10. Jessica
10
Jessica
I should have listened to him. If I had, I wouldn’t have been in jail for the second time in three days and wouldn’t be sitting here looking at my father’s scowl. I’d fucked up yet again, and he was here to pick up the pieces.
“I’ve spoken to the university president, and he’s willing to let you back into school. I’ll be making a sizeable donation in your name.” He’s old and ready to go. I want to ask what happens when he does go, but who asks a parent that kind of question? All I know for sure is that the Memphis Macabre belongs to me. I want to tell him not to leave a damn thing to my wicked stepmother, but now is not the time for that.
“Where are we going?”
“Home.”
“I don’t want to.”
His eyes move slowly from the window to me. He has the look he uses at conference room tables when he’s working a deal or getting ready to fire someone. I’m a disappointment. I get it.
“You don’t have a choice, Jessica. You’re my daughter, and it’s my job to care for you.”
“Are you proud of me, Daddy? I mean, I could be a lot worse. Most of your friends' kids are so much worse off than I am.” Caring for your child should never be considered a job. Therein lies the problem. Although he loves me, I’m just another employee.
“What have you done to be proud of?” he asks, ripping my heart out. He wants me to defend myself and my actions. He wants to negotiate my behavior. I won’t do it. I say nothing else and stare out the window for the remaining drive home.
At home, I do what I often do, go to my room and cry, racing past the wicked stepmother. She asks my father what happened, but I don’t stick around to hear his disappointment. He’s another example of its okay to be yourself as long as yourself is like him. I’m done. I want out.
In my room, I shoot Diablo a message to make sure she got home okay. She did and jokes about being arrested. She says it’s part of the club life. I suppose it is. Watcher said the same thing.
I look around the room, knowing I shouldn’t be here. This is no longer my home. In the morning, I’ll walk away for good.
***
I arrive at the rink a little after seven, escaping the house before my father woke for his morning coffee. Wicked stepmother was sitting on the back porch near the pool, getting her morning shot of alcohol. I said nothing to her and plan to never speak to her again.
Part of me hoped Watcher’s bike would have been in the parking lot. The other part of me was thankful to be alone. I needed to figure my shit out on my own.
I stop in the office doorway and stare at the desk. It’s still a mess and still needs to be cleaned. He’d actually fucked me while another man watched. Though I tried to shake the thought from my head, it wouldn’t leave. I knew why. I liked what happened. I liked the look in Jeremy’s eyes as he watched. I felt empowered and in control.
I couldn’t figure out why a man like Watcher would share a moment like that with another man present. Was it two male animals in the wild fighting over the dominance of a female? Watcher obviously had one. What if Jeremy had wanted to join in? I think Watcher would have said yes. That’s what he’s been trying to tell me the last few days.
I clean the desk and think about Watcher. Like a child wanting to get her way at all costs, I’d run him off last night.
The names were still on the whiteboard, and those men still needed to be dealt with. I would never lose sight of that.
“You okay?” Diablo enters the office and has a seat where Jeremy jerked off. I don’t tell her that. “How’d it go with your father?”
It sounds like I’m a child. I’m the youngest woman on the team and haven’t had nearly the same experiences as the rest. I couldn’t rely on my father anymore. I needed to grow up. That didn’t mean I couldn’t be a brat in some ways, but I couldn’t have people asking what my father thought of how I was leading my life.
“Not well. You were right. I think if I don’t become the woman he wants me to become, he’ll cut me off.”
“Then drop this club idea,” Diablo says. “You’re set for life.”
“I’m set for the life someone else has planned for me,” I say. “I can’t live that way.” I get up and go to the whiteboard. “I decided on a lot of things last night. I’ve moved all my money to private accounts. Nobody else can see what I have. I’m going to turn the practice rink into our new club space. We’ll make it a second home where the girls can stay.”
“We’ll need a garage area to work on bikes,” Diablo says.
“I own the building next door as well. It was going to be used for storage. We can convert that into a garage. I’ll have a fence put up around the property.” I pull a list from my purse and write it on the whiteboard beside the names. “These are all the things I came up with last night.”
Diablo joins me and takes the pen. She writes income on the board. “You’re going to run out of money. You can’t finance the club forever. We gotta figure out an income stream. More than one, if possible.”
“You think I need Watcher’s help.” She’s right. I’d let my brattiness run off a man because I was unwilling to understand him, just like my father was unwilling to understand me.
“We need a good relationship with the Brothers of Chaos to make this work.” She shrugs and puts the marker down. “I’m not saying you have to be his old lady or fuck him, but we need that club to make this work.”
“We could use Kentucky,” I say.
Diablo chuckles and shakes her head. “This is Watcher’s deal. Kentucky knows that. That’s what respect is between the club members.” We’ve not discussed what Watcher did, but I think Diablo is fully aware of the man he is.
“I need to share something with you,” I say, sitting behind my desk. I glance at my mother’s picture. It’s true that you never truly know how much you love someone until they’re gone. Unlike my father, she would be proud of me. Oddly, she’d like Watcher, though I’m not sure what she’d think of the age difference. “You know Jeremy came into the office while Watcher and I were having sex?”
Diablo laughs. “That’s what’s bothering you?”
“No. What’s bothering me is that Watcher made Jermey stay and watch him finish.” I feel less surprised by the whole thing now. Like maybe it wasn’t a bad thing.
“Kentucky told me Watcher was into some weird shit and tell you not to worry when you started to worry.” This is what Skittles was referring to.
“I have to admit it was fucking hot having someone watching us. When Jeremy stuck his hands down his pants and started whacking off, I about lost control.” Leaning back in the chair to catch my breath, I can’t believe about about to say this. “I actually wanted Jeremy to join us.”
Diablo laughs and slaps her leg. “Your problem isn’t with Watcher and what he did. Your problem is with yourself and your wanting to take it further.”
She’s fucking right. “I think Watcher would have let me. I think he would have been willing to watch Jeremy fuck me.”
“You’re right,” she says. “You should talk to Watcher about it. Understand what he was thinking and what he wants in a relationship with you. Make no mistake about it. Watcher is an alpha male and isn’t going to take any shit off another man. He will always be in charge.”
“Meaning what? He gets to decide which man I bring to the party?”
“Meaning that he believes he’s your protector and will make sure any man you mess around with knows that.” She points at me. “You have a man who will watch out for you for the rest of your life. That’s not something most women have.”
“I’ve gone from virgin to whore in two days, Diablo.”
“Hellcat. Give yourself a break. What you’re thinking doesn’t make you a whore. Men do it. Why can’t we?” She goes to the whiteboard and writes, “Reverse Harem.” She underlines the two words. “That’s what we’re talking about. He learned that shit at a kink club.”
“He’s learned a lot of shit from the kink club.” With an epiphany building in my head, I get up and join Diablo at the board. She hands me the marker, and I write, “Kink Club.” I draw three lines under the words. “That’s our income stream. I’ve got the capital to buy a building. More than one, if need be.”
“We get Watcher to help us get it going,” Diablo says. “Once we get the first up and running, we open a second.”
“As the club grows, I say, “and we start new chapters, we start new kink clubs in those locations. Fuck. The answer was right in front of me.” I grab my phone and keys and start toward the door.
“Where are you going?” Diablo follows me out to the parking lot, where I find Jeremy pulling in. “Oh shit,” she says.
“I want to go to Pine Bluff and find Watcher. I need to fix this.”
“What about him?”
“Him, I can handle. Give me a minute.”
Diablo climbs on her bike and pulls away, stopping at the exit to wait. Jeremy gets out of his car and looks back at Diablo. I think he may be scared of her.
“Hey,” he says. “Can we talk about the other night?”
Jeremy is the product of a career dad and a mother who enjoys Memphis high society as much as the wicked stepmother. Unfortunately, we can’t always choose who our family is.
We met at a party on the edge of town when I returned from Stanford. We talked and decided to meet up and talk again. That’s really all we’ve been doing since. Not dates. No kissing. Certainly, no fucking. It wasn’t an excuse for being an asshole sometimes, but I know at nineteen, he pretty much just wants to fuck someone. I can’t get over the feeling that he may still be a virgin, especially with the skillful jerking off he did yesterday.
“It’s okay,” I say, setting him at ease.
“I’ve been a douchebag to you and want to fix that.”
I nod, and he’s taken aback. “Yesterday was a little weird for all of us, Jeremy.”
“Who is he?”
“He’s a biker. The Brothers of Chaos in Pine Bluff, Arkansas.” I’m careful not to laugh at him when fear crosses his eyes. “If he wanted you dead, he would never have let you leave yesterday.”
“So, he’s your boyfriend or something?”
Wow. When he says it like that. “I think it's called an old lady.”
“Will he let you go out with me?”
Bold move. Maybe he doesn’t understand what he’s dealing with. “His name is Watcher.”
“No surprise there,” Jeremy says and smiles.
“I’m heading to Pine Bluff now to see him.” Disappointment crosses Jeremy’s face, and I feel sorry for him. “Look. I need to work through some things with Watcher. That doesn’t mean you and I can’t be some sort of friends. We’ll just have to figure out what that means. I will give you a call tonight. How does that sound.”
“I’ll take it,” he says. He stands there, waiting for something.
“Talk to you later, Jeremy.” I kiss him and get into my car, following Diablo out of the parking lot and onto I-40.
I know nothing about kink. Not a damn thing. Thanks to my father, I know how to run a business. With my business knowledge and Watcher’s kink experience, we can no doubt make this idea happen. I know exactly where in Memphis I want the club, adding one more thing to my list of things to do.
This is what I needed in my life to break the cord between me and my father/wicked stepmother. Purpose. We all need a purpose. Doesn’t have to be the same for all of us. I smile the rest of the way to Pine Bluff. At least until we pull into the club parking lot and I see wicked stepmother’s Mercedes sitting in the lot.