Chapter 23
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Laying low wasn’t exactly easy on Herm, but the following day was Frankie’s day off and she spent it as far from the centre of the island as she could manage, sitting near the rocks at Alderney point until her back ached.
She stared across the sea to Sark island, which always looked like it was emerging from the ocean like a relic from ancient times.
She could have sworn Sally was calling her name at one point, and she ducked her head lower behind the dunes, shame rising in her throat like bile.
Finally, late in the day, Sally messaged her.
Sally: Can we talk? We were out of line yesterday, I’m so sorry.
Relief flooded through her even as that ‘we’ stood out, and a tinge of jealousy bloomed. Was that what Sally had been going to say? Did she know about Jake?
She tapped out a response.
Frankie: Yes, of course. Pub?
Sally: Dinner? Hotel? My treat?
Frankie: Sure.
Sally: No Jake this time. Just us. 7pm.
Frankie: Sounds great.
She looked at her watch. Just enough time to get home and de-sand before dinner. Perfect. As she brushed herself down, slipped on her flip-flops and headed back to the Manor she pondered that ‘we’ again.
She was being paranoid. Of course she was.
Besides, didn’t Jake deserve to be happy?
Maybe he and Sally would be a good team.
Perhaps he’d finally realised what a scumbag Frankie was and decided he didn’t want her after all.
Who could blame him after that display outside the hotel? Spinsterhood was all she deserved.
Her phone flashed up a notification. Instagram message. Her heart did a little somersault.
Dylan: So sorry, Frankie. I’ve looked at July but we are totally booked up with gigs and stuff. Another time though. Take care of Herm for me till then x
Something shifted and lurched inside her.
It was a goodbye.
Was that a goodbye?
It sounded like a goodbye.
An hour later, Frankie thrust her phone at Sally as soon as she sat down.
‘Good evening to you, too.’
‘Never mind that, tell me if you think this is a goodbye.’
Sally studied the screen. ‘Hmmm,’ was all she said.
‘Looks like you and Jake were right after all,’ said Frankie, snatching it back and putting it face down on the table beside her. ‘I hope you’re happy.’
‘Well…’ said Sally vaguely, studying the menu even though she must know it off by heart by now.
‘I’m sorry about yesterday,’ said Frankie with a sigh. ‘There, I’ve said it. Now can you tell me what you think of the message?’
‘I think…’ said Sally. ‘I think it’s a goodbye. But what do I know?’
‘I knew it. Dammit,’ said Frankie, and something slumped inside her.
That teeny tiny kernel of hope that had been lingering, stunted but surviving, hanging on even in the darkness, even with nothing to feed on except the odd casual IG message, had survived a whole week.
But today, right in this moment, that kernel gave up the ghost. Frankie didn’t know much about love, wasn’t sure she even wanted to know much about it, but even without Sally’s confirmation, she could recognise a goodbye when she saw one.
It still hurt like hell.
Frankie had never had her heart broken before but she knew the drill.
Anywhere else but here and she would have curled up into a ball for a bit, before or after consuming an entire carton of banana ice cream.
But no. They were out In Public, in the hotel and she needed to keep it together.
Fortunately, Andy the waiter appeared at that moment, so instead of comforting ice cream they ordered crayfish tails and chips and large glasses of wine.
Andy was Betty from Belvoir Bay’s son. He looked good in a shirt and tie and was all but mute except when serving people their dinner. The perfect waiter, basically.
When he’d sidled away, Frankie groaned. ‘It is a goodbye,’ she said despondently.
‘Why do you care so much anyway?’ said Sally, putting a hand on hers good-naturedly.
‘I know we’ve well and truly rained on your parade, but we’d be supportive if he came back and swept you off your feet or whatever.
It just seems unlikely, you know? And anyhow, I know he was hot but I don’t see how you can have so much riding on a guy you met for one day.
’ She paused, then blushed. ‘Probably shouldn’t have mentioned riding him. ’
Frankie gave her a weak smile at best and Sally sighed. ‘Sorry. No more jokes, point taken. So what is it about this guy, Frankie? Seriously?’
Frankie let out a long breath. ‘I love him,’ she said simply.
As the words came out of her mouth, words she’d never spoken before in her life except to her parents, big, powerful, serious words, she knew they were true and they were ridiculous all at once.
Sally scoffed. ‘You can’t love someone you only met for one day. Even I know that.’
Frankie flushed. ‘I can. And I do. I can’t explain it, Sally.’
‘Try.’
‘I don’t know. He was really, really super annoying to start with. I just wanted to get him off Herm as fast as I could.’
‘And?’ said Sally, looking exasperated.
‘And… I don’t know, I guess we spent some time together, and it was all windy and rainy and miserable and we were both super grumpy and bickering.
Then something changed. I can’t explain it any better than that.
He was so funny, Sal, and the way he looked at me, honestly it made me want to do things to him I’ve only ever read about in books. ’
Sally let out a low whistle. ‘So you did want to be riding him.’
‘When he left in that helicopter,’ said Frankie, ploughing on regardless, ‘it was like losing a friend, you know? I feel like I want to be around him all the time. Forever.’
‘But you don’t know anything about him, not really,’ said Sally, frowning.
‘I know enough.’ From staring at his Instagram posts, mainly.
Sally rubbed a hand across her forehead. ‘Franks, I’m trying to understand, honestly I am.’
‘Well try a bit harder.’
‘It’s just…’
‘What?’
‘You smashed my phone up, Frankie.’
Frankie’s jaw dropped. ‘You said you were okay with it. You said you didn’t mind about that.’
Sally folded her arms and sat back in her chair. ‘I lied. Of course I minded.’
‘Why didn’t you tell me that?’
‘I don’t know. It wasn’t really about the phone, as such. More the fact that I’d lent it to you out of the goodness of my heart and you just didn’t care you’d broken it. You only cared about getting back online as soon as you could.’
‘That’s… that is not true,’ said Frankie, her voice faltering. Was it true? Of course it was true. What had she become?
‘I think it is. You’re so wrapped up in him, Frankie, and he’s a total stranger. It’s… not normal.’
‘I’m choosing to ignore that last part, Sal. But I am sorry about your phone,’ said Frankie, her friend’s words like a verbal slap, ringing in her ears. It’s not normal.
‘It’s okay. I want to support you in this, but you’re not making it easy.’ Frankie raised her eyebrows, and Sally winced. ‘Okay, point taken. Jake and I weren’t exactly supportive yesterday, I know. That’s only because we’re worried about you.’
‘What’s with the “we”? Are you and Jake a couple or something?’
Sally flashed her a secretive little smile. ‘I’m working on it.’
Frankie coughed as a cold shiver ran down her back. ‘Is that…?’ She was going to ask if it was a good idea but the words got stuck in her throat. Oh God. This was not good at all. She had to tell Sally the truth, about Jake, what he’d told her. She would be a terrible friend if she didn’t.
As if reading her mind, Sally spoke into the silence. ‘Jake has always fancied you, that’s the thing, so I never pursued it, but now, I think he’s finally got over his crush. He walked me home the other night, and everything.’
That’s just the kind of guy he is, Frankie wanted to say, but the words wouldn’t come. What she said out loud was, ‘He didn’t fancy me.’ How had Sally picked up on it? How did she miss it?
‘Of course he did. You’d be an idiot not to have noticed. But I think with all this Dylan stuff…’ Sally’s long fingers played with her wine glass.
Frankie cringed. ‘You think he’s realised I’m a total plum, is that what you mean?’
But Sally wasn’t listening anymore. She was clearly daydreaming about Jake. Frankie actually had to wave a hand in front of her face to get her attention. The food arrived with impeccable timing and they ate in silence for a few moments, each deep in thought.
‘Anyway,’ said Frankie after a few minutes more, as if they’d never stopped talking.
‘Anyway?’ said Sally, dipping a chip in ketchup.
‘Anyway, I thought you were into Dr Mac.’
It was Sally’s turn to blush. ‘Oh I am, believe me. That man is fine with a capital Fuh. But he’s also married.’
‘Never stopped you before.’
Sally had famously slept with a married tourist the year before last and Frankie delighted in reminding her at every opportunity. The fallout had not been pretty.
‘That’s a low blow,’ said Sally. ‘He’s married and he has a gorgeous daughter and no, even that wouldn’t normally stop me but…’
‘But what?’
Sally dipped another chip, a naughty look on her face.
‘Don’t tell me you’ve been there done that?’ said Frankie, incredulous.
‘What? Oh no, not yet. The logistics make it a bit of a challenge.’
‘Say you’ve got a fever like a Victorian lady. Swoon in front of him or something. He’ll have to do a house call. Maybe he’ll even carry you to the hotel.’
‘Calm down. You’re only saying that because practically all you do is fantasise about Dylan carrying you to the hotel.’
‘I do not,’ said Frankie indignantly, even though she did.
‘Dr Mac and I will have our time. For now, it’s Jake who needs to watch his back.’
Sally gave another naughty grin and Frankie nearly blurted out what Jake had told her in the pub on Friday, then it struck her.
She didn’t want Jake, did she? No, she definitely probably maybe didn’t want Jake, she wanted Dylan, and if that was the case then didn’t poor Jake deserve to be happy?
What right did she have to keep them apart?
And if Sally knew what Jake had told her, there was no way she’d pursue it.
She could be stopping both of them finding happiness.
No, she resolved. The only answer was to keep her mouth shut. Jake would soon get over it. It was only a crush, after all. And maybe her Dylan crush would pass quickly, too, and they could all get on with their lives.
Chance would be a fine thing, thought Frankie grimly, taking a swig of wine.
The movies had been right all along. This love stuff was complicated and painful and not much fun.
Or had she just been watching the wrong films?
She was hauled sharply out of this reverie when her mother appeared at their table, an urgent look on her face.
Without so much as a by your leave, Lily drew up a chair and took a long drink from Frankie’s glass.
‘Hey,’ said Frankie.
‘Sorry, but it’s much needed.’ Lily didn’t look remotely sorry. She did look quite stressed, though. Frankie’s heart started thumping.
‘What’s going on? Is it Dad?’ Panic rose in her throat and she glanced at Sally, whose face looked more like a Victorian orphan than normal, her eyes wide.
Lily waved a hand. ‘No, darling. Your dad’s fine.’
Frankie examined her mother’s face. ‘What is it, then? Something’s up so don’t tell me it isn’t.’
‘Everything’s okay. Well, not okay, exactly. Not really.’
‘What are you going on about?’ said Frankie.
‘It’s your brother,’ said Lily, and at her words all the blood drained from Frankie’s body.
‘What?’ she said.
‘What?’ said Sally.
‘You heard me,’ said Lily. ‘We’ve had a letter. After all this time.’
At those few words, Frankie’s world shifted sideways.