Chapter Fourteen
The next morning, Maddie hesitated in the corridor outside Ashley’s dressing room, her fingers twisting in the edge of her sleeve.
She was not here for anything in particular.
Certainly not for advice. And if her cheeks were warm from walking too briskly through the corridors and not from thinking of Sebastian’s eyes—or his mouth—well, that was entirely her business.
She knocked lightly.
“Come in!” came Ashley’s familiar, sing-song voice.
Maddie opened the door to find her friend perched on the edge of a velvet-cushioned chair, swathed in a dressing robe of pink silk and half-lost in a cloud of soft hair ribbons. Her lady’s maid bustled behind her, arranging perfumes and hair combs like a tiny military operation.
Ashley turned with a bright smile. “Well, don’t you look suspiciously sweet this morning.”
Maddie stepped in, tucking a curl behind her ear. “I brought you some of that rosehip balm you like. For your hands.” She held it out.
Ashley accepted it with a raised brow. “That’s thoughtful. And not at all a distraction tactic.”
Maddie perched on the arm of the chair and gave an innocent smile.
Ashley narrowed her eyes. “What’s happened?”
“Nothing.”
Ashley waited.
“Almost nothing,” Maddie amended. “Well… something. A little something.”
Ashley leaned in with a grin. “Maddie…”
“It wasn’t a kiss,” Maddie blurted. “Not really.”
Ashley clapped her hands once. “I knew it! I saw the way he looked at you yesterday. Like he wanted to tuck you into his coat and never let go.”
Maddie groaned, hiding her face. “Ashley, I’m serious.”
“Oh, I am, too.” Ashley angled toward her, voice low and conspiratorial. “So? What happened?”
Maddie hesitated, then sighed. “We were in the kitchen. Late. He made this drink—egg-flip? I don’t know. It was frothy. And warm. And…”
Ashley’s eyes sparkled. “And?”
“And I had a bit of it on my lip, and he…” Maddie trailed off, cheeks burning. “He wiped it away. With his thumb.”
Ashley gasped with delight. “Scandalous.”
“It wasn’t!” Maddie said quickly. “It was… sweet. But also… something else. I couldn’t breathe properly for a full minute afterward.”
Ashley bit her lip. “Did he lean in?”
Maddie nodded.
“And did you?”
“I wanted to,” Maddie whispered. “So much. But then—Paisley showed up.”
Ashley winced. “The human bucket of cold water.”
Maddie burst into laughter, then sobered. “I haven’t stopped thinking about it. About him.”
Ashley tilted her head. “And you’ve never… kissed anyone? Not even a peck?”
Maddie shook her head.
Ashley softened. “Oh, darling.”
“I don’t want it to be just anyone,” Maddie said quietly. “But with Sebastian… last night I hoped he would. And now I can’t stop wondering what it would be like.”
Ashley leaned forward, her voice warm and a touch wistful. “It’s like… your whole world tilts a little. Like something new unfurls inside you. And if it’s the right person,” she smiled, “you feel it everywhere.”
Maddie pressed a hand to her chest. “Even there?”
Ashley laughed. “Especially there.”
The maid returned with a polished comb, and Ashley waved her off with a wink. “Give us a moment, Sarah.”
When they were alone again, Ashley looked at her more seriously.
“If Sebastian is the one,” she said gently, “you won’t have to wonder much longer.”
Maddie looked down, her thumb brushing the edge of her bodice. “I hope… next time he doesn’t stop.”
Ashley reached for her hand. “He won’t.”
And suddenly, the moment was too lovely, too full of possibilities, to bear.
Maddie looked out the window toward the snowy gardens, heart fluttering in her chest.
“Do you think he’s thinking about me?”
Ashley smiled. “Oh, he’s absolutely ruined.”
Maddie twisted the ring on her finger until it nearly slipped off. Then, in one breathless rush, she asked, “Ashley… if one were to want a man to kiss her… how would one… give him permission?”
Ashley blinked. Then burst out laughing.
“Oh, Maddie,” she said through a smile. “You’re absolutely delicious.”
Maddie flushed. “I’m being serious!”
“I know,” Ashley said, her eyes softening with fondness. “That’s what makes it so wonderful.”
“I just… what if he’s waiting for a signal? A sign?” Maddie gestured helplessly. “What if he wants to but is too gentlemanly to presume and I’ve ruined it all by… not signaling?”
Ashley grinned. “All right. Let’s say it did come to that. What would you do?”
Maddie’s eyes widened. “That’s what I’m asking you!”
Ashley leaned back, arms crossed. “Well, for one, you could look at his mouth.”
“I do that already!”
“And?”
“He looks back at mine!”
“Perfect.” Ashley clapped her hands once, delighted. “Then you’re halfway there.”
Maddie looked half-horrified, half-hopeful. “But what if he doesn’t know that means yes?”
Ashley smirked. “Darling, if he’s a grown man with eyes and blood in his veins, he knows.”
Maddie let out a strangled sound and flopped dramatically onto the edge of the chaise. “This is mortifying.”
Ashley just laughed again, leaning over her like a cat about to pounce.
“And if you want it to come to that,” she said slowly, “you simply step closer.”
Maddie peeked up at her. “Closer?”
“Closer. Into his space. Linger. Look at him like he’s the only man in England. Like he’s already kissed you, and you’d like him to do it again.”
Maddie bit her lip. She might already be doing that. “What if I get it wrong?”
“You won’t,” Ashley said gently. “Because if you’re thinking about him this much, I promise, he’s thinking about you more.”
Maddie sat upright, brows drawn in determined concentration. “All right. So I step closer. I linger. I look at his mouth. And I… tilt my face?”
Ashley’s eyes sparkled. “You’re really planning this.”
“I’m trying not to blunder through it!” Maddie said, exasperated. “What if I tilt the wrong way? What if he leans in and I trip on something, and we bang noses and he reconsiders everything and—”
Ashley flung an arm around her and laughed into her shoulder. “Stop, stop. You’ll be perfect. You’re already perfect.”
Maddie exhaled into a smile. “I just want it to be… special.”
Maddie smoothed her hand across her skirts, suddenly too aware of every crease, every stray thread. Special. She’d said it like it was a simple thing. But it wasn’t simple at all.
What she wanted, what she ached for, wasn’t just a kiss.
It was that look he’d given her in the snow.
The almost-touch. The not-quite kiss that had felt more real than anything else in her life.
She wanted a moment that meant something.
That marked her. That she could hold onto in all the quiet years to come, when she doubted herself, or the world, or the way her heart still dared to hope.
She wanted to know what it felt like to be wanted. Not politely. Not passingly. But deeply. Intentionally.
And she wanted it from him.
He made her feel different. Like she wasn’t just a quiet girl with neat hair and clean hands. With him, she felt wild. And visible. And very much alive.
She wasn’t sure she’d ever felt like that before.
And if he kissed her—if he chose her—it would mean she hadn’t imagined it. That she was more than just safe and sweet. That she could be the kind of woman a man like Sebastian would wait for.
That, to her, would be special.
Ashley looked at her for a long, quiet beat. “It already is.”
*
“I need your advice,” Sebastian announced to his friend as he entered the study.
His friend looked up from his newspaper, bemused. “Good happenstance to you too. What’s the matter?” He folded the pages and set them aside.
Sebastian slumped into the armchair opposite him. “Romantic agony,” he said grimly. “Which you are experienced at, no?”
Thomas grinned, the kind of knowing smile reserved for a man who had weathered a few stealthy storms before marriage. “Well, of course. A wife does that to a man.”
Sebastian stared at the flickering fire. “Miss Madeleine…” was not exactly his wife.
Thomas chuckled softly. “Ah. Miss Madeleine. I thought as much. You’ve been struck hard, haven’t you?”
Sebastian’s jaw tightened. “More than I expected. She’s been tending me, fussing over… my ailments….”
Thomas leaned forward. “The lady, tending to you, all alone in your room?”
“How did you—”
“I know everything.
Confound it.
Sebastian sighed. “Yes. That moment… It changed everything. Well, perhaps it’s more apt to say it shifted everything. All moments shift everything with her. She looks at me in a way that I… I don’t know… mattered to her. And I wanted to kiss her. I nearly did. Still do.”
Thomas smiled knowingly. “So, why haven’t you?”
Well, that particular moment… “Paisley interrupted.” Sebastian sighed. “Which was perhaps a mercy. But now I’m tangled in thoughts. How do I make her understand what I feel?”
Thomas raised an eyebrow. “Is it possible she already knows?”
Sebastian swallowed hard. “Perhaps. But I fear I might ruin it by moving too fast or saying the wrong thing.” He wasn’t exactly known for his charm with women.
He wasn’t known to charm at all. In fact, his interactions with them had been limited in the sense of flirtation.
He’d always had other things on his mind.
Thomas stood, poured two glasses of brandy, and handed one to Sebastian. “Then move with care. But don’t hesitate. If she’s the one, she’ll welcome your touch, your words. And if you’re waiting for a sign, well—she gave you one.”
Sebastian let the warmth of the drink soothe him. “Saints help me. I think I’m falling for her.”
Thomas laughed softly. “Too late, my friend. Too late.”
Sebastian smiled. True. “Then I suppose I must be brave enough to meet her halfway.”
“Yes, well, she did a good job keeping you alive with poultices and whatnot.”
Sebastian gave a half-smile. “She was. Is. And yet… last night…”
Thomas leaned forward, his interest piqued. “Go on.”
“We were in the kitchens. Late. She couldn’t sleep. Neither could I. There was egg-flip involved. And firelight.”
Thomas raised a brow. “I can already see where this is going.”
Did he? Still, he needed to get it off his chest. “She had a bit of foam on her lip. I wiped it away. With my thumb.”
Thomas grinned. “Scandalous.”
“It was meant to be innocent. It wasn’t.”
“And what happened then?”
“She looked at me like… like I was the only man in the world. And I couldn’t breathe.”
“Let me guess. You nearly kissed her again.”
Thomas was quiet for a moment, then said, “But you didn’t.”
“Yes, and I don’t know what that would have meant.”
“It would have meant that you wanted to kiss her. Which, judging by the tortured look on your face, is no secret.”
Sebastian groaned. “That’s the problem. I do want to kiss her. But not just that. I want her. All of her. Her mind, her laughter, her maddening insistence on propriety while flouting it completely. And the way she looks at me. Like I’m worth something.”
Thomas’s gaze softened. “You are. Worth something. You’re worth a great deal, my friend.”
“I don’t know how to do this.” Sebastian stood and paced. “She deserves someone who knows how to court her. How to make her feel cherished.”
He dragged a hand through his hair. He’d never been shown how to love someone properly. His mother had wielded affection like a tool, something to be granted when he behaved, withdrawn when he failed. Love, to her, had been about appearance. Poise. Status.
He couldn’t remember the last time anyone had loved him without condition. Certainly not with softness. Certainly not with hope.
And yet, Maddie…
She’d looked at him like he could be better. Like he already was. And that terrified him. Because what if he failed her? What if she leaned in, gave him her heart, and he ruined it—because he didn’t know how to hold something so precious without breaking it?
He wasn’t practiced in courtship. He wasn’t clever with compliments or dashing with flowers.
But he felt everything. Deeply. Perhaps too much.
And he wanted her. All of her. Not just for a season.
Not just for the thrill of a kiss. Maybe that was enough.
Maybe wanting her with that much meant he was already half the man she deserved.
“And you don’t think you can?”
“I’m not sure she knows I want to.”
“Women are not puzzles to be solved, Sebastian. They are novels. You read them, slowly. Carefully.”
Sebastian stared into his glass. “She hasn’t been kissed.”
Thomas arched a brow. “And you have.”
Sebastian gave a huff of laughter. “Point taken. But this feels like more than just a kiss. Like something sacred. Like I said, I don’t want to ruin it.”
Thomas clapped a hand on his shoulder. “Then don’t. Plus, it seems that she wants you too, no?”
Sebastian thought of her eyes, wide and shining. The way her breath had caught when he touched her lip. How she’d leaned in, just slightly, before the interruption.
“I believe so, yes.”
“Then that’s your answer. The next time you’re alone with her, don’t waste it. You’re not a fool. And she’s not indifferent.”
Sebastian took a long sip, letting the warmth of the drink settle something restless inside him.
Right. He shouldn’t waste any opportunity.
He glanced out the window in thought. “I keep thinking about how she held that cup. How her fingers trembled when she lifted it again. She didn’t say much after. But she didn’t need to. It was all in her eyes.”
Thomas leaned back against the desk. “Then what are you going to do about it?”
Sebastian turned, resolute. “I’m going to give her a reason to keep looking at me like that. I’m going to show her I see her too.” If she hadn’t read him like a book already. But then, even if she had, he’d make sure she kept reading. That she never stopped.
“Good man.”
“Thomas. Thank you.”
His friend raised his glass in salute. “Any time. Now go make her fall in love with you.”
He chuckled.
Yes, and if he were lucky, she was halfway there. All he had to do now was prove he was worth the rest. Prove that she was the woman for him. And prove that if she chose him as her life partner, he would spend all his days loving her more than anyone else.