Chapter 26
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
After dinner, and with Sally still not leaving Bobby’s side for more than a second, Frankie, feeling a little like a spare part, made her excuses and went for a wander by herself.
Halfway up the hill out of the village she spotted a lone figure sitting on the bench that overlooked Guernsey, precisely the spot she’d been hoping to nobble herself.
The view of St Peter Port in the daytime was spectacular enough, but at night, with all the lights twinkling in the darkness and reflecting on the water, it was showstopping.
‘Thought I might see you here,’ said Jake as she sat down beside him.
‘Sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt your, er, you.’
‘You’re not. I was just getting some air.’
‘Didn’t know you were back,’ said Frankie, conscious of his nearness in the dark.
‘Came in on the lunchtime ferry. You guys were a bit preoccupied.’
Frankie gaped at him in disbelief. ‘You were on the same ferry as–?’
‘Your brother, yes.’
‘How did you know?’
‘He introduced himself before we got on. Bobby, right? He seems great.’
Frankie mumbled something in reply.
Jake lifted his eyebrows. ‘You don’t seem all that happy about him being back, if you don’t mind me saying.’
‘I do, actually,’ said Frankie, but she gave him a little nudge. It wasn’t his fault, after all.
Jake laughed. ‘Sorry.’
Frankie sighed. ‘You’re right, that’s the thing. I feel like an absolute cow for even saying it. I should be delighted to see him.’
‘But…?’
‘But… it’s just hard. It’s not easy to see everyone fawning all over him when he was the one who caused so much hurt.
That’s the thing. He walked out on us. He bloody up and left and he never saw the aftermath.
Not that he would have cared. We’ve had a handful of letters in twelve years. Lily has never been the same.’
‘That explains a lot.’
Frankie glanced at him. ‘Right? And somehow, I don’t know. I guess having him here again makes Herm seem tiny, suddenly. He always makes it feel tiny.’
‘It is tiny,’ Jake said, his voice filled with amusement.
‘I know. But I’d got used to it, you know?’
‘Got used to being stuck here, you mean?’
Don’t say it, don’t say it. ‘Yes.’ Damn. ‘Stuck is the right word. When he went…’
‘Don’t tell me, it meant you couldn’t leave?’ said Jake.
‘What are you, anyway? Some kind of mind reader?’
He laughed again. It was a lovely sound, she had to admit. ‘It’s obvious. When he left your mum and dad were so devastated you thought it meant you could never go.’
‘I didn’t think it. It’s the truth. How could I do that to them?’
She shivered. The night was cooling fast. Jake moved a little closer.
‘Have you ever actually asked them? I mean, did they ever expect that you’d stay on the island your whole life? Or are you just assuming?’
Frankie’s heart thumped. ‘No, I’ve never actually asked them,’ she said in a small voice.
‘Because he left suddenly, right? He left without telling them or whatever?’
She blinked at him.
‘I’ve heard the stories,’ he went on. ‘But that’s what made it so bad. That’s why they were so upset. If you left, you’d never do that to them. You’d make the arrangements. You’d keep in touch with them. You’d come back and visit. You’d do it properly.’
‘You have a lot of faith in me,’ said Frankie, feeling weirdly emotional.
‘I do,’ said Jake, then coughed as if embarrassed. ‘Anyway, the point is, it’s not about Bobby, it’s about you. It never occurred to me you might want to leave Herm, I’ll be honest. Do you want to leave?’
‘I never did before,’ she admitted.
‘So why now? Oh…’ said Jake, his voice flat.
‘What?’
‘It’s that bloody knobhead, isn’t it?’ said Jake, and Frankie could have sworn he moved a half inch away from her.
‘Which particular knobhead are we talking about now?’ she said as casually as she could manage.
‘You know exactly who I mean. He came to Herm for one measly day, and he’s got you all discombobulated.’
‘Great word.’
‘Thanks.’
‘He hasn’t, though. It’s over, anyway. This isn’t about him.’
Jake looked down at her, his green eyes hooded. ‘It’s over?’
Frankie shrugged. ‘His last message… it was dismissive, I’d guess you’d say. That’s the last we’ve heard from Dylan Wright.’
Jake frowned. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘No, you’re not.’
‘No, you’re right, I’m not. But listen, Frankie, you can do so much better.’
‘With you, I suppose?’
He shook his head. ‘No, not with me. Definitely not with me. I mean, you can do so much better generally. In life. You could leave, if you wanted to. You could have anyone you want. Go anywhere you want. You just…’
‘What?’
Jake hesitated, his jaw clenching and unclenching in the darkness. He swallowed, as if about to deliver terrible news. Frankie held her breath.
‘I hope you don’t hate me for saying this. But you need to stop living for other people, stop worrying about what they’re all doing, what they would do without you, what they need. You need to start living for yourself. Maybe start working out what you want. And learn how to make it happen.’
His words were like a bolt of lightning, right into her heart.
He cleared his throat. ‘Sorry, but it needed to be said.’
Frankie stared across the dark water in front of them. Looking but not seeing. Thinking over his words. Not sure whether to be mad or grateful. Was her jealousy of Bobby simply because she needed to get a life of her own? What would that even look like?
‘Please say something,’ he said after a moment or two more. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘You have nothing to be sorry for,’ she said, her voice scratching her throat. ‘You’re right. Of course you’re right.’
He shook his head. ‘No, I don’t think I am. That was too harsh. I don’t know why I said it. You’re fantastic, Frankie. You’re an amazing person precisely because you’re so selfless. It’s part of you. It’s a wonderful part of you.’
‘Jake, stop. You don’t need to be sorry, you’re completely right.’
‘I am?’
‘You are. It’s not selfless. It’s spineless. I’ve got no spine. That’s the truth.’
‘No that’s not what I meant. You’re not spineless.’
‘I am. I’m totally spineless. It’s just…’
‘Just what?’ His hand was on hers now.
She looked at him, really looked. His green eyes were gentle as they searched hers. ‘I’ve had to be this way. Since Bobby left, that’s been my role. Looking after everyone. Being the good daughter. The good islander. The truth is, I don’t know how to be anything else,’ she said.
Jake shifted closer, his eyes studying her face, her mouth. His presence was strong, comforting.
‘Want me to show you how?’ he said, and something in the way he said it set her belly aflame.
‘Hell yes,’ she said, the words not even hers, not something she’d ever said in her life before. And then she did something else she’d never done before. She leaned forward and kissed him.