CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
RHYAN
Rawness clung to my body, to my soul. I’d never been more naked or exposed, even though I was fully clothed. Even with my armor secured around my body.
But, finally, finally, I’d done it. I’d told her everything. My every last secret, my every last shame. And she hadn’t run. Hadn’t balked at my truths. At the things that made me me . At the things that made me hate myself. Doubt myself. Doubt that I deserved her.
But telling them to Lyriana, watching her accept my words, accept me … something had shifted inside. Permanently. The past didn’t feel as heavy as it had. It still stung. Still fucking hurt. And yet, it felt lighter. Like Lyr had taken some of it on. Had burned through the pain. Had healed me, transformed me with the fires innate in her. This wasn’t from Rakashonim . Not from any magic or piece of light. It was her. Just her.
My soulmate.
But all thoughts of my confession subsided as I took her in then, nearly naked, sitting on the bed. Her skin was gleaming in the light. I couldn’t take my eyes off the tantalizing length of her legs wide open for me. Her breasts—Gods, her breasts. I never tired of the sight of them. Or any part of her.
For a moment, her cheeks reddened, and she looked almost shy. I recalled the one night I’d been able to properly see her naked, to simply stare at her entire body, and know it was on display just for me. The first night we’d been together. It had been too long. Too Godsdamned long since that night. Since the last time we’d lain together. Since the last time I’d been inside her. A month.
I was so fucking hard, straining against my pants. My belt felt too constrictive, and my breath was already heavy.
I started forward, barely holding myself back from pouncing on her. Had I been naked I would have. But I was still in my formal attire. I had no weapons on me, but the harsh leathers and metals of my soturion uniform were everywhere.
So I paused, standing before her and reached for her thighs, my hands sliding up and up her smooth, silky skin, all the way to the curve of her hips. I drew my eyes down between her legs, feeling myself somehow harden further. Her gaze followed mine with a stifled gasp escaping her lips. Her stomach rose and fell, her breathing intensifying as I continued to look at my fill, scenting her arousal.
A growl rumbled, low in my throat as I lifted my gaze back to hers. My hands started to slide toward her inner thighs. But then I reached beneath her, cupping her ass, and in one swift movement, I lifted her up. She made a startled sound of surprise as her body connected to mine, her legs wrapping instinctively around my waist, her ankles locked behind my back. I squeezed her ass, while simultaneously pulling her closer.
“You’re mine , ” I whispered, almost too overcome to speak. “Mine.”
“I’m yours,” she said.
“No one else’s,” I commanded.
“No one else’s,” she repeated.
“Take off my armor,” I said, my lips seeking her neck. My tongue darted out, licking and suckling, before I bit down. Her thighs squeezed around me in response, her hips lifting, trying to rub herself against me. I bit down again, feeling once again something primal and ancient brewing between us.
“Take it off,” I said, my voice guttural. I felt her hands moving quickly to my shoulders, deftly unbuckling and undoing each clasp as I continued to lick and kiss her neck, determined to cover every inch of the delicate skin. When I felt my armor loosen, I held her with only one hand, and helped her push what remained of the leathers from my body, letting them fall. Together, we began to unwrap my cloak from my shoulders, until we reached for my waist at the same time. We both attacked the buckles and clasps of my belt until it too fell to the ground with a thud, and at last only my pants and shirt were between us.
Then we were kissing, my lips hot against hers. I couldn’t wait, couldn’t take it slow. I’d missed her mouth, been denied this too long, and already my tongue was seeking hers. Her mouth opened to mine, and she returned my kisses with just as much fervor and passion. I sucked her tongue into my mouth, desperate for all of her, delighting in the way she moaned against me. But I needed more of her, more contact.
I turned so the backs of my legs lined up with the bed and sat back without breaking our kiss. And then both of my hands were on her breasts, cupping and squeezing, greedy to feel them after so much deprivation.
Lyr gasped in pleasure, her chest rising and falling, her breaths coming heavier as I fondled her, kneading the swell of her curves, feeling their weight in my palms, before stroking her already sensitive nipples. I never tired of the way they felt, the way they hardened to my touch. The way they tasted.
Only then did I break the kiss.
“Do you know how fucking beautiful, you are?” I growled. “Or how much I missed these.” I gave them both a sharp squeeze, forcing her nipples to poke out between my fingers.
She whimpered.
“Every night since we’ve been captured, I thought of these.” I squeezed again. “I dreamt of these. Touching them. Licking them.” And then I bent down, sucking one hardened nipple into my mouth.
Lyr cried out, reaching for my shirt, lifting it over my head. I released her breasts just long enough to help her remove it. But then I was back, my lips fastening over her other nipple, my free hand taking the other between my fingers, tugging gently, then squeezing until I heard that sound she made—the one that was so uniquely her, the one she only made when she couldn’t hold back her pleasure. I fucking loved it. Loved teasing it out of her. And then I did it again, eliciting another cry. I kissed between her breasts, over the Valalumir star that glowed faintly against her skin.
Her fingers were in my hair as she writhed against my ministrations. And Gods, I loved her like this. Loved seeing her lose control.
But then her hands were back at my waist as I cupped her chin, seeking out her mouth again. She was unlacing my pants, stroking my erection through them. And for once, I let her. In all the times we’d been together, most of our shared intimacies had focused on her. On her pleasure before mine. On me taking care of her. I’d loved all of it, hearing her, watching her, even feeling her take her pleasure turned me on more than I could explain. But it was always about her. Because that’s how I’d wanted it. And before tonight, I couldn’t articulate why.
Something I hadn’t understood before became clear with my confession. She’d been right about taking back my power, about claiming her, marking her. Being able to choose, to decide to be with her for no reason other than it was what I wanted, what I freely desired. With all my father had put me through, all the Godsdamned courting with Amalthea and all the others, I’d tried to drown my memories with alcohol, I’d been passive. I would lay back, let them do what they wanted, take their pleasure. It wasn’t that I didn’t feel any of it, my body always responded. But not my mind. It was easier to focus on their orgasms over mine. Because none of it had been wanted. Because it was easier to lose myself when I did, easier to go numb, to forget I was there. Forget they weren’t Lyr.
But something had shifted inside me. I was ready now. Ready for her to give me what I wanted. Something I’d been waiting for. Something that for so long, much as I desired it, hadn’t been welcome. Not until her.
She was still stroking me, teasing me, making me jump against her. I cupped her ass again, and stood, then as if she understood perfectly my intentions, she released her legs, coming to stand shakily before me, her hands pulling at what remained of the laces of my pants.
“Take them off,” I said. “On your knees.”
Her face flushed with shock, and then with excitement, her eyes brightening as she nodded, sinking to the floor. My pants and what I wore underneath went with her. My cock sprung free, proof of my desire already beaded at the tip.
Lyr licked her lips, looking up at me with more hunger in her eyes than I’d dared dream of. Gods, she’d be the end of me.
“You’ve wanted this,” I said, my voice low and curling around the words.
“Yes,” she said, her hands sliding back up my bare legs.
I twitched. Fuck. She hadn’t even touched me there yet—not naked. But every second those hands were coming closer and closer, until she slid her palms up to my hips, her eyes on my cock, doing exactly what I’d done to her. Gazing, taking me in. My breath caught, and I jerked as she let out a breath against the head.
“Tell me how you like it,” she said breathlessly. One hand wrapped around me, the other cupping my balls.
I closed my eyes, tilting my head back, my heart ready to burst. “I like it …” I swallowed, my throat tightening. “Every way. Any way.” I reached for her hair, my fingers digging into her scalp, drawing her closer. “As long as it’s your Godsdamned mouth doing it.”
A wicked smile spread across her lips, her cheeks pink, then she leaned in, kissing the head, her tongue darting out to lick slowly up and down as she squeezed.
“Fuck,” I growled.
“Like that?” she teased.
“Just like that.”
She licked again, her fingers sliding up and down, and then without warning, she took me into her mouth.
It was all I could do to not fall back against the bed, to not close my eyes, overwhelmed with the pleasure she was tugging out of me with every suck, every pull, every touch of her hands, her tongue, her mouth.
Gods.
My breathing came short, harder, and faster. My fingers were tangled in her hair, and soon I was the one making the noises, losing control, my hips moving without my realizing it, needing to push into her, to go deeper and deeper. She took me without question, moaning around me. It was too good. Too fucking good. I was already on edge, and another night, when we had more time, when a tomorrow was promised, I’d be content to stop here, to spill into her mouth. But not tonight. I needed more, needed to be inside her.
I pumped my hips, pushing myself somehow even deeper, suddenly taking control again, until I was hissing through one final thrust. The last one I knew I could manage without coming. Lyr’s lips closed around me, sucking hard.
“On the bed,” I said, barely able to form the words. “Now.”
Lyr complied immediately, and with a pop from her mouth, I was released. She crawled up onto the blankets, taking a seat and gazed up at me, her hazel eyes sparkling with lust, and desire, and love.
I bent down to kiss her, and my tongue moved slowly, stroking hers with long, languid caresses before I bit down on her bottom lip.
“My turn,” I said, and flipped onto her belly. I nudged her up to her knees and then sank to my own at the edge of the bed, gripping her thighs and pulling her ass right into my face. My fingers slid through the ties on either side of her hips. A second later her underwear was gone.
Lyr squirmed, and I tightened my hold on her legs, pressing my face into her center, breathing her in.
“Rhyan,” she cried out, then stopped, as soon as my tongue touched her folds.
“You liked tasting me, didn’t you?” I growled. “You liked that a lot.”
“Yes,” she gasped.
She was dripping wet with arousal, it was already running down her leg, and the scent and feel and taste of her was heady. I pressed tiny kisses to her inner thighs, lapping up everything I could find while she shuddered. And then, I found her lips, and I sucked and teased, kissing and licking closer and closer to her center.
She started to buck, pushing back against me carrying her weight on her elbows. But I didn’t stop. Nothing could stop me from this. I loved feasting on Lyriana. Loved the taste of her more than I could explain. I’d told her she was my favorite meal. And I’d meant every word.
“Rhyan, please,” she begged. “Please.”
Finally, I fastened my lips around her center, and she cried out, cursing and mewling, her entire body trembling. Her own arousal was running down my chin from this angle. But through it, I held onto her legs, keeping my mouth moving against her until her tremors subsided. Her back arched, and she lifted herself up to her hands as I crawled back onto the bed behind her. I was on my knees and reached for her belly, pulling her up to rest against me. Her head fell back on my shoulder, her mouth still opened in an O shape.
My cock stroked beneath her folds and I lifted my hips, just enough to apply more pressure, thrusting back and forth.
She reached down, rubbing me between her legs while I sought out her breasts.
Angling her neck, she turned her head and her lips found mine, kissing me deeply.
“You ready for me, Lyr?” I asked, pulling back to push one finger inside her, immediately she began to move, and I pumped two fingers inside, and then a third. “Oh, you’re fucking ready,” I said, low in my throat.
Her only response was to squeeze around me.
I pulled my fingers out. “Arch your back for me, partner.”
“Like this?” she asked huskily, one hand reached behind my neck as her ass pressed back. We were perfectly lined up.
“Just like that,” I said, and gripped my cock, teasing her folds once more, coating myself in her arousal. I pressed the head in, moving slowly, carefully until we were joined. We’d barely done this a handful of times, and I knew she was still getting used to taking me.
She sucked in her breath, while I hissed, trying to remain as still as possible, allowing her to adjust. She felt so fucking good, squeezing me so tight, it was like torture, but I breathed slowly, stroking her center, and kissing her neck.
“All right, Lyr?” I asked, ready to burst.
“Mmmhmmm,” was all she could manage, but when her breath softened and I felt her wiggle, testing her movements in this position, I knew she was ready.
I gripped her hips, pumping into her, slow and deep, moving carefully at first, but soon my rhythm picked up, and Lyr was immobile, her body against mine as I thrust again and again. It wasn’t long though before her soft moans turned into cries, and then a slew of curses.
“Rhyan, I’m going to … going to …” But she never finished. She tightened around me, fluttering and pulsing as she cried out, her body jerking forward, pushing her back onto all fours.
I went with her, still thrusting, still trying to hold myself back. But soon she was grinding her hips, pushing back into me as I reached for her hair, pulling it over her shoulder. “Give me your mouth,” I demanded, kissing her again.
When she tightened around me, bucking, I knew I was done for, and pulled out, flipping her onto her back.
“Lyr,” I said, pushing back inside. “Fuck.” Her ankles locked behind me, her nails digging into my back.
“Come for me,” she whispered.
And that was all it took. Three more strokes and I grunted, spilling into her. My entire body shook, every part of me trembling and pulsing as my pleasure came and came and came. I was cursing and calling out her name, yelling it over and over again. It had never lasted this long, never been this good.
“Lyr. Lyr. Lyr.”
I was lost, so far gone, so fucking in love with her.
When I finally settled, I buried my face in her neck, hugging her to me. She kissed my forehead, holding me inside her still, before drawing soft lazy caresses with her nails up and down my back. I smiled, loving that this was something she liked. And it was a good thing because I was reluctant to pull out, loving it myself, loving being this close to her. I closed my eyes, content for once to simply be with her, in her arms. Content to simply be.
“I love you,” I whispered.
“I love you, too.”
I lifted my head, looking into her eyes, awed at how beautiful she looked just then, her hair wild, her cheeks flushed, her lips swollen from my kisses.
Her entire body glowing as if the Valalumir had lit up inside her. “You’re smiling,” she said.
I grinned even wider, feeling almost silly. “I can’t stop.” I laughed, and stroked her cheek.
“I love it when you smile. You don’t do it enough, you know. But you look so fucking handsome when you do.” She leaned up to kiss me, then laid back, her hazel eyes sparkling with flecks of gold. “Even better. You look happy.”
I grinned so wide it almost hurt. “I feel happy,” I said. And I meant it at that moment. Happiness, even brief fleeting seconds of the emotion, was something that for years had felt impossible. Happiness had felt like a feeling that was not meant for me, not made for me. Like I’d been born wrong and didn’t have the ability to feel this thing that everyone else seemed to come by so easily, this thing that everyone else had, that everyone else sought. But for this moment, it was like I’d been let in on the secret. Let in a door that had always previously been locked.
Nothing in my world was right. The horrors still existed. The past. And what I knew lay outside this room was still there. This small cocoon of love and safety and joy we’d built for ourselves was fleeting. But at this moment, none of that mattered. Only Lyr did. Only the pounding of my heart, the light in my soul, and the way my body never felt so perfect as it did when it was holding her.
“I think I am happy,” I said. “At least, I am, when I’m with you.”
“Do you mean that?”
By the Gods. She looked so full of joy when I said that, I thought my heart would burst. I took it back, I never felt more perfect than when I made her look like this. Forgetting her cares, her worries.
“Of course,” I said, kissing her jaw, and her cheek. “When I’m with you like this, it’s like everything bad just kind of falls away. And when I think about what we have to face, all the trials ahead, I don’t know. With you like this? It all feels more bearable. Like we can win. Like we can do this. Together.” And maybe it was just the post-sex glow, but right then I truly believed what I was saying. I felt stronger, more capable. I kissed her again. “It feels like just knowing you’re by my side, I can handle anything. Fight anyone. I love being with you. I love everything about you.” I brushed a loose strand of hair from her face. “You make me so happy, Lyr. Always. Always when I’m with you.”
Her smile faltered. “And when you’re not with me?” she asked, her voice suddenly small.
I sighed, my grin now rueful. “I’m working on that.”
She nodded, pulling my face back to hers, kissing me again with a maddening kind of slowness. Like we did have forever. And I wished to the Gods we did. I could have stayed in that kiss all night.
“What about you, partner?” I asked, as we took a breath. “Are you happy?”
“When I’m with you,” she said, kissing the corner of my lips. “Always.”
“And when you’re not with me?” I asked.
“I’m also working on that,” she said, her voice shaking. And I knew the spell was ending. Reality was sinking back in.
“Do you want to practice,” I asked, gently drawing back from her. I was softening inside her and overly sensitive.
She let me pull out, but wrapped me in her arms, holding me close. “No, don’t go. Not yet. You spent too many nights away from my bed. And anyway, I still need my apprentice here. For a different kind of practice.”
“Well,” I teased. “I can never abandon a novice in need. Especially when they require further lessons.”
I knew I should leave and return to my room. But something inside me kept me on the bed, kept me from moving. An unwillingness in my soul to leave her side.
“Let’s stay happy then,” I said. “I’ll practice with you here, a little while longer. Mekara. ”
“Rakame.” Lyr nodded, and I rested my head against her breast, letting her stroke my hair, until my eyes closed.
Sometime later, I woke to a gentle breeze rolling through the window. A promise of spring. Lyr’s naked body was illuminated by the moon. She was on her side, snuggled up against me, the blanket having fallen to her hip. I reached out and stroked her arm, then slid my hand between her breasts, to her beating heart. The Valalumir pulsing inside.
We’d dozed off, though by my estimates of the moon’s position in the sky, no more than an hour had passed.
I took a deep breath, drinking her in.
Gods, she was so fucking beautiful. I knew I needed to sleep, either that or leave. But I couldn’t stop watching her. She looked so peaceful like this. Unaware of the trials that lay before us. She looked happy. The way I was happy when I was with her. The way I always wanted to see her.
But the feeling was weakening. I felt all too aware at that moment of what might come next, and I had the urge to scoop her back into my arms, to hold and protect her. To promise every God and Goddess who still listened, to plead with the Council of Forty-Four, or whoever the hell was in charge, to keep her safe, to swear that if it came down to it, this time, they’d take my life over hers.
Lyr stirred suddenly. Her eyelashes fluttered, her eyes opening, and she shifted, looking me up and down, her breathing even and slow.
We didn’t speak. We were beyond communication by then. One look from her, one nod and that was all it took. She reached for me, and rolled onto her back, pulling me on top of her, her legs already open.
I pushed myself up onto my hands, keeping my weight off her, as she wrapped her fingers around me, stroking, and squeezing, before guiding me inside.
I was fully sheathed in one thrust, both of us gasping, our eyes steady on each other’s. I pulled back, tilting my pelvis just so, and when I pushed back in, she moaned. I did, too.
I kept that angle as her hands found my back, her fingernails digging into me. And then I pumped into her, again and again. We were unusually quiet, like a spell had been cast over us. We both came quickly, keeping our eyes wide open, watching each other writhe and squirm.
“Marry me,” I said suddenly, still pulsing inside her.
“What?”
“Marry me. Just … marry me.” It was impossible of course. Everything about our fates forbade it. But I didn’t care. I’d marry her in secret. I was done pretending, done trying to live any other way. And I was more than fucking done with the men she was forced to entertain.
She grinned. “You do remember that we are already soulmates?”
I laughed, but a tear rolled down my cheek.
“Rhyan.” She wiped it away.
“We are soulmates,” I said. “I fell from Heaven for you. Tracked you down life after life, and I’ll continue to find you after this one ends. I’ll find you again. I’ll always find you, always know you. But I want more in this lifetime. I want all of you. You told me to claim you. And I’m not done. I want to make you mine in every way I can. Not just in every life, but in every form. And I want you to do the same to me. I want you to have complete and total possession of all I am, and all I have. Because I’m yours. Because I’ll always be yours.”
Lyr grinned, her eyes sparkling with tears. But before she could answer, bells began to ring, in the distance, the sound soft at first, then it grew louder, more insistent, the pattern revealing itself in precisely timed notes. It wasn’t the hourly call, nor was it the threat of akadim.
It was a death bell.
For the Emperor. He’d passed.
I squeezed my eyes shut, my pulse racing. May his soul never know a moment’s peace.
Lyr sat up, her eyes widened, understanding.
I sighed, pulling back the blankets and looking over her one last time. Trying to memorize her every last feature. I wanted to remember her like this. The way she looked right at that moment. Naked, beautiful, happy, loved.
Then I climbed out of the bed, and reached for her hand, resigned. “Come on,” I said. “We need to be dressed. Anything can happen now.”