4. Colt, age 18
Chapter 4
Colt, age 18
“ I ’m telling you...” Zane leans closer, his eyes animated. “We show up buck naked under our gowns, and instead of throwing our tassels, we moon the entire class. No one will forget the class of 2012.” He laughs the loudest of everyone at his own idea. After almost half a bottle of whiskey, I’m not surprised.
I smirk at my best friend while he sits across from me. It’s spring here, which means warmer weather during the day and slightly colder weather still in the evening. Like every Friday night, we met at the lake and made a bonfire, to celebrate from now until we leave for college at the end of the summer.
“Nah, dude.” Mason, one of our friends, shakes his head. “It isn’t Principal Harvey I’m scared of either. If my mom sees that, I’ll be in a shit-ton of trouble. She won’t care that I’m going to college shortly after that.”
“Next idea,” Lyric calls from where she’s sitting between my legs. My chin rests on top of her chestnut hair, while my fingers run up and down her arms. I can never keep my hands off my girl when she’s around. Since the minute she said yes to dating me two years ago, she’s been my obsession. If she’s there, I’m touching her; if she’s away from me, I get jumpy. My eyes pick her out in any crowd and track her movements until we’re together again. I can’t shake it and the longer we’re together, the stronger this connection grows. It’s partly why I asked her to go with me to Alabama this fall and why we’ve spent the last year making sure we each hit the prerequisites that the college requires while also studying our asses off. When Lyric got her acceptance letter, I felt such relief. There was no way I was leaving town without her.
“Can’t we just do the tire burnout when we all leave?” Camryn, Lyric’s best friend, asks from next to me. Her boyfriend, Tim, is sprawled out next to her on a blanket, eyes darting from Zane to Camryn.
“It’s been done,” Zane whines and complains.
My mind spins for something new and original. A prank for everyone to remember our class by. Right now, we’re two months from graduation. This weekend starts seven days of spring break. Zane and I are heading to Tuscaloosa tomorrow for me to check out their football team and meet the coach again and see if the team is a good fit. I’d been scouted and offered a scholarship pretty early on in the year. Despite my father’s constant reminders I would never make it. When I put that acceptance letter on the fridge, he quit coming home for almost a whole month. Needless to say, I never found the time to visit the campus or meet any potential teammates. The coach finally convinced me this would be a good weekend and helped out with accommodations.
“What’s something that’s easy to conceal but a pain to get rid of?” Zane asks, tipping the bottle of whiskey back again when it's handed to him.
“Glitter,” Lyric answers, shoulders shrugging.
Zane’s head whips to her. “Now you’re talking, Taylor! You guys, what if instead of our hats, we toss up glitter. They’ll still be cleaning that off the gym floor five years from now. Colt, your girl is an evil genius.”
I feel Lyric’s body shake with laughter. My arm wraps around her, pulling her body back into mine. “Her mind is a dark and dangerous place.”
Mason rolls his eyes and pretends to scoff. They’re used to being around Lyric and me by this point. They know I go where she does. It hasn’t stopped us guys from hanging out, but they all know if Lyric can be there or if I haven’t seen her because of our busy schedules, then I make the time for her. It helps that she’s laid back, so they all love her, and she is truly one of their friends too.
I lose track of time while we chat about our futures and plans for break. I hate leaving Lyric for the week, but I know she has plans with the girls and is picking up extra shifts at work. Unlike me, Lyric only has a partial scholarship, which means she has to pay for the rest of her tuition expenses. Her parents are giving her some money, but they also have two other kids to pay for in a few more years. They made the decision to give them each a certain sum to keep it fair.
“It’s one,” Lyric says, her head tilting back, those blue eyes connecting with mine.
I smirk. “Better get you home before you turn into a pumpkin.” It’s an ongoing joke between us. Even though Lyric is eighteen and a senior, her dad has kept her on a curfew. Her mom lengthens it for us, though. Tonight I was told to have her home by one thirty. She snorts and stands, hands running over her jeans and wiping off the dirt and grass.
“Heading out?” Tim asks, and we nod.
“Curfew.” Lyric rolls her eyes and smiles.
I grab her hand and take the now folded blanket from her. “See you tomorrow?” I look in Zane’s direction, and he nods.
“Take care of him, Zane,” Lyric warns him, sarcasm dripping in her voice because we all know it’s going to be the other way around. Zane has declared this week the college experience he’ll never have. My best friend enlisted in the Army this past fall, after being undecided for years about what he wanted to do.
Zane scoffs, his eyes sliding between Lyric and me. “Are you guys going to get married?”
Lyric lobs her half-eaten beef stick at him while I laugh. “Bye, Zane,” she calls, when I tug her behind me and over to where my truck is sitting. As always, I help her in before rounding to my side. Once the key is in and we’re heading back toward our neighborhood, she finally talks to me.
“Are you nervous to go?” Her voice is timid and not at all like the confident girl I know.
I glance at her. “Nervous to visit or to go there this fall?”
“To visit.” She chooses her answer quickly, which instantly makes me relax. I know I sprung my idea on her. Sometimes when we talk about leaving this fall, I see the hesitancy flash in her eyes. I get being nervous to try new things. I know the campus is huge and that I will be busy the majority of the time with football, so Lyric taking such a leap of faith in our relationship means more to me than anything. What bothers me is that if she does have any conflicted feelings, she never talks about them. I’m hoping that means she will eventually get over them once we get there.
“No.” I shake my head, letting an easy smile fall on my lips. “It’s just a meet and greet. I’ll also play with the guys a little and get a feel for the school. As for this fall, I have absolutely no concerns at all. I can see everything perfectly. You and I grabbing your favorite iced coffee before class. Sneaking into your dorm, well not sneaking really, because, let’s face it, I’ll have your dorm advisor sorted in no time.”
She laughs. “Yeah, because you got that charming personality.”
“It always works, baby.” I wink at her, which makes her laugh again. After that, our conversation becomes easier as I tell her about all the plans Zane has for us in between the team activities and scrimmages I’ll be attending. We laugh the whole way home.
When I pull up in her driveway, the house is quiet and dark, except for the outside lights that are still on.
“Promise you’ll call me at least twice,” Lyric asks, her body angling to face mine.
I slide my fingers through hers and bring her wrist to my lips. My eyes catch the instant goosebumps that rise on her flesh, and I smirk. “I promise.”
“And don’t forget to ask about the updated meal plan brochure. I can’t believe it’s not on their website yet. I need to plan.” She reminds me and my smile grows. Hearing those words is a huge relief.
“I won’t forget.” I shake my head. Out of the two of us, Lyric tends to be the forgetful one. Unless it was something I happened to say four years ago that made her upset. Funny how that always happens, but the girl can’t remember the days she works in a week without writing them down.
“Thank you.” She smiles and leans over to place her lips on mine. My chest instantly goes still from her nearness. Despite being around a bonfire for a few hours, I can still smell the sweetness from the body wash she uses.
My hand instantly shoots out to cup the back of her head and hold her lips to mine. No matter how many times we’ve kissed over the past couple of years, it never gets old. If anything, it only gets better. She kisses me like she wants to consume me, like I’m her world, and I keep kissing her back harder. I feel desperate and the feeling knocks me back on my feet. We’ve said goodbye to each other before for things like this, yet something feels different. I can’t quite place it. Instead, I stuff the feeling in the back of my mind and cradle her face in my hands. Her blue eyes are shining and look somewhat tired. Her cheeks are flushed and her lips swollen. She leans in and gently places one last kiss on my lips before pulling back.
“I love you,” she tells me once more for good measure. My eyes track over her face. I can see her truth, and my body feels her sincerity.
“I love you more,” I answer, like always. She smiles and the small twinge of fear I felt earlier completely dies away.
Lyric opens her door and hops down. I wait until she steps inside her front door before backing out of her driveway and driving the ten feet to my own. Unlike Lyric’s home, my house is completely dark. A ghost house amongst the living and breathing families in our neighborhood. My jaw clenches. No matter how old I get, I wonder if I’ll ever let go of the resentment I feel toward them. The day I lost Alex, I also lost both my parents. Neither of them was strong enough to want to continue on for me.
Climbing out of my truck, I run up the stairs and step into the house. In the dark, I move toward the kitchen light above the sink and flip it on. If I’m home first, then that means Wes will need a guiding light to find his way around. If he even comes home. My eyes find the shrine, as I like to call it, hanging over the mantel in the living room across from me. All the picture frames are dusty, the box containing Alex’s folded flag is the only object that looks as if it gets any care. My chest pinches whenever I see it. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about my brother or wish that he was here. If he had lived, would Mom have decided life was good enough to keep living?
“You honestly think throwing around a football means anything?” my dad hollers, his voice slurred. Judging from the numerous empty beer bottles set out on the sideboard, he’s had more than a few. My head lowers, listening to his words. “That...” He points to my brother’s pictures. “That is doing something. That is something that makes people take notice. Your brother is a hero!”
I nod, because yeah, Alex was a hero. My hero.
“Don’t you nod at me like that,” my dad says. Only this time, his voice cracks. My eyes slam shut. “If you had tried even half as hard as he did, maybe she’d still be here.”
He says it all the time, and by now, I’d think I’d be used to it. But every time his words still cut like a rusty knife, digging into my skin. He blames me for her dying.
“I am trying, Dad,” I tell him, hating how desperate my voice sounds. “I’m going pro someday. Colleges are lining up to give me a shot. I know I can do it.”
“It’s a stupid fucking game, Alex,” he yells.
“I’m Colt!” I yell back, my eyes filled with tears and rage. Why can’t he see me? How did I become invisible just because I’m living?
“Don’t talk back to me, boy!” he rages, suddenly climbing to his feet. I watch as his body sways forward slightly, looking for balance.
I scoff. “I’m not a boy, Dad. I’ve been more of the man around this place than you and you know it.”
“It should have been you. Throwing around a ball and you think you’re something special. They took the wrong kid!” Spit flies from his mouth. I watch while his skin becomes purple from all the dark rage he carries under it.
“Yeah, well they took the wrong parent too!” I mouth back, a second before there is a disturbingly loud crack, and my head flies to the side. The sting burns my skin, but it’s tame in comparison to the pain gripping its hand around the heart in my chest.
My chin drops to my chest, the grief threatening to eat me alive from the memories. My fingers dig into my pocket and whip out my cell phone.
“Miss me already?” Zane’s voice flows from my speaker and into the quiet space.
“Okay if I crash at your place tonight? Then we can just leave from your house.” I wait a split second for his response. Zane isn’t stupid. He knows the piece of shit my dad has turned into. Even on the night before an important trip about my future, the lazy drunk can’t be bothered to be home.
“Good plan,” Zane answers. “I’ll leave the door unlocked. I’m just heading through town now.”
My mom was never the same after losing Alex. She quickly fell into a depression. Refused to leave the house or even to see AJ. He was a reminder of what she lost and nothing or no one could bring her back. I was the last one to leave home the day she died. I was twelve and desperate for her to be normal again. To cook a meal, to help me with homework, to even want to hug me goodnight. She called me into her room and had me sit with her. Her eyes were clear and I stupidly thought she was getting better. She held my hand and told me she loved me and she was sorry for being sad. When I got up to leave, hope spread through my chest, so much so that I didn’t even second-guess when she asked me to hand her the bottle of her prescription medication. I left the house thinking my family was on its way to healing, only to come home to the coroner’s truck in my driveway while my dad broke down crying in his chair. She left us without looking back. Without even second-guessing her decision. The loss of one child outweighed the will to live for the other.
I tell Zane I’ll grab my stuff and be over soon. My feet hit the stairs with a little extra noise. In my room, I throw some clothes in my bag, before pulling up my floorboard to find the stash of cash I hid. I take out as much as I’ll need for food, gas, and the extra activities Zane has planned. Before leaving, I grab my suit from the back of my closet. The coach mentioned one team dinner with collegiate sponsors that he wanted me to attend. When I told Lyric, she made me go shopping for a nice suit then ironed it for me. The girl is an angel, I swear.
With one last look around the room, I head back upstairs and let the door slam on my way out. I should have told Lyric the real reason I have no fears about leaving the state for college. I’ve already been on my own for years. Putting some miles between that house and myself actually feels more like freedom than anything else.