4
Lillian
Teacher told us
Most of the universe
Is just
Empty space
So I believed I was
Cosmic vacancy
Atoms, molecules
The absence in between
Until I saw you singing
Under the night sky
Where your breath in the air
Tangled with mine
I knew I needed
Your face beneath mine
I knew all the emptiness
Would be alright
Because every time I hear your voice
I’m bent around the sound
Time bends, for a second I’m fine
While I’m bent around the sound
That’s a true story.
Though even when Emelia was there, there were still times I could feel the edge of the nothingness. Now she’s gone, it presses down on me, crushes me, and I panic about being dead. Not the dying, the being dead. I try to drive off the dread with anything I can.
Noise.
Comfort.
Chaos.
Pleasure.
If none of those work, I try to go numb. Irony is fighting a fear of being dead by finding a way to feel nothing at all.
Darling, I’m still bent around that sound
Even now