35 MADDY
MADDY
Kissing my fake boyfriend might not have been my best idea
It keeps replaying in my head whether I want it to or not. Every time I remember it, my stomach flips in this stupid, nervous way that makes it very hard to not think about it. Because that was the best kiss I’ve ever fucking had.
I didn't even know where I was, what time it was, and probably not even what my name was, dammit. I’ve never had a kiss make me feel like that before.
I realize I’m smiling.
Uuggghhhh.
And now what? We didn't really manage to talk about it, because Noah had to have the absolute worst timing to come home. (And I thought I was bad with time.)
I wonder if Ryan is still sleeping. Did he sleep better than I did? Is he replaying it in his head? Is he even thinking about it? What the hell is he thinking? What if he’s not thinking about it at all? What if he regrets it?
Jesus—I need to get out of bed and move to stop these thoughts.
I shove the blankets off and sit up. I force myself out of bed, pull on sweatpants and the first T-shirt I see, and tie my hair up without looking in the mirror.
Down the stairs, I mutter to myself like a crazy person.
“Okay, Maddy. You’re going to study today. All day. Focus on homework. You are a perfectly calm and stable person in times of crisis—”
I stop dead on the last step.
Noah is sitting at the kitchen counter. Eating some oatmeal with his headphones on. Moving his head to the music while writing in his notebook. Normal. Completely normal.
Except I kissed his best friend last night. And might I add—RIGHT. IN. THE. EXACT. SPOT. NOAH’S. SITTING. And he has zero idea. Well… he thinks we’ve kissed before, but that was not true. Until now.
I walk into the kitchen and Noah looks up, smiles warmly and takes off his headphones. “Morning, Mads.”
I point at him like an unhinged game show host. “Morning… big brother bro.”
His eyebrows jump. “Big brother… bro?”
Big brother bro? Really? Just act normal, idiot.
“That’s just a new nickname I came up with,” I say, voice cracking like a preteen boy.
He laughs. “Okay…”
I grab a bowl before I can embarrass myself further and he goes back to writing.
I pour cereal. Open the fridge to grab the milk. And as I’m twisting the cap open, Dad walks into the kitchen.
“Morning, sweetheart,” he says, kissing the top of my head before heading to the coffee machine.
“Morning,” I mumble and I start pouring the milk.
Noah swivels slightly in his chair. “Hey, Dad—did you hear that drip coming from upstairs last night?”
My hand freezes mid-pour.
Oh my God—the sink.
Dad sighs lightly as he pulls the coffee cup from under the machine. “Yeah, I heard it. I might have to open the panel later and check the pipe.”
I lower the milk carton again, letting it pour into my bowl while Noah leans back in his chair. “Yeah, I could help you look at it later.”
Should I tell them it’s already fixed?
The words sit right there in my throat, but the second I imagine saying them—Oh yeah, I actually broke the sink because I tried cooking for a change, but don’t worry, Ryan already fixed it—my entire body locks up. There is absolutely no way I could say that normally.
“Maddy!”
Both Dad and Noah shout my name at the exact same time. I jolt so hard I nearly launch the milk across the room. I blink down at my bowl just as milk spills over the rim, slowly spreading across the counter before dripping over the edge.
“Oh,” I say weakly. “Well. That’s… unfortunate.”
Noah stares at me. “Were you planning on making cereal soup?”
Dad raises an eyebrow over the rim of his coffee mug. “Are you okay?”
I force a laugh that sounds suspiciously like someone stepping on a balloon. “Yeah! You know me. Always… clumsy.”
I grab a cloth and start wiping the counter, which somehow makes everything worse. They exchange a small, confused glance before continuing, slower this time.
“So yeah,” Dad says carefully, taking another sip of his coffee, “I’m not exactly the handiest guy with plumbing, but I guess I’ll have to figure it out.”
I grab a glass of water and take a long sip.
Noah shrugs. “You could always ask Ryan—”
SPLASH!
Water explodes out of my mouth. Everywhere. Including Noah’s notebook. He jerks back like he’s been shot and I slap a hand over my mouth so fast I nearly break my own nose.
Noah tilts his head slowly. “Maddy… seriously. What is going on with you today?”
“I—nothing!” I squeak. “I’m just… drinking water wrong.”
They just stare at me and panic climbs my spine like a fire alarm. Before they can question me again, I blurt the first escape route my brain finds: “Do they need help at the café today?”
Dad blinks. “Uh… well, not really. Most things are handled. But there are always a few small—”
“GREAT. AMAZING. I WILL HELP.”
I am already speed-walking toward the stairs.
“Maddy?” Dad calls. “I didn’t even tell you what the tasks are—”
“WHATEVER THEY ARE, I’M SO EXCITED,” I yell from halfway up.
Anything—literally anything—is better than sitting calmly in that kitchen trying not to think about last night.
I’ve been working for three hours straight. And by “working,” I mean spiralling in a productive way. Because Dad was right. There were only a couple small things to do and I finished those in half an hour.
The café is fully staffed. Dawn’s behind the bar, and two weekend girls are taking orders.
I’ve cleaned every window. Sorted every storage box. Sharpened the kids’ colouring pencils. Reorganized the napkin display. Cleaned the glass case. Then cleaned it again. And now…I’m cleaning it again again.
Dawn suddenly appears beside me, leaning her hip against the counter. “Mads,” she says slowly, “You're acting weird again.”
I keep wiping. “I’m not.”
She laughs softly. “What happened?”
“Nothing.”
Dawn follows, smirking. “Something happened with Ryan right?”
I choke on air. “No.”
“You know your cheeks get red when you lie, right?”
“My cheeks don’t—nothing happened, okay? Everything is normal. Everything is totally—”
The bell above the door rings. I glance up and Ryan walks in.
Universe, are you serious?!
My soul leaves my body. And without thinking, I drop straight down behind the bar and smack my head lightly on the counter.
“Maddy?!” Dawn whisper-screams.
“Shhh!” I hiss, crouched on the floor.
“What are you doing—”
“Just stand there! Be normal!”
“What do you mean?!”
“Act like I’m not here.”
“What the hell are you—” She inhales sharply, instantly switching tones as Ryan steps up. “—Hi, Ryan.”
I hear him chuckle. “Uh… hi, Dawn.”
“What—uh, can I get you?” Dawn asks.
“Just a coffee would be great.”
Just a coffee?! His voice is so relaxed I want to scream.
“No sugar, no cream, right?” Dawn asks.
“Yeah,” he says. “I like it simple.”
“You don’t say,” Dawn murmurs.
I slap her leg. Hard.
“Ow—” she blurts.
Ryan chuckles. “You okay there?”
“Yup. Totally,” Dawn says brightly.
I press my forehead into my knees. From somewhere above me, I hear the low whirr of the coffee machine starting up, the familiar sound of coffee pulling into a cup.
And I can only think about how Ryan is standing there, just ordering his coffee.
And he has no idea that I’m under this bar like some lunatic.
A moment later, a cup sets down on the counter.
“Here’s your coffee,” Dawn says. “On the house.”
“Oh—thanks.”
She waves at him. “Have a good day, Ryan.”
“You too, Dawn.”
The bell jingles again and footsteps fade. A second later Dawn leans down and whispers. “He’s gone.”
I slowly rise from behind the bar and peek over the counter to confirm he has, in fact, exited the cafe.
“Not. A. Word—”
“What the hell was that?” Dawn stares at me.
“Nothing,” I say too fast, brushing dust off my sweater. “I just… wasn’t in the mood for acting today.”
She narrows her eyes. “Uh-huh.”
“I’m gonna check if the back needs anything.”
I don’t wait for her answer. I speed-walk into the storage room.
What am I supposed to do now? He sounded so calm. Should I call him? Should I text him? Noooooo—what would I even say? What if he didn’t like it? What if he wants to forget it?