Chapter 30
brODIE
THREE DAYS LATER, NASHVILLE
Iwas ready for a month off.
Three days ago, Holls and I said goodbye to Faise and Ronin, who flew out of New Orleans and headed directly to California. Then it was just me, Van, and Holls on the bus ride home.
It was quiet without half of our quad, but I didn’t mind.
It gave Van and me privacy and plenty of time to sneak in make-out sessions. We held off on anything else, though.
And never when Holls or our driver, Sam, was watching.
Things were brand new with Van and me, and I didn’t know what he would or wouldn’t be comfortable with.
I knew my boundaries. Not that I had many.
Musicians and roadies were used to fucking around in front of each other—most often on tour buses, trailers, and dressing rooms. I never minded if Holls or any of my bandmates witnessed my hookups in the past. Plenty of times, they’d come upon me with some guy and would stay to watch.
Always with the consent of my partner at the time, of course.
And it was hot—for me, for the guy I was fucking, and for the one watching.
I’d done the same many, many times. I mean, tour buses aren’t big, and privacy is limited.
But I was protective when it came to Van.
I knew I would never fucking share him, ever, and I wanted to be the only one he touched. But I wasn’t sure it would bother me if, say, Van and I were busy fucking in my bunk, and Holls was watching from his.
Was voyeurism kinky? Maybe to some people.
To musicians? It’s just another day on the road.
On the one hand, I wanted all of Van’s attention all the time. On the other, well, different kinds of experiences could heighten pleasure. And I wanted Van to have all the pleasure.
We had plenty of time to explore our relationship and discuss our boundaries. I’d have at least a month, maybe two, alone with him. As crazy as it sounded, the reality of that made me more excited than anything I’d ever done in bed.
But a small part of me still worried about all the what-ifs. Van and I were both new at this relationship thing, and God knows I had an artistic temperament that could try the calmest of people.
The past week had been amazing, but reality was now setting in. Would we grow closer together or would working and living as a couple be more than we could handle? I guess only time would tell.
We’d gotten home after a nine-hour bus ride and reluctantly went our separate ways, me to my house on the outskirts and Van to his condo downtown.
I was already counting down the hours until I saw him again. I hated being apart from him before we were lovers, and now even more so.
It was like a vital part of me was missing.
Still, I crashed hard when I got home.
The adrenaline ride of the past week, plus the tour before that, finally caught up to me. I slept for the better part of two days and woke up to find my assistant Bibi at my door with coffee and my favorite donuts in hand.
She entered my house in her usual whirlwind—talking at fifty miles per hour, her phone buzzing, her long red ponytail whipping around her head. Bibi was a southern ball of energy. She had enough buzz to light up the city and then some.
“I’m glad to see you, but aren’t you still technically on vacation?” I asked her as we sat around my kitchen island.
“Yes, but I’m not leaving for Hawaii until next week.
And I wanted to stop by since there are a few things we need to deal with before I take off.
I brought a ton of promo merch for you to sign; it’s in the car.
That should be the last of it for the year.
Also, and as per your text, I’ve arranged to have the cottage in Rhode Island cleaned and stocked with food.
The private plane is ready for you tomorrow, and there’ll be a car waiting when you arrive at the island airport.
I’ve emailed Van and Dawson all the deets. ”
“Awesome. Thanks for that. You know I hate interrupting your time off, but I didn’t want Van to have to deal with it. He was overworked this past week as it was.”
She waved me off. “You know me, I’m never really on vacation. The phone is always on, so if you need me, I’m just a text away.”
“How would I function without you?”
“You wouldn’t,” she replied with a wink. “So, you and Van are going to be together for a whole month? How’d that happen?”
She gave me a knowing smirk.
Like everyone in my inner circle, Bibi knew about my long-term crush on Van.
“We’re gonna work on songs for the next album,” I replied and took a bite of my chocolate-glazed donut. It was good, but I was already missing the beignets from NOLA.
“Is that all?” she asked. “I only ask because you’re much more relaxed and happier than when you left here. The European tour was exhausting for everyone, but you were more stressed out than usual.”
“Let’s just say me and Van have taken our partnership to the next level,” I replied with a filthy grin and licked the chocolate off my fingers.
“Thank the Lord Jesus, and finally! I didn’t think I could take any more of that sexual tension. Ahh, I’m so happy for y’all!” Bibi screamed and clapped her hands.
I winced at the decibel level of her voice. “You ever consider being on stage yourself? You can project like no one else.”
She playfully whacked my arm.
“And keep that info on the down low for now, please,” I added as I sipped on my coffee. “We’re not going public with our relationship. Yet.”
Bibi squealed again and reached for a donut. “These donuts were all for you, but fuck it. This news calls for a celebratory pastry. So, spill. How was it? Are you exclusive? What do the guys think? Are you going to—”
I held up my hand. “Whoa. And to answer your questions, it was amazing, fuck yes, and the guys are cautiously happy for us. And I have no idea what your fourth question was since I interrupted you.”
“The guys aren’t happy?” she asked before she bit into her glazed donut.
“They are, but they also have concerns. We don’t know how this is gonna play out yet, right?
I mean, hello, spoiled rock star,” I pointed to myself.
“Maybe me being his boyfriend and the guy he manages will be too much for him, yeah? Fucking and falling is one thing, the reality of day-to-day living is another.”
Bibi blinked and stared at me. “Who is this mature Brodie, and what have you done with my fuckboy?”
I burst out laughing. “Fuckboy is still here, but now there’s only one man I fuck.”
Bibi took a sip of her coffee and nodded.
“And how is Van dealing with all this? He’s never mentioned he was gay.
In fact, thinking back, he told me about a woman he was dating shortly before he signed on with Bandit, so I always assumed he was straight.
Or bi, since I knew the way he looked at you was not the way a manager looks at his artist. Still, he isn’t one to talk about his private life. ”
“Pretty sure he’s bi or pan. Whatever the case, so far, he’s all in. I thought he’d be freaking out by now, but it hasn’t happened.”
Part of me worried that there would be a delayed reaction.
Especially once he came out. If and when he wanted to come out. At some point, I wanted to go public with our relationship. But being gay in private versus public were two very different things.
People weren’t shy about commenting, and they could be fucking nasty.
Van had never dealt with that before. Sure, he witnessed what the guys and I experienced, but it was different when it was aimed at you personally.
I’d dealt with haters since I came out, and unfortunately, I probably always would.
Would Van decide I wasn’t worth the hassle? He could date a woman with no backlash, no scrutiny.
With me? It would never end.
Bibi placed a gentle hand over mine and squeezed. “Be patient with him and let him feel all the things he needs to.”
“That’s what I’m worried about. You know me, I’m all in, and that’s my only way. Sometimes, I forget not everyone is the same. And patience is not something I’m known for.”
“That’s not true. You’ve had feelings for Van for a long time, and look how that turned out.” She smiled at me.
“Yeah, but relationships are hard enough. And with the addition of public scrutiny?” I shook my head, wanting to rid myself of these anxieties and self-doubt.
I hated feeling insecure. “Anyway, I don’t want to worry about that now.
I don’t want to worry at all. I’m so goddamn happy, and fuck everything else. ”
“There’s the Brodie I know! Now, let’s get that merch signed, and you can tell me all about your trip to NOLA. I want to hear everything.”
“Not everything. Guy’s gotta have some secrets.”
Bibi chuckled. “Now I know you’re in love.”
“Who said anything about that?”
I knew it; of course I did. But I wasn’t ready to say the word until I’d said it to Van.
“I know you, and I know love when I see it. For fuck’s sake, Dee, I see everything.
I haven’t been ordering condoms for you for almost a year.
I mean, I started to think maybe you were buying them from some secret supplier.
Then I realized no randos were walking out of here in the morning either.
You’ve been pining hard for that man for a long time. What else could it be but love?”
My face flushed, and it didn’t escape her notice.
“And right there, you’re blushing. You, Mr. Rockstar. What the actual fuck?”
“Okay, all right. Man, what you know about my life is frightening, but yes, I do feel for him that way. But I need to take it slow. I don’t want to say too much and freak him out.”
“Trust your instincts. You’ll know when the time is right.”
“Thanks, oh wise one.”
Bibi grabbed another donut and stuffed it in my mouth. “You got that right.”