Chapter 20
TWENTY
A punishing sun burned Ellen’s shoulders as she raised herself to standing.
Either side of the gateposts, ornate planters stood sentry, full of blooms that choked her with their dry dusty fragrance.
Even if Ellen had had any knowledge of the landscape around here, Robert had been gone so long now that her chances of finding him were near to impossible.
His morning walks meant he’d know far better than her the best places to walk, to think, to hide.
But she had to try. If nothing else, it got her out of that house, away from Lucy and Charlotte and the deceit they’d spun around her in the last couple of days.
Turning left out of the front gate gave a view of the harbour all the way down to the lighthouse. Cruise ships dropping off tourists to browse the stalls of clothes and jewellery and confectionery and wine. If Robert wanted to think and clear his head, he wouldn’t be among all that noise.
Walking downhill had got her to the beach much faster than she’d anticipated.
Everywhere she looked, family groups sprawled out on the sand.
Happy holidaying parents and children, spending time with one another.
Dads holding their toddlers so that their feet dipped into the clear blue water, Mums collecting shells to decorate sandcastles, children running into the sea and out again, screaming about the cold water.
It felt like a blink ago that this was them.
Robert, Grace, Abigail and Ellen. How had she got to here?
Searching for her husband to beg him to tell the truth.
Charlotte said that they weren’t having an affair, but why should she believe her? The kind of woman who had an affair with a married man nearly thirty years her senior wasn’t necessarily going to be the most truthful of people, was she?
Then she thought of Grace – only a year older than Charlotte – and how naive she was. Was it possible that Charlotte hadn’t known that Robert was married? Had he told her – like Max was telling Grace – that his marriage was unhappy, near the end, or worse, that they were separated?
But that didn’t make sense. Because of Lucy. Lucy would’ve known that they weren’t separated because she had invited them both here. And whatever was going on between them, Lucy knew about it. Otherwise, why would she have apologised to Robert for Charlotte’s sudden appearance last night?
Lucy had been surprised to see Charlotte arrive.
Robert had looked shocked. But maybe Charlotte had known all along that they would be there.
Maybe she, like Grace, was trying to force Robert’s arm.
Push him into making a decision once and for all.
She could almost imagine her telling him this last night. ‘Tell her or I will.’
Was that why she’d been so friendly? Perhaps all the time she’d been chatting to Ellen, she’d side-eyed Robert. Look how easily I can tell your wife. Look how quickly I can ruin your life.
Or maybe she wouldn’t be ruining his life. Maybe he’d feel liberated to have the secret out in the open. To be able to leave her. Maybe it would only be her life that was ruined.
And their girls. She felt a stab of pain in her stomach at the thought of having to tell them that their parents’ marriage was over.
All she’d ever wanted for them was a stable home life, parents who were always there for them.
Hadn’t she even sacrificed her own career because it would have taken her away from home?
The timing of this wasn’t a coincidence. Abigail leaving for university was the beginning of the end for their family living all together. She had hoped that this might be the start of a new adventure for her and Robert. He had clearly been thinking the opposite.
And Lucy. How had she been brought back into their lives? Surely it was too big a coincidence for her daughter to be having an affair with her old friend from university. Had she had it right the first time? Was it Lucy who was having the affair?
Glancing this way and that at every dark-haired man on the beach, she was beginning to lose hope of ever finding Robert. Maybe he’d returned to the house by now? She pulled out her phone and called Lucy. It rang three times before she answered.
‘Has Robert arrived back there?’
‘No. He’s not here. Why don’t you come back, Ellen? He’s just gone for a walk. He’ll be back soon. He obviously needs some time to himself.’
What made her think she knew what Robert needed? Ellen wanted to scream at her. ‘What does he need time for, Lucy? What do you know?’
Lucy was quiet for about three beats. ‘I can’t tell you.’
Now she really did want to scream. How dare she keep secrets with her husband?
She ended the call and picked up the pace.
For all her confidence, Lucy didn’t know her husband like Ellen did.
He didn’t do things like this. Why was he pulling away from her and keeping secrets from her?
Although hadn’t she kept secrets from him, too?
Was this a punishment? Was there any way he could know?
And then she saw him. Almost out of eyeshot, further along the coastline. But she’d recognise that walk anywhere. ‘Robert!’
The breeze took her words. A couple walking in front of her, hand in hand, turned to look at her, but Robert kept on walking.
She quickened her pace, her lungs burning with the effort. She tried again. ‘Robert, wait!’
This time he turned and his face made her stop dead in her tracks. This wasn’t a man out for a walk to clear his head. His haunted eyes, the set of his mouth: this was a man in deep emotional pain.
At the sight of him like this, her legs almost gave out beneath her. Robert never looked flustered, never looked upset. He was as calm as a deep pool. But maybe it was true that still waters ran deep. What was beneath the surface?
Though he’d turned at the sight of her and stopped in his tracks, he made no move to come towards her. Instead, he waited for her to draw level before speaking. ‘How did you find me?’
Her heart plummeted at the tone of his voice. ‘Luck, I suppose. I just kept walking.’
He nodded. ‘I’m sorry that I just left without telling you where I was going. I needed some time to work out what I was going to say.’
What he was going to say? Since when did he have to weigh his words before speaking to her? This had to be bad. It had to be really bad. ‘I found your letter.’
He looked confused for a moment and then light dawned in his eyes. ‘Oh, yes. That was Charlotte’s idea. I was worried about how to tell you everything in the right order and she suggested the letter. I couldn’t do it, though. It didn’t work for me.’
Charlotte’s idea? So this was to do with her. Damn her and her lies. And Lucy. ‘I know what you’re going to tell me, Robert.’
He looked surprised. ‘You do?’
‘It’s Charlotte, isn’t it? Something’s going on between you and her? I can’t believe it, but it’s the only explanation for your secretive conversations.’
Robert looked so sad at her words that, had she not been hating his infidelity, she might have felt sorry for him. But he shook his head. ‘Nothing is going on between us. Well, not in the way you think.’
Ellen’s head was a whirl, firing in one direction to another. Now she was back to thinking that Charlotte might be his daughter after all. Was it Lucy he was having an affair with? ‘Just tell me what’s going on, Robert. Who is Charlotte to you?’
He reached over and took her hand. ‘Charlotte is part of a specialist medical team for heart conditions. She works with my consultant.’