29. Wrinley
Wrinley
S hit . Why am I so nervous? Ari is my best friend.
We hang out all the time–well, not lately, because we’ve both been otherwise occupied–but this feels different.
I’ve been home from dad's for a few weeks now and have been actively avoiding her, but I can’t put it off any longer or she’ll know something is up.
What am I thinking? Something is up. I’ve been engaging in coital activities with her older brother and keeping it from her.
My shoulders slump and I release a heavy sigh. I’m officially the worst friend ever.
The buzzer goes off and I jump at the intrusive sound. I know it’s there and I know I’m expecting someone. Why the fuck does it always cause a jump scare? I’m losing my goddamn mind.
When I open the door, my worries fall away as I take in my best friend. Her eyes are bright and her smile is wide. Love looks good on her.
“Hey, bitch,” I greet her snarkily. “Took you long enough.”
“Really, Wrin? I hardly ever hear from you and you’re going to give me shit the second I’m at your doorstep?
” She raises a brow and cocks her head to the side in mock irritation.
This is our thing. We give each other crap, but we always show up for each other.
All I had to do was tell her I needed her and she made it happen.
I only wish I could tell her everything.
“Please. You’re the one that’s always too busy with Daddy Cocktimus Prime to visit,” I shoot back, outstretching my arms to pull her into a tight hug.
What my hug says, that my words can’t, is that I’m happy for her.
She deserves every bit of what he gives her.
I just wish she could free herself from her mother’s clutches.
That’s the final piece that I hope Ryker can help her with.
Although, in reality, she’s the only one that can really sever that connection.
It has to come from her or it won’t last. I know, because I’ve tried–and failed.
I’m suddenly grateful that Christine was never able to get her clutches into Axel…
at least not like with Ari. Axel has been able to dissociate from his mother, because he sees her for the monster she is.
Unfortunately, I think his father’s absence had a much larger impact on his life, especially after what he told me about going to Spain to find him.
A boy needs his father and it makes me want to punch that douchebag right between the eyes for treating my man that way.
My man.
What the fuck. That’s not what I meant.
He’s not mine.
But he says I’m his, so why can’t he be mine?
“Wrinley?” Ari squeaks.
“Yeah?”
“You can let me go now. Preferably before you cut off my oxygen completely.”
Fuck.
“Sorry,” I wince. “I’ve got a lot of things on my mind. And I don’t think I’ve been sleeping great, because I’m fucking exhausted.”
She laughs and brushes past me and into the apartment. “It’s fine. Everything okay? What’s got your knickers in a twist?”
“No one says that.”
“I say that.”
“No you don’t.”
We stare at each other, waiting for the other to break, when eventually we both start laughing hysterically, like this was the funniest thing in the world.
“Let’s go somewhere,” I suggest, pulling her bags off her arm to set them on the couch.
She eyes me skeptically. “Like where?”
“Literally anywhere but here. I just want to get out of the house.”
“Are you feeling alright, Wrin?” Concern takes over her face as she places the back of her hand against my forehead.
I shove her hand off me. “I’m fiiiiine. I just missed you and want to do something…
else.” What I leave out is that ever since the last time I was with Axel, I feel him everywhere.
He’s invaded my brain to the point that I could swear I’ve seen him sitting in my bay window while I sleep, or in the parking lot while I’m at the office.
He’s in my head, in my skin and in my heart.
I know he’s not here, but his scent lingers in the air like he’s standing right next to me.
“Since you don’t seem to be yourself right now, how about the beach? It’s a nice day.” Dammit. She knows I’m not a fan of sunny days or beaches, but like every other part of me that feels upside down, I agree.
“I don’t have a suit, though.”
Sarcastically, she taps her cheek like she’s thinking. “Oh, I know. We can stop by the store and grab a couple new ones. It’ll be fun!”
Leave it to my best friend to think of the most obvious solution to a very simple problem.
“Fine, let’s go to the beach.”
“Oh my god! I knew something was up! As long as we’ve known each other, when have you ever wanted to go to the fucking beach?” she exclaims, aggressively pointing at me while she screeches.
“Relax, Nancy Drew. I only said yes to shut you up. Let’s go.”
Thirty minutes later, we’re packed into her car and on our way to the nearest beach on Lake Michigan. It’s not far from my apartment but it is far enough for her to continue her interrogation.
“Out with it,” she demands.
Turning my head, I cock it and regard her for a moment. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Wrin, when was the last time you were in a car and not simultaneously having a panic attack?”
I don’t dare let on how I’ve been working on that particular issue, so I decide–once again–that lying is my best option. “Huh, that’s strange. I guess I’m just getting better. Praise Be!”
The air is all of a sudden thick with her judgment.
“You need to stop watching The Handmaid’s Tale.
” Her tone is flat and unamused. I thought it was funny.
“If you don’t tell me what’s going on with you right this second, I swear I’ll drop you off on the side of the road and you’ll be forced to call whoever has you acting so weird to come pick you up. ”
I suck in a breath of air at her boldness.
Does she know the thing I don’t want her to know?
God, I hope not because if she does… wait–is she really taking me to the beach?
Or is she taking me somewhere remote to end me mafia style by attaching me to cinder blocks and dropping me into Lake Michigan?
My doom spiral is halted by a hand slapping my chest. “Okay, I take it back. You clearly still panic in the car. What the actual fuck, Wrin? I won’t ask again.
” She pauses to make a turn and then glances over at me quickly.
“I’m not upset about whatever’s going on.
It doesn’t appear to be a bad thing. You’re different is all.
You have a glow about you that I’ve never seen–”
“I’m pretty sure that’s my face cream,” I interrupt. “I think they changed their formula or something, but who am I to question when it’s clearly making my skin softer.”
“Well, get me the name of it, because it’s fucking amazing. Your skin has never looked better. But, that aside, I don’t know how to explain what I’m seeing. You just look… happy. Are you still seeing the Fallopian Fiddler? That’s a ridiculous name, by the way.”
“Yeah, well I gave Daddy Ryker a nickname, it was only right that mine has one too.”
Her eyes widen until they’re practically popping out of the sockets. “I fucking knew it! Bitch, you just called him ‘yours’.”
“I. Did. No such thing.” Or did I? I argue but I know it’s futile because I already feel the blush creeping up my neck and onto my cheeks.
Like a tidal wave, the realization hits me that I don’t know what we are. We’re nothing really, but he says I’m his. Wouldn’t that also make him mine?
We pull into the beach parking lot and grab our towels and snacks.
I decided on a bikini, but I don’t miss that Ari is also wearing a two piece.
It’s revealing in a tasteful way, but nothing like anything I’ve ever seen her in.
“That’s new,” I say, pointing to the coral fabric covering only the important parts.
“Yeah. I promised Ryker I’d try to stop covering my body so much. It’s weird, but I also feel cute.” She smiles for a moment before punching me in the arm. “Stop changing the fucking subject.”
“I don’t know what we are, Ari. We’ve seen each other a few times, but he’s kind of a dick sometimes. But he’s also not. It’s hard to explain.”
We locate a spot and fan out our towels, laying back. She’s lucky I love her. I don’t sunbathe, but then again neither does she. I also don’t ride peacefully in cars, but here we are. I guess we’re both just pushing our limits these days.
“Tell me more about him. What does he look like?”
Oh boy. Here we go. Please let me find a way to describe her brother without describing her fucking brother.
“He’s tall. I don’t know, maybe a foot taller than me?
Dark hair, loose on top. Caramel eyes that are full of pain and promise.
He has dimples when he smiles. They’re adorable, but I’d never tell him that.
Oh, and there are tattoos. Not his whole body but his arms.” Reign it in, Wrinley.
You’re getting too close. “He’s got big hands and an even bigger dick.
And trust me, that dick is spectacular. Or maybe it’s the man wielding it.
” I internally wince. Yeah, I definitely took it too far.
She sits straight up. “Fuck a duck. You’re in love with him!”
I think love is a little extreme. Lust or obsession maybe.
“I don’t think that’s the correct word.”
“What would you call it then, Wrin?”
“I don’t know… aggressive like?”
She continues to stare at me, letting the words process while I grab a soda. “It’s funny. I think there was a small part of me that thought you’d end up with my brother.”
My heart stops beating and I’m sure I just went into cardiac arrest as I spit out my beverage. Play it cool, Wrinley. “What the fuck? Why would you ever think that? He hates me. Always has. I’m not a fan of his either.”
Cool. Just state the facts and stop talking.
She rolls her eyes. “I don’t know. The way you two have always bickered. Reminds me of an old married couple.”
Time to sell it . “Sorry, girl. I love you and all, but Axel? Ew. Not my type.” I let out a fake cough in a lame attempt to hide the lies I’m spewing, because one thing is certain. I’m pretty sure Axel Bradley is the only type I have anymore.
Thankfully, she lets it go and we lay in the sun, and while Ari reads her book, I daydream about a certain set of eyes and how they somehow seem to see right through my bullshit. I don’t know if that scares me or turns me on. Maybe it’s both.
A few hours pass before I start to regret laying in the sun all afternoon. I don’t feel all that well and it serves as an uncomfortable reminder as to why I don’t love the sun. No one ever got sick from rain poisoning.
“I think I need to head back. The sun is starting to get to me and I don’t feel great,” I tell Ari as I sit up and start to collect my things.
“Shit, you’re a little red. You probably have sun poisoning. Let’s get you home.” My thoughts exactly.
I’m nearly asleep as we pull into the parking lot in front of my place. I reach across the center console to hug my best friend in the whole world. “I love you, Ari. Thanks for today. I needed it. Say hi to Daddy for me.”
“Oh my god, stop,” she laughs.
Then I stumble into my apartment and collapse on the bed.