Chapter 29
twenty-nine
. . .
LANE
With Sutton sprawled on top of me, I shifted slightly, only so I could pull my softening cock out of her heat, but I never let go of her.
After her crying jag, I was reluctant to let her go.
Really, I just wanted to hold her, to bask in this connection we’d gone so long without.
I pressed endless kisses to her hair and forehead, rubbing soothing circles up and down her spine.
“I have an idea,” I said.
“Hmm?” she replied, sounding half asleep.
“How about I run a bath? We can get cleaned up and take a moment to relax before bed.”
“That sounds wonderful.”
“Okay, be right back,” I said, starting to roll her off me, but she only gripped me tighter, snaking her hands behind my neck.
“No!” she protested. “Don’t let me go.”
I chuckled but indulged her, sitting us both up and swinging my legs over the side of the bed, then walking us into the bathroom.
With one arm under her ass to support her, I used my free hand to turn on the taps of my giant soaking tub, testing the water to find the perfect temp before plugging the drain.
I even added some lavender and eucalyptus bubble bath, hoping the scents would soothe Sutton.
“You okay?” I murmured while we waited for the tub to fill.
Sutton pulled back to look at me. “Yeah,” she said. Her eyes were red-rimmed and swollen, skin splotchy. She was still the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. “That was just…a lot.”
Reaching up, I brushed an errant tear off her cheek, hand lingering to cup her face.
“I’m so proud of you.”
Sutton’s cheeks instantly pinkened. “You’re just saying that because you got off.”
“No, sunny,” I said, shifting my hand to clasp her chin, holding her in place so her gaze remained on me. “I’m proud of you because you’re strong as hell. I’ve always known it, and now you know it too.”
For a moment, she simply stared at me, but then she nodded. “Thank you,” she whispered. “For giving me that.”
“I’d give you anything, Sutton. All you have to do is ask.”
Her answering smile was the sweetest damn thing I’d ever seen, like the sun peeking out after days of rain.
I couldn’t help but lean in and kiss her slowly, gently.
After the physical and mental strain she’d put herself through, neither of us had any desire to escalate it beyond that.
Being with her like this was exactly what I needed, anyway.
We spent so many years apart that having her back in my arms was a bit surreal, and I clung as tightly to her as her arms wrapped around me, afraid if I let her go for even a moment, she’d disappear—or that I’d wake up from this dream.
It had already happened once before.
With the tub full, I climbed in and settled us into the water, shifting Sutton around so her back was to my front, her hips nestled between my thighs.
I hadn’t realized how much tension she still carried in her shoulders until it slowly bled from her body in the combined hot water and soothing aromas.
She was quiet for a long time, and I was content to wait until she broke the silence.
When she did, her question was one I wasn’t expecting—mostly because I thought the answer was obvious.
“We’re really doing this, right?” she asked softly, tilting her head back and angling her face to look up at me.
“Of course,” I replied quickly.
“I know that was a lot,” she continued, hooking her thumb in the direction of the bedroom, then dropping her hands to my wrists, where she brushed over the redness lingering from the handcuffs. “And while I do feel better, it’s not like I’m just magically cured, you know? It’s going to take time.”
“If you need that from me every time, that’s fine,” I assured her, flipping my hands so our palms pressed together, threading my fingers through hers.
Sutton laughed lightly. “That’s the thing, Lane. We can’t do that every time.”
“Why not?”
“Well, I don’t want to, for starters. I mean, I’m sure it won’t always be that emotional, but I just…”
She trailed off, her thumb tracing a nonsensical pattern on the side of my hand.
“You just what?”
“I want to give you what you need too. You say now that you’re happy to keep doing that for me, but you won’t always feel like that. And one day, you’re going to resent me for being so broken we can’t just have a normal sex life.”
Grabbing her hips, I lifted her and spun her around until we were face to face. Cupping her cheeks in both of my hands, I stared deep into her eyes, making sure to enunciate every word, ensuring she heard me clearly.
“All I need is you.”
She shook her head, trying to break free from my grasp, but I held her fast.
“What if one day you wake up and realize I’m not enough?”
“That will never happen.”
“You left me once before.”
I gasped, rearing away, my hands dropping with a splash into the water, back slamming against the wall of the tub. All thoughts fled my brain except that fateful day when we officially called it quits on our relationship.
In the weeks after her assault, she’d withdrawn further and further into herself.
I’d been at a complete loss for what to do, for how to bring her back.
Hell, I’d only been twenty. While I’d known I loved Sutton, I had been way out of my depth when it came to the emotional crater the rape had left in the center of both of our lives.
I remembered reaching for her one day, begging for her to let me hold her, and she’d flinched away.
That was the moment I’d realized things were far worse than I’d thought.
But the words that followed were a dagger, the final nail in our coffin.
“I can’t bear to be touched by you.”
I understood grief. At that time, it had only been a few years since Dad had died. But I had no idea how to grieve someone who still sat in front of me, alive if not entirely whole.
Now, sixteen years removed from the incident, I recognized my error. Neither of us were entirely without blame, but it hadn’t been Sutton’s job to manage my feelings and expectations when she’d barely been holding herself together.
“That will never happen again,” I amended. “We have to move past it, sunny. Have to forgive each other. This won’t work if we don’t.”
She nodded, eyes falling closed, and my hands came up to her cheeks again. Her head angled, nuzzling into my palms, and I leaned forward to press a kiss to her forehead.
“You’re right,” she said. “I really want this to work, Lane. I need it. Need you.”
“You have me.”
Raising her hand over my heart, she asked, “All of you?”
I covered hers with my own and nodded. “You always have.”
She inhaled deeply, eyes fluttering closed, as if steeling herself for something. When those amber orbs locked on mine again, she said, “I love you, which is all that matters now. Right?”
My heart launched itself into my throat. I wasn’t a crier, but my nose stung with the threat of tears, and I blinked furiously to keep them at bay.
“I love you,” I rasped. “I have always loved you. There has never been anyone else for me, sunny, and there never will be.”
Sutton merely grinned and kissed me.
Our tongues tangled, slow, explorative strokes that set my blood on fire.
My cock thickened between us, but I ignored it, not wanting to push things.
Instead, I lost myself in the feel of her mouth on mine.
When we peeled apart, breathing hard, Sutton turned her back to me and returned to the cradle of my thighs, head resting on my chest.
Sutton had said earlier she was worried I’d wake up one day and not want her anymore—an insane notion, and I realized there might be a way to convince her that would never happen.
“You know how I was in that coma?” I asked conversationally.
She snorted. “Yes, I’m familiar with you almost dying, thanks. Why?”
“I had a dream.”
“What kind of dream?”
“I like to think it was more of a…vision of the future than a dream.”
“Okay…” she said slowly, likely thinking I was losing my mind.
“It was about us.”
“Us?”
“Mhm.” I lifted my hands, smoothing them over the gentle slopes of her shoulders and down her arms, covering hers with my palms. “We were married.” I traced my thumb over her ring finger. Then I bent to press a kiss to the side of her neck, speaking against her skin. “And we had kids.”
She shivered. “How many?” she asked quietly, as though afraid to speak too loudly and break the spell, tilting her head to give me better access to her throat.
“Two.” I gave her two quick kisses. “A girl and a boy.”
“I’ve always wanted one of each.”
“I’ll give them to you,” I promised.
Sutton giggled. “You can’t control that.”
“No, you don’t get it. This dream…it felt real. As real as me sitting here with you right now. I have a hard time convincing myself that’s not exactly what our future looks like.”
“You’d want that? Marriage, kids?”
“I just said that.”
She reached around and pinched my side. “Don’t be a brat. I’m just making sure.”
Angling her head so I could capture her mouth again, I spoke against her lips.
“I want everything with you.”