8. Lyric
Chapter 8
Lyric
L ike a whipped puppy, my eyes search him out. It doesn’t take long to find him either. He’s holding court next to the fire, a crowd of people gathered around him. Most of them are girls I don’t recognize, and my jaw clenches. From here I can see that, like his best friend, my boyfriend has also filled out and muscled up. His jaw looks sharper, his face hard like granite. The tan on his skin makes him look even more delicious, and I silently berate myself for lusting over him. His hair is also shorter. Not as buzzed as Zane’s, but the long pieces that used to fall in his eyes are now gone.
Time and distance are meaningless to Colt and me. He feels my gaze on him, and right away, his midnight eyes find mine. I startle at the void staring back at me, and my feet inch forward. Colt’s gaze snaps away from mine when one of the girls steps close to him and points to his arm. He lifts his sleeve and examines the tattoo that is now etched into his skin. My brow rises at the change. I move closer to him, needing to be in his space so this empty feeling will go away.
“Colt,” I say his name, trying to grab his attention from the bimbo between us. In the past, no girl had ever held his attention if I was around. Dread fills my stomach.
He finally looks at me and nods his head. “Sup, Taylor.”
Taylor. “When did you get back?” I ask, forcing him to say the words.
His eyes flicker briefly with regret before he shuts it down and stares back with the same lifeless-looking gaze as before. His shoulders lift. “This morning.”
“Were you going to tell me? Your letter didn’t even mention it,” I keep going. I’m not oblivious to the amount of attention we’re getting. I see Zane slide up next to Camryn and Tim, concern pulling at his lips.
“There isn’t much to say,” Colt responds, pushing the knife deeper into my heart, all the way to the hilt.
“Guess I’m just not worthy of your time then,” I say, nodding to the girl he was talking to earlier. Anger like I’ve never felt grows in my chest and I need to get out of this space before I do something I’ll regret.
Red clouds my vision, yet somehow, I make it to the edge of the trees and then make a break for my car.
“Lyric, wait,” Colt calls, as he catches up to me.
“What are we doing, Colt?” I demand, spinning back to face him. I don’t bother to hide the emotional breakdown that’s been brewing in the weeks he’s been gone.
“Look, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I just...” His hands come up to his head and slide around his neck. “I think it’s best if we break up now. We’re in such different places in our lives. It’s best for both of us if we don’t hold on any longer.”
“You don’t mean that.” I back up, my head shaking in denial. I swear I feel my heart split in two, the pain inside my chest so intense that it’s difficult to breathe. “What happened? How did this happen? We had plans, Colt! You asked me to change my life for you and I did because I love you. What are you scared of? What aren’t you telling me?”
“Lyric, stop!” He pulls away, and it’s then I notice my fingers are holding the front of his shirt. “I just can’t, okay? I need to be on my own. I want to be away from everyone’s expectations. This town is nothing but shadows for me. I don’t need it. I don’t need anyone. I want to break up.”
My feet shuffle back and away from the person in front of me. Gone is the man who loved me unconditionally. Who trusted me, who I gave every part of myself to, thinking we were going to be together forever. Shock. I think that’s what I’m feeling. I scramble to get into my car and drive off before he can say more hurtful things. I need this part to be over, so we can move on.
I put as much space between my taillights and Colt as I can before I break down. These waves of emotions have become almost as familiar as breathing to me now. My back bows and my shoulders hunch, as if my body is physically trying to protect my heart from the pain threatening to eat it alive. I make it back to my house safely, despite the mascara running down my face and the shuddering in my stomach. I’ve never been happier for the house to be completely dark. Sliding into my bed tonight is the escape I’ve been looking for.
“Lyric, breakfast is ready,” Kyler calls from the bottom of the stairs. I slip my hand out from under my comforter and reach for my phone. My eyes burn from crying myself to sleep, yet they still manage to sting again when I see no missed calls or texts from Colt. Stupidly, I had thought he would come after me last night. We rarely fight. But everything has changed now. There is something I’m missing, and I refuse to walk away without knowing what it is.
I roll out of my covers to shower. There is no way I’ll be able to stomach breakfast, so I take my time and hope my family doesn’t wait for me. One look in my bathroom mirror is enough to make me aware that I look like I’ve been run over by a freight train. My eyes are puffy, my cheeks red and raw from being wiped, even my nose is tinged red and flared.
My gaze stays locked on my packed suitcase waiting in the corner, taunting me, while I throw on some leggings and the hoodie I stole from Colt last winter. My fingers itch to grab my phone, but my mind is telling me this needs to happen in person. I can’t leave for college without answers, without the truth. I’m not buying Colt’s breakup speech. Maybe that’s just me being overemotional or needy, but I know this boy better than I know myself. I felt his love. I was the focus of his attention in every scenario while we planned a future together. He better be ready for a fight because I refuse to get on that plane without his truth.
Somehow I manage to slip past my family and into my car. I can’t deal with their questions or the talks about moving on. I love them, but they don’t get it. They don’t know how I feel or that Colt and I are different. His truck isn’t at home and I’m guessing everybody stayed at Mason’s last night since his place is within walking distance. I head back toward where the party was. Seeing Colt’s truck still parked there gives me instant relief.
The door opens easily and I let myself in. Bottles and cans litter the floor; it smells like stale beer and bad decisions in here. I instantly recognize Zane passed out on one of the couches, snoring loudly, and try not to laugh. Voices carry from the kitchen. I hold my breath, ready to head into battle, when movement at the bedroom door catches my eye. Colt steps out. My eyes widen because he’s wearing only his boxers, and so much skin and muscle is on display. I miss him. I miss lying under all that while he played with my hair and kissed me until I couldn’t breathe. My brain melts. My eyes don’t do anything but stare.
“Lyric,” he says my name in surprise, laced with a tinge of guilt that makes my eyes jump to his face before sliding behind him. The girl from the bonfire slides out of the room, stopping to look between us. She’s wearing the T-shirt he had on last night and her hair is messy. Her eyes drop to the floor and she scurries to the bathroom.
Heartbeats pass between us, but I can’t bring myself to look at him. I’m crying again and pissed at myself for coming here.
“You slept with her?” My voice sounds hoarse and not at all mine. I hate it. I don’t want to feel weak in front of him right now.
Colt opens his mouth to say something before closing it. His head drops down and that’s all the answer I need.
For the third time, I walk away from Colt. Only this time, any hopes or dreams of him coming after me, chasing me, burn up in flames. I think I might die from this broken heart. Somehow, though, I make it back to my house.
“Lyric?” Momma stops me on my way up the stairs. “Sweetheart, are you okay?”
I should smile and put on a brave face, only I can’t. Everything in me crumbles with every sob that tears out of my throat. Momma moves fast, catching me in her arms and walking me up to my room. I don’t stop her as she removes my shoes and cradles me on my bed. Her fingers comb through my hair while she lets me just be.
“I feel like I’m dying,” I whisper into her shoulder, where my fingers grip her shirt tightly.
She chuckles softly. “You aren’t, I promise.”
“How can he leave me? Why did he end things this way after everything?”
“I wish I could make this better for you, love. I wish I had the answers. All I can say is that Colt has had demons for a long time. I like the kid and I’m happy he was your first boyfriend. He treated you right, which is all your dad and I could’ve asked for. Whatever his reasons are, it has nothing to do with you, Lyric. You are smart and funny and beautiful. You’re kind to everyone and you work hard in everything you do,” she croons into my hair.
“It hurts so much,” I sob, pulling my legs into my chest.
“It will stop.” She kisses me. “It will get better, I promise.”
“What if it doesn’t?” I huff, snuggling deeper into her.
She laughs. “It will. Just keep going. Go to school. Meet new people and study hard. As time goes by, you will see, things will get better. It just takes time.”
We sit like that until my body finally relaxes and my eyes close to sleep. Momma must have calmed my daddy down because he doesn’t try and talk to me the rest of the day. Even Kyler and Posey stay clear of my room. Camryn texts me and we exchange a few boy-bashing memes before my stomach hurts again. Clearly, getting over Colt Street is going to take all of my strength.
I grab a bowl of fruit from the fridge and lie back on my bed plotting. I make the choice then and there to harden my heart. I’ll go to Alabama for a semester, and if I hate it, I can transfer to my choice of schools or maybe I’ll join Camryn or Jamie Lynn. My options are endless and open. I plan to join a club or two. I may never make it to the football stadium, though, and I just need to be okay with that. I pray that eventually this pain will go away. Someday, I will wake up and not miss Colt Street. Until then, I’m taking that plane ticket out of this town and finding my own life, no matter how scary and terrifying that sounds. Never again will I beg a boyfriend to stay with me.