Chapter Six
Hawk
I’m better prepared for the next meeting with the caseworker. Maybe she wasn’t completely wrong when she mentioned raising a child in a two-parent household being easier and less overwhelming. In a few days, we’ve fallen into a perfect routine that seems to work better for everyone involved.
The house is clean and well-organized when Kelly Davis shows up at my apartment, and there’s a smile on her face when she walks in to see Amelia playing music for Wren as the baby gurgles excitedly.
She doesn’t stop playing even when the caseworker walks in, and we all watch as a happy Wren slowly eases down and falls asleep.
Only then does Amelia stop. She leans down and picks up the baby from the bassinet before turning to the caseworker with a smile.
“That was beautiful,” Kelly mouths to Amelia, who beams at her.
“Thank you,” she mouths back. “I’m just going to lay her down in her crib.” And with that, she turns and heads for the nursery.
“If I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes, I don’t think I would have believed that’s how you guys put your baby to sleep.”
“She loves it,” I comment, guiding her to the sofa.
“I see that,” she says with a hint of sadness in her voice that confuses me as much as it alarms me.
“The baby is clean, well-fed, and clearly loved here. That hasn’t changed from last time.
The place is a lot cleaner and I have to say, you seem more prepared for our meeting this time.
” If she means that at least this time I’m wearing a shirt, then I suppose that’s true.
When Amelia returns, the excitement in the caseworker’s eyes is the adoration a fan carries for their idol, despite the two having a two-decade age gap between them.
“Hearing you play was like having my own private show,” Kelly says.
“I can’t believe I’m jealous of a two-month-old baby.
I’d love my own personal violinist to help put me to sleep some nights. ”
“We could arrange that,” Amelia teases, earning a smile from the caseworker but it drops just as fast. “Can I offer you something to drink, Kelly?”
“No, thanks,” she says, nodding for us both to sit. “I have something I need to tell you both.”
A sense of panic sets in, and when Amelia reaches for my hand, it’s clear she feels that something’s wrong too. Still, we both take the couch, sitting side by side as the caseworker takes the armchair. She takes a moment to steel herself before turning to look at us.
“The mother reached out,” she says, and I hold my breath for her next words. “She wants Wren back.”
The living room is quiet following her statement, and although this was stated in court as a possibility, there’s no stopping the rage that sets in. The one thing that keeps me from bursting is the hand gripping mine. And the fear that I might wake my child and cause her distress.
So despite the blood boiling through my veins, I force myself to sit still.
“She’s not taking Wren,” I say through clenched teeth.
“She thinks she can just fucking give her up and then come back whenever she feels like?” The memory of the cold, unfeeling letter she left behind pisses off me afresh.
Those were not the parting words of a tired and heartbroken mother, but an inconvenienced one.
“The law allows for mothers to change their minds,” the caseworker offers sympathetically.
“Well fuck that!”
Amelia grips my arm and pulls me down before I can get up to start pacing. “So what happens to Wren?” she asks. “Does Wren’s biological mother get to show up and take her? Just like that?”
“That’s not quite how it works,” Kelly explains. “The mother is going to petition the court to terminate guardianship and regain custody. This means the judge will have to think of the best interest of the child and not just the mother’s change of heart.”
“She gave her up!” I hiss, and Amelia rubs the back of my hand companionably.
“This is good for us, right?” she asks. “Hawk adores his daughter and has done everything to reorder his life and prioritize her. The judge will see that, right?”
“I have met the mother,” Kelly says with something of a dislike in her voice.
“And I would love to tell you that the court always looks into the best interest of the child, but oftentimes, the court looks at one side and sees a mother who was too overwhelmed and needed time to come to terms with motherhood. On the other, they will see a single man who belongs to a notorious motorcycle gang. You will be judged more harshly than she will.”
Fuck this!
Amelia doesn’t stop me when I shoot to my feet this time. She seems a little pale and nervous herself when I stop pacing and turn to look at her.
“I will not let that woman take my daughter,” I say firmly.
“Then you should prepare to contest her petition. As her father, you have rights too,” Kelly says, sympathy clear in her eyes.
“Doesn’t it matter?” Amelia asks. “That Hawk has a stable job, a whole community behind him, and a fiancée?”
Kelly is quiet for a moment before she finally speaks. “I’ll be honest here, he would have better chances if he were married. Stability is the best thing for the baby, and the court will acknowledge that.”
Stability.
The word rings in my head long after Kelly Davis has left. There’s a sense of dread in the apartment, something sad and heavy that even Wren notices when she wakes up. She too seems fussy, and not even Amelia’s music calms her down.
“What happens now?” Amelia asks as I pace around the living room with my fussy child, trying to get her to quiet down though it seems she doesn’t want to. “You’re going to contest the petition, right?”
I nod, but Christ, do I even have a chance at all to win this and keep my daughter?
“Maybe I should pay her to stay away.” The woman robbed me the first night; I don’t doubt she’d jump at the opportunity of getting money from this.
But my stomach churns at the thought of offering money to keep my daughter, and Amelia seems to agree.
“I don’t believe that’s a good idea,” she says before jumping to her feet. “How about we all head to the park for some fresh air? That’ll help us think clearly.”
I nod, figuring it’s the best choice for everyone, and in less than an hour, Wren is strapped to my chest and Amelia is locking the door behind us. I take her hand, a subconscious move, as we head out.
Everything was working out perfectly with Amelia and Wren. I was starting to finally experience a family I hadn’t known I needed, and it sucks that the universe would throw me these curveballs. The threat to take my daughter away…
“I can’t lose her,” I say as we step into the streets and start for the park. “I thought my family’s bloodline would end with me. That is, if my parents didn’t decide to have more children after losing custody of my brother and me.”
“Wait, you have a brother?” she asks. “How come you never talk about him? Are you estranged?”
“We were when we aged out of the system,” I say, and I realize that with Amelia and Wren so close, the memory of it doesn’t hurt as much as it used to.
“We couldn’t seem to agree on anything. He fell into a bad crowd when we left foster care, and he held so much resentment for the system.
I suppose I did too, but I didn’t let it drive me. ”
“What happened?”
“Whatever happens to men who refuse to outgrow their rebellious phase.” Okay, maybe I still haven’t gotten over the whole incident, or the guilt of not being able to help my brother. “He was shot last year during a robbery.”
“Oh my God, Hawk, I’m so sorry.”
“He was thirty-three, only a year older than me when it happened. So now I guess we’re practically the same age.
” Hell, in a couple of months, I’ll be the older one, and isn’t that every younger sibling’s dream?
But not like this. Never like this. “I can’t have my daughter end up in the system and risk having her turn into my brother. ”
The thought of that happening stops me in my tracks, and heavy, conflicting emotions cause my chest to clench painfully when I realize there is little I wouldn’t do to protect my daughter.
I turn to Amelia, meeting her beautiful chocolate-brown eyes, and say the one thing that has been circling in my head from the second the caseworker left.
“Marry me.”
Amelia’s eyes widen in shock and she blinks up at me. “W-what?”
“I know what I’m asking of you is a lot, when you’ve already given me more than I deserve, and I’m sorry to ask for more, but this is the only way I can protect my daughter.”
I haven’t experienced desperation like this for a long time, and I have no doubt that it shows on my face.
The last time I did was when I was six, hopeful that a family would one day come in and adopt my brother and me.
That we would be good enough for a family to want to keep us.
Even when we moved through foster homes, I was desperate for one family to want us so we could experience what it was like to have a home.
And isn’t it ironic that I would have the same feeling, but this time for my offspring.
“Hawk,” Amelia whispers, tugging her hand from mine to brush it through her hair. “I…don’t…marriage is a huge commitment.”
Don’t I know it.
But I have never met a woman like Amelia.
One whose company I enjoy outside of the bedroom.
Heck, I was already deep into my feelings for her even before Wren came into my life.
She deserves to be properly courted, showered with affection and gifts, and not to be proposed to in some park with kids screaming in the background.
Not a careless proposal. A rushed marriage.
But a marriage is the only way I’ll be able to prove to the judge that I’m the best fit for Wren.
Even with that acknowledgment, there’s still an underlying guilt for the sacrifice I’m asking of Amelia.
At twenty-two, she’s still young, and marriage wouldn’t offer much of an advantage to her.
In fact, she’s losing more than she’s getting out of it, but maybe I can offer something in exchange for her freedom.
“I’ll…pay you. Give you a generous allowance. Anything.”
As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I realize that I’ve made a terrible fucking mistake, as hurt and insult cross her expression.
“You’re an asshole,” she whispers, and I catch the tears in her eyes before she turns to leave.
I move quickly to grab her hand, stopping her before she can storm away.
“I’m sorry,” I say, tightening my hold on her when she tries to shrug it off. “You’re right, I am an asshole and I shouldn’t have said that.”
She whips around to look at me. “Then why did you say it?”
“Because marriage right now puts you at a disadvantage. You don’t stand to gain much from it.”
“I get you and Wren, don’t I?”
Fuck.
“Baby—”
“Look, Hawk, I know what it’s like to lose a parent,” she says, brushing the back of her hand over her cheeks when tears spill over. “No child deserves to have a caring parent snatched away. Not by death and not by the system.”
“Amelia—”
“It stings that after all the time we’ve spent together, you would think that money’s the only way you would get my help.”
“I’m sorry.”
She lets out a shuddering breath. “You need this…for Wren. I get that.”
It’s not entirely true. There’s a twisted and selfish part of me that wants it for myself too. To tie down a woman as perfect as Amelia so no one else can get to her, but would the knowledge of my desires scare her? The intense way that I want her with me forever.
To care and protect.
To love.
I follow her eyes to the ring on her finger, one I don’t view as a prop but a promise. A perfect reflection of Amelia’s inner and outer beauty. How could I not want to spend the rest of my life with her?
There is no one else.
I take a step forward and cup her jaw, brushing a thumb over her smooth porcelain skin.
“Wren and I are lucky to have you in our lives, Amelia. You’re right, and I’m sorry for putting you in a tough position, but I promise that you mean so much to me.
Whether or not you agree to the marriage, that will not change. ”
“You’re not going to hate me if I say no?” she whispers. “Stop me from seeing Wren?”
“No.”
“Even if it threatens to put you and Wren at a disadvantage?”
“It won’t change our affection for you.”
The rejection would sting, but it wouldn’t change much between us. I want her. Have wanted her for so long. And with the promise of forever within my grasp, I’m not about to let a rejection discourage me. I’ll keep asking until she agrees to spend her life with Wren and me.
“Okay,” she whispers, reaching up to clasp the hand touching her cheek. “I’ll do it.”
“What?”
“Let’s get married, Hawk.”