17. Lyric
Chapter 17
Lyric
I expected Colt to go back in the little box I made for him ten years ago and stay stashed away, maybe even listen to me when I told him I was after closure. The first night we got back, I took the easy way out and avoided him, avoided the other club members that were here and all their questions. Exhaustion hit me fast and I passed out on the bed. My body had depleted its energy, but my brain was active, like it knew whose house I was in. I dreamt all night that Colt and I were back in high school and about the night he asked me to be his girlfriend in front of that stupid tree. Jordan made multiple appearances, never saying anything, just watching what I was dreaming, interest clear on his face.
It was unsettling, and things aren’t much better in the morning.
I come down the stairs, hoping for a reprieve, only to find my favorite breakfast once again waiting for me on the table, along with a vase of sunflowers and a card. My fingers shake as I open the flap and read the few words written in Colt’s messy scrawl.
Sunflowers mean adoration and loyalty. Lyric, I’ve always admired you, your strength and the way you radiate kindness to everyone around you. I’m here for you always.
Love, Colt
I don’t have it in me to throw it away, but I also can’t confront him. It’s like nothing I do to push Colt away fazes him.
The next week moves in much of the same way. He suddenly has my phone number. The “good morning, beautiful” texts start flowing in on the mornings he isn’t at the house but is checking in with the club, and every night, he asks me to eat dinner with him. Dinner that he cooks and never allows me to help with. He always asks what I like, and he remembers the small things about the foods I really didn’t like. Then I have to watch him move around the kitchen looking way better than he should to me in sweatpants and a black T-shirt that stretches perfectly over his chest and arms. Arms that hold a few extra tattoos since high school.
And the damn freezer. The freezer is stocked with so much ice cream of all different flavors. When I ask him why we need so much, he just chuckles and responds that different moods require different types of ice cream. Those were my words from many years ago and he remembers them. It's all sickly charming.
The one thing that gets me the most is how open he is. Anything I throw at him, he takes in stride. He eats up the distance between us that I keep trying to erect. Colt is the first to initiate heavy conversation, even bringing up our pain from the past. He apologized, but I can’t forget about it. Instead of getting mad and fighting with me about it, he’s patient. Colt puts himself out there, apologizing, even when he sometimes doesn’t need to. I’ve learned over the past week about his life since he left, the friends he lost, and he’s told me more about the experience of finding the club.
When we were young, I felt like I knew who Colt was, but now Colt is showing me the man he is. Every night I go to bed mad at myself for liking it, and feeling sick to my stomach that I am so torn up about it.
Flowers arrive again the next week at breakfast with another card and explanation. This time it's a vase of bright pink and white lilies.
Lilies. A new beginning.
Love, Colt
By that Friday, I cave and reach out to Camryn, hoping she can be my voice of reason. I can hear her hesitancy on the phone. “I mean, Lyric, think about it. All this time has passed, you both are in different places in your lives, and your paths just happened to cross. Maybe this is how it was supposed to be.”
“Cam, you know how bad I was. For a year, it felt like my life spiraled out of control. He hurt me more than anyone ever has,” I argue, reminding her and myself.
“He didn’t actually cheat on you, though,” she points out.
I huff into the phone. “He let me believe he did, which is the same as lying. If he had told me why he didn’t want to go, I would have understood. If he still wanted to break up, I think it would have been easier at least knowing why.”
“Yeah, but I think that’s the part you’re missing. I don’t think he broke up with you because he didn’t want you but because of the reason he decided to lie about Alabama. Honestly, girl, I think things happened the way they did for a reason,” she argues.
“It shouldn't hurt as much this many years later. I just want to let it all go.”
Cam hums under her breath. “Lyric, it hurts because you loved him. He loved you too. He was a stupid eighteen-year-old boy who made a terrible decision.”
“I know, and I forgave him. I let that part of things go but I can’t stop the pain. I can't just pick right up and try a new relationship? I’m not the same girl anymore.”
“And hopefully he isn’t the same guy. Again, it's been ten years. You both are entirely different people and in different places in your lives. You are practically strangers, except for your history. So maybe get to know the new Colt. You forgave the young idiot version of him. Maybe the older and more mature Colt won’t hurt you. You’ll never know unless you try. You’re both miserable right now ignoring what is between you,” she reasons, and I feel tears spring to my eyes.
By the time we hang up, I’m even more confused. More times than I care to think about my finger hovers over my momma’s number, but I always back down. I don’t think she will understand, and part of me believes she doesn’t like Colt after what happened. Lord knows my daddy won’t be forgiving him in this lifetime. Plus, if I have to explain to them how I’ve reconnected with Colt, then I have to tell them that Lukas found me and I don’t want to worry them more than they already do.
The front door opens downstairs and Colt yells that he’s home. Once again, my heart leaps with how domestic this feels. I hear him turn on the sink, most likely washing grease from his hands. Taking a deep breath, I make my way down the stairs. I refuse to cower, so even when our interactions are awkward, I blame him. He’s the one keeping me here at his house where we’re in constant close proximity. At the clubhouse, there would have been other rooms to go to or other people around to talk to. I should leave and just go back before I crumble completely.
My feet reach the main floor and the second my eyes land on Colt, I’m instantly irritated. The man isn’t wearing a shirt, again, and his jeans are hanging low enough on his hips that I can see the top of the Adonis belt he’s hiding. My fingers tingle, wanting to touch him. It's not fair that he looks this good. It's not fair that all of this time I could have had all of this, this life with him, if he hadn’t broken my heart.
“I need to get out of here. I want to go to the clubhouse. I can’t be here with you anymore,” I snap, and his eyes instantly jump to mine. My cheeks flame red while I try to keep my focus on his face and not on his bare chest.
“Baby, I already explained why it's not a good idea,” he responds, and his calm voice makes me feel even more frustrated and hot. I can feel the skin on my chest burning from need and the crackling energy around us that has been building for weeks.
“Stop calling me baby. I don’t like it,” I remind him again, and all I get in return is a deep chuckle.
“Yes, you do,” he throws back, and sets down a dirty towel on the table.
“It's been almost two weeks, Colt.” I shake my head, while my fingers pinch the collar on my T-shirt, and I fluff the material away from my body. “When is anything going to happen? I can’t just stay here and do nothing.”
Colt’s gaze travels over my body while I pace around the living room. He watches every move I make, and it feels like he’s trying to read what is going on inside my mind by just looking at me.
“Stop doing that,” I groan.
“You’re putting on such a lovely show.” He grins at me and trails his fingers over his lips.
“Colt, I’m serious. I’m going stir-crazy. My chest feels heavy. I’m irritated, I?—”
“Need to come,” he supplies, and his words have the desired effect. I stop moving and my insides turn to liquid fire. My legs strain not to rub together to soothe the ache he created with just three words. Holy shit. Who just says things like that? And to their ex of all people.
Eyes blazing, I give him my full attention. “I need you to make a fucking move on the bad guy so I can go back to my normal life. So I can go more than five feet outside. Go to the grocery store. Or shit, get a drink at the bar to drown all these feelings I have.”
“Lyric, I’m working on it.” He walks toward me, and I can’t look away from the intensity and hunger in his eyes. “Every day we do surveillance to make sure he hasn’t stepped into town. Jester is using all his resources within different law enforcement agencies to see if they have anything on him or his family. Keeping you here is keeping you safe. I get that you’re going stir-crazy and you have some pent-up energy, that I’m more than happy to help you relieve by the way, but no, you can’t leave.”
I’m breathing hard when he’s done laying out what I already know to be true. My brain can process the logical part of what is happening. I know I’m safe here, but I’m here with Colt and all my memories, the old feelings, all of the sweet things he’s been doing for me, and his dirty mouth. And let's not mention the fact that he’s always walking around half-naked.
Colt stands in front of me and his hands reach up to cradle my face, forcing me to look at him. “Let me give you what you really need, baby. Let me touch you and make us both feel better.”
I suck in air and try to twist away, but he’s holding me tight. “You know why we can’t. I can’t. I forgive you but can’t forget how it felt. I’ve told you I’m not that girl anymore; we don’t know each other anymore.”
“You are her. You’re also this new, fiery, dedicated, smart, sexy boss of a woman that drives me crazy. You are my past and present. Getting to know who you are now is more than I could ever have dreamed, Lyric. I’m still me. I made the worst mistake of my life ten years ago and I’ve regretted it ever since. You’re also seeing who I am now, and the man I want to continue being for you in the future.” He touches his forehead to mine, bringing his body closer until I can feel every ridge and divot of his frame against mine. Even after all of these years, we still fit together perfectly.
“Let me go, Colt.” I’m practically begging him, even as my fingers clutch him to me.
“I can’t let this go. I can’t let you go again, Lyric. I’ve lived without you for ten years. I thought I was fine, I thought I was surviving, but that’s just it. I was surviving, not living. That night when I found you was the first time in years that my heart beat with life again. I know I was an idiot. I know I fucked up. I will do anything to make it up to you. If it takes weeks, months or years, I’ll be here. I never stopped loving you, Lyric. And I’m the biggest ass for letting you go.” Colt’s words strike chords deep in my soul, strumming my organs to life with each one. His fingers tilt my face up, until I can feel the warmth of his lips on mine.
“Colt,” I say, his name a plea on my lips, and my heart flutters in my chest. Please don’t stop. Please let me go. Please don’t hurt me. Please don’t leave.
Our gazes hold, and I read the determination in his eyes. His will to fight against any barrier I attempt to erect. It pisses me off. I should be more annoyed. Instead, my body melts into him further, silently giving him what he’s asking. Colt’s lips fall on mine, gentle yet rough in the way he pushes and takes. My hands flutter against his shoulders, my fingers sinking into his warm skin. He makes a noise between a growl and a groan before his arms circle my waist and bring my chest flush against his. Memories of us, of the many thousands of kisses we’ve shared, flood my mind and drown out any doubts I have in this moment. We’re just Colt and Lyric. I kiss him back just as hungrily, soaking up this time with him, and having no idea where to go from here. It just feels right.
Sensing my submission to the electric chemistry that has always been between us, Colt’s hands slide down my back to my thighs before he lifts me off the ground. My legs circle his waist and my arms sling around his neck, holding on to him. My back meets the wall and all I can feel is him between my legs while he grinds into me, his cock rubbing against my clit. I moan from the feeling and tangle my fingers in his hair.
“Fuck, you feel so good. I’ve missed this. I’ve missed you,” he tells me while trailing kisses down my neck and over my collarbone. “Tell me you want me, baby. Tell me you want this.”
I moan again when he licks my neck, and my legs squeeze him harder. “I want you.”
As soon as the words are out of my mouth, he drags me from the wall and back up the stairs to the room I’ve been staying in. I have no idea how he has the strength right now to carry me up there, but I’m not going to question it. My legs spread around him as he comes down on top of me on the bed. His hands land on either side of my head, holding his body above mine. I don’t want space; I want to feel him everywhere.
He leans down and kisses me, his free hand cradling my face while his tongue strokes mine, teasing and tasting me. I rock my hips into his, needing to get more friction and pressure against my clit. Colt chuckles at the desperate sounds coming from me before pushing himself up, his legs straddling my waist. His fingers hook on the material of my shirt and he lifts up. My torso bends and moves to help him until it is over my head, and he throws it on the floor. My leggings and underwear are next and soon I’m completely bare to his gaze.
Colt’s eyes trail down my body, his tongue trailing over his bottom lip. My chest flushes under his perusal. My body has definitely changed in the past ten years. My breasts are fuller, my stomach is less toned and softer, and my hips flare out to thicker thighs. I never worried about it or thought about the differences until now. My hands move to self-consciously cover myself, but Colt is faster. His hands catch mine and he brings them to my sides.
“Don’t fucking dare cover yourself from me, Lyric.” His voice is gravely and my gaze meets his. He looks fucking starving. “Been waiting for this, for you. You’re beautiful, baby.”
My breath stutters and my hand reaches for his forearm. “Kiss me,” I plead with him.
Colt moves off the bed and slides his jeans and underwear down, shuffling out of them. His cock springs free and my eyes widen. It’s thick, longer than I remember, and as he strokes it up and down with his palm, I start to wonder how it will fit inside me after all this time.
“I’ll make it fit, baby,” he answers my question out loud, his voice almost sounding pained.
“I need you.” I whimper in response to the way he’s watching me, memorizing everything about this moment.
Slowly, Colt crawls between my thighs, never taking his eyes off mine. I feel his breath hit my heated skin, and my pussy clenches with excitement. He wraps his hands around my thighs, opening them wider for his broad shoulders to settle between. I feel stretched, my legs draping over his shoulders, twisting around his neck, anything to bring his mouth closer to where I desperately need him.
“Still the most beautiful pussy,” he rasps right before I feel his tongue from my core to my clit in a long, delicious lick.
“Oh, god,” I moan, my hands reaching for the pillow above my head and grasping at sheets instead.
“So fucking sweet, everywhere,” he groans, this time before burying his face in my pussy. His tongue licks and sucks my clit, flicking it until my eyes start to roll into the back of my head and my thighs start to tremble on his shoulders.
“Don’t stop, please,” I beg and practically whine until Colt slides his finger inside me. My hips arch, needing more. “More, Colt, please.”
He chuckles darkly, placing soft kisses on my heated skin. “Look at me, Lyric.”
My eyes snap open and I find his. He’s watching me while I watch him add another finger, pushing them in and out and creating waves of pleasure. Those fingers are as skilled as I remember when he curls them up and uses them to stroke against that special spot. My stomach clenches, and my orgasm rips out of me suddenly, my back arching while I cry out his name.
“That's the most perfect thing I’ve ever seen,” he says before letting my legs fall from his shoulders and climbing his way up the bed. My hands reach for his face, pulling his mouth down to mine and kissing him thoroughly. I can taste myself on his lips and we taste amazing together. I can feel his cock between us, the silky skin, hot against my own.
Colt pulls back, grasping my jaw with his hand. “I hoped for this. I didn’t plan on it happening though. Do I need a condom, Lyric?”
My gaze holds his and I suck in a breath before shaking my head no. “I’m on the pill.”
“I’m clean. I’ve never done this without one.” His eyes search mine. “I’d never put you at risk.”
I lean forward until our lips are almost touching and his grip on my jaw tightens. “I never have either and I trust you.”
Colt’s eyes light with need and something that looks like possession before his mouth covers mine. His hand wraps around my throat, squeezing, while his other hand hooks my leg around his lower back. I feel the tip of him at my entrance and I moan into his kiss. Colt takes my bottom lip into his mouth and bites at the exact same time he pushes inside me.
I feel so full, stretched, in a way that burns with pleasure. Colt’s head drops to my chest and he’s breathing hard.
“Fuck, Lyric, you’re so perfect. So tight and wet, and it's just for me, isn’t it, baby?” He pulls out and slams back in.
“Colt!” I scream, my back arching.
“That feel good, Lyric?” He smirks against my neck before kissing the skin and sucking on it. Shivers break over my body and he continues to push in and out of me in long, hard strokes.
“Don’t stop,” I urge him, my body bouncing slightly with each thrust. His gaze gets lost on the sway of my breasts, and soon, his head dips down, and his lips suck on a nipple. I groan and he does it again, only harder, his teeth grazing the sensitive tip.
“Oh fuck, that makes you soak my cock like such a good girl.” He does the same thing to the other one and my body gives him the same response. His eyes move lower and he watches where he is disappearing inside me. Color spreads on his cheeks and his jaw clenches. “Look how good you look, taking my cock in your tight little cunt.”
I moan again, and his thrusts become more intense. One of his hands slides between us and his thumb rubs against my clit. My stomach tightens and I’m right there again.
“I’m so close. Don’t stop, Colt, please.”
“God, you feel so good, baby. I need you to come for me,” he says, his neck straining. He tilts his hips and pleasure surges through my body. My hands grip his shoulders, my nails digging into the skin. Colt growls before dipping his head, his lips greedily kissing mine. I feel myself clench around him, my orgasm stronger than the first, spiraling out inside me.
“Yes, Lyric, such a good girl coming for me,” he praises me before thrusting again, deep, and coming with a loud moan.
We’re both panting hard and Colt drops his head to my shoulder. It was always great before. This was the man I lost my virginity to. But this…this was different. This was years of yearning and emotions that never died. This was love and hate and misunderstandings and apologies. A little part of my soul attached to his, and the parts of my heart I thought were broken forever started beating again.
My heart is pounding in my chest, and I can feel Colt’s through his skin answering mine, as if they’re talking to each other, missing each other.
“Colt—”
“Lyric,” he says at the same time and lifts his head up. I know he can see the tears in my eyes and his fingers are quick to rub them off my cheeks. He presses his lips to my forehead. “I’m sorry. I won’t hurt you ever again. Please believe me. Trust me one more time with your heart. Please give me a chance to prove to you that we have always belonged together.”
There is so much love and pain and devotion in his gaze that it steals my breath away. I’m torn and the pain holds me hostage.
“Please, Lyric,” he pleads with me.
I can’t yet. My life changed completely when he left and I became someone I didn’t like, but I also can’t be without him. I need him in a way I can’t explain to anyone else, in a way I’m not ashamed of. It would be easy to continue on once we go our separate ways, but I would always be walking around without my heart, something I worked so hard to fix and something this man made feel alive again within just a couple of weeks. My past. Present. Future. Colt has always held them in the palm of his hands, even when he didn’t feel worthy enough to.
“I’ve only ever needed you. Now kiss me, Colt Street.” I take his face in my hands and pull his mouth to mine, kissing him with everything inside me, hoping I can convey to him just how much he’s always been a part of me.
“This is forever, Lyric. This time, I want forever with you,” he breathes between kisses. Leaning back I hold his gaze, torn by the words that feel right to say but that are shadowed by the past.