Chapter 37
THIRTY-SEVEN
Every mother must think their children are beautiful, but Ellen knew it to be true of both her girls.
Abbie had a delicate beauty, rarely wore make-up and – at eighteen – could pass for much younger.
Grace was striking. She’d never met a shade of lipstick she didn’t like and was no stranger to the world of fake tan.
That evening, though, when Ellen opened the door, Grace looked pale and tired. If she hadn’t known better, she’d have thought she was ill. ‘Are you okay, sweetheart?’
She shook her head and her face crumpled into tears. Ellen opened her arms and took her into them. ‘What is it? What’s wrong?’
Robert was still in the shower, so she led Grace through to the sitting room and kept her arm around her once they were on the sofa.
‘It’s Max.’
Of course, it was. From day one she’d known that man was going to break her daughter’s heart. But if she wanted Grace to tell her everything, she’d need to let her speak. ‘What happened?’
‘You know the day of Dad’s operation? Last Monday? Well, when Abbie and I went to the shop, I tried to call him and he didn’t answer. So I left him a voicemail and asked him to call me back.’
She paused to blow her nose on one of the tissues that Ellen had passed her from a box on the coffee table. It was horrible to see her so upset. ‘And did he?’
She nodded. ‘About five minutes later. He said that he was in the middle of a meeting at work and had just popped outside the room to call me back so that he could check I was okay and that everything was going well with Dad.’
‘He knew about the operation?’
‘Of course. He’s my boyfriend. He was my boyfriend.’
Ellen was pleased about the ‘was’ but not about how upset Grace was. ‘So that was okay, then?’
‘Yes. That was okay. Better than okay. I thought he was really sweet for coming out of an important meeting just to check on me. I even told Abbie that he and I were going to be getting really serious. And I am a complete and utter idiot for that.’
She started to cry again and Ellen rubbed her back. ‘You are not an idiot. It was a nice thing to do.’
‘Except, he wasn’t in a meeting at all.’
Now Ellen was confused. ‘How do you know?’
‘Because, about three minutes later, he called me again. Except he didn’t mean to call me. He must have butt-dialled me.’
Ellen knew what that meant. She could see where this was going. ‘Oh.’
‘Exactly. And I heard him talking to a woman. I couldn’t get every word, but it definitely wasn’t about business. I could hear glasses clinking and her giggling and the kind of small talk you only make when you’re chatting someone up.’
Poor Grace. ‘And that was why you looked so cross when you arrived at the hospital on Monday?’
Grace nodded. ‘I didn’t want to say anything because obviously Dad’s operation was so much more important than whatever Max was getting up to, but it was hard not to feel awful about it.’
‘Of course it was. Have you spoken to him since?’
She was the last person who wanted to side with this creep but she wanted to make sure that Grace wasn’t jumping to conclusions. She did have form in changing her mind pretty quickly.
‘Yes, I spoke to him that night, once we knew Dad was okay. He tried to shrug it off and said that I must have misheard, but I knew I hadn’t. We arranged to meet up and talk about it and he told me that he’d never cheat on me and what did I need for him to do to prove it to me?’
Ellen almost didn’t want to hear the answer to that. ‘What did you say?’
‘I told him that I wanted to be a part of his whole life. I wanted to meet his children.’
‘And?’
‘And he said the same old things he always says. His ex-wife won’t let him introduce the children to anyone new blah blah blah.’
To be fair, that part could be true. ‘So you ended it?’
‘No. Worse.’
What could be worse?
Grace screwed up her face. ‘I’m not proud of myself, but I know where the house is that he used to live in with his wife.
One of the secretaries told me. I know he was supposed to collect the children on Saturday so I waited nearby the house to see him come out with them.
I was going to follow them to the park and then pretend that it was a coincidence that I was there. ’
That was a truly terrible idea. ‘Grace, that’s not fair on the children.’
‘I know that. It was stupid. But I was so desperate, Mum. I wasn’t thinking straight and, don’t worry, I got my punishment.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I saw Max coming out of the house, I saw the two children and I saw his wife. And he had his arm around her and kissed her before they left the house. And, before you ask how I knew it was his wife, it was because the children called her mummy.’
As Grace started to cry again, Ellen pulled her close. In her gut, she’d known he was still married. What an absolute pig of a man. How dare he use her daughter like this? Lie to her. Break her heart. ‘Honey, I’m so sorry. I hate that he’s done this to you.’
Unfortunately, Robert chose that exact minute to come into the sitting room, hair still wet from the shower. The smile on his face froze when he took in the scene of his daughter sobbing in her arms. ‘Have you told her already? I thought we were going to do it together?’
Ellen’s heart sank. Grace pulled herself back up out of her arms and looked between the two of them. ‘Told me what?’
Robert looked panicked, realising what he’d done. She tried to smooth it over. ‘Grace has had some bad news about Max. Turns out he’s not separated from his wife after all.’
She gave him a wide-eyed stare that this was his cue to swerve the conversation they’d planned to have with her. Thankfully this was a cue he picked up on. ‘Sweetheart, I’m so sorry.’
But Grace was nobody’s fool. ‘Told me what?’
There was no way Ellen wanted to compound the pain Grace was already going through, but her mind was a blank. She looked to Robert for help and he tried his best. ‘Your mum and me were thinking about booking a holiday. When I’ve recovered. For all of us.’
Grace shook her head. ‘That’s not it. You’re scaring me, now. What is it? Is it Dad’s heart? Is there a problem?’
What could they do but tell her the truth? ‘No, it’s not Dad’s heart. He’s doing really well. We do have something to tell you but it’s a lot to take in and I don’t think that now is the right moment.’
There was never going to be a right moment, that was the problem. And they couldn’t just leave it there. Grace wiped away her tears with a ferocity that made her face red. ‘Just tell me. You can’t make me feel any worse than I do right now.’
How wrong she was, but there was nothing else for it. Robert nodded at her and she began to explain the story to Grace that she had recounted to Lucy only a week before.
To begin with, Grace looked confused as to why her mother was recounting a night with another man at university, but as the significance of that night became clearer, her eyes widened and her mouth fell open with shock.
Ellen and Robert had discussed whether to add the final piece of the puzzle – Lucy’s revelation that Ellen’s drink was probably spiked – and had decided that Grace was old enough to hear the full truth. Now, as Grace covered her face with her hands, Ellen wondered if she should have held back.
She looked from Ellen to Robert and back again. ‘I can’t believe this.’
Ellen reached out for her hand. ‘I know it’s a lot to take in.’
Grace pulled her hand away as if Ellen had burned her. ‘You lied to me all these years. And to Dad.’
She deserved that. ‘I did. And I’m not trying to excuse that. I was wrong. But you have to remember that I was young and pregnant and scared.’
‘But you kept lying. I’m twenty-six, Mum. Are you saying you never had the opportunity to tell Dad the truth? To tell me the truth?’
Everything she said was right, Ellen had nothing with which to defend herself. But Robert tried on her behalf. ‘Your mum was doing what she thought best, love.’
She turned on him then. ‘How can you forgive her so easily? How can it be doing her best to lie to us? It’s the same as Max. Just lies.’
Tears sprang to Ellen’s eyes but she wouldn’t let them fall. This was not about her pain. This was about Grace. ‘It might be totally irrelevant, Grace. There’s only a tiny chance that he could be your father.’
That seemed to make her worse. ‘Only a tiny chance that a nasty piece of work who spikes girls’ drinks is my biological father? Thanks so much, Mum. I don’t believe this, I just can’t…I need some time on my own.’
Robert reached for her arms as she walked past him. ‘Gracey.’
‘No, Dad. You might be able to forgive this instantly. But I can’t. I’m going up to my room, don’t follow me.’
They let her go. Robert moved over to the sofa and put his arm around Ellen as she cried. ‘She just needs some time to process it. She’ll be okay.’
His love and kindness only made her cry harder. Because Grace was right. She didn’t deserve to be forgiven.
An hour later, Ellen took a cup of hot chocolate up to Grace’s room.
Though she’d moved out over eighteen months ago, everything had been left the way it was when she’d last lived under their roof.
When Ellen knocked softly on the door and heard a muffled ‘come in’ she pushed open the door to see Grace curled up on her bed with her old teddy bear tucked under her arm.
‘I brought you a drink.’
‘Thanks.’
Ellen slid the cup onto the bedside table, then sat on the floor with her back against the wardrobe. ‘I don’t expect you to forgive me, Grace. I don’t forgive myself. I never have.’
Just like Robert, Grace was calmer now she’d had the time to process everything. ‘I understand that you were scared when you were young. I know things were different in those times.’
Ellen almost smiled at the ‘those times’ which made her sound as if she’d been born in 1920. ‘I was just scared that I’d lose your dad. I loved him very much.’
Grace’s face creased in pain. She must also be thinking about her own heartbreak. ‘I understand that part. It’s just that I don’t understand why you never told him.’
‘Because I was a coward, I suppose. I loved my life. Loved my family. It felt like too big a risk.’
‘But you always insisted that we tell the truth. Always said that you could fix anything if we were honest with you.’
She had said that to them. Many times. ‘I’m also a hypocrite, then.
I guess the only way I can explain it – not excuse it – is that I didn’t believe I deserved to be forgiven.
Your dad…he’s an amazing man. I can’t believe he has taken this news the way he has.
It’s made me love him even more. And he loves you, sweetheart. So very much.’
Grace’s eyes filled with tears. ‘And I love him. So much. But what if I do a DNA test and he’s not my dad?’