43. Chapter Forty-Three
Chapter Forty-Three
Raif
R aif doesn’t have time for this shit. Sam is quiet on the ride to his house.
He doesn’t yell or try to hit Raif like he was going to try to do in the station.
Raif knows he could easily subdue Sam, but doesn’t want to if he doesn’t have to.
Sam sits there and eventually leans against the passenger window till Raif has to shake him awake for directions.
Sam is high out of his mind. When they get to Sam’s house and Sam sort of stumbles in the house, going straight for the bed, Raif takes a moment to look around.
He doesn’t know the last time that Ash or anyone else had visited Sam, but he guesses it’s been a while.
There are empty liquor bottles strewn around the family room and kitchen.
Leftover pizza boxes and trash all over.
The whole house smells faintly of garbage, and it makes Raif crinkle up his nose. Sam is clearly a mess.
Raif gets some trash bags and starts cleaning.
Picking up the obvious trash like empty food containers, but also getting the half-full vodka bottles and dumping them down the drain.
He wonders if Sam has always been like this or if it is just since the accident.
He can’t imagine what it must be like for Sam to have his job taken away suddenly, plus his friends and his mobility.
He washes dishes by hand till they are all done and put away.
He throws in a load of Sam’s laundry and vacuums his floor.
The house looks a million times better when he’s done. He moves to the bedroom where Sam is passed out on the covers, fully dressed with his shoes on.
“Sam. Sam!”
Sam is clearly dead to the world, but Raif doesn’t care. He goes to the kitchen, fills a pitcher with water, and dumps it on Sam’s head.
Sam sits up, sputtering and opening and closing his eyes.
“What the fuck? What was that for?”
“You need to get yourself sober, do you hear me?”
Raif bends down, hands on his knees, so he’s looking at Sam straight on.
“You’re taking the pills to get high, and drinking too. You can’t do this, Sam. The fire station needs you. Everyone needs you. And if you don’t get yourself together, you’re going to lose your job. Do you understand?”
“Fuck you, Raif, you don’t know jack shit about me. I’m a fucking hero. I save lives. You’re just a volunteer, you’ll never be as good as me.”
“This isn’t about firefighting, Sam. This is about your life. You can’t go back to work high on pills and drinking, the Chief would never allow it.”
“Get out! Get the fuck out, asshole. She would have chosen me if it weren’t for you. Ash would have chosen me. I’m twice the man you are. I’ve been a firefighter for years; you’re just a maintenance man from a podunk town that nobody cares about. You’ll never be good enough for her.”
Raif feels the knot in his throat at Sam’s words and tries not to let it show on his face.
He’s wondered before if he’s good enough for Ash.
What Sam’s saying is partly true. Raif does work at his family’s lodge.
He’ll never be some big shot with a lot of money, and he’ll never be a hero like Sam.
But he knows in his heart that he and Ash are meant to be together, and he also knows he’d do anything to make her happy.
“Look,” Raif takes a deep breath, trying not to let Sam anger him.
“Ash cares about you, a lot. You’re her best friend, and I don’t want to get in the way of your friendship, but you have to know you’re fucking things up right now.
You embarrassed her at the station, and she’s talked to me about how she feels about you; she doesn’t have feelings for you, Sam. I’m sorry, but she doesn’t.”
Sam twists the blanket in his hands, face in a scowl.
“But the more important thing is,” Raif begins before Sam can jump in and yell at him again, “that you get help. You’re a good firefighter and a good person, and you don’t have to go through this alone. Have you talked to anyone?”
Sam shakes his head no, jaw clenched tight.
“Get some help, man. Ash cares about you, and she’ll stand by you and be there for you, but this is something you have to do for yourself.
You need to get sober. No more pills, no more alcohol.
You need to heal and do whatever you need to do to get back in shape for work, but you need to do it sober.
I love Ash too damn much to have you drag her down, so get your fucking act together. ”
Sam nods, tears in his eyes.
“Ash,” Sam chokes out. “I really fucked up. Tell her I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Sam starts rubbing his face and wiping away the tears.
“You can tell her yourself when you’re sober. Got it?”
Sam nods and lowers his eyes, most likely in shame.
“You’ve got my number if you need it. I have to tell the Chief and Ash, but I won’t tell the others. You need to get better, Sam.”
“Yeah.” Sam’s voice is quiet and even quieter when he says ‘thank you’.
Raif clasps him on the shoulder and leaves. There’s nothing more he can do for Sam right now. It’s up to him to change and stop taking the pills and drinking. He will tell the Chief, of course. And be there for Sam if he needs him. But his priority is Ash.
He sighs when he gets to the driveway and realizes he has no way back to the station except to walk. His brothers are busy with the lodge, and everyone else is at the station working. He can’t call and ask for a ride and risk pulling a firefighter off shift in case there’s an emergency.
He begins the long walk back to the fire station.
Sam lives in Juniper Springs, so it won’t be as bad as if he had to walk from Silver Lake, where the lodge is.
He lets his mind wander. He only heard part of the conversation between Sam and Ash, but he gets the idea.
Sam thought Ash should be with him and not Raif.
Raif gets it. Ash is a catch, a truly wonderful person, and anyone would be lucky to be with her.
A day will never go by that Raif doesn’t count himself lucky for being with her.