Chapter Fifteen #2
“I meant what I said,” he murmured. He smiled. “About you not needing to change. Not for anyone. Not even for some idiot who can’t stop staring at you.”
Her eyes widened.
Did he just say that aloud?
Yes, he had.
Too late to take it back now.
“You said something rather intelligent the other day,” Maddie said.
“I’m known to have the occasional moment of insight,” Sebastian chuckled. “What was it that struck you as particularly noteworthy?”
“That I need to find out what I desire.”
Sebastian’s smile melted away. He swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing under the tight cravat.
“And I have a question about that,” she continued, batting her eyes like a young fawn.
Almost teasing. No, most definitely teasing.
He tried not to stare at her green irises and her bright pink cheeks, but she was absolutely too pretty not to be admired like a masterpiece portrait at the British Museum.
“Ask then.”
“How does a kiss relate to what I desire?” Her eyes sparkled. “I mean, is there a connection?”
Saints, what this question did to him! The images it conjured. His whole body hardened and his mind trailed to forbidden pleasures. On second thought, why were they forbidden? He’d already peeled her out of her dress in his fantasies a thousand times to reveal all of her. Everything.
He played along. “A kiss can ignite a spark. It’s such an intimate contact. When you kiss the right person, the effect is like feathers tickling you all over, your heart quickens, and your body wants more.”
She bit her bottom lip. Such a sweet lip, he longed to taste it. But he mustn’t overstep. Be too hasty. Rush. Plus, she was only just beginning to explore what she wanted. Sebastian shook his head as if to stop his thoughts from going in the only direction where they’d been recently.
She cocked her head. “And if you kiss the wrong person?”
“That’s like kissing a dead trout.”
“Disgusting! And how would… you know?”
“Many fish, never the feathers.”
“Then what makes you so sure that the fireworks version is possible?”
“I can feel it. I’ve seen it.”
“How? Where?”
He thought about this for a moment. Then he dared. Sebastian gently took her hand, which had been resting on the side of the table. She hung on to his every word. “You’ve seen Ashley and Tom, right? Have you not spoken to Ashley?”
She blushed furiously and that was all the answer he needed.
Slowly but deliberately, he unfolded her finger that curled around his and placed her palm on his chest. “I know in my heart. All that’s left now is to find it to confirm the right person.”
Maddie’s eyes changed to a darker hue, her pupils large. Her breath quickened and she looked more alert than he’d ever seen her. That intelligent sparkle in her gaze was a fire now that nearly intimidated Sebastian, had he not wanted to meet it with equal ardor.
“I want to know,” she whispered.
Sebastian leaned forward but didn’t close the distance. He had to be sure that she was asking him for what he hoped. A mistake would cause irreparable harm to the trust he’d built with her. He cleared his throat, trying to cool his blood in vain.
“If I show you, Maddie, and if there is more than the passion of a dead fish, it cannot be undone. It would mean something.”
She gave a faint nod.
“Are you sure?”
Another nod. She gulped and pinched her lips together.
Sebastian caught her hand and placed it on his chest, testing her response.
He dipped his head and she blinked so deuced innocently.
She’s so precious.
After this, she’d lose a bit of her innocence and Sebastian felt as if he were cradling an eggshell porcelain cup.
A kiss would mean holding her up to the light to see the true design, what her heart desired.
If there were fireworks, Sebastian knew deep down, he would never be whole again if he let her go.
She licked her lips as she’d done in the garden before.
Bashfully blinking at him, she leaned forward.
Sebastian lingered as close to her as he could without touching her.
She smelled seductively like the dew on a waterlily, pure and fruity, enticing his senses with luminous allure.
He pinched his eyes shut to steady himself, trying to slow his pounding heart but he had no time.
Maddie pressed her mouth against his, puckering her lips.
Sebastian froze. And then he could only gasp, slightly parting his lips.
Maddie did the unthinkable and pressed further.
He hadn’t planned on moving so quickly but she didn’t give him a choice.
Ever so tenderly, he darted his tongue toward her mouth… she reciprocated.
Sebastian let go of her hand and wrapped his around her back, trailing slowly up and down. She leaned into him and moaned delicately.
And then she broke away and ran.
*
Maddie gasped from lack of breath as she came to a stop. What on earth happened? Why had she run?
Why? Why? Why?
She had wanted this. Wanted to kiss him. Wanted so much more. And then, she’d dashed off.
A perfect moment.
And she’d fled from it.
Maddie stood frozen, caught between the lies she told herself and the truth standing so very near.
None of this was proper. And yet, propriety had always recently become to her a fickle sort of guide, draped in rules that offered answers without clarity.
How, after all, was a lady to decide if she didn’t understand?
The usual criteria, parroted endlessly by her mother and aunt, had never soothed the restless questions beneath her surface.
They were the cause of her headaches, the very reason she sought ointments and tonics for relief. But there was no salve for not knowing. Ignorance, it seemed, required something far more daunting to cure—knowledge.
And if there was anything to be learned from science, then knowledge came from experiments. She needed to experiment.
Kissing.
With a willing subject. A handsome one. With dark brown hair that she longed to run her fingers through.
There was surely something in the handbook about not doing this.
Back to the experiment… So, to gain knowledge, one must study, mustn’t one?
That was a virtue. Surely no one would fault her for thorough research.
Maddie winced. It was false logic but it was, oddly enough, what she wanted.
Perhaps desired?
Sebastian, she thought with a whispered thrill of defiance, was research. His confidence, his maddening ability to unsettle her, were the questions she needed answering.
She seized the thought, clutching it like a lifeline, and with it, the moment’s stolen power. Slowly, cautiously, she leaned in.
Sebastian closed the space between them like he had all the time in the world, his gaze steady, unrelenting, but softened by something she couldn’t name.
Her breath faltered as his hand rose—not roughly, not quickly, but with a deliberate tenderness that left her rooted to the spot.
His touch on her cheek was impossibly warm, his thumb brushing along her skin as if memorizing her.
“You’re always running from me,” he whispered, the depth of his voice sending an unruly shiver down her spine. “But not this time, Maddie.”
She wanted to laugh, to scoff, to break the delicate tension curling around them like smoke. She knew how to deflect, to pull away when things got too real. But there was no deflecting from him, not now.
Why had she run again?
Why wasn’t she fleeing right now?
Would she dash off the moment their lips touched again?
Sebastian dipped his head, and for just the briefest of moments, his lips hovered above hers, his breath a soft warmth against her skin.
Maddie held perfectly still, the world narrowing to just this moment, just this man, just the light press of his hand against her back as he closed the final, impossibly small distance between them.
Then he kissed her, and everything she thought she knew evaporated.
She was beginning to understand… It wasn’t merely an exchange, not merely the meeting of lips.
The softness of his mouth covered hers with such aching care that her chest tightened, crushed beneath an entirely foreign wave of feeling.
It started there, where their mouths touched, and shivered through her, weaving into places she didn’t even know could respond as they did.
Sebastian didn’t rush, didn’t demand.
The kiss deepened, his lips coaxing hers gently, matching the rhythm of her hesitant responses and silently asking for more.
When his other hand slipped to the nape of her neck, his fingers threading into her hair, something inside her gave way.
She melted, all her arguments dissolving in the warmth of his touch, the surety of his mouth on hers.
Her hands betrayed her uncertainty. They hovered for a breathless moment, trembling at her sides, before giving in, coming to rest lightly against his chest. His heart beat steadily beneath her palms, anchoring her even as her knees softened, threatening to leave her unmoored if he stopped.
This wasn’t the kiss of a man trying to steal her senses or win a fleeting conquest. No, this was something so heartbreakingly deliberate, so full of restrained yearning, that her heart ached beneath its weight.
It wasn’t just their mouths finding each other—it was Sebastian’s unspoken charm showing her what a real connection could feel like.
His lips parted slightly, and she followed, startled by the depth of her own response. He tasted like wine and something darker, something wholly his. Maddie leaned closer, her body pulled by an invisible thread as though she’d been made for this very moment, and only now realized it.
Her breath hitched, her heart stuttering as a sensation unfurled low in her belly, warm and electric. She didn’t just feel it; she lived it. The world dissolved utterly, leaving only his touch, his steadiness, his impossible tenderness.
And then, finally breaking through the blissful haze enveloping her, came the understanding. This wasn’t just a kiss. It was so much more. Sebastian was showing her something she had avoided her entire life. Not just pleasure but vulnerability, not just passion but intimacy.
Her fingers curled into his coat, a desperate motion to keep hold of him as if he might otherwise slip away. She matched him, first timidly, then with a confidence that bloomed as he met her halfway.
When he finally drew back, his forehead resting lightly against hers, Maddie found herself trembling. She didn’t open her eyes right away, afraid the spell might break.
“You feel that?” he murmured, his voice rough, intimate, barely above a whisper.
She nodded, unable to trust her words, her lips still tingling from his kiss, her heart still soaring into uncharted skies.
“Feathers?”
“So much more,” he whispered hoarsely.
His hand slid from her hair to cradle her cheek, tipping her face up so her wide, uncertain eyes met his. The way he looked at her was molten, unreadable, but full of something that left her chest tight and her throat dry.
Maddie wanted to speak, to find some breezy, clever remark that might make her feel like herself again, but none came.
Because she wasn’t that Maddie anymore. Somewhere between the first brush of his lips and the quiet intimacy that lingered now, something had shifted.
It wasn’t just a kiss. It wasn’t just Sebastian.
It was a truth she couldn’t turn away from.
And for the first time in as long as she could remember, she didn’t wish to.
“You can tell?” Maddie asked, her voice barely above a whisper. Already, she felt the pull of him again, an ache low in her belly for the exact moment she had just lost. A foolish kind of longing, really, considering he was still so very near. What had become of her?
Sebastian’s gaze flicked to her lips before finding her eyes again, steady and deliberate.
“This is it.” His thumb trailed along her cheek, his touch a contradiction of softness and certainty, before tilting her chin up.
The gesture wasn’t forceful but rather guiding, like she belonged in the exact place he wished her to be.
“This only happens with the right person, Maddie. And I knew it would be you.”
Her breath hitched, her lashes lowering for a moment to break the spell of his unrelenting stare. “But you… You said you’d never felt it,” she managed, her voice faltering even as sparks of curiosity flickered to life. “And yet you claim you knew?”
He nodded, the edge of his mouth curving slightly—not in his usual faintly arrogant smirk, but in something softer, more earnest. Gone was the quirk of his brow or the playful challenge that typically danced in his gaze. His eyes now burned, dark and unshakably sincere.
“I knew,” he said simply. “I know it’s only you.” The words weren’t dressed up, weren’t elaborated on, but they carried a quiet conviction that stole the air from her lungs.
Maddie blinked, her cheeks warming under his touch. That conviction, that certainty, it was entirely too much. Could anyone truly know such a thing? Yet the sincerity in his voice, the steady way he waited, as though her trust was not demanded but freely given, did something to her resolve.
And there it was. A terrifying, wondrous thing she hadn’t allowed herself to consider until now. She’d trust him. Suddenly, entirely, she would trust him with what she couldn’t yet name. But the thought came, overwhelming and immovable.
My heart, the words whispered through her mind unbidden. They lingered there, echoing softly as he leaned so that his forehead brushed lightly against hers.
“Tell me you feel it too,” he murmured, his voice rough and intimate, the kind meant for only one person to hear.
Her answer caught in her throat, her eyes searching his desperately, trying to make sense of what was happening inside her.
Was it fireworks? Was it everything he claimed it could be?
She didn’t know what to say. But her chest tightened, her lips parted, and before she could find the words, she nodded. Just once. Enough.