the room.
“Why didn’t you tell him what his mother did to you?”
Sebastian had transferred unannounced enough times now that I’m not even startled when I heard his voice.
“How did you hear that?” I knew the ward on my room worked because he didn’t find out about mine and Calum’s relationship until I followed the paramic to the woods.
“I broke through the ward in your mind. Do you really think a simple sound ward could keep me out?”
“When did you break the sound ward?” I asked without turning to face him. Did he do it as soon as he found out about me and Calum? Had he heard me and Calum being intimate?
“I asked first. Why didn’t you tell Calum?”
“I will tell him when we are back home. He has enough to deal with right now.”
“So you’re still going back to the Mountain Realm?” he asked as he transferred to where he was standing in front of me. “After he’s been fucking Nathara and everything his mother did to you? And you know he isn’t getting out of the marriage.”
“What other choice do I have, Sebastian?” I asked, throwing my hands in the air. I had nothing to my name and nowhere to go.
“Stay here,” he said, grabbing the side of my face and bringing it closer to his.
“What?”
“Stay in the Night Realm.”