24. Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Four
Ash
A sh dreams of Raif. Lying in soft grass together, holding hands.
Then he kisses her, it’s soft and tentative.
She opens her mouth, inviting him in. Then she’s flipping them, straddling his legs.
She grips his hair, turns his face the way she wants it, and kisses him fiercely.
Suddenly, their clothes are gone, and he’s gloriously naked.
Big hairy chest, strong arms, hair leading down, down, down to a thick cock.
He touches her everywhere; her skin is like fire from his hands pressing into her.
She slides his thick member inside her and rides him.
She can feel it, a deep twisting inside.
Then Raif is gone, and she’s alone on the grass.
She gets up, fully dressed now, and looks for him.
Running through the meadow, yelling out his name.
Her heart is beating fast, tears running down her face.
She can’t find him and doesn't know where she is. A nightmare. She wakes up panting, drenched in sweat, and tears running down her face. She curls into a ball and cries for a long time. What if Raif leaves? What if it doesn’t work out?
What if he gets to know her more and doesn’t like her? What if he dies?
It’s the last thought that really gets to her.
Michelle left, yes, but they had drifted apart first. She was comfortable with the idea that she and Michelle weren’t going to last. She felt it was inevitable in the end.
But with James, it was like the other half of her soul was being ripped apart.
Like, she broke so badly she didn’t know how to possibly be fixed.
Now with Raif, she can’t imagine moving forward and then losing him.
Doesn’t know what that would be like. If she could survive a loss like that a second time.
It scares her to her core. Makes her want to flee, move away, and start a new life so she doesn’t have to face her feelings.
But she owes herself more than that, owes Raif more than that.
When she opens her door that evening, she thinks for a moment that it’s Raif.
That he’s come for a surprise visit. He texted her a few times, but her answers were short and to the point.
She’s pulling away from him, too scared to move forward, and he seemed to get the hint from her text responses and stopped texting her.
Sam is at the door with a crutch under one arm and a twelve-pack under the other, oh boy.
“Hey, sweetness, how’s it going?”
He kisses her on the cheek as he enters her house, and she rolls her eyes at the pet name. He’s always coming up with more new and equally ridiculous ones.
“What are you doing here?”
“I thought I’d drop by, see my favorite firefighter.”
“Everyone knows Ben’s your favorite.”
He mock gasps, and she can’t help but smile.
“Not true, he doesn’t have the legs to be my favorite,” Sam says, winking at her.
He sets down the beer on the kitchen counter and hands her one. It’s good to be hanging out with Sam again, she hasn’t seen much of him since he broke his leg in the fire.
“So how are you? What have you been up to since you’re not working?”
“Well...I met someone. She’s in Juniper Springs, her name’s Maria. She’s great in bed.”
Ash swats at him, and he laughs.
“Seriously though, you like this woman?”
“Yeah. Yeah I do.”
They sit on the couch, and he tells Ash all about Maria. How she’s short with dark hair and lots of curves. How she has a high laugh that always makes Sam smile. And how she’s apparently very busty and fantastic in bed.
“I didn’t need to hear that,” Ash groans after Sam has just relayed Maria’s flexibility.
“But I needed to share it. Who else am I going to talk about this stuff with?”
“Ben, Lucas, your brother, any of your other guy friends. Seriously, I don’t want to hear it.”
“Okay, okay. I’ll lay off the sex talk.”
She feels hesitancy in telling Sam she’s been spending time with Raif. She’s worried Sam won’t approve for one. And also that he will go and try to intimidate Raif. Really, there’s nothing going on yet between her and Raif, and no need to tell Sam anything yet.
They sit on the couch and watch a reality TV show that Ash can’t stand, but Sam loves.
He has his leg propped up on a stool, and she’s got her legs thrown across his lap.
It’s comfortable with Sam, familiar. There’s none of the pressure there is with other men to flirt or dress up or be something she’s not.
She’s not great at flirting, doesn’t see the point in it when she’s not interested in the person.
So she likes that there's' none of that pretense with Sam, she can just be herself.
She’s starting to doze off when she gets a tickle to her ribs.
She jerks and pulls away from the hand at her side and just laughs.
Sam’s eyes are glazed over, a loose smile on his face.
He’s drunk. She's drunk too, four beers to his six.
She throws her legs off his lap and sits up and stretches.
She feels good, loose and limber, head swimming nicely.
“So I gotta ask you, anything going on with you and the new volunteer?”
“Aiden? No gross.”
“You know who the fuck I’m talking about, Ash, don’t play dumb.”
She knows exactly who he’s talking about, but she doesn’t know what to say, so she shrugs her shoulders and turns back to the TV.
“Come on. Talk to me.” He pushes her knee with his hand.
“It’s nothing. I mean, I don’t know what it is. He’s...I...I like him.”
“You have feelings for him?”
She nods and looks away.
“Oh my goodness, my little Ash is growing up. She likes a man, ladies and gentlemen.” Sam throws his arms up in the air, and Ash tackles him.
“Shut up,” she growls out.
“Oh, Raif, you’re so handsome. Oh, Raif, I love your long hair. Come kiss me, Raif,” Sam jokes around in a high voice, mocking Ash. They wrestle till she pins him down on the couch cushion.
“Seriously, though, Ash. That’s great.”
Sam’s got that big smile on his face, so she huffs and gets off him, sitting back on the other side of the couch.
“Just, don’t say anything to anyone. It’s new, and I don’t know what’s going to happen with it yet.”
“I wouldn’t, you know me. I’m just teasing you. Does he know you have feelings for him?”
She shrugs, “sorta.” And then a moment later, “we kissed.”
“What!” Sam practically yells and sits up to lean over towards Ash. “You kissed? Seriously?”
“Yeah, it was nice. Sweet. He was a gentleman.”
“I’m sure he was,” Sam grumbles under his breath.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Of course, he’s going to be nice if he’s trying to get in your pants.”
“He’s not trying to get in my pants, Sam.”
“You sure about that? What do you think his end goal is, Ash? He’s a guy, of course, he wants to fuck you.”
Sam huffs and sits back with his arms crossed.
Suddenly, their joking around and banter doesn’t seem so fun anymore.
Raif wants more than that, she knows he does, right?
He’s kind and caring. He’s helped her out and taken care of her.
He’s admitted he’s a virgin. They’re going slow.
It’s not just about getting laid for him, it can’t be.
“Fuck you, Sam, you don’t know anything about him.”
Ash stands, hands clenched at her sides.
“Hey, I’m just drunk, okay? I don’t know what I’m talking about.” Sam holds up his hands in a placating manner, and some of Ash’s anger leaves her. He is drunk, and he tends to spout bullshit when he is.
“Sleep it off.”
“Yes, mom .”
When she returns with a pillow and the quilt from the closet, Sam is already stretched out on the couch, asleep.