9. Katie
9
KATIE
“Here, let me get your coat.”
Katie held out a hand as Sydney slipped out of her blue wool peacoat, revealing a solid white flannel button-up shirt. It had looked so soft all day, peeking out from beneath that coat. Like it was brand new flannel that wasn’t nubby yet. Katie wanted to take it in her hands and pull the shirt along with the woman inside it closer to her.
“Is this okay?” Katie gestured at the couch behind a large white coffee table. “I’d offer you the dining table, but it kind of exploded bills.”
“No problem. The couch is fine.” Sydney smiled at her, a small but high-wattage smile that made Katie feel a little weak as she pulled out her phone. “I guess this is your bill-paying day?”
“Money Monday,” Katie replied. “I like the alliteration and only having to do it all once a week. Plus, it’s easier on my day off.”
Sydney’s smile stretched even wider. “No, I like that. Makes perfect sense to me. My day is Saturday. I don’t have a weekday off, and I like getting it all done early in the weekend, so Sunday can be completely relaxing.”
“That is also smart.”
Katie had expected an accountant to be organized and conscientious about her bill-paying system. It was actually endearing. Responsibility was always sexy.
But she rarely liked to tell people about her own system. She was usually afraid she’d sound too rigid. But it really helped her to not forget things. And her brain was excellent at hiding things from her. It could forget doing what she needed to do to keep the lights on, but it sure had a knack for remembering old commercial jingles.
Benjamin hopped onto a box by the couch, then onto the cushion beside Sydney. Katie’s heart warmed at the sight of her usually aloof with-strangers feline companion who immediately took to Sydney. He plopped himself against Sydney’s leg and leaned into her hand as Sydney pet him with her long, delicate fingers.
“This is a big sweet boy,” Sydney said. “I wish I could have a cat. My apartment has a strong no-pets policy.”
“That’s a shame.” Katie saw an opportunity and pounced before realizing what she was saying. “Another incentive for moving.”
Sydney paused her stroking, and Benjamin rubbed his mouth and teeth against her hand, begging her to resume the affection.
“I’m so sorry,” Katie said. “I know you don’t want outside influence. Forget I said that.”
Sydney smiled. “It’s fine. I was already taking that into account. Even if I stayed in San Diego, I’d probably move to a new apartment, anyway.”
Katie made a quick call to the local pizza place, then sat in the living area, this time on the other end of the couch beside Benjamin instead of across the room.
Benjamin would be her foil. She couldn’t move any closer to Sydney with him in between them.
And she really wanted to move closer.
“Pizza’s ordered,” Katie said. “A large vegetarian one, as requested.”
“You could have gotten your own with whatever you want. I’m fine paying for a separate small for myself. I eat meat, but not on my pizza. And I don’t expect anyone else to eat what I do.”
“It’s not a problem at all,” Katie said. “I love vegetables, too, so it’s fine.”
Their differing taste in pizza might have been a point against Katie’s list of things she didn’t want in a relationship. But that would be silly. Of course, a romantic partner didn’t have to like the exact same things she did.
The stuff that actually made her list was another matter. Stuff like not living in the same state. Not liking any of the same entertainment, so they wouldn’t be able to do things together. And definitely not being someone’s first experience with a woman.
Sitting beside Sydney and spending the whole day with her made Katie want to throw out the list and let things be.
“So I’m the first woman you’ve kissed, then? Am I remembering right?”
A flush hit Sydney’s cheeks. “First one.”
“I feel privileged.” Katie’s smile quickly faded. “I guess you’re looking for a lot of other people to kiss before you’re ready to look for something serious.”
Sydney eyed her curiously. “What makes you guess that?”
“For one, I think you mentioned it that first night we met.”
“Oh,” Sydney said with a soft, musical laugh. “I’d had a couple drinks. I don’t normally drink much at all, so I don’t remember all of our conversation.”
Katie remembered it. She remembered all the things they talked about because it had been so easy to talk with Sydney then. Just like it had been so easy throughout this day. She couldn’t believe they’d spent the whole day together. She got the impression that Sydney also didn’t want it to end.
“Second, I can understand that completely. I went through that phase when I was younger. I always knew I liked women. But it’s like I had to prove it to myself.”
“That makes perfect sense.” Sydney bit her lip. “That doesn’t mean I can’t kiss the same person twice.”
As if he understood the hint in that statement, Benjamin hopped off the couch and wandered toward his bed for a nap.
Katie still didn’t want to waste time on a relationship that wasn’t going anywhere. And Sydney was clear this couldn’t go anywhere. At least now.
But, like Sydney said, they were already here. Might as well enjoy her company a little more.
Katie scooted closer on the couch and put a hand on Sydney’s leg. She gave it a soft squeeze and said, “I can do twice. And I’ve never kissed an accountant before you. It’s smashing my theory that I’d be incompatible with someone like that.”
“Someone like what?”
“Like the idea I have of what you are. What everyone in your profession is. I’m probably more like your siblings than you in that I can be a little… impulsive sometimes. With my line of thinking and jumping into things too quickly. It’s why I have my list.”
“Your list?” Sydney said with playful curiosity. “What’s on that list?”
“A lot of things. But mostly a compatibility checklist.”
Sydney leaned in closer and put her hand on Katie’s, the one squeezing her thigh. “And this is a no accountants checklist?”
“I’m considering taking that one off the list. But I might need to test that theory one more time.”
Now, Katie was the one to inch forward until their mouths nearly touched.
“So you plan on kissing a bunch of other accountants to test your theory?”
“Probably not. I’m happy with a data set of one.” Her mouth was dangerously close to Sydney’s now, and she breathlessly said, “Very happy.”
Then their lips met. Sydney was soft and warm against Katie’s mouth. The kiss was tender at first, then it became more intense as Katie put her other hand against Sydney’s face to keep them together while they explored each other’s mouths. Heat rose in Katie’s body and she wanted nothing more than to sit her down on the couch and show her more of being with a woman.
To Katie’s disappointment, Sydney pulled back a bit to look into Katie’s eyes.
“What about that no accountants line item?”
Katie smiled, desperately wanting to enjoy another delicious kiss. “Can you just let me be wrong?”
“Probably not.”
Sydney smiled playfully again and leaned forward once more. Everything felt right in Katie’s world.
Then, suddenly, Sydney pulled back again. Her eyes were filled with regret and confusion.
“This is a problem.”
Katie whispered, “I won’t tell Stephen anything. I know it’s important for you to talk to him first.”
“No. I mean, thank you. But not that.”
Now Katie was confused. She had her own jumbled feelings and misgivings about all of this, but she’d thought Syd’s dilemma had been straightforwardly linked to needing to tell Stephen she was bisexual before he found out elsewhere.
And, of course, not putting her chips all in a single basket with the first woman she was with. But Sydney had been the one to say this was okay, even if it didn’t go any further than this day.
“What’s going on?” Katie was thoroughly confused now. “I thought you were okay with this. I didn’t want to pressure you into something you don’t want to do.”
Sydney shook her head. “You didn’t. That’s kind of the problem. I want to do this. I want to do this again and again. With you. But I don’t know if it’s the right thing for either of us. I want to explore other people, and you shouldn’t have to wait around for someone who isn’t ready for something more serious.”
Katie had never heard another person so clearly state the same sentiment she was feeling, as if the words could have come out of her own mouth. “I get that. But I can make up my own mind about who I want to be with. Forever or temporarily.”
She was ready to throw away her list, along with everything she thought she wanted for this woman.
Maybe Sydney was right.
Maybe this was a terrible idea after all.
“You were supposed to be someone I made out with at a party and never saw again.” Sydney said. “This city really is like the biggest small town sometimes, isn’t it?”
Katie agreed with that last assessment, but her brain was still stuck on the first half of what Sydney had said. The part that wasn’t something that could have come out of her mouth.
“So you aren’t looking for a relationship at all? Because of the divorce? Too soon?”
Sydney shook her head. “No. I’ve emotionally dealt with the divorce already. Not that there won’t be some bumps or sore spots that pop up along the way, but I’ve dealt with what I need to for now.”
Katie slid sideways on the couch, increasing the space between them.
“I’m sorry. You’re right. I still only want a long-term relationship. I figured you weren’t looking for the same when we met, and once I found out you lived out of state, well, I put you out of my mind. Because I’m not interested in anything long-distance.”
Sydney looked surprised by that. “You can do that? Like, you know what you want, and if something doesn’t fit that exactly, you can just… move on?”
“Kind of. Like I said, I can be impulsive, so I set parameters for myself and try to stay inside them.” Katie had never really considered that was weird. Rachel and Stephen gave her a hard time about her rules, of course, but she figured that was them poking at her. “Isn’t that how things are supposed to work?”
She was beginning to wonder if she was the rigid one and if this gorgeous accountant was the more relaxed one between the two of them.
“I guess?” Sydney shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t know. I don’t know how anything works anymore. My whole idea of who I am has flipped over the last few years. And I really don’t know what I want now.”
And that was exactly why Katie didn’t date women who were newly out or still figuring themselves out. She could invest a lot of time in a woman only for them to figure out they wanted something or someone who wasn’t her, and Katie would have wasted a bunch of time on that relationship and possibly missed out on the right person.
But she wasn’t unsympathetic. She just couldn’t be a part of whatever this journey was for Sydney. At least not on the romantic side.
Sydney was right.
As enjoyable as the day was, this had to be the end of their time together.
“You deserve all the time and space you need to figure things out.”
“Thanks,” Sydney said, squeezing Katie’s hand again. “I really do like you.”
Katie smiled at her. She couldn’t help it. This might be a lost cause, but she couldn't help how she felt at that moment. “I really like you, too.”
“I should go, though.”
Katie gave a tentative smile. “Pizza first?”
As if she’d manifested dinner with that one simple sentence, a knock on the door revealed the delivery person had arrived.
“I mean, since it’s already here.” Sydney smiled. “Sure.”
“Great,” Katie stood and walked towards the door.
Benjamin replaced Katie in her spot on the couch beside Sydney.
Great. She was jealous of her own cat.
Katie tipped the guy and brought in the pizza. She placed the box on the coffee table and brought some plates from the kitchen.
“Dig in,” she said.
And they did. They finished most of the pizza, with minimal snooping and begging from Benjamin. He seemed to like Sydney’s leg more than he enjoyed being shooed off the couch.
Sydney stood and grabbed her bag from the floor near her feet. “I should head out. Stephen’s going to have a million questions about what we did, and I’d like to get to bed early. All the walking today wore me out.”
“He’s already texted me three times. I left him on read, so he knows we’re alive, but I’m ignoring him for now.”
“Then I’d better get back to face the firing squad. Tell Benjamin he’s the best cat in the world. And maybe I’ll see him again one day. If I’m in town again later.”
Katie licked her lips, the action completely reflexive. She knew this was the opportunity to remind them both of what they wanted. And what would get in the way of that. The opportunity to put Sydney and that kiss and the whole day behind her.
Instead, she said, “He would like that very much.”